[center][size=4][color=maroon][b]Character Creation:[/b][/color][/size][/center]

[b]Story:[/b]
• Okay, so he got to the attic and saw a bunch of robed people, what made him actually swear his loyalty to something he even doesn't even know?

• [quote]his words are cut off by Wendy who sinks her fangs into Percy's throat and drains him of all his blood and he lies on the ground like a lifeless corpse. Wendy holds the goblet and spills a drop into his mouth[/quote]
So she drained him and fed him with blood of seven elders? I want an explanation whose blood is in the goblet.

• [quote]The next day, Percy woke up in an unfamiliar place bearing a resemblance to the library. "Welcome to the chantry" Wendy sighed. Percy was educated about vampire lore, history and about Thaumaturgy.[/quote]
What? how? when? he literally got embraced yesterday.

• [quote]The next day, Percy woke up in an unfamiliar place bearing a resemblance to the library. "Welcome to the chantry" Wendy sighed. Percy was educated about vampire lore, history and about Thaumaturgy. For the next few [color=yellow][b]months[/b][/color], he was prepared to befit his new condition and now was the time he was released. Percy left the town and moved north to Dallas. There he opened up a small laboratory and hired an assistant, Matilda...

[color=yellow]He would [size=3][b][color=red]capture Kindred[/color][/b][/size] and perform experiments on them, due to his [size=3][b][color=red]advanced[/color][/b][/size] Biothaumaturgy skills, he would succeed.[/color]...[/quote]
????????????????????????????????????????????
If you can't see what's wrong here I really don't know what to say.

• [quote]years went on, Percy embraced Matilda[/quote]
Elaborate further if you want her accepted as your childe.

• [quote]There they found an escaped gargoyle named Benny ego was unaware that the duo were Tremere. He was dominated into partaking of Percy's blood and unknowingly blood-bound himself permanently.[/quote]
Denied

• [quote]They both had explored new locations and had s lot of experience. Fast forward to some more years later and we've got 2000. Percy's undead age is now 18 and his family has grown, he has Matilda and her childe Robert. They all have moved towards Angel Pine to continue their experiments on supernatural creatures.[/quote]
1. What places did they explore and what experience did they have?
2. What age 18? I thought you applied for 32...
3. Who the fuck is Robert?
4. Angel Pine why?

[b]Features:[/b]
• Retainers: Denied, clearly.

• Ally: It's "Allies", If you want either Matilda or Robert as allies, you better include a story (in your story above ^) about the embrace of each one of them.

• Specialties: Write at least a paragraph about each specialty you're applying for.

• Hidden Diablerie: What? when? who?sdfhds when did you even diablerie? that's not even in the story!