A Song About Candy

There's a thing I like a lot
I am Sir and it's not pot
although I like that too,
and it's not sniffing glue.

I see it at the pharmacies,
when I'm waiting in line.
It's full of sugar and fructose
(and corn syrup and dextrose)
(and good for Type II diabetics)
but it's just so very fine;

It's

Laffy taffy, soft and light
I think of it whenever I bite
into the heads of silly little children -
(How their necks stretch and snap so nice!)
And

Chocolate that flows like ambrosia
and other chemicals too
Like Earl Grey laced with cyanide
(The quantity must be just right)
A drip in someone's midnight snack
to silence one before they crack
and tell of all the awful things
I hide in my basement

But nothing beats some soda
Some cold, refreshing soda
Just something to unwind after
a long and tiring day -
Did I say soda?  I meant blood
of orphans suffering from gout
and cancer and autism
and hemophilia
and retardation
and sleep apnea
and Downs
and cystic fibrosis
and cerebral palsy
and early hair
loss