Thank You for Smoking (2005)

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Robin Williger.

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He is a 15-year-old freshman
from Racine, Wisconsin.

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He enjoys studying history.

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He's on the debate team.

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Robin's future looked
very, very bright,

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but recently he was
diagnosed with cancer,

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a very tough kind of cancer.

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and he no longer thinks
that cigarettes are cool.

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Whoo!

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And our final guest today
is Nick Naylor.

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Mr. Naylor is the vice president
of the Academy of Tobacco Studies.

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Now, they are the tobacco
industry's main lobby

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in Washington, D.C.

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And Mr. Naylor is
their chief spokesman.

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<i>Few people on this planet know</i>

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<i>what it is to be truly despised.</i>

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<i>Can you blame them?</i>

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<i>I earn a living
fronting an organization</i>

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<i>that kills 1,200 human beings a day.</i>

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<i>1,200 people.</i>

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<i>We're talking
two jumbo jet plane loads</i>

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<i>of men, women and children.</i>

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<i>I mean, there's Attila,</i>

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<i>Genghis,</i>

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<i>and me,</i>

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<i>Nick Naylor,</i>

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<i>the face of cigarettes...</i>

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<i>the Colonel Sanders of nicotine.</i>

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<i>This is where I work,</i>

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<i>the Academy of Tobacco Studies.</i>

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<i>It was established
by seven gentlemen</i>

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<i>You may recognize from C-SPAN.</i>

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<i>These guys realized quick
if they were going to claim</i>

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<i>that cigarettes were not addictive,</i>

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<i>they better have proof.</i>

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<i>This is the man they rely on,</i>

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<i>Erhardt Von Grupten Mundt.</i>

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<i>They found him in Germany.</i>

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<i>I won't go into the details.</i>

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<i>He's been testing the link</i>

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<i>between nicotine
and lung cancer</i>

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<i>for 30 years and hasn't found
any conclusive results.</i>

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<i>The man's a genius.</i>

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<i>He could disprove gravity.</i>

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<i>Then we've got our sharks.</i>

46
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<i>We draft them out
of Ivy League law schools</i>

47
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<i>and give them time-shares
and sports cars.</i>

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<i>It's just like
a John Grisham novel...</i>

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<i>You know, without all the espionage.</i>

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<i>Most importantly,
we've got spin control.</i>

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<i>That's where I come in.</i>

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<i>I get paid to talk.</i>

53
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<i>I don't have an MD or law degree.</i>

54
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<i>I have a bachelor's in
kicking ass and taking names.</i>

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<i>You know that guy
who can pick up any girl?</i>

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<i>I'm him</i>

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<i>on crack.</i>

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This is obviously a heated issue

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and we do have a lot
that we want to cover today.

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Nick, do you have a question?

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Joan,

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how on earth would
Big Tobacco profit

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off of the loss of this young man?

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Now, I hate to think
in such callous terms,

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but, if anything,
we'd be losing a customer.

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It's not only our hope,
it's in our best interest

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to keep Robin alive and smoking.

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- That's ludicrous.
- Let me tell you something,

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Joan, and please,
let me share something

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with the fine, concerned
people in the audience today.

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The Ron Goodes of this world...

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want the Robin Willigers to die.

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- What?
- You know why?

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So that their budgets will go up.

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This is nothing less than
trafficking in human misery,

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and you, sir, ought
to be ashamed of yourself.

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I ought to be ashamed of myself?

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As a matter of fact,
we're about to launch...

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a $50 million campaign

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aimed at persuading kids
not to smoke.

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Because I think
that we can all agree

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that there is nothing
more important

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than America's children.

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All right, now,
that's something that

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we're going to want
to know more about.

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But I have to take a short break.

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Hang on, a lot more coming.

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$50 million?! Are you
out of your fucking mind?!

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<i>Everyone has a boss.</i>

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<i>BR just happens</i>

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<i>to be mine.</i>

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<i>He came from the vending
machine world.</i>

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<i>This made him tough.</i>

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<i>The name BR came
from his tour in Vietnam.</i>

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<i>The people who know
its meaning are all dead.</i>

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The deal was five million!

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$5 million will get you
a couple of subway posters.

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It's not going to impress anyone.

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That's the idea, Nick.

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You'll be thanking me soon.

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This'll probably get you great press.

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I gotta call the captain
and see if this is gonna fly.

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Get your ass back to D.C.

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Thank you so much for coming.

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Mr. Naylor?

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It's your turn.

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Ah.

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Joey is such a bright young man.

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We all look forward

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to his coming out
of his shell a little.

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He's a bit shy.

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Yeah, he gets that from his mother.

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<i>Hey, Joey.</i>

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Please don't ruin my childhood.

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Come on, Joey. Trust me.

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How many of you want to be
lawyers when you grow up?

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Right.

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How about...

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movie stars?

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How about lobbyists?

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What's that?

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It's kind of like being a movie star.

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It's what I do.
I talk for a living.

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What do you talk about?

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I speak on behalf of cigarettes.

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My mom used to smoke.

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She says that cigarettes kill.

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Really? Now, is your mommy a doctor?

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No.

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A scientific researcher of some kind?

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No.

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Well, she doesn't exactly sound

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like a credible expert,
now, does she?

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Don't feel bad.

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It's okay to listen to your mom.

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I mean, it's good to listen
to your parents... Joey.

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All I'm suggesting

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is that there will always
be people trying to tell you

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what to do and what to think.

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There probably already are
people doing that.

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Am I right?

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Yes.

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I'm here to say

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that when someone tries to act
like some sort of an expert,

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you can respond, "Who says?"

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<i>So, cigarettes are good for you?</i>

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- No!
- No, that's not...

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That's not what I'm getting at.

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My point is that you have
to think for yourself.

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You have to challenge authority.

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If your parents told you
that chocolate was dangerous,

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would you just take their word for it?

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No.

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Exactly.

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So perhaps instead of acting
like sheep

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when it comes to cigarettes,

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you should find out for yourself.

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Okay, then.

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Thank you, Mr. Naylor,
for joining us.

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<i>Every week we meet here at Bert's.</i>

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<i>Together, we represent
the chief spokespeople</i>

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<i>for the tobacco, alcohol and
firearms industries.</i>

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<i>We call ourselves the MOD Squad.</i>

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All right.

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<i>M-O-D, Merchants of Death.</i>

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So, my day's ruined.

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Why?

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<i>Dateline's doing a segment</i>

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on fetal alcohol syndrome.
Thank you.

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<i>Polly works
for the Moderation Council.</i>

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<i>A casual drinker
by the age of 14,</i>

172
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<i>Polly quickly developed</i>

173
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<i>a tolerance usually reserved
for Irish dockworkers.</i>

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<i>In our world, she's the woman</i>

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<i>that got the pope
to endorse red wine.</i>

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We're gonna get creamed.

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Any ideas?

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I don't know.

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Deformed kids are tough.

180
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I'm lucky my product only makes
them bald before it kills them.

181
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You could hug the kids.

182
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They're not going
to let me hug the kids.

183
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Who's doing the segment,
Donaldson or Sawyer?

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Sawyer, probably.

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You're fucked.

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Why?

187
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Cause she's gonna hug them.

188
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Look, if you see her going in
for a hug,

189
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maybe just box her out,
get in there before she does.

190
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<i>Bobby Jay works for SAFETY,</i>

191
00:10:29,163 --> 00:10:31,393
<i>the Society for the Advancement of Firearms</i>

192
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<i>and Effective Training for Youth.</i>

193
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You want me to smile?

194
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<i>After watching the footage
of the Kent State shootings,</i>

195
00:10:39,974 --> 00:10:42,807
<i>Bobby Jay, then 17, signed up
for the National Guard</i>

196
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:45,003
<i>so he, too, could shoot
college students.</i>

197
00:10:45,113 --> 00:10:47,581
<i>But the National Guard
recruiter was out to lunch,</i>

198
00:10:47,682 --> 00:10:50,845
<i>so Bobby Jay ended up
shooting Panamanians instead,</i>

199
00:10:50,952 --> 00:10:52,613
<i>which was almost as good
as college students.</i>

200
00:10:53,855 --> 00:10:55,652
<i>Only they shoot back.</i>

201
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You know, you can beat
a Breathalyzer

202
00:10:57,525 --> 00:11:00,517
- by sucking on activated charcoal tablets?
- Really?

203
00:11:00,628 --> 00:11:02,186
Maybe we should change
our campaign to

204
00:11:02,296 --> 00:11:04,264
"If You Must Drink and Drive,
Suck Charcoal."

205
00:11:04,365 --> 00:11:05,423
Yeah, but don't the police wonder

206
00:11:05,533 --> 00:11:06,431
why you're sucking on charcoal?

207
00:11:06,534 --> 00:11:08,331
There's no law against charcoal.

208
00:11:08,436 --> 00:11:09,926
- Yet.
- Yet.

209
00:11:14,809 --> 00:11:17,801
Dad, why is the American
government the best government?

210
00:11:17,912 --> 00:11:19,436
Because of our
endless appeals system.

211
00:11:22,550 --> 00:11:25,075
Joe, you're not writing down
what I just said are you?

212
00:11:25,186 --> 00:11:26,346
Mm-hmm.

213
00:11:26,454 --> 00:11:28,445
Joey, stop for a second.

214
00:11:28,556 --> 00:11:30,046
What is the subject of your essay?

215
00:11:30,158 --> 00:11:32,956
Why is American government
the best government in the world.

216
00:11:33,061 --> 00:11:34,688
Your teacher crafted that question?

217
00:11:34,796 --> 00:11:36,559
Yeah. Why?

218
00:11:36,664 --> 00:11:39,462
Well... I'll look past
the obvious problems

219
00:11:39,567 --> 00:11:40,864
in syntax for a moment,

220
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:43,061
and I'll focus more on the core
of the question.

221
00:11:43,171 --> 00:11:44,365
I mean, "A,"

222
00:11:44,472 --> 00:11:47,100
does America have
the best government in the world?

223
00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:48,869
And "B," what constitutes
a "best government"?

224
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:51,410
Is it crime, is it poverty, literacy?

225
00:11:51,512 --> 00:11:52,945
Hmm?

226
00:11:53,047 --> 00:11:53,979
And America - definitely not best.

227
00:11:54,082 --> 00:11:55,276
Perhaps not even better than most.

228
00:11:55,383 --> 00:11:56,748
We do have a very
entertaining government...

229
00:11:56,851 --> 00:11:58,148
Dad.

230
00:11:58,252 --> 00:12:00,083
I'm sorry.

231
00:12:01,389 --> 00:12:03,823
Are you familiar with the term "B.S."?

232
00:12:03,925 --> 00:12:05,483
Bullshit.

233
00:12:05,593 --> 00:12:06,855
Yes, exactly.

234
00:12:06,961 --> 00:12:09,862
B.S., if I may, is what
questions like the one

235
00:12:09,964 --> 00:12:11,864
your teacher posed are made for.

236
00:12:11,966 --> 00:12:13,900
Because even if America
had the best government,

237
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,525
there'd be no way to prove it.

238
00:12:15,636 --> 00:12:16,967
And how many pages are you writing?

239
00:12:17,071 --> 00:12:17,969
Two pages.

240
00:12:18,072 --> 00:12:19,664
Two pages...

241
00:12:19,774 --> 00:12:21,332
Definitely not in two pages.

242
00:12:21,442 --> 00:12:23,603
So what am I supposed to write?

243
00:12:23,711 --> 00:12:25,406
You can write whatever you want.

244
00:12:25,513 --> 00:12:26,912
Okay.

245
00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:28,003
Write about...

246
00:12:28,116 --> 00:12:30,516
write about America's
amazing ability

247
00:12:30,618 --> 00:12:33,610
to make profit by breaking down
trading tariffs

248
00:12:33,721 --> 00:12:36,087
and bringing American jobs
to Third World countries.

249
00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:38,124
Or how good we are
at executing felons.

250
00:12:38,226 --> 00:12:39,853
They're all correct answers.

251
00:12:39,961 --> 00:12:41,929
I can do that?

252
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:43,553
See, Joey, that's the beauty
of argument.

253
00:12:43,664 --> 00:12:46,064
'Cause if you argue correctly,
you're never wrong.

254
00:12:53,775 --> 00:12:56,676
Dad, if I finish
this essay within an hour,

255
00:12:56,778 --> 00:12:58,541
can we stay up all night?

256
00:12:58,646 --> 00:13:03,310
That's a negotiation,
not an argument.

257
00:13:03,417 --> 00:13:06,147
<i>Well, Conway, see you made it.</i>

258
00:13:06,254 --> 00:13:08,279
Yeah, I guess that little
voice was wrong.

259
00:13:08,389 --> 00:13:09,481
I feel better.

260
00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:10,750
I feel a lot better, too.

261
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:13,418
As a matter of fact, I never
felt so good in my life.

262
00:13:13,528 --> 00:13:15,120
How about a cigarette?

263
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,071
Is he...?

264
00:13:33,181 --> 00:13:34,273
Yeah.

265
00:13:36,384 --> 00:13:39,820
Hey.

266
00:13:39,921 --> 00:13:43,357
Nick, you still own a watch, don't you?

267
00:13:43,457 --> 00:13:44,651
Jill, I can't help feeling

268
00:13:44,759 --> 00:13:46,283
Joey's getting the wrong idea
about his dad.

269
00:13:46,394 --> 00:13:47,918
It would be great if I could spend

270
00:13:48,029 --> 00:13:49,553
a little more time with him,
you know?

271
00:13:49,664 --> 00:13:53,156
To give him a fair
and balanced perspective.

272
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:55,132
Nick, you had plenty
of time for that.

273
00:13:55,236 --> 00:13:56,703
Now you're his weekend guardian.

274
00:13:56,804 --> 00:13:58,829
Besides, he has Brad.

275
00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:00,032
He still needs his father.

276
00:14:00,141 --> 00:14:02,336
Nick.

277
00:14:02,443 --> 00:14:03,535
You have a second?

278
00:14:05,246 --> 00:14:06,577
Sure, Brad.

279
00:14:06,681 --> 00:14:10,447
Nick, your job
and everything aside,

280
00:14:10,551 --> 00:14:12,485
I hope you understand
that secondhand smoke's

281
00:14:12,587 --> 00:14:14,282
a real killer.

282
00:14:14,388 --> 00:14:16,253
What are you talking about?

283
00:14:16,357 --> 00:14:17,984
I just hope you're providing

284
00:14:18,092 --> 00:14:20,652
a smoke-free environment
for Joey, that's all I'm saying.

285
00:14:20,761 --> 00:14:22,956
Brad, I'm his father.

286
00:14:23,064 --> 00:14:25,396
You're the guy fucking his mom.

287
00:14:27,802 --> 00:14:30,100
That was unnecessary.

288
00:14:30,271 --> 00:14:33,707
Thank you all.
Thank you all for coming.

289
00:14:33,808 --> 00:14:36,276
Tobacco is winning the war.

290
00:14:36,377 --> 00:14:39,574
The war against our children.

291
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,979
They like to use cartoons
and symbols to hook our kids.

292
00:14:43,084 --> 00:14:45,951
Well, now we have
a symbol of our own.

293
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:48,248
Doctor.

294
00:14:48,356 --> 00:14:51,120
It is my hope that
within the year

295
00:14:51,225 --> 00:14:52,920
every cigarette package

296
00:14:53,027 --> 00:14:56,053
sold in America
will carry this symbol.

297
00:14:56,163 --> 00:14:58,393
Perhaps then, cigarettes
will finally be labeled

298
00:14:58,499 --> 00:15:01,593
appropriately as poison.

299
00:15:01,702 --> 00:15:03,567
I will be holding
a congressional hearing

300
00:15:03,671 --> 00:15:06,401
to discuss the inclusion
of the skull and crossbones

301
00:15:06,507 --> 00:15:07,974
in the next two weeks.

302
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,474
As usual, I extend
an open invitation

303
00:15:09,577 --> 00:15:12,068
to big tobacco.

304
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:16,172
Perhaps this time they will
grace us with their presence.

305
00:15:16,284 --> 00:15:17,581
And their answers.

306
00:15:17,685 --> 00:15:19,084
Thank you very much.

307
00:15:23,791 --> 00:15:27,227
People, what is going on out there?

308
00:15:27,328 --> 00:15:30,957
I look down this table,
all I see are white flags.

309
00:15:31,065 --> 00:15:33,693
Our numbers are down
all across the board.

310
00:15:33,801 --> 00:15:35,666
Teen smoking-
our bread and butter,

311
00:15:35,770 --> 00:15:37,499
is falling like a shit from heaven.

312
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,301
We don't sell Tic Tacs,
for Christ's sake.

313
00:15:41,409 --> 00:15:43,070
We sell cigarettes.

314
00:15:43,177 --> 00:15:47,113
And they're cool and available
and addictive.

315
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,841
The job is almost done for us.

316
00:15:50,618 --> 00:15:55,521
This environmentalist
is challenging us.

317
00:15:55,623 --> 00:15:58,183
We have to have an answer.

318
00:15:58,292 --> 00:15:59,987
I'm asking you,

319
00:16:00,094 --> 00:16:01,925
when this cocksucker puts
Captain Hook on our products,

320
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,553
what the fuck are we going to do?

321
00:16:03,664 --> 00:16:06,224
- BR.
- Yeah, Nick.

322
00:16:06,334 --> 00:16:07,528
If I may.

323
00:16:07,635 --> 00:16:10,069
In 1910,

324
00:16:10,171 --> 00:16:12,662
the U.S. Was producing
ten billion cigarettes a year.

325
00:16:12,773 --> 00:16:13,899
By 1930,

326
00:16:14,008 --> 00:16:15,976
we were up to 123 billion.

327
00:16:16,077 --> 00:16:18,045
What happened in between?

328
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:19,806
Three things.

329
00:16:19,914 --> 00:16:20,881
A world war,

330
00:16:20,982 --> 00:16:24,850
dieting... and movies.

331
00:16:24,952 --> 00:16:26,180
Movies?

332
00:16:26,287 --> 00:16:29,313
1927- talking pictures are born.

333
00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:31,653
Suddenly, directors need to give
their actors

334
00:16:31,759 --> 00:16:33,693
something to do
while they're talking.

335
00:16:33,794 --> 00:16:36,490
Cary Grant, Carole Lombard
are lighting up.

336
00:16:36,597 --> 00:16:38,064
Bette Davis- a chimney.

337
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,462
And Bogart-
remember the first picture

338
00:16:39,567 --> 00:16:40,625
with him and Lauren Bacall?

339
00:16:40,735 --> 00:16:43,203
Well, yea... not specifically.

340
00:16:43,304 --> 00:16:44,566
Oh, she sort

341
00:16:44,672 --> 00:16:46,765
of shimmies in
through the doorway,

342
00:16:46,874 --> 00:16:48,967
19 years old.

343
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,543
Pure sex.

344
00:16:50,644 --> 00:16:51,542
She says,

345
00:16:51,645 --> 00:16:53,875
"Anyone got a match?"

346
00:16:53,981 --> 00:16:56,676
And Bogie throws the matches at her...

347
00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,084
and she catches them.

348
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:02,747
Greatest romance of the century.

349
00:17:02,857 --> 00:17:05,018
How'd it start?
Lighting a cigarette.

350
00:17:05,126 --> 00:17:07,594
These days when someone
smokes in the movies,

351
00:17:07,695 --> 00:17:10,926
they're either a psychopath
or a European.

352
00:17:11,032 --> 00:17:12,932
The message Hollywood
needs to send out

353
00:17:13,034 --> 00:17:15,002
is smoking is cool.

354
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,400
<i>We need the cast of Will and Grace</i>

355
00:17:17,505 --> 00:17:18,870
smoking in their living room.

356
00:17:18,973 --> 00:17:21,203
Forrest Gump puffing away
between his box of chocolates.

357
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:24,709
Hugh Grant earning back
the love of Julia Roberts

358
00:17:24,812 --> 00:17:29,112
by buying her favorite brand-
her Virginia Slims.

359
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:32,743
Most of the actors smoke already.

360
00:17:32,853 --> 00:17:35,083
If they start doing it on-screen,

361
00:17:35,189 --> 00:17:37,885
we can put the sex
back into cigarettes.

362
00:17:37,992 --> 00:17:40,552
Well, it's a thought.

363
00:17:40,661 --> 00:17:42,458
I was hoping for something
a little more inspiring,

364
00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:43,587
but at least you're thinking.

365
00:17:43,697 --> 00:17:45,062
Rest of you people,
slam your fucking brains

366
00:17:45,166 --> 00:17:46,064
against your desks

367
00:17:46,167 --> 00:17:48,761
until something useful comes out.

368
00:17:48,869 --> 00:17:50,769
That was awesome.

369
00:17:50,871 --> 00:17:51,895
Thank you.

370
00:17:52,006 --> 00:17:53,997
Nick, you've been summoned.

371
00:17:54,108 --> 00:17:55,097
Captain wants to see you.

372
00:17:55,209 --> 00:17:56,540
<i>He saw the Joan show.</i>

373
00:17:56,644 --> 00:17:57,736
What'd he think?

374
00:17:57,845 --> 00:17:59,642
Get your ass on the next flight
to Winston-Salem.

375
00:18:03,184 --> 00:18:05,118
<i>Most people have this image
in their heads</i>

376
00:18:05,219 --> 00:18:07,312
<i>of tobacco executives
jet-setting around the world</i>

377
00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:09,616
<i>on private planes,
eating foie gras</i>

378
00:18:09,723 --> 00:18:11,088
<i>as they count their money.</i>

379
00:18:11,192 --> 00:18:13,319
<i>Not me.</i>

380
00:18:13,427 --> 00:18:15,725
<i>I like to ride with the people.</i>

381
00:18:15,830 --> 00:18:17,354
<i>Know your clients.</i>

382
00:18:17,465 --> 00:18:19,660
<i>My people cram themselves
into a tiny seat,</i>

383
00:18:19,767 --> 00:18:21,632
<i>pop a Xanax and dream
of the moment</i>

384
00:18:21,735 --> 00:18:24,670
<i>they can stuff their face
with fresh tobacco.</i>

385
00:18:24,772 --> 00:18:27,536
<i>If I can convince just one of
these kids to pick up smoking,</i>

386
00:18:27,641 --> 00:18:29,905
<i>I've paid for my flight-round-trip.</i>

387
00:18:38,352 --> 00:18:42,152
<i>The Captain is the last great
man of tobacco.</i>

388
00:18:42,256 --> 00:18:43,985
<i>He introduced filters</i>

389
00:18:44,091 --> 00:18:47,549
<i>when cigarettes first got
slammed by Reader's Digest.</i>

390
00:18:47,661 --> 00:18:52,030
<i>Later, he founded
the Academy of Tobacco Studies.</i>

391
00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:55,000
<i>The club was founded
by the tobacco barons in 1890</i>

392
00:18:55,102 --> 00:18:58,538
<i>so they'd have a place
to get away from their wives.</i>

393
00:19:00,975 --> 00:19:04,502
<i>Here, the Captain is a legend...</i>

394
00:19:04,612 --> 00:19:06,944
<i>a self-made man who started
from nothing,</i>

395
00:19:07,047 --> 00:19:09,845
<i>and ended up with everything...</i>

396
00:19:09,950 --> 00:19:13,147
<i>except, evidently, a son.</i>

397
00:19:13,254 --> 00:19:15,484
Nick, my boy.

398
00:19:15,589 --> 00:19:18,683
You're just in time for mud.

399
00:19:18,792 --> 00:19:20,384
Thank you.

400
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,189
Sit down there. Yeah.

401
00:19:24,532 --> 00:19:26,727
Yeah.

402
00:19:26,834 --> 00:19:28,825
You know the secret
to a really good julep?

403
00:19:28,936 --> 00:19:30,631
No, sir.

404
00:19:30,738 --> 00:19:33,104
Well, you crush the mint

405
00:19:33,207 --> 00:19:36,301
down onto the ice with your thumb

406
00:19:36,410 --> 00:19:38,844
and you grind it in, see?

407
00:19:38,946 --> 00:19:41,574
And it releases the menthol.

408
00:19:43,184 --> 00:19:44,173
Hmm.

409
00:19:44,285 --> 00:19:45,684
Now you know who taught me that?

410
00:19:45,786 --> 00:19:46,718
No, sir. Who?

411
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:48,617
Fidel Castro.

412
00:19:53,093 --> 00:19:55,186
Do you remember 1952?

413
00:19:55,296 --> 00:19:58,527
Well, sir, I wasn't alive in 1952.

414
00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:03,365
Good Lord, I was in Korea
shooting Chinese in 1952.

415
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,631
Really?

416
00:20:05,739 --> 00:20:08,003
Today they're our best customer.

417
00:20:08,108 --> 00:20:10,736
Next time we won't have to shoot
so many of them, will we?

418
00:20:10,844 --> 00:20:12,573
<i>No, sir.</i>

419
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,673
<i>1952 was the year
Reader's Digest</i>

420
00:20:16,784 --> 00:20:19,651
nailed us with
the whole health aspect.

421
00:20:19,753 --> 00:20:22,244
As Churchill said,

422
00:20:22,356 --> 00:20:24,620
that was perhaps the end
of our beginning.

423
00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:28,058
Tell me,

424
00:20:28,162 --> 00:20:30,096
do you enjoy your current work, Nick?

425
00:20:30,197 --> 00:20:31,164
Yes, sir.

426
00:20:31,265 --> 00:20:32,698
It's challenging...

427
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:36,395
If you can do tobacco,
you can do anything.

428
00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:39,336
Yes, sir, I like that.

429
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,840
You know, Nick, you remind me

430
00:20:41,942 --> 00:20:44,172
just a little bit
of myself when I was your age.

431
00:20:44,278 --> 00:20:46,906
Well, thank you, sir.

432
00:20:47,014 --> 00:20:48,845
Like that Joan Lunden show you did.

433
00:20:48,949 --> 00:20:51,213
You could have given up,
cried, apologized,

434
00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:52,307
but you didn't.

435
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,353
You stayed loyal.

436
00:20:54,455 --> 00:20:59,324
And you gave it
to that son of a bitch good.

437
00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:01,986
<i>My pleasure.</i>

438
00:21:05,132 --> 00:21:08,295
Now, BR's come under the idea

439
00:21:08,402 --> 00:21:11,166
that we should start bribing
producers in Hollywood

440
00:21:11,272 --> 00:21:14,935
to make the actors smoke on screen.

441
00:21:15,042 --> 00:21:18,034
You know, like in the old days.

442
00:21:18,145 --> 00:21:20,409
Say, that's, uh...

443
00:21:20,514 --> 00:21:22,778
that's a great idea.

444
00:21:22,883 --> 00:21:24,316
Mm-hmm.

445
00:21:24,418 --> 00:21:25,942
Smart man, that BR.

446
00:21:26,053 --> 00:21:27,577
Oh, yeah, yeah.

447
00:21:27,688 --> 00:21:29,212
And loyal.

448
00:21:48,842 --> 00:21:49,774
Yes, sir?

449
00:21:49,877 --> 00:21:51,742
Have a seat, Ron.

450
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:06,892
You, see, Ron, I can't be
everywhere I'm needed.

451
00:22:06,994 --> 00:22:08,894
That's why I send
people like you

452
00:22:08,996 --> 00:22:10,327
to speak on my behalf.

453
00:22:10,431 --> 00:22:14,094
When you're there,
you're not Ron Goode,

454
00:22:14,201 --> 00:22:16,169
the guy your friends probably like,

455
00:22:16,270 --> 00:22:18,830
you're Senator Finistirre's aide,

456
00:22:18,939 --> 00:22:22,204
and your name really doesn't matter.

457
00:22:22,309 --> 00:22:24,209
So, when

458
00:22:24,311 --> 00:22:27,007
Ron Goode acts
like a complete asshole

459
00:22:27,114 --> 00:22:29,810
<i>on the Joan Lunden Show,</i>

460
00:22:29,917 --> 00:22:33,011
<i>I am being an asshole
on the Joan Lunden Show.</i>

461
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:34,781
Senator, sir, he sprang on me like...

462
00:22:34,888 --> 00:22:38,085
Where in the hell
did you find cancer boy?

463
00:22:38,192 --> 00:22:40,626
He was supposed to be quite reliable.

464
00:22:40,728 --> 00:22:43,561
The Pulmonary Council
was one of his references.

465
00:22:43,664 --> 00:22:45,359
Fucking nonprofits.

466
00:22:49,103 --> 00:22:51,833
When you're looking
for a cancer kid,

467
00:22:51,939 --> 00:22:53,236
he should be hopeless.

468
00:22:53,340 --> 00:22:54,898
He should have a wheelchair.

469
00:22:55,008 --> 00:22:57,169
He should have trouble talking.

470
00:22:57,277 --> 00:23:00,007
He should have
a little pet goldfish

471
00:23:00,114 --> 00:23:01,706
he carries around
in a ziplock bag...

472
00:23:01,815 --> 00:23:02,873
hopeless.

473
00:23:02,983 --> 00:23:05,247
I apologize, sir, but if it wasn't

474
00:23:05,352 --> 00:23:06,683
- for Nick Naylor...
- Nick Naylor?

475
00:23:08,589 --> 00:23:12,958
Don't you even think
of using him as an excuse.

476
00:23:13,060 --> 00:23:15,051
The man shills bullshit for a living.

477
00:23:15,162 --> 00:23:17,130
You work for a fucking senator.

478
00:23:17,231 --> 00:23:19,495
A senator who is supposed
to be tough on tobacco.

479
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,467
Have a little... pride,
for God's sake.

480
00:23:22,569 --> 00:23:26,801
It won't happen again, sir,
I promise.

481
00:23:29,443 --> 00:23:32,970
All right, you're excused.

482
00:23:38,852 --> 00:23:40,183
<i>Sometimes I feel like</i>

483
00:23:40,287 --> 00:23:42,983
a Colombian drug dealer.

484
00:23:44,792 --> 00:23:49,354
The other day, my own granddaughter,
flesh of flesh of my own loins,

485
00:23:49,463 --> 00:23:52,830
asked me, "Granddaddy, is it true

486
00:23:52,933 --> 00:23:55,800
cigarettes are bad for you?"

487
00:23:58,205 --> 00:24:00,765
We got to do something, Nick.

488
00:24:00,874 --> 00:24:02,136
I think you're our man.

489
00:24:02,242 --> 00:24:03,971
Thank you, sir.

490
00:24:04,077 --> 00:24:06,341
I want you to work
on this Hollywood project.

491
00:24:06,447 --> 00:24:08,938
Get out there the next
few weeks, stir things up

492
00:24:09,049 --> 00:24:12,985
and report directly to me.

493
00:24:13,086 --> 00:24:14,144
Sir, about the,

494
00:24:14,254 --> 00:24:17,314
the $50 million.

495
00:24:17,424 --> 00:24:20,325
Anti teen-smoking advertising.

496
00:24:20,427 --> 00:24:23,919
Well, shit, I sure hope
it's not too persuasive.

497
00:24:25,599 --> 00:24:26,725
I hope.

498
00:24:38,245 --> 00:24:39,177
Nick,

499
00:24:39,279 --> 00:24:41,144
you're family now.

500
00:24:41,248 --> 00:24:43,876
Tobacco takes care of its own, eh?

501
00:24:43,984 --> 00:24:45,918
Thank you, sir.

502
00:24:58,832 --> 00:24:59,764
Mr. Naylor?

503
00:24:59,867 --> 00:25:00,856
Hi.

504
00:25:00,968 --> 00:25:02,401
Hi. Welcome to Tobacco One.

505
00:25:02,503 --> 00:25:03,765
Thank you.

506
00:25:03,871 --> 00:25:06,499
The captain told me to take
extra special care of you today.

507
00:25:06,607 --> 00:25:09,041
So if there is anything
at all I can do

508
00:25:09,142 --> 00:25:10,404
to make your flight
more pleasant,

509
00:25:10,511 --> 00:25:13,776
you be sure and let me know now.

510
00:25:25,959 --> 00:25:27,051
BR.

511
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:28,058
Pleasant flight?

512
00:25:28,161 --> 00:25:30,254
Oh! You could say that.

513
00:25:30,364 --> 00:25:32,127
Came up on the Captain's plane.

514
00:25:32,232 --> 00:25:34,132
Oh, it's quite the way to travel.

515
00:25:34,234 --> 00:25:36,099
I wouldn't know.

516
00:25:36,203 --> 00:25:37,465
No? You never been on Tobacco One

517
00:25:37,571 --> 00:25:40,802
with those seats, that kitchen,

518
00:25:40,908 --> 00:25:42,569
that stewardess, Tiffany?

519
00:25:42,676 --> 00:25:44,701
Haven't had the chance yet.

520
00:25:44,811 --> 00:25:46,108
Oh, well, you really must try it.

521
00:25:46,213 --> 00:25:48,272
It's the only way to travel.

522
00:25:48,382 --> 00:25:51,613
What'd he think of your $50 million
anti-smoking campaign?

523
00:25:51,718 --> 00:25:53,652
Oh, the $50 million
anti teen-smoking campaign?

524
00:25:53,754 --> 00:25:54,652
Yeah.

525
00:25:54,755 --> 00:25:55,915
Yeah, he gave that the go-ahead.

526
00:25:56,023 --> 00:25:57,183
Oh, and he loved your idea

527
00:25:57,291 --> 00:25:58,588
to put cigarettes back into movies.

528
00:25:58,692 --> 00:26:01,252
- That was your idea.
- Oh, yeah?

529
00:26:01,361 --> 00:26:03,488
- He must have gotten confused.
- Hmm.

530
00:26:03,597 --> 00:26:08,000
Yeah. Well, either way,
he was pretty blown away.

531
00:26:08,101 --> 00:26:10,763
Right. Well, get a flight to L.A.

532
00:26:10,871 --> 00:26:11,963
I'll get you a meeting
with Jeff Megall.

533
00:26:12,072 --> 00:26:13,096
Who?

534
00:26:13,206 --> 00:26:14,468
Hollywood super agent.

535
00:26:14,575 --> 00:26:18,238
Runs the agency EGO:
Entertainment Global Offices.

536
00:26:18,345 --> 00:26:19,903
<i>This guy is the entertainment business.</i>

537
00:26:20,013 --> 00:26:22,277
And you are cigarettes, BR.

538
00:26:22,382 --> 00:26:24,247
Whatever.

539
00:26:25,852 --> 00:26:27,979
Yeah, but it's not a vacation,
it's a learning experience.

540
00:26:28,088 --> 00:26:30,147
And California is one
of the fastest-growing

541
00:26:30,257 --> 00:26:31,451
states, it's got

542
00:26:31,558 --> 00:26:33,253
the largest number of electoral
votes in the country.

543
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:36,158
I mean, this could be
a very good trip for Joey.

544
00:26:36,263 --> 00:26:37,594
You know what?
Don't smooth-talk me.

545
00:26:37,698 --> 00:26:38,687
You're not going to
take him sightseeing.

546
00:26:38,799 --> 00:26:39,857
You're probably going

547
00:26:39,967 --> 00:26:41,958
to take him
to some lung cancer symposium

548
00:26:42,069 --> 00:26:44,003
where a guy with an electronic
voice box will tell him

549
00:26:44,104 --> 00:26:45,264
that his father is the devil.

550
00:26:45,372 --> 00:26:46,532
That's unfair.

551
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:47,937
Unfair? What about Virginia?

552
00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:49,406
And what about Virginia?

553
00:26:49,509 --> 00:26:51,272
You took him to a cigarette factory.

554
00:26:51,378 --> 00:26:53,243
No, I took him to a tobacco farm.

555
00:26:53,347 --> 00:26:54,541
That's hardly the same thing.

556
00:26:54,648 --> 00:26:56,639
This conversation's over.

557
00:27:00,587 --> 00:27:02,612
<i>Oh, fuck.</i>

558
00:27:02,789 --> 00:27:05,451
Last week we had another
disgruntled postman.

559
00:27:05,559 --> 00:27:06,548
Of course,

560
00:27:06,660 --> 00:27:07,820
<i>an hour later the Washington Post</i>

561
00:27:07,928 --> 00:27:10,726
is calling me on the phone-
godless swine.

562
00:27:10,831 --> 00:27:12,355
I said to 'em, I says,

563
00:27:12,466 --> 00:27:16,493
"Now if a plane crashes
on account of pilot error,

564
00:27:16,603 --> 00:27:17,968
do you blame the Boeing Corporation?"

565
00:27:18,071 --> 00:27:19,060
Nice.

566
00:27:19,172 --> 00:27:20,537
- That's a good one.
- Thank you.

567
00:27:20,641 --> 00:27:23,201
If some booze-besotten drunk
runs someone down,

568
00:27:23,310 --> 00:27:25,244
do you go banging on the doors
at General Motors?

569
00:27:25,345 --> 00:27:26,676
Tell me you didn't say that.

570
00:27:26,780 --> 00:27:28,145
Mm-hmm.

571
00:27:28,248 --> 00:27:30,239
Have either of you heard of a
reporter named Heather Holloway?

572
00:27:30,350 --> 00:27:33,513
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Irish type.

573
00:27:33,620 --> 00:27:34,985
Brown hair, big blue eyes.

574
00:27:35,088 --> 00:27:36,180
Nice skin.

575
00:27:36,289 --> 00:27:37,313
Amazing tits.

576
00:27:37,424 --> 00:27:40,188
Tits? Why are tits relevant?

577
00:27:40,293 --> 00:27:41,624
Hmm, let's see.

578
00:27:41,728 --> 00:27:44,492
World-class tits on a reporter
interviewing a man

579
00:27:44,598 --> 00:27:47,431
with privileged information
are relevant.

580
00:27:47,534 --> 00:27:49,525
How about it, Nick?
Are you a tit man?

581
00:27:49,636 --> 00:27:51,433
Don't answer that.
That's a trap.

582
00:27:51,538 --> 00:27:54,336
Depends whose tits.

583
00:27:54,441 --> 00:27:56,238
Look, just don't get screwed,
all right?

584
00:27:56,343 --> 00:27:59,312
Bobby, I think I can handle
a good-looking girl reporter.

585
00:27:59,413 --> 00:28:01,040
Thank you.

586
00:28:10,257 --> 00:28:11,281
Heather Holloway.

587
00:28:11,391 --> 00:28:13,120
Nick Naylor, big tobacco.

588
00:28:14,828 --> 00:28:17,023
Is this kosher?

589
00:28:17,130 --> 00:28:19,064
Only if I can call you "Heather."

590
00:28:19,166 --> 00:28:21,430
By all means.

591
00:28:24,037 --> 00:28:25,026
So, Mr. Naylor...

592
00:28:25,138 --> 00:28:27,231
- Nick.
- Nick.

593
00:28:27,340 --> 00:28:29,365
Let's start with...

594
00:28:29,476 --> 00:28:30,807
An '82 Margaux.

595
00:28:30,911 --> 00:28:32,936
Okay. Is it good?

596
00:28:33,046 --> 00:28:36,482
Good? It'll make you believe in God.

597
00:28:50,230 --> 00:28:52,721
So what is the focus of your piece?

598
00:28:52,833 --> 00:28:54,664
- You.
- Really?

599
00:28:54,768 --> 00:28:56,599
You want to know how I live
with myself.

600
00:28:56,703 --> 00:29:00,434
No. I don't imagine
that's much of a problem.

601
00:29:00,540 --> 00:29:02,770
I want to know how you see yourself.

602
00:29:02,876 --> 00:29:04,070
I'm...

603
00:29:04,177 --> 00:29:06,941
a mediator between two sects
of society

604
00:29:07,047 --> 00:29:08,742
that are trying
to reach an accommodation.

605
00:29:08,849 --> 00:29:10,714
Interesting.

606
00:29:10,817 --> 00:29:14,480
My other interviews have pinned
you as a mass murderer,

607
00:29:14,588 --> 00:29:17,648
bloodsucker, pimp,
profiteer, child killer,

608
00:29:17,758 --> 00:29:21,023
and my personal favorite
"yuppie Mephistopheles."

609
00:29:21,128 --> 00:29:24,256
Wow, that sounds
like a balanced article.

610
00:29:24,364 --> 00:29:26,423
Who else should I talk to?

611
00:29:26,533 --> 00:29:28,660
55 million American smokers,
for starters

612
00:29:28,769 --> 00:29:31,636
or perhaps
the American tobacco farmer

613
00:29:31,738 --> 00:29:33,865
who is constantly being treated
like a drug smuggler.

614
00:29:33,974 --> 00:29:35,373
I actually do plan on speaking
to a tobacco farmer.

615
00:29:35,475 --> 00:29:36,464
Good.

616
00:29:36,576 --> 00:29:38,635
They're fine people,
salt of the earth.

617
00:29:38,745 --> 00:29:41,145
Nick, why do you do this?

618
00:29:41,248 --> 00:29:42,909
What motivates you?

619
00:29:49,422 --> 00:29:51,515
You really want to know?

620
00:29:51,625 --> 00:29:52,785
Mm-hmm.

621
00:29:52,893 --> 00:29:53,917
Really?

622
00:29:54,027 --> 00:29:55,824
Mm-hmm.

623
00:29:55,929 --> 00:30:00,559
<i>Population control.</i>

624
00:30:04,504 --> 00:30:05,596
You're bad.

625
00:30:08,041 --> 00:30:10,168
Everyone's got a mortgage to pay.

626
00:30:10,277 --> 00:30:12,507
<i>The yuppie Nuremberg defense.</i>

627
00:30:12,611 --> 00:30:16,138
So is a mortgage that much
of a life goal?

628
00:30:16,247 --> 00:30:20,547
Well, 99% of everything done
in the world, good or bad,

629
00:30:20,652 --> 00:30:23,177
is done to pay a mortgage,
so perhaps the world

630
00:30:23,288 --> 00:30:25,313
would be a better place
if everyone rented.

631
00:30:25,423 --> 00:30:27,516
Then why don't you rent?

632
00:30:27,626 --> 00:30:29,423
Mm. Well, I rent as well.

633
00:30:29,527 --> 00:30:30,994
- Really?
- Yeah.

634
00:30:31,096 --> 00:30:33,360
My son and his mother
and her boyfriend

635
00:30:33,465 --> 00:30:34,432
live in my house.

636
00:30:34,532 --> 00:30:35,658
I live in my apartment.

637
00:30:35,767 --> 00:30:39,259
What does Nick Naylor's
apartment look like?

638
00:30:39,371 --> 00:30:41,805
I don't know.
It's nothing impressive.

639
00:30:41,906 --> 00:30:43,271
It wouldn't make
the real estate section.

640
00:30:44,376 --> 00:30:46,139
Can I see it?

641
00:30:48,780 --> 00:30:50,509
You want to see my apartment?

642
00:30:50,615 --> 00:30:53,516
I'd like to see
where the devil sleeps.

643
00:30:59,824 --> 00:31:01,951
<i>I know what
You're probably thinking.</i>

644
00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:06,656
<i>This is a bad idea, right?</i>

645
00:31:09,401 --> 00:31:11,028
<i>I mean, come on.</i>

646
00:31:11,136 --> 00:31:12,228
<i>It's not that bad of an idea.</i>

647
00:31:26,885 --> 00:31:28,443
Mom, why can't I go

648
00:31:28,553 --> 00:31:30,612
to California?

649
00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:34,158
Because California's
just not a... safe place.

650
00:31:34,259 --> 00:31:36,784
And besides,
I'm not sure it's appropriate

651
00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:40,126
for your father to bring you
on a business trip.

652
00:31:40,231 --> 00:31:41,664
Appropriate for who?

653
00:31:41,766 --> 00:31:43,734
What?

654
00:31:43,835 --> 00:31:46,133
Mom, is it possible that
you're taking the frustration

655
00:31:46,237 --> 00:31:48,102
of your failed marriage out on me?

656
00:31:49,174 --> 00:31:51,642
Excuse me?

657
00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:54,007
This California trip seems like
a great learning opportunity

658
00:31:54,112 --> 00:31:56,910
and a chance for me
to get to know my father.

659
00:31:57,015 --> 00:31:58,744
But if you think it's more important

660
00:31:58,850 --> 00:32:00,715
to use me to channel your frustration

661
00:32:00,819 --> 00:32:02,719
against the man you no longer love,

662
00:32:02,821 --> 00:32:04,482
I'll understand.

663
00:32:09,527 --> 00:32:11,461
How'd you convince her?

664
00:32:11,563 --> 00:32:13,758
It was an argument,
not a negotiation.

665
00:32:13,865 --> 00:32:15,492
That's my boy.

666
00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:03,474
Nick?

667
00:33:03,581 --> 00:33:05,708
Nick, Jack, Jeff's assistant. Hey.

668
00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:08,081
How was your flight?
Are you jet-lagged at all?

669
00:33:08,186 --> 00:33:09,881
It's, like, 2:00 in D.C.
Right now.

670
00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:11,455
You know what?
Take some vitamin B.

671
00:33:11,556 --> 00:33:12,784
Jeff swears by it- in fact,

672
00:33:12,891 --> 00:33:14,552
I'm gonna hook you up
with an injection.

673
00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:16,058
Who's this with you?
How are you, dude? What's going on?

674
00:33:16,161 --> 00:33:17,253
You guys ever been to L.A. Before?

675
00:33:17,362 --> 00:33:19,193
You want to head back
to Jeff's office?

676
00:33:19,297 --> 00:33:21,663
In fact, we probably should-
He's a punctual being.

677
00:33:21,766 --> 00:33:24,599
We actually had some problems at first
with the exterior mirrored glass.

678
00:33:24,702 --> 00:33:27,262
The reflection of the sun was causing
head-on collisions on Wilshire.

679
00:33:27,372 --> 00:33:28,964
Oh, is everybody all right?

680
00:33:29,073 --> 00:33:31,234
Yeah, they got three-picture deals
at Paramount- I'm sure they'll live.

681
00:33:31,342 --> 00:33:32,570
- It's a nice building.
- Yeah?

682
00:33:32,677 --> 00:33:34,542
Hey, tell Jeff you think so, okay?

683
00:33:34,646 --> 00:33:37,171
'Cause he just put a lot
of himself into this building.

684
00:33:37,282 --> 00:33:40,718
And you know something?
It really shows.

685
00:33:40,819 --> 00:33:42,377
What's up, Hiroshi?

686
00:33:42,487 --> 00:33:46,253
Keep going- that sand's
not gonna rake itself.

687
00:33:46,357 --> 00:33:48,382
All right, come here,
this is my favorite part.

688
00:33:48,493 --> 00:33:51,724
That one right there?
It's $7,000.

689
00:33:51,830 --> 00:33:53,855
<i>- $7,000 for a fish?
- Yep.</i>

690
00:33:53,965 --> 00:33:55,865
Kind of makes you want
to stop eating sushi,

691
00:33:55,967 --> 00:33:57,594
but I guess you kind of have to.

692
00:33:57,702 --> 00:33:59,533
Hey, you see that
big white one right there?

693
00:33:59,637 --> 00:34:02,401
Swear to you- $12,000,
gift from Oprah.

694
00:34:02,507 --> 00:34:06,307
It's a Chamberlain- office-warming gift
from Matthew McConaughey.

695
00:34:06,411 --> 00:34:07,776
Generous gift.

696
00:34:07,879 --> 00:34:09,904
<i>Yeah. Right!</i>

697
00:34:10,014 --> 00:34:12,847
Don't get me wrong, Matthew is
a tremendously talented individual

698
00:34:12,951 --> 00:34:14,441
and an extremely decent human being,

699
00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:17,077
however, before Jeff
took him on, he was a face.

700
00:34:17,188 --> 00:34:18,416
Now he's a name.

701
00:34:22,060 --> 00:34:24,961
Do you hear that?

702
00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:29,530
No.

703
00:34:30,602 --> 00:34:32,832
Exactly.

704
00:34:41,713 --> 00:34:43,078
Hey, Neal.

705
00:34:43,181 --> 00:34:45,445
Neal, I'm gonna impale
your mom on a spike,

706
00:34:45,550 --> 00:34:48,212
and I'm gonna feed her dead body
to my dog with syphilis.

707
00:34:48,319 --> 00:34:50,082
<i>Aw, Jack, you got me!</i>

708
00:34:50,188 --> 00:34:51,849
That guy!

709
00:34:51,956 --> 00:34:54,652
It's an inside joke.

710
00:34:54,759 --> 00:34:57,023
<i>So, as you can see,</i>

711
00:34:57,128 --> 00:34:59,323
Jeff just really loves Asian shit.

712
00:34:59,430 --> 00:35:01,159
Uh, Candace, is he ready?

713
00:35:01,266 --> 00:35:02,927
- Mm-hmm.
- Fantastic.

714
00:35:03,034 --> 00:35:05,298
<i>Okay, Joey,
I'm gonna bring your dad in now.</i>

715
00:35:05,403 --> 00:35:07,428
Is there anything I can get
you while you're waiting,

716
00:35:07,538 --> 00:35:09,733
like an orange juice
or a coffee or a Red Bull?

717
00:35:09,841 --> 00:35:12,241
- No, thanks.
- Okay.

718
00:35:14,746 --> 00:35:16,714
Wow, it's a great office.

719
00:35:16,814 --> 00:35:18,805
Yeah. Jeff basically designed
the whole thing.

720
00:35:18,917 --> 00:35:20,817
The architect just made the drawings.

721
00:35:20,919 --> 00:35:23,285
Jack, stop it.

722
00:35:23,388 --> 00:35:24,685
Next you're gonna be telling him

723
00:35:24,789 --> 00:35:26,279
what position I played
for the Bruins.

724
00:35:26,391 --> 00:35:27,289
<i>Quarterback.</i>

725
00:35:27,392 --> 00:35:28,654
Jeff Megall.

726
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:29,988
Nick Naylor.

727
00:35:30,094 --> 00:35:32,324
Mr. Naylor's here to see
if we can't get cigarettes

728
00:35:32,430 --> 00:35:34,955
- into the hands of somebody
other than the usual RAVs.
- Sure.

729
00:35:35,066 --> 00:35:37,557
- RAVs?
- Russians, Arabs and Villains.

730
00:35:37,669 --> 00:35:39,398
Oh, well, then yes, I guess
that is why I'm here.

731
00:35:39,504 --> 00:35:41,699
Good. I think we can help.

732
00:35:41,806 --> 00:35:43,899
Jeff invented product placement.

733
00:35:44,008 --> 00:35:45,976
I feel I have to ask, uh...

734
00:35:46,077 --> 00:35:49,069
Are you concerned at
all about the, um...

735
00:35:49,180 --> 00:35:50,738
about the health element?

736
00:35:50,848 --> 00:35:53,715
I'm not a doctor, I'm a facilitator.

737
00:35:53,818 --> 00:35:55,080
I bring creative people together.

738
00:35:55,186 --> 00:35:57,381
Whatever information there is,
exists, it's out there.

739
00:35:57,488 --> 00:35:58,682
People will decide for themselves.

740
00:35:58,790 --> 00:36:01,224
They should. It's not
my role to decide for them.

741
00:36:01,326 --> 00:36:03,226
It'd be morally presumptuous.

742
00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:05,888
<i>I could learn a lot
from this man.</i>

743
00:36:05,997 --> 00:36:08,363
Now, what we need is
a smoking role model,

744
00:36:08,466 --> 00:36:09,398
a real winner.

745
00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:11,195
Indiana Jones meets Jerry Maguire.

746
00:36:11,302 --> 00:36:12,360
Right, on two packs a day.

747
00:36:12,470 --> 00:36:14,495
Only he can't live
in contemporary society.

748
00:36:14,605 --> 00:36:15,503
Why not?

749
00:36:15,606 --> 00:36:17,597
The health issue's way too prevalent.

750
00:36:17,709 --> 00:36:19,643
People would constantly
be asking the character

751
00:36:19,744 --> 00:36:22,008
why he's smoking-
and that should go unsaid.

752
00:36:22,113 --> 00:36:24,047
How do you feel about the future?

753
00:36:24,148 --> 00:36:26,343
The future?

754
00:36:26,451 --> 00:36:28,180
Yeah, after the health thing's
blown over.

755
00:36:28,286 --> 00:36:29,617
A world
where smokers and nonsmokers

756
00:36:29,721 --> 00:36:31,120
live together in perfect harmony.

757
00:36:31,222 --> 00:36:33,588
Sony has a futuristic sci-fi movie
they're looking to make.

758
00:36:33,691 --> 00:36:35,625
<i>Message From Sector Six.</i>

759
00:36:35,727 --> 00:36:37,752
All takes place in a space station.

760
00:36:37,862 --> 00:36:39,727
They're actively looking
for some co-financing.

761
00:36:39,831 --> 00:36:41,298
So cigarettes in space?

762
00:36:41,399 --> 00:36:43,526
It's the final frontier, Nick.

763
00:36:43,634 --> 00:36:45,625
But wouldn't they blow up
in an all-oxygen environment?

764
00:36:46,704 --> 00:36:48,433
Probably.

765
00:36:48,539 --> 00:36:51,133
But it's an easy fix-
one line of dialogue:

766
00:36:51,242 --> 00:36:53,210
"Thank God we invented the..."
you know,

767
00:36:53,311 --> 00:36:54,608
whatever device.

768
00:36:54,712 --> 00:36:56,577
Brad Pitt.

769
00:36:56,681 --> 00:36:58,239
Catherine Zeta-Jones.

770
00:36:58,349 --> 00:36:59,748
They've just finished ravishing

771
00:36:59,851 --> 00:37:02,445
each other's bodies
for the first time.

772
00:37:02,553 --> 00:37:04,578
They lie naked, suspended in air

773
00:37:04,689 --> 00:37:06,122
underneath the heavens.

774
00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:08,590
Pitt lights up.

775
00:37:08,693 --> 00:37:10,422
He starts blowing smoke rings
all around

776
00:37:10,528 --> 00:37:12,325
Catherine's naked, flawless body,

777
00:37:12,430 --> 00:37:15,593
as the galaxies go whizzing
by over the glass-domed ceiling.

778
00:37:15,700 --> 00:37:17,759
Now, tell me that
doesn't work for you.

779
00:37:17,869 --> 00:37:19,166
I'd see that movie.

780
00:37:19,270 --> 00:37:20,532
I'd buy the goddamn DVD.

781
00:37:20,638 --> 00:37:23,334
You know, if the academy
didn't send them to me for free.

782
00:37:23,441 --> 00:37:24,908
You know,

783
00:37:25,009 --> 00:37:27,170
you guys ought to think
about designing a cigarette

784
00:37:27,278 --> 00:37:29,007
to be released simultaneously
with the movie.

785
00:37:29,113 --> 00:37:30,671
Sector Sixes.

786
00:37:30,782 --> 00:37:32,340
No one's ever done it
with a cigarette.

787
00:37:32,450 --> 00:37:33,576
Wow.

788
00:37:33,684 --> 00:37:35,584
Well, where do we go from here?

789
00:37:35,686 --> 00:37:38,519
You enjoy the rest of your day
in L.A. with your son

790
00:37:38,623 --> 00:37:40,557
while I find out
the answers to these questions.

791
00:37:40,658 --> 00:37:43,286
Hey, where can I get
a bite to eat with my son?

792
00:37:43,394 --> 00:37:44,918
You ought to try Nobu's new place.

793
00:37:45,029 --> 00:37:47,429
- He only serves food that's white.
- Oh, great.

794
00:37:48,699 --> 00:37:50,929
<i>So, you go to an office,</i>

795
00:37:51,035 --> 00:37:53,663
<i>then you go on TV
and talk about cigarettes.</i>

796
00:37:53,771 --> 00:37:55,602
<i>Then you fly out to L.A.</i>

797
00:37:55,706 --> 00:37:58,174
To talk to some guy who
works with movie stars.

798
00:37:58,276 --> 00:38:01,575
- What is that?
- That's my job; I'm a lobbyist.

799
00:38:01,679 --> 00:38:04,341
I know, but did you study to do that?

800
00:38:04,449 --> 00:38:06,940
No. No, I just kind of figured it out.

801
00:38:07,051 --> 00:38:09,144
Then can't anyone just do that?

802
00:38:09,253 --> 00:38:13,189
No, it, uh, requires a...

803
00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:17,022
a moral flexibility
that goes beyond most people.

804
00:38:18,129 --> 00:38:20,962
Do I have flexible morals?

805
00:38:21,065 --> 00:38:23,761
Well, let's say
you became a lawyer, right?

806
00:38:23,868 --> 00:38:25,495
And you were asked
to defend a murderer.

807
00:38:25,603 --> 00:38:27,127
Worse than that- a child murderer.

808
00:38:27,238 --> 00:38:28,535
Now,

809
00:38:28,639 --> 00:38:31,631
the law states that every person
deserves a fair trial.

810
00:38:31,742 --> 00:38:33,835
Would you defend them?

811
00:38:33,945 --> 00:38:35,640
I don't know.
I guess every person

812
00:38:35,746 --> 00:38:37,577
- deserves a fair defense.
- Yeah, well,

813
00:38:37,682 --> 00:38:39,809
so do multinational corporations.

814
00:38:39,917 --> 00:38:43,216
So, what happens when you're wrong?

815
00:38:43,321 --> 00:38:44,982
<i>Well, Joey, I'm never wrong.</i>

816
00:38:45,089 --> 00:38:46,556
But you can't always be right.

817
00:38:46,657 --> 00:38:49,592
Well, if it's your job to be right,
then you're never wrong.

818
00:38:49,694 --> 00:38:51,889
<i>But what if you are wrong?</i>

819
00:38:51,996 --> 00:38:54,157
Okay, let's say that
you're defending chocolate

820
00:38:54,265 --> 00:38:55,596
and I'm defending vanilla.

821
00:38:55,700 --> 00:38:58,100
Now, if I were to say to you,

822
00:38:58,202 --> 00:39:01,103
"Vanilla's the best flavor
ice cream," you'd say...?

823
00:39:01,205 --> 00:39:03,264
- "No, chocolate is."
- Exactly.

824
00:39:03,374 --> 00:39:04,966
But you can't win that argument.

825
00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:07,636
So, I'll ask you-
So you think chocolate

826
00:39:07,745 --> 00:39:10,543
is the end-all and be-all
of ice cream, do you?

827
00:39:10,648 --> 00:39:12,707
It's the best ice cream;
I wouldn't order any other.

828
00:39:12,817 --> 00:39:14,717
Oh. So it's all chocolate
for you, is it?

829
00:39:14,819 --> 00:39:16,411
Yes, chocolate is all I need.

830
00:39:16,521 --> 00:39:17,818
Well, I need more than chocolate.

831
00:39:17,922 --> 00:39:19,913
And for that matter,
I need more than vanilla.

832
00:39:20,024 --> 00:39:21,787
I believe that we need
freedom and choice

833
00:39:21,893 --> 00:39:24,384
when it comes to our ice cream,
and that, Joey Naylor,

834
00:39:24,495 --> 00:39:26,019
that is the definition of liberty.

835
00:39:26,130 --> 00:39:28,064
But that's not what
we're talking about.

836
00:39:28,166 --> 00:39:30,566
<i>Ah, but that's what
I'm talking about.</i>

837
00:39:30,668 --> 00:39:33,603
- But... you didn't prove that vanilla's the best.
- I didn't have to.

838
00:39:33,704 --> 00:39:36,537
I proved that you're wrong-
and if you're wrong, I'm right.

839
00:39:36,641 --> 00:39:37,608
But you still didn't

840
00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:38,766
convince me.

841
00:39:38,876 --> 00:39:40,207
'Cause I'm not after you.

842
00:39:40,311 --> 00:39:43,610
I'm after them.

843
00:39:59,697 --> 00:40:01,164
Hello?

844
00:40:01,265 --> 00:40:03,165
Thought I'd give you a little update.

845
00:40:03,267 --> 00:40:05,235
Jeff. You still at the office?

846
00:40:05,336 --> 00:40:07,861
Do you know what time it is
in Tokyo right now?

847
00:40:07,972 --> 00:40:09,735
- No.
- 4:00 p.m. Tomorrow.

848
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:11,637
It's the future, Nick.

849
00:40:12,843 --> 00:40:14,572
Anyway, for Pitt to smoke,

850
00:40:14,679 --> 00:40:16,909
it's $10 million;
for the pair, it's 25.

851
00:40:17,014 --> 00:40:20,177
25?! Usually when I buy two
of something, I get a discount.

852
00:40:20,284 --> 00:40:21,478
What's the extra five for?

853
00:40:21,586 --> 00:40:22,746
Synergy.

854
00:40:22,853 --> 00:40:25,617
These are not stupid people;
they got it right away.

855
00:40:25,723 --> 00:40:27,953
Pitt and Zeta-Jones lighting up
after some cosmic fucking

856
00:40:28,059 --> 00:40:30,527
in the bubble suite's
gonna sell a lot of cigarettes.

857
00:40:30,628 --> 00:40:32,061
Well, for that kind of money,

858
00:40:32,163 --> 00:40:34,063
my people will expect
some very serious smoking.

859
00:40:34,165 --> 00:40:35,655
Can Brad blow smoke rings?

860
00:40:35,766 --> 00:40:37,165
I don't have that information.

861
00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:38,963
Well, for $25 million,
we'd want smoke rings.

862
00:40:39,070 --> 00:40:40,560
Oh, one other thing-
you'll be cofinancing

863
00:40:40,671 --> 00:40:42,605
the picture
with the Sultan of Glutan.

864
00:40:42,707 --> 00:40:43,901
The Sultan of Glutan?

865
00:40:44,008 --> 00:40:46,033
The one who massacred
and enslaved his own people?

866
00:40:46,143 --> 00:40:48,634
Aren't they calling him
the Hitler of the South Pacific?

867
00:40:48,746 --> 00:40:51,180
No, I can't speak to that-
All my dealings with him,

868
00:40:51,282 --> 00:40:53,011
he's been a very reasonable
and sensitive guy.

869
00:40:53,117 --> 00:40:54,345
He's fun. You'll like him.

870
00:40:54,452 --> 00:40:55,646
I better run it by my people.

871
00:40:55,753 --> 00:40:56,845
No problem.

872
00:40:56,954 --> 00:40:58,319
<i>Oh, that's London calling.</i>

873
00:40:58,422 --> 00:41:00,549
7:00 a.m. In the Old Empire.

874
00:41:00,658 --> 00:41:02,216
Jeff, when do you sleep?

875
00:41:02,326 --> 00:41:03,554
Sunday.

876
00:42:05,690 --> 00:42:08,181
- Operator.
- Yeah, my light is blinking.

877
00:42:08,292 --> 00:42:11,523
- There's a package downstairs for you.
- Okay, send it up.

878
00:42:14,065 --> 00:42:17,262
Captain, I'm sitting in front
of an open briefcase.

879
00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:19,393
I don't suppose this is a raise.

880
00:42:19,503 --> 00:42:23,303
Now, Nick, do you know
who Lorne Lutch is?

881
00:42:23,407 --> 00:42:25,102
Yeah, of course.
He's the original Marlboro Man.

882
00:42:25,209 --> 00:42:27,677
<i>He's dying.
He was on Sally last week.</i>

883
00:42:27,778 --> 00:42:29,973
Not exactly our biggest fan.

884
00:42:30,081 --> 00:42:31,309
Well, the money's for him.

885
00:42:31,415 --> 00:42:34,043
Now, he has a ranch
out there in California.

886
00:42:34,151 --> 00:42:35,812
I want you to bring it to him.

887
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:39,754
He's a cowboy, sir,
and cowboys don't like bribes.

888
00:42:39,857 --> 00:42:42,018
It's not a bribe. No, sir.

889
00:42:42,126 --> 00:42:44,890
You're going out there
on wings of angels, son.

890
00:42:44,995 --> 00:42:47,930
You mean we're just going
to give him the money?

891
00:42:48,032 --> 00:42:49,431
Well, I think Christ himself
would say,

892
00:42:49,533 --> 00:42:51,763
"That's mighty white of you boys."

893
00:42:51,869 --> 00:42:53,928
No gag agreement?

894
00:42:54,038 --> 00:42:56,438
Hopefully, he'll be so damn
overcome with gratitude

895
00:42:56,540 --> 00:42:58,872
<i>he'll... he'll have to shut up.</i>

896
00:43:09,620 --> 00:43:11,952
Hey, kiddo, I got to go do
a little bit more work

897
00:43:12,056 --> 00:43:13,148
this afternoon, all right?

898
00:43:13,257 --> 00:43:14,155
Can I come?

899
00:43:14,258 --> 00:43:15,691
No. Not this time.

900
00:43:15,793 --> 00:43:17,954
But I want to see what you do.

901
00:43:59,270 --> 00:44:00,862
You stay here, okay?

902
00:44:20,024 --> 00:44:22,584
What the fuck are you doing here?

903
00:44:22,693 --> 00:44:25,287
Uh... uh...

904
00:44:25,396 --> 00:44:27,091
Do you have a minute?

905
00:44:32,236 --> 00:44:33,897
What do you want?

906
00:44:34,004 --> 00:44:35,232
Dad!

907
00:44:35,339 --> 00:44:36,465
Joey, get back in the car.

908
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,071
Just want to talk.

909
00:44:46,417 --> 00:44:48,476
All right.

910
00:44:48,586 --> 00:44:50,053
Let's talk.

911
00:45:06,470 --> 00:45:08,904
Pearl, we got company.

912
00:45:11,542 --> 00:45:14,739
Mister, you got a lot of nerve
walking in here after...

913
00:45:14,845 --> 00:45:18,212
Honey, why don't you show
this young man some iced tea?

914
00:45:21,352 --> 00:45:22,842
I'll be right back, tiger.

915
00:45:39,270 --> 00:45:41,830
Saw you on...

916
00:45:41,939 --> 00:45:45,431
Weren't you on that TV show?

917
00:45:45,543 --> 00:45:48,341
Yeah. Yeah, that was me.

918
00:45:48,445 --> 00:45:52,006
You're lucky you made it
out of there alive.

919
00:45:52,116 --> 00:45:54,414
Yeah. Tobacco used to be
all over the television.

920
00:45:54,518 --> 00:45:58,511
Now TV is leading the witch hunt.

921
00:45:58,622 --> 00:46:00,487
Strange business.

922
00:46:00,591 --> 00:46:03,492
Last year, after I was diagnosed,

923
00:46:03,594 --> 00:46:09,123
flew east to attend the
annual stockholders' convention.

924
00:46:10,901 --> 00:46:12,869
Stood up and told them
I thought

925
00:46:12,970 --> 00:46:17,600
they ought to cut back
on their advertising.

926
00:46:17,708 --> 00:46:20,302
You know what your boss said to me?

927
00:46:23,547 --> 00:46:26,607
He said, "We're certainly sorry

928
00:46:26,717 --> 00:46:30,483
"to hear about your medical problem.

929
00:46:30,588 --> 00:46:34,024
"However, without
knowing more

930
00:46:34,124 --> 00:46:37,787
"of your medical history,

931
00:46:37,895 --> 00:46:39,988
we can't comment further."

932
00:46:42,566 --> 00:46:44,796
But then they tried to pretend

933
00:46:44,902 --> 00:46:46,631
I never worked for 'em.

934
00:46:48,572 --> 00:46:50,802
Yeah, I got the pay stubs.

935
00:46:50,908 --> 00:46:53,672
But, hell,
I was on the damn billboards.

936
00:46:55,412 --> 00:46:57,141
I never
even smoked

937
00:46:57,247 --> 00:46:59,272
Marlboro.

938
00:46:59,383 --> 00:47:01,851
I smoked Kools.

939
00:47:06,256 --> 00:47:09,384
You look like a nice-enough fella.

940
00:47:09,493 --> 00:47:11,791
What are you doing
working for these assholes?

941
00:47:13,697 --> 00:47:15,756
I'm good at it.

942
00:47:15,866 --> 00:47:17,094
Better at doing this

943
00:47:17,201 --> 00:47:18,862
than I ever was
at doing anything else.

944
00:47:18,969 --> 00:47:20,903
Aw, hell, son.

945
00:47:21,005 --> 00:47:23,565
I was good at shooting VC.

946
00:47:23,674 --> 00:47:25,642
I didn't make it my career.

947
00:47:27,945 --> 00:47:31,608
I suppose we all
got to pay the mortgage.

948
00:47:35,452 --> 00:47:37,613
Your dad always bring
you along like this?

949
00:47:37,721 --> 00:47:40,451
No. I live with my mom.

950
00:47:40,557 --> 00:47:42,286
He tell you why he's here today?

951
00:47:42,393 --> 00:47:46,227
He said that your husband
was the Marlboro Man.

952
00:47:47,831 --> 00:47:51,631
Yeah, well, not anymore.

953
00:47:51,735 --> 00:47:53,202
Hello.

954
00:47:53,303 --> 00:47:55,464
Yeah. Hey, can you hold on a second?

955
00:47:55,572 --> 00:47:59,668
You need anything else,
grab it out of the fridge.

956
00:47:59,777 --> 00:48:01,438
So I'm standing here
minding my own business,

957
00:48:01,545 --> 00:48:03,410
filling up pill bottles...

958
00:48:03,514 --> 00:48:09,419
So you're here to talk me
into shutting up?

959
00:48:11,288 --> 00:48:13,552
That what's in that case of yours?

960
00:48:13,657 --> 00:48:16,319
Yeah, basically.

961
00:48:17,528 --> 00:48:18,927
No, not basically.

962
00:48:19,029 --> 00:48:21,259
That's... that's exactly it.

963
00:48:23,367 --> 00:48:24,994
My dignity ain't for sale.

964
00:48:25,102 --> 00:48:27,570
It's not an offer.
It's a gift.

965
00:48:27,671 --> 00:48:28,797
Taxes have all been paid.

966
00:48:28,906 --> 00:48:31,636
You get to keep it
no matter what you do.

967
00:48:31,742 --> 00:48:33,175
The idea is that, somehow,

968
00:48:33,277 --> 00:48:35,905
your guilt will prevent you
from bad-mouthing us.

969
00:48:36,013 --> 00:48:37,810
Are you supposed to be

970
00:48:37,915 --> 00:48:39,610
telling me all that?

971
00:48:39,717 --> 00:48:42,242
No, sir. Just apologize,

972
00:48:42,352 --> 00:48:44,115
give you the money, and leave.

973
00:48:44,221 --> 00:48:45,984
<i>Why are you telling me this?</i>

974
00:48:48,525 --> 00:48:50,493
Because, this way,
you'll take the money.

975
00:48:50,594 --> 00:48:51,856
Why would I do that?

976
00:48:51,962 --> 00:48:52,951
Because you're mad.

977
00:48:53,063 --> 00:48:54,496
Damn straight I am.

978
00:48:54,598 --> 00:48:55,587
The first thing you'll do,

979
00:48:55,699 --> 00:48:57,792
<i>is you'll call the L.A. Times,
and CNN...</i>

980
00:48:57,901 --> 00:48:59,300
- Huh?
- And insist on Bonnie Carlton.

981
00:48:59,403 --> 00:49:00,301
She does really good

982
00:49:00,404 --> 00:49:01,302
controlled outrage.

983
00:49:01,405 --> 00:49:02,633
Tell them, "No Bonnie, no story."

984
00:49:02,740 --> 00:49:03,764
Watch it on MSNBC.

985
00:49:03,874 --> 00:49:05,171
- Okay.
- When they get here,

986
00:49:05,275 --> 00:49:08,210
you open up the case...

987
00:49:10,914 --> 00:49:14,077
and you pour all the cash
out onto the floor.

988
00:49:14,184 --> 00:49:15,242
- Why?
- Trust me.

989
00:49:15,352 --> 00:49:16,546
It'll look more effective that way.

990
00:49:16,653 --> 00:49:20,714
Don't forget to shake
every last bundle out.

991
00:49:22,459 --> 00:49:24,120
If you can, you know,
give a cough or two.

992
00:49:24,228 --> 00:49:27,129
Once it's all
out on the floor,

993
00:49:27,231 --> 00:49:28,698
tell them what you're
going to do with it.

994
00:49:28,799 --> 00:49:29,766
<i>What am I going to do with it?</i>

995
00:49:29,867 --> 00:49:30,891
You're going to donate it.

996
00:49:31,001 --> 00:49:33,196
Yeah. Start the Lorne Lutch
Cancer Foundation.

997
00:49:33,303 --> 00:49:34,634
You're going to have
a ranch and a fair

998
00:49:34,738 --> 00:49:37,366
and a 5K.
A 5K is a must. Television...

999
00:49:37,474 --> 00:49:38,498
Wait a minute.

1000
00:49:38,609 --> 00:49:40,839
What about my family?

1001
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:45,475
But, Lorne, you can't keep the money.

1002
00:49:45,582 --> 00:49:47,072
Why the hell not?

1003
00:49:47,184 --> 00:49:48,412
What do you mean?

1004
00:49:48,519 --> 00:49:51,113
Denounce us,
and then keep the blood money?

1005
00:49:51,221 --> 00:49:52,518
I mean, look at it.

1006
00:49:59,797 --> 00:50:00,695
I got to think this over.

1007
00:50:00,798 --> 00:50:01,662
Lorne, whoa.

1008
00:50:01,765 --> 00:50:03,756
News doesn't work that way.

1009
00:50:03,867 --> 00:50:05,892
You can't denounce us next week.

1010
00:50:12,509 --> 00:50:15,774
I don't suppose I can
denounce you for half of it.

1011
00:50:15,879 --> 00:50:19,246
No, Lorne. Either you keep
all the money,

1012
00:50:19,349 --> 00:50:22,113
or you... you give it all away.

1013
00:50:32,563 --> 00:50:34,724
Dad, how did you know

1014
00:50:34,832 --> 00:50:36,697
he would take the money?

1015
00:50:39,036 --> 00:50:41,937
You'd have to be crazy
to turn down all that money.

1016
00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:44,507
When I saw he wasn't crazy,
I knew he'd take it.

1017
00:50:46,009 --> 00:50:48,477
Would you have taken it?

1018
00:50:48,579 --> 00:50:51,139
If I were him? Sure.

1019
00:50:53,884 --> 00:50:55,351
So would I.

1020
00:51:06,897 --> 00:51:07,955
I don't think you understand, sir.

1021
00:51:08,065 --> 00:51:09,362
He's like a wild animal.

1022
00:51:09,466 --> 00:51:11,127
You'll have to be
on your guard at all times.

1023
00:51:11,235 --> 00:51:12,224
He has this trick.

1024
00:51:12,336 --> 00:51:13,530
Ron, shut up.

1025
00:51:13,637 --> 00:51:15,468
I've tangoed with presidents,
lawyers and Indian chiefs.

1026
00:51:15,572 --> 00:51:18,132
I think I can handle Mr. Nick Naylor.

1027
00:51:20,110 --> 00:51:21,304
All right, welcome back, kids.

1028
00:51:21,411 --> 00:51:23,311
We've got two guests
on the show tonight.

1029
00:51:23,413 --> 00:51:25,404
First, joining us
from our Washington studio...

1030
00:51:25,515 --> 00:51:27,449
I must have that tie clip!

1031
00:51:27,551 --> 00:51:30,145
...is the senator from
the great state of Vermont.

1032
00:51:30,254 --> 00:51:32,415
Please welcome Ortolan Finistirre.

1033
00:51:32,522 --> 00:51:33,420
Welcome, Senator.

1034
00:51:33,523 --> 00:51:35,081
Good to be here, Dennis.

1035
00:51:35,192 --> 00:51:36,887
And, joining us here
in our Los Angeles studio,

1036
00:51:36,994 --> 00:51:38,859
he is the chief spokesperson

1037
00:51:38,962 --> 00:51:41,157
for the Academy of Tobacco Studies.

1038
00:51:41,265 --> 00:51:42,755
Quite an august chamber, might I add?

1039
00:51:42,866 --> 00:51:44,629
- Nick Naylor. Nick, welcome.
- Pleasure to be here.

1040
00:51:44,735 --> 00:51:47,465
All right, I understand you were
on Joan Lunden's show recently.

1041
00:51:47,571 --> 00:51:49,163
Didn't make a lot
of friends over there, did you?

1042
00:51:49,273 --> 00:51:50,638
I will say that I don't think

1043
00:51:50,741 --> 00:51:52,038
I'll be getting
my annual invitation

1044
00:51:52,142 --> 00:51:54,906
to the Finistirre Labor Day Barbecue.

1045
00:51:55,012 --> 00:51:57,412
Well, I continue to offer
an open invitation to Mr. Naylor

1046
00:51:57,514 --> 00:51:59,846
to join us in Congress
to talk about the inclusion

1047
00:51:59,950 --> 00:52:02,680
of our new poison label which,
if I might say...

1048
00:52:02,786 --> 00:52:04,947
Nick, ready to trek up
the Hill and testify

1049
00:52:05,055 --> 00:52:06,249
before Congress?

1050
00:52:06,356 --> 00:52:08,517
Well, I'd love to, Dennis,
but not as long as the senator

1051
00:52:08,625 --> 00:52:09,990
is calling for me to be fired.

1052
00:52:10,093 --> 00:52:12,391
It's not exactly
a welcome invitation.

1053
00:52:12,496 --> 00:52:15,021
Yeah. Bit of a mixed message,
Senator.

1054
00:52:15,132 --> 00:52:17,396
Well, not as mixed as the stance
that Big Tobacco has taken

1055
00:52:17,501 --> 00:52:19,264
about the dangers
of smoking cigarettes.

1056
00:52:19,369 --> 00:52:20,802
- Oh, no.
- Now what are you laughing...?

1057
00:52:20,904 --> 00:52:22,997
You're a wind-up artist.
Give the man his due.

1058
00:52:23,106 --> 00:52:24,903
He's got a bit of a point there,
doesn't he?

1059
00:52:25,008 --> 00:52:26,873
Sorry. I just can't
help myself, Dennis.

1060
00:52:26,977 --> 00:52:28,638
I... I... I'm just tickled by the idea

1061
00:52:28,745 --> 00:52:30,440
of the gentleman from Vermont

1062
00:52:30,547 --> 00:52:33,107
calling me a hypocrite
when, uh... this same man,

1063
00:52:33,216 --> 00:52:35,081
in one day, held a press
conference where he called

1064
00:52:35,185 --> 00:52:37,676
for the American tobacco fields
to be slashed and burned,

1065
00:52:37,788 --> 00:52:39,380
then he jumped on a private jet

1066
00:52:39,489 --> 00:52:41,980
and flew down to Farm Aid
where he rode a tractor onstage

1067
00:52:42,092 --> 00:52:45,084
- Oh, come on.
- As he bemoaned the downfall
of the American farmer.

1068
00:52:45,195 --> 00:52:46,992
Care to comment, Senator?

1069
00:52:47,097 --> 00:52:49,031
He... I... No.

1070
00:52:49,132 --> 00:52:51,362
Eloquent in its brevity.

1071
00:52:51,468 --> 00:52:52,594
Emotional issue.

1072
00:52:52,703 --> 00:52:53,931
Let's take some phone calls now.

1073
00:52:54,037 --> 00:52:56,335
Herndon, Virginia.
Go ahead. You're on the show.

1074
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:58,931
Dennis, has anyone ever
announced that they're going

1075
00:52:59,042 --> 00:53:00,805
to kill someone live on your show?

1076
00:53:00,911 --> 00:53:04,142
My demo's been called quirky
but, no, at this point,

1077
00:53:04,247 --> 00:53:06,340
we're not skewing
to the emotionally unstable.

1078
00:53:06,450 --> 00:53:08,577
Then it's your lucky day.

1079
00:53:08,685 --> 00:53:10,346
Because I'm here to tell
you that, within a week,

1080
00:53:10,454 --> 00:53:13,048
we're going to dispatch
Mr. Naylor from this planet

1081
00:53:13,156 --> 00:53:16,853
for all the pain and suffering
he's caused in the world.

1082
00:53:20,630 --> 00:53:23,121
As I said, emotional issue.
We're going to break now.

1083
00:53:23,233 --> 00:53:24,996
I got to fire a call screener.

1084
00:53:51,928 --> 00:53:53,395
Let's go.

1085
00:54:29,066 --> 00:54:31,728
This is Nick Naylor
telling you kids,

1086
00:54:31,835 --> 00:54:35,032
"Don't do drugs, smoke cigarettes."

1087
00:54:35,138 --> 00:54:36,298
That's really great.

1088
00:54:36,406 --> 00:54:38,033
It's like I'm looking in a mirror.

1089
00:54:38,141 --> 00:54:40,268
New idea:

1090
00:54:40,377 --> 00:54:42,743
Cigarettes for the homeless.

1091
00:54:42,846 --> 00:54:43,938
We'll call them "hobos."

1092
00:54:45,482 --> 00:54:46,847
Uh, that's awful.

1093
00:54:46,950 --> 00:54:48,474
Any better than "Sector Sixes"?

1094
00:54:48,585 --> 00:54:50,553
Right.

1095
00:54:50,654 --> 00:54:53,487
Oh, my God, Nick, you're on TV.

1096
00:54:54,658 --> 00:54:57,286
"Lobbyist on the lookout."

1097
00:54:57,394 --> 00:55:00,591
You got to be kidding me.

1098
00:55:01,865 --> 00:55:05,562
I want to fuck you
while I watch you on TV.

1099
00:55:05,669 --> 00:55:07,398
And they call me sick.

1100
00:55:07,504 --> 00:55:08,402
Hurry.

1101
00:55:08,505 --> 00:55:10,496
Before your segment ends.

1102
00:55:10,607 --> 00:55:12,541
All right.

1103
00:55:18,315 --> 00:55:20,442
Tell me more about Los Angeles, baby.

1104
00:55:20,550 --> 00:55:21,710
Huh?

1105
00:55:25,922 --> 00:55:27,719
<i>He says he wants
to trail me everywhere,</i>

1106
00:55:27,824 --> 00:55:28,984
I said, "Who's paying for it?"

1107
00:55:29,092 --> 00:55:30,582
He says the tobacco company's
paying for it.

1108
00:55:30,694 --> 00:55:32,218
I said, "I don't need a bodyguard."

1109
00:55:32,329 --> 00:55:33,887
I'm a man of the people.

1110
00:55:33,997 --> 00:55:35,862
Rock on, Kennedy.

1111
00:55:35,966 --> 00:55:37,661
Listen, we're all going to
need bodyguards soon enough.

1112
00:55:37,767 --> 00:55:39,564
Did you see the coverage
the fetal alcohol people

1113
00:55:39,669 --> 00:55:40,727
got themselves over this weekend?

1114
00:55:40,837 --> 00:55:42,668
They made it seem like
we were encouraging

1115
00:55:42,772 --> 00:55:43,898
pregnant women to drink.

1116
00:55:44,007 --> 00:55:45,099
I'm surprised I didn't get kidnapped

1117
00:55:45,208 --> 00:55:46,539
on my way to work this morning.

1118
00:55:46,643 --> 00:55:50,135
I don't think people from
the alcoholic beverage industry

1119
00:55:50,247 --> 00:55:52,238
need to worry about
being kidnapped just yet.

1120
00:55:53,850 --> 00:55:55,442
Pardon me?

1121
00:55:55,552 --> 00:55:56,849
Look, I mean,

1122
00:55:56,953 --> 00:55:58,944
nothing personal,
but tobacco generates

1123
00:55:59,055 --> 00:56:01,285
a little more heat than alcohol.

1124
00:56:01,391 --> 00:56:02,858
Oh, this is news.

1125
00:56:02,959 --> 00:56:06,588
My product puts away 475,000 a year.

1126
00:56:06,696 --> 00:56:09,358
Oh, okay, now 475 is a legit number.

1127
00:56:09,466 --> 00:56:10,694
Okay, 435,000.

1128
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:11,858
That's 1,200 a day.

1129
00:56:11,968 --> 00:56:13,299
How many alcohol-related deaths
a year?

1130
00:56:13,403 --> 00:56:15,530
- Well, does that...
- 100,000 tops?

1131
00:56:15,639 --> 00:56:19,268
That's, what, 270 a day?

1132
00:56:19,376 --> 00:56:20,536
Wowee.

1133
00:56:20,644 --> 00:56:23,010
270 people, a tragedy.

1134
00:56:23,113 --> 00:56:25,104
Excuse me if I don't exactly see
terrorists getting excited

1135
00:56:25,215 --> 00:56:26,842
about kidnapping anyone
from the alcohol industry.

1136
00:56:26,950 --> 00:56:28,212
- Well, you haven't even
- Okay,

1137
00:56:28,318 --> 00:56:30,149
- taken into account the number of deaths
- let's just

1138
00:56:30,253 --> 00:56:32,949
- breathe.
- How many gun deaths a year in the U.S.?

1139
00:56:33,056 --> 00:56:34,785
11,000.

1140
00:56:34,891 --> 00:56:37,223
11,000, are you kidding me?

1141
00:56:37,327 --> 00:56:39,261
30 a day.

1142
00:56:39,362 --> 00:56:40,795
That's less than passenger car
mortalities.

1143
00:56:40,897 --> 00:56:42,489
No terrorist would bother
with either of you.

1144
00:56:56,179 --> 00:56:57,942
Okay, look...
stupid argument.

1145
00:56:58,048 --> 00:57:00,073
I'll say.

1146
00:57:00,183 --> 00:57:03,152
I'm sure both of you warrant
vigilante justice.

1147
00:57:03,253 --> 00:57:05,016
Thank you.

1148
00:57:25,875 --> 00:57:27,137
Hey... please.
Stop... hey.

1149
00:57:27,244 --> 00:57:28,336
Who are you guys?

1150
00:57:32,249 --> 00:57:34,547
<i>And freedom means
that we can do what we want.</i>

1151
00:57:34,651 --> 00:57:37,017
And that's really important.

1152
00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:40,715
Because otherwise,
we couldn't be free.

1153
00:57:40,824 --> 00:57:44,851
And that's why America is
the best government in the world.

1154
00:57:44,961 --> 00:57:46,519
Whoa, hey, hey, hey.

1155
00:57:46,630 --> 00:57:49,326
Hey, no need for that,
no need for that.

1156
00:57:49,432 --> 00:57:50,797
Whoa, whoa, hey.

1157
00:57:50,900 --> 00:57:51,867
Hey, wait.

1158
00:57:51,968 --> 00:57:53,162
Can we get a dialogue going here?

1159
00:57:53,270 --> 00:57:56,034
Nick, we want you
to stop killing people.

1160
00:57:56,139 --> 00:57:57,868
So many people.

1161
00:57:57,974 --> 00:57:59,532
Half a million people a year
in the U.S.

1162
00:57:59,643 --> 00:58:01,338
That, there's no data
to support that.

1163
00:58:01,444 --> 00:58:03,571
Nick... you're not on TV anymore.

1164
00:58:06,983 --> 00:58:08,678
Okay, Joey, it's your turn.

1165
00:58:11,288 --> 00:58:12,550
Hey!

1166
00:58:12,656 --> 00:58:14,055
Nick, how much do you smoke a day?

1167
00:58:14,157 --> 00:58:15,715
Hey, what are you doing?

1168
00:58:15,825 --> 00:58:18,089
According to the box,
each one of those patches

1169
00:58:18,194 --> 00:58:20,355
contains 21 milligrams of nicotine.

1170
00:58:20,463 --> 00:58:21,430
That's, like, what?

1171
00:58:21,531 --> 00:58:22,930
One pack?

1172
00:58:23,033 --> 00:58:25,331
Our industry has been working
hand in hand with...

1173
00:58:25,435 --> 00:58:27,369
Nick! Just listen, all right?

1174
00:58:27,470 --> 00:58:29,028
What makes America
the best government?

1175
00:58:29,139 --> 00:58:31,437
The passion that doesn't exist
anywhere in the world.

1176
00:58:31,541 --> 00:58:33,441
Says here there are
many adverse reactions

1177
00:58:33,543 --> 00:58:34,601
from those things.

1178
00:58:34,711 --> 00:58:36,611
Let's see, "arrhythmia,

1179
00:58:36,713 --> 00:58:38,180
"constipation, dyspepsia,

1180
00:58:38,281 --> 00:58:40,806
- "nausea...
- My industry does $48 billion in revenue.

1181
00:58:40,917 --> 00:58:42,612
Pharyngitis, sinusitis..."

1182
00:58:42,719 --> 00:58:45,552
Sure you can call it capitalism,
a free market,

1183
00:58:45,655 --> 00:58:47,282
a celebration of tariff breakdowns...

1184
00:58:47,390 --> 00:58:50,052
"dysmenorrhea..."

1185
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:52,128
I don't even want to know
what that means.

1186
00:58:52,228 --> 00:58:53,991
Hey, look, I guess you could
start by, you know,

1187
00:58:54,097 --> 00:58:55,894
asking for five million,
working your way up from there.

1188
00:58:55,999 --> 00:58:57,432
But I don't want any money, Nick.

1189
00:58:57,534 --> 00:58:58,466
Well, what do you want?

1190
00:58:58,568 --> 00:58:59,865
I mean, I'm all ears here.

1191
00:58:59,969 --> 00:59:03,097
I have another word for it...

1192
00:59:03,206 --> 00:59:04,434
love.

1193
00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:06,168
What does any man want?

1194
00:59:06,276 --> 00:59:07,834
The love of a woman,

1195
00:59:07,944 --> 00:59:09,138
crisp bacon...

1196
00:59:09,245 --> 00:59:14,114
an average life span over 80 years.

1197
00:59:14,217 --> 00:59:16,583
Oh, Nick...

1198
00:59:18,755 --> 00:59:20,814
you don't look so good.

1199
00:59:27,831 --> 00:59:29,594
<i>If you should smell smoke,</i>

1200
00:59:29,699 --> 00:59:32,167
<i>please dial zero for the operator.</i>

1201
00:59:32,268 --> 00:59:36,398
<i>Before leaving the room,
check the door for heat.</i>

1202
00:59:36,506 --> 00:59:39,168
<i>Find your nearest
emergency exit,</i>

1203
00:59:39,275 --> 00:59:43,336
<i>then soak a washcloth
and cover your nose and mouth.</i>

1204
00:59:44,714 --> 00:59:46,909
<i>Do not remove your washcloth.</i>

1205
00:59:47,016 --> 00:59:50,782
<i>Try at all times to avoid
breathing in the smoke.</i>

1206
00:59:50,887 --> 00:59:54,152
<i>If necessary, crawl on
Your hands and knees</i>

1207
00:59:54,257 --> 00:59:56,555
<i>to avoid the inhalation of smoke.</i>

1208
00:59:56,659 --> 00:59:58,354
<i>Do not be alarmed.</i>

1209
00:59:58,461 --> 01:00:00,759
<i>There are still
no conclusive studies</i>

1210
01:00:00,864 --> 01:00:03,594
<i>that link smoking to emphysema.</i>

1211
01:00:10,140 --> 01:00:12,165
<i>You woke up.</i>

1212
01:00:12,275 --> 01:00:14,436
<i>Perhaps a bad choice of inflection.</i>

1213
01:00:14,544 --> 01:00:18,207
<i>Is she implying that I
could've just as easily not?</i>

1214
01:00:29,426 --> 01:00:30,620
I was so scared.

1215
01:00:30,727 --> 01:00:31,989
Hey, Joey.

1216
01:00:33,596 --> 01:00:34,858
What happened?

1217
01:00:34,964 --> 01:00:37,694
No nonsmoker
could've ever withstood

1218
01:00:37,801 --> 01:00:39,792
the amount of nicotine
you had in your bloodstream.

1219
01:00:39,903 --> 01:00:41,871
Hate to say it, but...

1220
01:00:41,971 --> 01:00:44,531
cigarettes saved your life.

1221
01:00:46,810 --> 01:00:48,334
Can I quote you on that, doc?

1222
01:00:48,445 --> 01:00:50,709
You're a real trooper, my boy.

1223
01:00:50,814 --> 01:00:52,645
Hey, Captain,

1224
01:00:52,749 --> 01:00:54,080
where are you?

1225
01:00:54,184 --> 01:00:55,913
Winston-Salem General.

1226
01:00:57,420 --> 01:00:59,854
Damn heart failing me again.

1227
01:00:59,956 --> 01:01:01,685
I thought we could be roommates.

1228
01:01:01,791 --> 01:01:03,019
Nick, before
we get sidetracked,

1229
01:01:03,126 --> 01:01:04,821
there is one thing.

1230
01:01:04,928 --> 01:01:07,419
All right, don't get
all dramatic on me, doc.

1231
01:01:07,530 --> 01:01:09,555
You can't smoke.

1232
01:01:13,336 --> 01:01:14,394
That's no problem.

1233
01:01:14,504 --> 01:01:16,028
I've quit before.

1234
01:01:16,139 --> 01:01:18,039
I did during the pregnancy.

1235
01:01:18,141 --> 01:01:19,199
How long, you think?

1236
01:01:19,309 --> 01:01:21,368
I don't think you understand.

1237
01:01:21,478 --> 01:01:24,038
It's a miracle you came
out of this alive.

1238
01:01:24,147 --> 01:01:25,739
Any smoking- one cigarette...

1239
01:01:25,849 --> 01:01:27,942
could put you right back
into a paralytic state.

1240
01:01:28,051 --> 01:01:30,645
Your body just can't handle it.

1241
01:01:35,959 --> 01:01:37,950
Nick, I don't want to put
any more pressure on you,

1242
01:01:38,061 --> 01:01:39,892
but we got a camera crew
waiting out there.

1243
01:01:39,996 --> 01:01:42,021
If we want to make
the evening news...

1244
01:01:42,131 --> 01:01:44,691
You want to unhook me here?

1245
01:01:44,801 --> 01:01:48,703
This just goes to prove what
I've been saying for so long.

1246
01:01:48,805 --> 01:01:52,935
These nicotine patches
are just deadly.

1247
01:01:53,042 --> 01:01:54,805
Smoking saved my life.

1248
01:01:54,911 --> 01:01:57,505
Considering your condition,
will you still be able to appear

1249
01:01:57,614 --> 01:01:59,673
before Senator Finistirre's
subcommittee hearing

1250
01:01:59,782 --> 01:02:01,807
on the usage of poison labels
on cigarette packaging?

1251
01:02:01,918 --> 01:02:03,510
Oh, I think now more than ever

1252
01:02:03,620 --> 01:02:05,451
it is imperative that I be there.

1253
01:02:05,555 --> 01:02:07,580
Nothing will keep me from testifying.

1254
01:02:07,690 --> 01:02:10,750
Fucking kidnapping.

1255
01:02:10,860 --> 01:02:12,259
I don't understand, sir.

1256
01:02:12,362 --> 01:02:15,627
Aren't we considering
the kidnapping a good thing?

1257
01:02:15,732 --> 01:02:17,393
Well, he didn't die.

1258
01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:19,832
He was almost killed, sir.

1259
01:02:19,936 --> 01:02:21,096
That's the point.

1260
01:02:21,204 --> 01:02:23,297
Now he looks like a victim,
lucky bastard.

1261
01:02:25,208 --> 01:02:27,335
The way I heard it,
D.C. Police found you naked

1262
01:02:27,443 --> 01:02:29,104
laying in Lincoln's crotch

1263
01:02:29,212 --> 01:02:32,909
<i>covered in nicotine patches
with a sign across your chest</i>

1264
01:02:33,016 --> 01:02:35,507
- that said...
- He doesn't need to hear the details.

1265
01:02:35,618 --> 01:02:37,950
It was some pretty fucked up shit.

1266
01:02:38,054 --> 01:02:39,021
Shh!

1267
01:02:39,122 --> 01:02:40,111
How are you feeling?

1268
01:02:40,223 --> 01:02:43,556
I don't know.

1269
01:02:43,660 --> 01:02:46,185
First time I'm thinking these
cigarettes are pretty dangerous.

1270
01:02:46,296 --> 01:02:48,264
You might be right about that.

1271
01:02:48,364 --> 01:02:49,797
What are you doing?

1272
01:02:51,568 --> 01:02:53,502
It may be small,
but it'll do the trick.

1273
01:02:53,603 --> 01:02:54,729
One shot, bam.

1274
01:02:54,837 --> 01:02:57,101
Listen, Nick is not
going to shoot anyone.

1275
01:02:57,206 --> 01:02:58,332
Cool.

1276
01:02:58,441 --> 01:02:59,373
Yeah, huh?

1277
01:02:59,475 --> 01:03:00,703
I mean, uh...

1278
01:03:00,810 --> 01:03:02,641
guns are to be treated with
respect, you understand that?

1279
01:03:02,745 --> 01:03:04,713
You'll make a great father.

1280
01:03:04,814 --> 01:03:06,179
Thanks.

1281
01:03:10,153 --> 01:03:11,643
Hey, there he is!

1282
01:03:11,754 --> 01:03:13,449
Hey, he's back!

1283
01:03:13,556 --> 01:03:14,989
Hey!

1284
01:03:15,091 --> 01:03:16,524
Welcome back.

1285
01:03:16,626 --> 01:03:18,719
- You okay?
- Great.

1286
01:03:18,828 --> 01:03:20,557
Good, 'cause you're booked on
all the Sunday talk shows.

1287
01:03:20,663 --> 01:03:23,461
For once we got public sympathy
on our side.

1288
01:03:23,566 --> 01:03:26,228
We can start our own little
celebrity victim tour.

1289
01:03:26,336 --> 01:03:28,702
I mean, we couldn't have planned
this thing better ourselves.

1290
01:03:28,805 --> 01:03:30,636
Oh, maybe next time
I can lose a lung.

1291
01:03:32,275 --> 01:03:34,743
Oh. Uh, I heard the, uh...

1292
01:03:34,844 --> 01:03:37,039
Heather Holloway article
is coming out tomorrow.

1293
01:03:37,146 --> 01:03:39,080
Really?

1294
01:03:39,182 --> 01:03:40,308
Yeah, anything I should be
worried about?

1295
01:03:40,416 --> 01:03:42,884
Uh, yeah, the Cancer Association.

1296
01:03:42,986 --> 01:03:44,351
Apparently, they have it in for us.

1297
01:03:44,454 --> 01:03:46,684
Fuckers.

1298
01:03:57,100 --> 01:03:58,067
What?

1299
01:03:58,167 --> 01:04:00,829
I got a call from the paper.

1300
01:04:00,937 --> 01:04:03,098
Really?
What'd they want?

1301
01:04:03,206 --> 01:04:06,266
They wanted the correct spelling
of my name and job title.

1302
01:04:06,376 --> 01:04:08,207
You didn't tell her
about us, did you?

1303
01:04:08,311 --> 01:04:09,972
Who?

1304
01:04:10,079 --> 01:04:11,273
Heather?

1305
01:04:11,381 --> 01:04:13,246
No.

1306
01:04:15,018 --> 01:04:17,213
I mean, maybe in passing, I...

1307
01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:18,947
In passing.

1308
01:04:19,055 --> 01:04:20,283
Oh, God, he fucked her.

1309
01:04:20,390 --> 01:04:21,755
I tried to warn you.

1310
01:04:21,858 --> 01:04:24,292
Hey, he didn't fuck her.
You didn't fuck her, did you?

1311
01:04:26,729 --> 01:04:28,196
When?

1312
01:04:28,297 --> 01:04:29,229
In passing.

1313
01:04:29,332 --> 01:04:30,458
Look, she's a really nice girl.

1314
01:04:30,566 --> 01:04:31,590
Oh, God.

1315
01:04:31,701 --> 01:04:33,692
We're really fucked.

1316
01:04:52,055 --> 01:04:54,819
<i>'Nick Naylor,
lead spokesman for big tobacco,</i>

1317
01:04:54,924 --> 01:04:57,950
<i>'would have you believe he
thinks cigarettes are harmless.</i>

1318
01:04:58,061 --> 01:05:01,497
<i>'But really, he's doing it
for the mortgage.</i>

1319
01:05:01,597 --> 01:05:05,624
<i>The MOD squad-meaning,
of course, merchants of death...</i>

1320
01:05:05,735 --> 01:05:09,000
<i>is comprised of Polly Bailey
of the Moderation Council</i>

1321
01:05:09,105 --> 01:05:10,504
<i>and Bobby Jay Bliss</i>

1322
01:05:10,606 --> 01:05:14,542
<i>of the gun business's
own advisory group, SAFETY.</i>

1323
01:05:14,644 --> 01:05:18,171
<i>As explained by Naylor,
the sole purpose of their meetings</i>

1324
01:05:18,281 --> 01:05:20,181
<i>is to compete for
the highest death toll</i>

1325
01:05:20,283 --> 01:05:21,841
<i>as they compare strategies</i>

1326
01:05:21,951 --> 01:05:24,977
<i>on how to dupe the American people.</i>

1327
01:05:25,088 --> 01:05:27,682
<i>The film, Message from Sector Six,</i>

1328
01:05:27,790 --> 01:05:29,985
<i>would emphasize the sex appeal
of cigarettes</i>

1329
01:05:30,093 --> 01:05:32,084
<i>in a way that only floating, nude,</i>

1330
01:05:32,195 --> 01:05:35,858
<i>copulating Hollywood stars could.</i>

1331
01:05:35,965 --> 01:05:39,196
<i>This did not stop Nick
from bribing the dying man</i>

1332
01:05:39,302 --> 01:05:42,271
<i>with a suitcase of cash
to keep quiet on the subject</i>

1333
01:05:42,371 --> 01:05:46,501
<i>of his recent lung cancer diagnosis.</i>

1334
01:05:46,609 --> 01:05:50,136
<i>Nick's own son, Joey Naylor,
seems to be being groomed</i>

1335
01:05:50,246 --> 01:05:52,237
<i>for the job as he joins his father</i>

1336
01:05:52,348 --> 01:05:55,283
<i>on the majority of his trips.</i>

1337
01:06:01,958 --> 01:06:04,051
I have Heather Holloway on line one.

1338
01:06:04,160 --> 01:06:05,286
Heather.

1339
01:06:05,394 --> 01:06:07,191
Hey, Nick, what did you think?

1340
01:06:07,296 --> 01:06:08,957
Heather, uh... I...

1341
01:06:09,065 --> 01:06:11,556
I mean, there's a lot
of information in here, Heather,

1342
01:06:11,667 --> 01:06:13,157
that is off the record.

1343
01:06:13,269 --> 01:06:15,533
You never said anything
about off the record.

1344
01:06:15,638 --> 01:06:20,075
I presumed anything said while
I was inside you was privileged.

1345
01:06:20,176 --> 01:06:21,643
Nick...

1346
01:06:21,744 --> 01:06:23,871
If you wanted to talk on a plane

1347
01:06:23,980 --> 01:06:27,347
or at a movie or over dinner,
that would have been fine.

1348
01:06:27,450 --> 01:06:29,475
But you wanted to fuck.

1349
01:06:29,585 --> 01:06:31,018
That's fine by me.

1350
01:06:31,120 --> 01:06:33,145
You used me.

1351
01:06:33,256 --> 01:06:34,883
Oh, Nick, come on.

1352
01:06:34,991 --> 01:06:37,016
Now we're being children.

1353
01:06:37,126 --> 01:06:39,185
Look, we both love our jobs.

1354
01:06:39,295 --> 01:06:41,855
I'm just a reporter,
and you're just a lobbyist.

1355
01:06:41,964 --> 01:06:44,194
How can you do this to me?

1356
01:06:46,469 --> 01:06:48,494
For the mortgage.

1357
01:06:56,913 --> 01:06:57,880
Bitch.

1358
01:06:57,980 --> 01:06:59,038
Whore.

1359
01:06:59,148 --> 01:07:02,379
You should have been
more careful, Nick.

1360
01:07:02,485 --> 01:07:05,283
You've destroyed all the good
will created by your kidnapping.

1361
01:07:05,388 --> 01:07:06,685
Well, we'll work up a rebuttal.

1362
01:07:06,789 --> 01:07:09,519
Heather Holloway isn't
the only reporter in town.

1363
01:07:09,625 --> 01:07:10,785
No, there isn't going
to be any rebuttal.

1364
01:07:10,893 --> 01:07:11,951
What do you mean?

1365
01:07:12,061 --> 01:07:13,392
Don't talk to anyone.

1366
01:07:13,496 --> 01:07:15,259
We're pulling you
from the congressional hearing.

1367
01:07:15,364 --> 01:07:16,922
No, no, no. You can't pull me
from the congressional hearing.

1368
01:07:17,033 --> 01:07:18,364
All you'll be doing is giving
credence to her article.

1369
01:07:18,467 --> 01:07:19,695
I'm ready to testify.

1370
01:07:19,802 --> 01:07:21,463
Look, Nick, half of my job
is damage control.

1371
01:07:21,571 --> 01:07:22,663
Today, that consists

1372
01:07:22,772 --> 01:07:25,400
of distancing ourselves
from you entirely...

1373
01:07:25,508 --> 01:07:29,239
letting you take
all the heat on this article.

1374
01:07:29,345 --> 01:07:31,074
Your job relied on your ability
to keep secrets

1375
01:07:31,180 --> 01:07:32,272
and spin the truth.

1376
01:07:32,381 --> 01:07:34,076
I just cannot imagine a way

1377
01:07:34,183 --> 01:07:35,810
in which you could have fucked
up more.

1378
01:07:35,918 --> 01:07:38,751
There's just no way I could
possibly keep you on staff.

1379
01:07:38,855 --> 01:07:40,652
Then I assume you've run this
by the captain.

1380
01:07:40,756 --> 01:07:42,690
Captain died this morning.

1381
01:08:40,616 --> 01:08:42,550
<i>Mr. Naylor,
this is Pete in Security from the Academy.</i>

1382
01:08:42,652 --> 01:08:44,517
<i>Your things are waiting for you</i>

1383
01:08:44,620 --> 01:08:46,281
<i>at the information kiosk
in the lobby.</i>

1384
01:08:46,389 --> 01:08:47,583
<i>Look, if you don't pick your
stuff up by Friday,</i>

1385
01:08:47,690 --> 01:08:50,022
<i>we're instructed to throw it out.</i>

1386
01:08:51,794 --> 01:08:54,661
<i>Mr. Naylor, this is Special
Agent Johnson with the FBI.</i>

1387
01:08:54,764 --> 01:08:57,426
<i>Having not found any leads in
Your kidnapping investigation,</i>

1388
01:08:57,533 --> 01:08:58,830
<i>we're going to be
handing over the case</i>

1389
01:08:58,935 --> 01:08:59,993
<i>to the local D.C. Police,</i>

1390
01:09:00,102 --> 01:09:02,297
<i>so please refer to them
in the future</i>

1391
01:09:02,405 --> 01:09:03,997
<i>for any updates and questions.</i>

1392
01:09:05,942 --> 01:09:08,536
<i>Nick, Jack in Jeff Megall's office.</i>

1393
01:09:08,644 --> 01:09:12,080
<i>Jeff really enjoyed
meeting you the other day</i>

1394
01:09:12,181 --> 01:09:14,240
<i>and he's just... he's torn up
about the fact</i>

1395
01:09:14,350 --> 01:09:16,113
<i>that you two couldn't find
a project to work on.</i>

1396
01:09:16,218 --> 01:09:18,345
<i>He's really just... I don't know.</i>

1397
01:09:18,454 --> 01:09:20,217
<i>So, listen,
but we should hang, at least,</i>

1398
01:09:20,323 --> 01:09:22,291
<i>so you drop me a line
whenever you're in town.</i>

1399
01:09:22,391 --> 01:09:25,849
<i>Uh... my e-mail is, uh...</i>

1400
01:09:41,444 --> 01:09:43,071
Who is it?

1401
01:09:43,179 --> 01:09:45,079
It's me, Nick.

1402
01:09:47,016 --> 01:09:49,541
Jill, this is a bad time.

1403
01:09:49,652 --> 01:09:51,244
Let me in.

1404
01:09:52,588 --> 01:09:54,351
No.

1405
01:09:54,457 --> 01:09:57,426
I brought someone
who needs to talk to you.

1406
01:10:02,631 --> 01:10:03,928
Hey, buddy.

1407
01:10:04,033 --> 01:10:05,967
Hey, Dad.

1408
01:10:06,068 --> 01:10:08,093
Coke in the fridge.

1409
01:10:14,543 --> 01:10:19,310
So, this Heather Holloway,
she must have been pretty hot.

1410
01:10:19,415 --> 01:10:22,316
Yes. She's pretty hot.

1411
01:10:22,418 --> 01:10:24,443
Don't take it so hard.

1412
01:10:24,553 --> 01:10:27,181
A few flaws can be appealing.

1413
01:10:27,289 --> 01:10:28,381
Makes you human.

1414
01:10:28,491 --> 01:10:29,924
Who wants to be human?

1415
01:10:30,026 --> 01:10:31,391
Well, I know one person

1416
01:10:31,494 --> 01:10:34,463
who still thinks you're a God.

1417
01:10:50,980 --> 01:10:53,676
Why did you tell that reporter
all your secrets?

1418
01:10:56,919 --> 01:10:59,547
You're too young to understand.

1419
01:10:59,655 --> 01:11:02,749
Mom says it's because
you have dependency issues

1420
01:11:02,858 --> 01:11:04,348
and it was all just
a matter of time

1421
01:11:04,460 --> 01:11:06,621
before you threw it all away
on some tramp.

1422
01:11:06,729 --> 01:11:10,028
Well, that's one theory.

1423
01:11:10,132 --> 01:11:11,963
Why are you hiding from everyone?

1424
01:11:12,068 --> 01:11:17,665
It has something to do with
being generally hated right now.

1425
01:11:17,773 --> 01:11:19,263
But it's your job to be
generally hated.

1426
01:11:19,375 --> 01:11:22,139
It's more complicated
than that, Joey.

1427
01:11:22,244 --> 01:11:24,508
You're just making it
more complicated

1428
01:11:24,613 --> 01:11:26,171
so that you can feel
sorry for yourself.

1429
01:11:26,282 --> 01:11:28,011
Like you always said,

1430
01:11:28,117 --> 01:11:31,416
"If you want an easy job,
go work for the Red Cross."

1431
01:11:31,520 --> 01:11:33,147
You're a lobbyist.

1432
01:11:33,255 --> 01:11:36,349
Your job is to be right, and
you're the best at what you do.

1433
01:11:37,993 --> 01:11:39,392
You're the sultan of spin.

1434
01:11:40,596 --> 01:11:41,995
"Sultan of spin"?

1435
01:11:42,098 --> 01:11:43,622
<i>Mom subscribes to Newsweek.</i>

1436
01:11:45,067 --> 01:11:46,398
Who cares what the Brads

1437
01:11:46,502 --> 01:11:47,526
of the world think?

1438
01:11:47,636 --> 01:11:48,898
He's not my dad.

1439
01:11:50,606 --> 01:11:52,073
You are.

1440
01:11:52,174 --> 01:11:55,405
<i>And right there,
looking into Joey's eyes,</i>

1441
01:11:55,511 --> 01:11:58,912
<i>it all came back in a rush.</i>

1442
01:11:59,014 --> 01:12:01,482
<i>Why I do what I do-
defending the defenseless,</i>

1443
01:12:01,584 --> 01:12:03,882
<i>protecting the disenfranchised
corporations</i>

1444
01:12:03,986 --> 01:12:06,045
<i>that have been abandoned
by their very own consumers...</i>

1445
01:12:06,155 --> 01:12:08,419
<i>the logger...</i>

1446
01:12:08,524 --> 01:12:10,754
<i>the sweatshop foreman...</i>

1447
01:12:10,860 --> 01:12:12,885
<i>the oil driller...</i>

1448
01:12:12,995 --> 01:12:15,156
<i>the land mine developer...</i>

1449
01:12:15,264 --> 01:12:18,563
<i>the baby seal poacher...</i>

1450
01:12:18,667 --> 01:12:20,066
Baby seal poacher?

1451
01:12:20,169 --> 01:12:21,534
Even I think that's kind of cruel.

1452
01:12:21,637 --> 01:12:23,730
All right, you're missing the point.

1453
01:12:23,839 --> 01:12:25,602
I must be, because I thought
you were apologizing.

1454
01:12:25,708 --> 01:12:26,675
I'm getting to that.

1455
01:12:26,775 --> 01:12:28,538
When?

1456
01:12:28,644 --> 01:12:31,112
Look.

1457
01:12:31,213 --> 01:12:36,048
The two of you, you're
basically my only friends,

1458
01:12:36,152 --> 01:12:38,450
and the last thing that
I would ever want to do

1459
01:12:38,554 --> 01:12:40,249
would be to hurt you.

1460
01:12:40,356 --> 01:12:42,221
And, I can only imagine...

1461
01:12:42,324 --> 01:12:43,348
Why are you smiling?

1462
01:12:43,459 --> 01:12:45,120
Why is he smiling?

1463
01:12:45,227 --> 01:12:47,320
He won a hundred bucks off of you.

1464
01:12:47,429 --> 01:12:50,455
I bet Polly you'd spill the beans
to that reporter.

1465
01:12:50,566 --> 01:12:53,034
That goes against everything
that we stand for.

1466
01:12:53,135 --> 01:12:55,399
Oh, please! You've ratted us out
to some reporter with tits!

1467
01:12:55,504 --> 01:12:57,404
Glorious tits.

1468
01:12:57,506 --> 01:12:59,804
Only after you created a betting
pool testing my incompetence?

1469
01:12:59,909 --> 01:13:01,968
Do you have any idea the beating
I'm taking at Moderation?

1470
01:13:02,077 --> 01:13:04,807
Well, look, I'm sure both of
you are under a lot of scrutiny.

1471
01:13:04,914 --> 01:13:07,109
You know what?
You can stop using the plural.

1472
01:13:07,216 --> 01:13:10,413
The guys at Safety actually liked
the name "Merchants of Death."

1473
01:13:10,519 --> 01:13:11,816
They're gonna have
some bumper stickers made up.

1474
01:13:11,921 --> 01:13:13,821
I'll make sure you get one.

1475
01:13:13,923 --> 01:13:15,857
Thank you.

1476
01:13:18,027 --> 01:13:19,858
That is disgusting.

1477
01:13:21,230 --> 01:13:22,959
It's American.

1478
01:13:23,065 --> 01:13:24,623
Can I have a bite?

1479
01:13:24,733 --> 01:13:26,257
Mmm.

1480
01:13:26,368 --> 01:13:28,427
So I guess this means

1481
01:13:28,537 --> 01:13:31,768
you won't be appearing
at Finistirre's subcommittee.

1482
01:13:31,874 --> 01:13:34,104
Hmm. I was kind of looking
forward to it, too.

1483
01:13:34,210 --> 01:13:36,974
It's kind of cool in
a Jimmy Stewart sort of way.

1484
01:13:37,079 --> 01:13:39,604
More like an Ollie North sort of way.

1485
01:13:39,715 --> 01:13:41,945
Finistirre would have
torn you a new asshole

1486
01:13:42,051 --> 01:13:43,575
in a House of Parliament, no less.

1487
01:13:43,686 --> 01:13:44,983
I could have taken him.

1488
01:13:45,087 --> 01:13:46,748
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah? What would you have said?

1489
01:13:46,855 --> 01:13:48,083
I don't know.

1490
01:13:48,190 --> 01:13:51,421
I'd just like him to feel
immeasurable pain,

1491
01:13:51,527 --> 01:13:52,994
humiliation.

1492
01:13:53,095 --> 01:13:54,562
Yeah, well, that would be
kind of tough.

1493
01:13:54,663 --> 01:13:56,028
I mean, he's already a Senator.

1494
01:13:57,967 --> 01:14:00,162
I mean, how would you get
back in even if you wanted to?

1495
01:14:04,206 --> 01:14:05,366
Uh-oh.

1496
01:14:11,313 --> 01:14:12,610
You're not gonna like this.

1497
01:14:15,718 --> 01:14:16,844
Hello.
Thanks very much for coming.

1498
01:14:16,952 --> 01:14:19,284
First of all, I'd like to say
a few words

1499
01:14:19,388 --> 01:14:20,514
to all the people who
are mentioned

1500
01:14:20,623 --> 01:14:22,682
in the recent newspaper article.

1501
01:14:22,791 --> 01:14:24,281
Please take comfort in knowing

1502
01:14:24,393 --> 01:14:28,159
that I will not rest until
your names are cleared.

1503
01:14:28,264 --> 01:14:30,357
This experience has taught me
an important lesson...

1504
01:14:30,466 --> 01:14:32,263
having sexual affairs
with members of the press

1505
01:14:32,368 --> 01:14:33,858
is just unfair.

1506
01:14:33,969 --> 01:14:35,800
It's not unfair to me, mind you,

1507
01:14:35,904 --> 01:14:39,362
but to all the people in my life
whose only crime is knowing me.

1508
01:14:39,475 --> 01:14:42,672
It was your names, not mine,
that suffered

1509
01:14:42,778 --> 01:14:45,303
from a meaningless affair
with a seductress

1510
01:14:45,414 --> 01:14:48,872
in the form of a young
brunette Washington reporter

1511
01:14:48,984 --> 01:14:50,542
whose name I won't mention

1512
01:14:50,653 --> 01:14:52,587
because I have dignity.

1513
01:14:54,490 --> 01:14:55,514
Mr. Naylor!

1514
01:14:55,624 --> 01:14:57,421
Are you still planning
on testifying

1515
01:14:57,526 --> 01:14:59,619
at tomorrow's subcommittee
hearing on tobacco?

1516
01:14:59,728 --> 01:15:01,992
I'm glad you asked that question.

1517
01:15:02,097 --> 01:15:03,860
There have been wide accusations of me
dropping out of tomorrow's hearing.

1518
01:15:03,966 --> 01:15:05,194
Let it be known

1519
01:15:05,301 --> 01:15:07,030
that unless Senator Finistirre
has withdrawn my invitation

1520
01:15:07,136 --> 01:15:08,569
- to speak, it is my plan
- It's called a subpoena.

1521
01:15:08,671 --> 01:15:10,502
To be in Congress tomorrow
to share my knowledge

1522
01:15:10,606 --> 01:15:12,870
of big tobacco and all those
who enjoy its products.

1523
01:15:12,975 --> 01:15:14,237
Thank you very much.
I'll see you tomorrow.

1524
01:16:13,902 --> 01:16:16,496
Still feel like Jimmy Stewart?

1525
01:16:27,516 --> 01:16:28,505
Good.

1526
01:16:36,592 --> 01:16:37,684
Why don't you all go ahead?

1527
01:16:37,793 --> 01:16:39,317
This could be a while.

1528
01:16:44,199 --> 01:16:49,227
If we could, um... if we could
take our seats, please.

1529
01:16:51,974 --> 01:16:54,534
Gentlemen, ladies.

1530
01:16:54,643 --> 01:16:57,373
If I may call this meeting to order.

1531
01:16:57,479 --> 01:17:02,246
We'll do everything we can to
keep things brief and concise

1532
01:17:02,351 --> 01:17:03,875
so that we can all
get out of here on time.

1533
01:17:03,986 --> 01:17:07,478
The skull and crossbones
means one thing:

1534
01:17:07,589 --> 01:17:09,056
Poison.

1535
01:17:09,158 --> 01:17:11,854
Thus, the message is quite clear.

1536
01:17:11,960 --> 01:17:14,121
Like any other product
that carries the branding,

1537
01:17:14,229 --> 01:17:17,460
if you take it, you will die.

1538
01:17:17,566 --> 01:17:20,626
Yes, but isn't this overkill?

1539
01:17:20,736 --> 01:17:24,001
Why don't we just use words,
as we currently do?

1540
01:17:24,106 --> 01:17:27,906
Something that describes the
dangers of cigarette smoking.

1541
01:17:28,010 --> 01:17:29,034
Well, the American public
is not affected

1542
01:17:29,144 --> 01:17:30,611
by masthead anymore.

1543
01:17:30,712 --> 01:17:31,872
They need images.

1544
01:17:31,980 --> 01:17:34,346
We've done studies
which show that consumers react

1545
01:17:34,450 --> 01:17:37,010
up to 80% more to imagery
rather than words.

1546
01:17:37,119 --> 01:17:38,416
The stats are there.

1547
01:17:38,520 --> 01:17:40,317
It's just sad

1548
01:17:40,422 --> 01:17:42,754
that the Academy of Tobacco
Studies did not release

1549
01:17:42,858 --> 01:17:44,257
this type of information earlier.

1550
01:17:44,359 --> 01:17:47,328
When you say
the Academy of Tobacco Studies,

1551
01:17:47,429 --> 01:17:48,760
you're referring to...

1552
01:17:48,864 --> 01:17:49,990
Yes.

1553
01:17:50,098 --> 01:17:51,827
To the coalition...

1554
01:17:51,934 --> 01:17:52,866
Yes, the coalition.

1555
01:17:52,968 --> 01:17:54,560
The big... big tobacco...

1556
01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:55,932
...that is represented by...

1557
01:17:56,038 --> 01:17:57,266
By, um...

1558
01:17:57,372 --> 01:17:58,498
And specifically

1559
01:17:58,607 --> 01:17:59,505
Mr...

1560
01:17:59,608 --> 01:18:00,666
Um...

1561
01:18:00,776 --> 01:18:02,368
Mr., uh, Nick Naylor.

1562
01:18:02,478 --> 01:18:03,376
Nick Naylor?

1563
01:18:03,479 --> 01:18:04,446
Thank you very much.

1564
01:18:06,448 --> 01:18:07,346
<i>The current use</i>

1565
01:18:07,449 --> 01:18:09,076
of words instead of imagery

1566
01:18:09,184 --> 01:18:12,779
is an obvious move against
the non-English-speaking population

1567
01:18:12,888 --> 01:18:14,355
of the United States.

1568
01:18:14,456 --> 01:18:16,583
The skull and crossbones

1569
01:18:16,692 --> 01:18:20,059
speak loudly in all languages.

1570
01:18:20,162 --> 01:18:22,756
By not using it,
they're saying

1571
01:18:22,865 --> 01:18:26,892
they want those who can't
read English to die.

1572
01:18:27,002 --> 01:18:28,765
Hmm. Senor Herrera,

1573
01:18:28,871 --> 01:18:31,704
could you clarify "they"?

1574
01:18:31,807 --> 01:18:33,104
<i>Let it be known,</i>

1575
01:18:33,208 --> 01:18:35,676
<i>the public beating
has not gone out of style.</i>

1576
01:18:43,018 --> 01:18:45,179
Nick Naylor, please step forward.

1577
01:18:54,897 --> 01:18:57,525
You go sit with him.

1578
01:19:05,908 --> 01:19:08,900
Please state your name,
address and current occupation.

1579
01:19:09,011 --> 01:19:10,137
My name is Nick Naylor.

1580
01:19:10,245 --> 01:19:12,008
I live at 6000
Massachusetts Avenue

1581
01:19:12,114 --> 01:19:14,014
and I am currently unemployed,

1582
01:19:14,116 --> 01:19:16,243
but until recently,
I was the vice president

1583
01:19:16,351 --> 01:19:17,841
of the Academy of Tobacco Studies.

1584
01:19:17,953 --> 01:19:18,851
Mr. Naylor,

1585
01:19:18,954 --> 01:19:22,412
as vice president
of the Academy

1586
01:19:22,524 --> 01:19:24,492
of Tobacco Studies,
what was required of you?

1587
01:19:24,593 --> 01:19:25,821
What did you do?

1588
01:19:25,928 --> 01:19:29,420
I informed the public
of all the research performed

1589
01:19:29,531 --> 01:19:31,522
in the investigation
on the effects of tobacco.

1590
01:19:31,633 --> 01:19:32,759
Mm-hmm,
and what,

1591
01:19:32,868 --> 01:19:35,428
so far,
has the Academy concluded

1592
01:19:35,537 --> 01:19:37,971
in their investigation
into the effects of tobacco?

1593
01:19:38,073 --> 01:19:40,337
Well, many things, actually.

1594
01:19:40,442 --> 01:19:42,205
Why, just the other day
they uncovered evidence

1595
01:19:42,311 --> 01:19:44,142
that smoking can offset
Parkinson's disease.

1596
01:19:46,081 --> 01:19:47,309
I'm sure the health
community

1597
01:19:47,416 --> 01:19:48,542
is thrilled.

1598
01:19:48,650 --> 01:19:51,551
Mr. Naylor, who provides
the financial backing

1599
01:19:51,653 --> 01:19:53,621
for the Academy of Tobacco Studies?

1600
01:19:53,722 --> 01:19:56,987
Uh... Conglomerated Tobacco.

1601
01:19:57,092 --> 01:19:58,787
That's the cigarette companies.

1602
01:19:58,894 --> 01:20:00,953
For the most part, yes.

1603
01:20:01,063 --> 01:20:03,964
Do you think that...

1604
01:20:04,066 --> 01:20:06,034
might affect their priorities?

1605
01:20:06,134 --> 01:20:07,465
No, just as I'm sure

1606
01:20:07,569 --> 01:20:09,400
campaign contributions
don't affect yours.

1607
01:20:09,504 --> 01:20:10,528
Ohh.

1608
01:20:12,507 --> 01:20:15,738
Senators, Mr. Naylor is not here
to testify on the goings-on

1609
01:20:15,844 --> 01:20:17,641
of the Academy of Tobacco Studies.

1610
01:20:17,746 --> 01:20:19,805
We're here to examine
the possibility

1611
01:20:19,915 --> 01:20:21,314
of a warning logo on cigarettes.

1612
01:20:21,416 --> 01:20:22,383
Now, Mr. Naylor,

1613
01:20:22,484 --> 01:20:24,008
I have to ask you,
out of formality,

1614
01:20:24,119 --> 01:20:26,087
do you believe that smoking
cigarettes, over time,

1615
01:20:26,188 --> 01:20:29,419
can lead to lung cancer and
other respiratory conditions

1616
01:20:29,524 --> 01:20:30,718
such as emphysema?

1617
01:20:32,594 --> 01:20:34,084
Yes.

1618
01:20:36,932 --> 01:20:37,830
In fact, I think you'd be
hard-pressed

1619
01:20:37,933 --> 01:20:39,025
to find someone
who really believes

1620
01:20:39,134 --> 01:20:41,102
that cigarettes are not
potentially harmful.

1621
01:20:41,203 --> 01:20:43,433
I mean, show of hands,
who out here thinks

1622
01:20:43,538 --> 01:20:45,028
- that cigarettes aren't dangerous...
- Mr. Naylor.

1623
01:20:45,140 --> 01:20:48,268
There's no need for theatrics.

1624
01:20:48,377 --> 01:20:50,937
Sir, I just don't see the point in a warning
label for something people already know.

1625
01:20:51,046 --> 01:20:52,343
The warning symbol

1626
01:20:52,447 --> 01:20:56,076
is a reminder, a reminder of the
dangers of smoking cigarettes.

1627
01:20:56,184 --> 01:20:58,015
Well, if we want to remind
people of danger,

1628
01:20:58,120 --> 01:20:59,644
why don't we slap
a skull and crossbones

1629
01:20:59,755 --> 01:21:00,722
on all Boeing airplanes,

1630
01:21:00,822 --> 01:21:02,255
Senator Lothridge?

1631
01:21:02,357 --> 01:21:03,289
And all Fords, Senator Dupree?

1632
01:21:03,392 --> 01:21:05,724
That is ridiculous.

1633
01:21:05,827 --> 01:21:08,125
The death toll from airline
and automobile accidents

1634
01:21:08,230 --> 01:21:10,289
doesn't even skim the surface
of cigarettes.

1635
01:21:10,399 --> 01:21:11,457
They don't even compare.

1636
01:21:11,566 --> 01:21:13,625
Oh, this from a senator
who calls Vermont home.

1637
01:21:13,735 --> 01:21:15,862
I don't follow you, Mr. Naylor.

1638
01:21:15,971 --> 01:21:17,632
Well, the real

1639
01:21:17,739 --> 01:21:20,299
demonstrated number one killer
in America is cholesterol,

1640
01:21:20,409 --> 01:21:21,398
and here comes
Senator Finistirre,

1641
01:21:21,510 --> 01:21:23,740
whose fine state is,
I regret to say,

1642
01:21:23,845 --> 01:21:26,871
clogging the nation's arteries
with Vermont cheddar cheese.

1643
01:21:28,517 --> 01:21:31,247
If we want to talk numbers,
how about the millions of people

1644
01:21:31,353 --> 01:21:32,320
dying of heart attacks.

1645
01:21:32,421 --> 01:21:33,683
Perhaps Vermont cheddar

1646
01:21:33,789 --> 01:21:36,155
should come
with a skull and crossbones.

1647
01:21:36,258 --> 01:21:38,089
That is lud...

1648
01:21:38,193 --> 01:21:39,160
The great state of Vermont

1649
01:21:39,261 --> 01:21:40,819
will not apologize for its cheese.

1650
01:21:40,929 --> 01:21:41,896
Mr. Naylor,

1651
01:21:41,997 --> 01:21:43,487
we are here to discuss cigarettes.

1652
01:21:43,598 --> 01:21:47,227
Not planes, not cars- cigarettes.

1653
01:21:47,335 --> 01:21:49,997
Now, as we discussed earlier,
these warning labels

1654
01:21:50,105 --> 01:21:53,302
are not for those who know, but
rather for those who don't know.

1655
01:21:55,277 --> 01:21:57,268
What about the children?

1656
01:21:57,379 --> 01:21:59,404
Gentlemen...

1657
01:21:59,514 --> 01:22:01,448
it's called education.

1658
01:22:01,550 --> 01:22:03,415
It doesn't come off the side
of a cigarette carton.

1659
01:22:03,518 --> 01:22:04,576
It comes from our teachers,

1660
01:22:04,686 --> 01:22:06,745
and more importantly, our parents.

1661
01:22:06,855 --> 01:22:09,983
It is the job
of every parent

1662
01:22:10,092 --> 01:22:13,721
to warn their children of all
the dangers of the world,

1663
01:22:13,829 --> 01:22:16,389
including cigarettes, so that
one day, when they get older,

1664
01:22:16,498 --> 01:22:18,329
they can choose for themselves.

1665
01:22:20,569 --> 01:22:23,732
I look at my... son

1666
01:22:23,839 --> 01:22:25,238
who...

1667
01:22:25,340 --> 01:22:27,171
was kind enough
to come with me today,

1668
01:22:27,275 --> 01:22:29,766
and I can't help but think

1669
01:22:29,878 --> 01:22:32,142
that I am responsible
for his growth

1670
01:22:32,247 --> 01:22:34,374
and his development.

1671
01:22:34,483 --> 01:22:36,007
And I'm proud of that.

1672
01:22:36,118 --> 01:22:37,380
Well, having
said that,

1673
01:22:37,486 --> 01:22:40,046
would you condone him smoking?

1674
01:22:40,155 --> 01:22:42,487
Well, of course not.
He's not 18.

1675
01:22:42,591 --> 01:22:43,649
That would be illegal.

1676
01:22:44,926 --> 01:22:47,019
<i>Yes, I-I heard you deliver
that line on 20-20,</i>

1677
01:22:47,129 --> 01:22:48,494
but enough dancing.

1678
01:22:48,597 --> 01:22:50,929
What are you going to do
when he turns 18?

1679
01:22:52,601 --> 01:22:54,159
Come on, Mr. Naylor.

1680
01:22:54,269 --> 01:22:57,830
On his 18th birthday, will
you share a cigarette with him?

1681
01:22:57,939 --> 01:23:00,169
Will you spend
a lovely afternoon,

1682
01:23:00,275 --> 01:23:02,436
like one of your ludicrous
cigarette advertisements?

1683
01:23:02,544 --> 01:23:04,068
You seem to have a lot to say

1684
01:23:04,179 --> 01:23:05,510
about how we
should raise our children.

1685
01:23:05,614 --> 01:23:06,581
What of your own?

1686
01:23:06,681 --> 01:23:09,149
What are you
going to do

1687
01:23:09,251 --> 01:23:11,549
when he turns 18?

1688
01:23:18,160 --> 01:23:21,823
If he really wants a cigarette,
I'll buy him his first pack.

1689
01:23:26,568 --> 01:23:29,401
Thank you for your testimony,
Mr. Naylor. You're excused.

1690
01:23:36,244 --> 01:23:37,677
I'll meet you outside, okay?

1691
01:23:50,258 --> 01:23:51,816
Great.

1692
01:23:51,927 --> 01:23:53,053
Well done, my boy.

1693
01:23:53,161 --> 01:23:55,288
Were you in the same room as me?

1694
01:23:55,397 --> 01:23:56,489
The whole personal choice thing?

1695
01:23:56,598 --> 01:23:57,724
They ate that shit up.

1696
01:23:57,833 --> 01:23:59,664
<i>Just checked the whip count.</i>

1697
01:23:59,768 --> 01:24:01,167
That bill is going down in flames.

1698
01:24:01,269 --> 01:24:04,102
Your speech was unorthodox,
but you did it, boy.

1699
01:24:04,206 --> 01:24:05,104
You crushed the fucker.

1700
01:24:05,207 --> 01:24:06,333
That's good news for you guys.

1701
01:24:06,441 --> 01:24:07,840
Oh. Whoa, whoa.

1702
01:24:07,943 --> 01:24:10,844
We're still a team, right?

1703
01:24:10,946 --> 01:24:12,914
What about damage control?

1704
01:24:14,416 --> 01:24:15,781
Look, Nick.

1705
01:24:15,884 --> 01:24:19,479
Winston-Salem is ready
to do whatever it takes

1706
01:24:19,588 --> 01:24:21,112
to keep you onboard.

1707
01:24:29,364 --> 01:24:32,424
Nick, will you continue
fighting for cigarettes?

1708
01:24:32,534 --> 01:24:33,865
Of course he will.

1709
01:24:33,969 --> 01:24:35,937
This man here is our general.

1710
01:24:36,037 --> 01:24:37,800
We're not just gonna let him retire.

1711
01:24:37,906 --> 01:24:38,930
Is that correct, Nick?

1712
01:24:39,040 --> 01:24:40,530
You're sticking with tobacco?

1713
01:24:44,579 --> 01:24:48,071
<i>Now, I know what
you're probably thinking.</i>

1714
01:24:48,183 --> 01:24:49,343
<i>What a great opportunity for me</i>

1715
01:24:49,451 --> 01:24:51,043
<i>to teach Joey
how to use leverage against</i>

1716
01:24:51,152 --> 01:24:52,744
<i>a backstabbing boss.</i>

1717
01:24:52,854 --> 01:24:56,290
<i>But I actually meant what
I said about responsibility.</i>

1718
01:24:56,391 --> 01:25:00,020
<i>Some things
are just more important</i>

1719
01:25:00,128 --> 01:25:01,288
<i>than paying a mortgage.</i>

1720
01:25:01,396 --> 01:25:03,990
<i>So I did the only responsible
thing I could.</i>

1721
01:25:04,099 --> 01:25:06,863
<i>I turned down the job.</i>

1722
01:25:06,968 --> 01:25:09,300
<i>And my timing
couldn't have been better.</i>

1723
01:25:09,404 --> 01:25:11,702
<i>Within a few months,
the cigarette companies</i>

1724
01:25:11,806 --> 01:25:13,205
<i>settled
with the American smoker</i>

1725
01:25:13,308 --> 01:25:15,970
<i>to the tune of $246 billion.</i>

1726
01:25:17,145 --> 01:25:19,477
<i>And the Academy
of Tobacco Studies</i>

1727
01:25:19,581 --> 01:25:21,344
<i>was permanently dismantled.</i>

1728
01:25:21,449 --> 01:25:23,747
<i>For the first time in decades,</i>

1729
01:25:23,852 --> 01:25:25,547
<i>BR found himself out of work.</i>

1730
01:25:27,322 --> 01:25:29,415
<i>Otherwise, not much has changed.</i>

1731
01:25:29,524 --> 01:25:31,685
<i>The MOD squad still meets every week.</i>

1732
01:25:31,793 --> 01:25:33,090
Nice.

1733
01:25:33,194 --> 01:25:35,458
<i>We even added a few new members.</i>

1734
01:25:35,563 --> 01:25:38,361
The things I could learn
from you, Bobby Jay.

1735
01:25:38,466 --> 01:25:39,455
Right.

1736
01:25:39,567 --> 01:25:41,000
Stick around. Stick around.

1737
01:25:41,102 --> 01:25:43,832
<i>Senator Finistirre is still
fighting for his causes.</i>

1738
01:25:43,939 --> 01:25:45,702
What do you say
to the people who claim

1739
01:25:45,807 --> 01:25:47,741
you are destroying cinema classics?

1740
01:25:47,842 --> 01:25:49,469
Mmm, no. All
we're doing

1741
01:25:49,577 --> 01:25:51,238
is using
digital technology

1742
01:25:51,346 --> 01:25:54,509
to tastefully update
movies of the past...

1743
01:25:54,616 --> 01:25:56,174
by removing cigarettes.

1744
01:25:56,284 --> 01:25:59,515
<i>I believe that if these
stars were alive today,</i>

1745
01:25:59,621 --> 01:26:02,055
<i>they would agree that
we're doing the right thing.</i>

1746
01:26:02,157 --> 01:26:03,886
But, in essence, aren't
you changing history?

1747
01:26:03,992 --> 01:26:07,928
No, I think we're improving history.

1748
01:26:09,798 --> 01:26:11,129
<i>Even Heather is still reporting.</i>

1749
01:26:11,232 --> 01:26:12,597
The whole town has been evacuated.

1750
01:26:12,701 --> 01:26:18,003
They're calling this
the storm of the century.

1751
01:26:18,106 --> 01:26:19,437
<i>Not much changes at all.</i>

1752
01:26:19,541 --> 01:26:24,240
And this year's Foggy Bottom
Debating Society Champion is...

1753
01:26:24,346 --> 01:26:25,335
Joey Naylor.

1754
01:26:25,447 --> 01:26:26,607
- Yay!
- Yay!

1755
01:26:26,715 --> 01:26:27,613
Joey!

1756
01:26:27,716 --> 01:26:28,614
Joey!

1757
01:26:28,717 --> 01:26:29,615
Joey, Joey!

1758
01:26:29,718 --> 01:26:31,242
That's my boy.

1759
01:26:31,353 --> 01:26:32,911
Hold it up. Hold it up.

1760
01:26:36,558 --> 01:26:38,583
<i>And me?</i>

1761
01:26:38,693 --> 01:26:41,389
<i>Well, there's still a place
for guys like me.</i>

1762
01:26:41,496 --> 01:26:44,124
So, be straight with me.

1763
01:26:44,232 --> 01:26:46,962
Is it true?

1764
01:26:47,068 --> 01:26:48,467
- It could be.
- Come on.

1765
01:26:48,570 --> 01:26:50,663
We know of very few cases.

1766
01:26:50,772 --> 01:26:51,898
There's no scientific proof at all.

1767
01:26:52,007 --> 01:26:52,905
There was an unfortunate
incident out in Iowa...

1768
01:26:53,008 --> 01:26:53,975
It's really a complicated situation.

1769
01:26:54,075 --> 01:26:55,269
Gentlemen,

1770
01:26:55,377 --> 01:26:57,971
practice these words
in front of the mirror.

1771
01:26:58,079 --> 01:27:01,048
"Although we are constantly
exploring the subject,

1772
01:27:01,149 --> 01:27:03,845
"currently,
there is no direct evidence

1773
01:27:03,952 --> 01:27:05,351
"that links cell phone usage

1774
01:27:05,453 --> 01:27:07,318
to brain cancer."

1775
01:27:13,828 --> 01:27:15,625
<i>Michael Jordan plays ball.</i>

1776
01:27:15,730 --> 01:27:17,288
<i>Charles Manson kills people.</i>

1777
01:27:17,399 --> 01:27:18,866
<i>I talk.</i>

1778
01:27:20,535 --> 01:27:21,661
<i>Everyone has a talent.</i>