Here's the definitive guide on Zoomers, Doomers, Bloomers, and Boomers. By generation we don't mean 20 year gaps. Each of these generations, at least, their exemplars, are 5-ish years apart. Anyways.

Zoomers are the name for the Gen-Z folks, the boys and girls who, having had an iPad screen burned into their retinas, ask their crush on a date using Snapchat and FaceBook Messenger, watch Ninja and Shroud for hours a day, tirelessly grind to get that epic victory royale, listen to mumble rap by people with many face tattoos (the 69696969 guy?). These are typical Zoomer behaviours. A 17 year old, the Zoomer hates that Mr. Morrison won't let them use funny names when using Kahoot!, while he snickers to his best friend that there's a town in Montana called Butte. The Zoomer loves Ali-A, iDubbbzzzz, and PewDiePie, not realising how fundamentally opposed his entertainment tastes really are. Oh well. Gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang.

Doomers are the generation that comes after the Zoomers. A 22 year old man, the Doomer is a sad, depressed, lonely excuse of a human being that wakes up, showers, and heads to his dead-end fast food or data entry job. The Doomer's one flickering light in a sea of darkness is a woman he loves, who is his everything, but he knows she doesn't feel the same - he's just a nice friend, a shoulder to cry on, nothing more, nothing less. The Doomer is too tired, too scared of life, and too socially anxious to seek out friendship. Without the helicopter parents who scarred his psyche, he feels exposed and vulnerable, and so he insulates himself with the earphones he never takes out - and why should he take them out? The outside world is closing in on him, and to be honest, he's alright with being crushed by it. Maybe the pain will finally go away. And why should he want to escape his meaningless, tedious, un-ending world-imposed torture? All he wants to do after wasting his life as a cog in a poorly oiled capitalist machine is to unwind with the ironic edgy memes he sees on 4chan and his favourite fringe YouTube channel. He wonders why he threw 4 years of his ever-shortening life away on an education he'll never use, on relationships he'll never maintain, on a woman who will never love him. He finds Lady Antebellum too flashy, Icon for Hire too superficial. His only respite is in a Swedish band that you probably haven't heard of. (De Flygande Sköldpaddorna, if you were wondering) Doomers aren't incels. They don't place their self-hatred and pessimism onto women, but onto the world as a whole. (He does watch porn though - the dopamine kick is the only source of fake joy that even stimulates the slightest bit of excitement in him) Doomers are anarcho-communists too cynical to care about politics. This is just their life now. They might as well get used to it.

Bloomers are the generations that come after Doomers (or before Doomers, depending on your brain's serotonin browser history). A 27 year old of either sex, the bloomer has escaped the clinical depression of the Doomer, using outlets such as friendship, exercise, learning a language, dating, creating art, snowboarding, and even just enjoying the purple sky during a sunrise to see the good in the world, not just by improving themselves, but by helping others too. Life is a joy, not a chore. It has meaning, purpose, beauty, and the Bloomer wants you to know it. Sometimes, the Bloomer's brain will stop making serotonin and he will become a Doomer. But sometimes a Doomer hits rock bottom and has a moment of clarity, and becomes a bloomer. You could easily have a 22 year old bloomer and a 27 year old Doomer.

Boomers. This one's a bit tricky. On the internet, a "boomer" can be a baby boomer, the people born between 1946-1964 after the end of WW2. However, it can also, and in this case, does also refer to millennials over 30 who are out of touch with younger millennials and Zoomers in general. A 32 year old man, the Boomer thinks Fortnite is a 2 week interval, that Hall and Oates is the greatest thing since sliced bread (they still remember back when bread was unsliced). Most stereotypes of millennial-boomers are just borrowed from actual boomer stereotypes - they all think "phone bad, wife bad", they love grilling stuff in the summer, they think the young'ins are lazy and entitled, etc. The boomer has a passing interest in cryptocurrency because he heard about the guy who bought pizza with 10,000 bitcoins. Yeah, he calls them bitcoins, not bitcoin, because he's a boomer. The boomer has had several relationships under his belt, but nothing has worked out. He tells himself it was just mutual differences, but he realises he's too insecure to think a woman actually likes him for who he is. Nevertheless, he's content with his white collar job, and hopes maybe that cute 23 year old junior consultant (that doesn't have a nose ring, perish the thought) might just stop at his desk to say a few words today.