“Both of my parents worked, so when I’d call in sick from high school I had the whole house to myself. One day while futzing around in our house—it was probably two in the afternoon and I was still in my pajamas, just in case you want to get a picture of how relaxed I was—I blazed some chronic and got a massive case of the munchies. One PB&J sandwich…two…by the time I got to the third one, I’d already had a couple glasses of milk, too, so I was already feeling full and bloated. So I fucked the third sandwich instead. Came in it, too. Then I fed the whole sandwich to my dog. Is that wrong?”