tips

Here are some tips.

As a general guideline:

* What's subtle to you is invisible to him.

* What's obvious to you is subtle to him.

* What's obvious to the point of embarrassing to you, is starting to be visible to him.

Not sure if girls plan it out or just do it naturally, but what works best on me is when girls have "warmed me up" a little first with casual conversation. So that when they do finally ask me out, it feels natural and it's easy for me to say yes.

Here are some moves:

* If you're with friends, break off out of their sight and approach him alone. He might think it's a dare or trick if others are watching.

* Bring up some excuse to talk to him: class, work, etc.  Then transition into talking about interests and your personal lives.

* Express interest.  Put away your phone, maintain eye contact, and be attentive. Lean in closer to him when he talks. Playing hard to get makes you easier to ignore. Be engaged in the conversation.

* Flirt. Girls who are flirty with me from the start will stay out of the female friend-zone.  Be careful with teasing though; some girls don't know the difference between light playful teasing and hurtful insults. When in doubt, err toward being *complimentary* rather than critical, e.g. "Ooh, I think it's hot when a man [does X]," not, "You'll have to [do X] if you ever want to get a girlfriend." Breaking his balls is not sexy. Stroking his ego is.

* Compliment his appearance.  Guys hardly ever get appreciation, so you'll stand out immediately.  Seriously, my guy friends and I will puff out our chests for a week if we get a sincere compliment from a girl who isn't our mom or relative. **However, make sure to compliment *him,* not just his clothes** (this is a common mistake since clothes are how women compliment each other). Otherwise, he'll assume you like his clothes and shrug it off.  Articles advise women to tell men, "Hey, I like your shirt."  Only to have the guy miss the hint she was into him. Compliment his face, body, skill (guys pride themselves on skill) etc. Women want to be more than a sex object; men want to be a sex prospect.

* Ask him if he's single and/or tell him you're single.

* Offer your phone number first before he asks.  That one is a blatant green light for me.  But get his number too, if it was an accidental meeting and you might never see him again.

* "Direct approach": Ask him out on a "date."  Actually say the word, "Date."  Hinting he should ask you out often does not work.  If you use subtlety, you'll complain to your girl friends later how he doesn't notice.  Use your words and you could be on a date with him tomorrow. Edit: this is more effective in person, not over text or e-mail or Facebook. Via technology, the guy might talk himself into thinking you're joking or you meant that for someone else you were chatting online with.

* "Self-invite" date, e.g. when he talks about a cool bar/restaurant/whatever he discovered you say, "I'd love to go there! Are you hitting it up later this week?"

* "Reminder" date, a good follow-up to the "self-invite" date: "Hey, when are we going to that great bar you told me about?

* "Student" approach: you see a guy who's good at something, e.g. throwing darts. You introduce yourself and ask him to teach you. Commence flirting.

* Shy Girl's Stealth Strategy. The girl suggests cool upcoming events: new movie, concerts, shows, etc. Naturally weaves them into the conversation. Eventually one would catch my interest and I'd just react and say, "Yeah, I'd love to go to that." Then she says, "Great! Let's go together on Friday. Meet me at seven." So smooth that I'd only realize *hours* later she had set me up to ask me out.

* If you want him right now, try to get him alone. "Hey, it's kinda loud in here, want to go outside for a bit?" If you really want to go further, suggest splitting a taxi or inviting him back to your place. Or if you're going to his place, ask him to see his bedroom, and make a move on him then.

* Physical touching.  Guys are taught to keep their hands to themselves around women, so a guy will definitely notice if a girl breaks the touch barrier.  You don't have to grope him, but touch his arm in conversation when you're emphasizing a point or laughing at something he says.

More specifics on touching. The bolder moves are more suitable for a party/nightclub/bar situation.

* touch his arm.

* touch his shoulder.

* fix his tie or adjust his shirt collar. Bonus of this tactic is you can get away with it in a work setting (but I don't recommend workplace dating in general).

* touch his hand.

* put your hand on his thigh.

* rub your foot against his leg. Even naughtier if it's under a table and other people around you don't know. A secret between the two of you.

* Sit on his lap.

The effect of any of them is doubled when paired with steady eye contact and a smile. The effect is canceled if you ask him to buy you a drink.

Nuclear option:

* When you're both standing, pull on his belt loop toward you. If you really want him, pull on his belt loops with both hands.

Keep escalating unless he makes it clear your advances are not welcome.

**Negative tactics**

Some girls do these things to attract guys, but they actually repel guys. These should go without saying, but I'm including them for the sake of covering all bases.

* Try to make him jealous.  Flirting with other guys, talking about getting asked out a lot, bragging about hookups, etc. Some girls do it thinking it lets her crush know she's "in demand." In most cases, the guy treats it as a sign of *disinterest,* e.g. "Damn, she flirts with all those guys but never flirts with me." Or he might actually be disgusted by it.  "Jesus, no way would I want a girlfriend who flirts with every guy around her." The problem is [girls are turned on by social proof in relationships](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mating-game/201409/why-we-want-who-we-want), while most guys are turned off.

* Complain about guys trying to physically escalate with you. Some girls do this to plant the idea he should make a move. Reverse psychology. This backfires, because the guy will assume the girl doesn't want *anyone* to make a move on her. He doesn't want to be labeled a "creep" like all those other guys, so he does nothing. Then he gets confused later if he hears from her (or through her friends), complaining how he never made a move. Disclaimer: not all girls do this.

* Criticize any girl he's dating.

* Says repeatedly how drunk, high or tired she is. A hint to take her home or to a private room.

* Tell him when it's too late. Example: "I obviously can't speak for every woman ever but I've done this shit and can explain my reasonings. It took me a few years to figure out he was clueless so when I randomly hit him up for drinks and to laugh about a "silly crush" it was just me being a scaredy cat. Can't get rejected over past feelings and I thought I could feel out his feelings. I was young and nowadays just bring it up out of pure curiosity. I'll also tell them if I'm hot for them right then and there though so that lesson stuck lol."

* Insult him. Girl thinks she'll look badass, but guy thinks she's a bitch.  house_robot explained this really well.

Quote:
>
> When a girl says, "Oh you're a player aren't you?" it's similar to when they say shit like, "Oh you want me to go home with you? You sure you don't have other girls there already?"
>
> It's the female approach to giving a man a compliment: passive aggressively, and couched as an insult. She's letting you know you have desirable qualities.
>
> When girls say this type of nonsense to you, never confirm or deny it.

It took me a while to realize this was a thing. I'd meet a new girl, she'd break my balls, and I'd be turned off. Hear later she liked me. WTF?

The key thing is to make it obvious *you're treating him differently and better* compared to other guys.  Like if he sees you hugging every guy, then he'll second-guess your interest and think you're just being friendly if you hug him.

I thought this was a good example from a past AskMen thread titled, *"Men who have had women make the first move on them, how did she do it?"*

The user deleted their account, but this story was still up. Might be too aggressive for some, but the girl's confidence was attractive.

> My personal favorite: As I was randomly leaving a bar, a girl I'd never seen before grabbed my hand and said "You can't leave! you're so cute!"

>I told her she was very sweet and very cute herself but that I had to leave and that I had a girlfriend, and she goes "Noooo! Can I at least give you a hug?" I said of course and she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek during the hug and said "Sorry, I had to! Your girlfriend is very lucky!"
>
> Speaking of the girlfriend (still my SO today) she was my good friend a solid year and change before we started dating. One night after some wine she asked why I never was into her, while swearing that she wasn't actually into me.
>
> The next day when I brought up the conversation to her she said "yeah well maybe I was lying about not being into you." I told her that I think she's awesome but that I don't date my friends, and she replied "We'll see."
>
> She spent the next month and a half just being super cute, sweet, thoughtful, and adorable towards me, even after I told her again I wasn't going to change my mind. Eventually, I did.
>
> I later learned from a mutual friend that she confided that (paraphrasing), "I know he's not going to change his mind, and I'm okay with that. But I still want to make him happy and be an awesome friend to him, even if it won't make him like me. He deserves it."

The worst thing that can happen if a girl is too subtle in her flirting: [case study video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtsNbxgPngA).

For tips to help guys, search for: "A selection of /u/gotthelowdown's comments related to interaction and seduction."