kentucky dropout

I’m not the smartest guy in the world. I dropped out of high school, in Kentucky; so if that doesn’t tell you anything. I retained some of the more memorable bits of information, though. I know the continents: America, Mexico, China, Gryphindor, Mordor. I know the names of the Oceans: the Atlantic Ocean, the Pacific Ocean, the Indian Ocean, the Frank Ocean, and the bonus Ocean: Danny Ocean from Ocean’s 11 through 13. My biology teacher in 9th grade gave us bibles and urged us to pray Evolution away, which didn’t work because the teacher was already a single celled organism. We watched The Patriot starring Mel Gibson in my history class, and to make sure nothing detracted from the educational value of the movie, our teacher fast forwarded through the scenes where Mel takes down so many British dudes with a hatchet that it’s clear somebody told him that King George was Jewish. Basically there are two things I know for certain: British people suck and Britain is probably located somewhere near China because they both have a lot of tea. So, my message to you people tonight is stay in school, or at least don’t smoke a ton of weed.