Thread 99: Stories 1-15

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OOCO
>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~

>Hey, Tia? Got a question.

"CLICK CLICK LITTLE HORSE! Speak a word and I pull the trigger! Play the most dangerous game if you dare!"

>The most dangerous game is musical chairs with ya'll. You'll just sit on me.

"Shiny likes it!"

>...

"...Moving on."

>Right, Ah' was just wonderin' iffin' we have any lower income housin' in Canterlot.

"...huh?"

>Do we? Cause the rates for most of this seems like only the richest can afford ta' be up here.

"I don't set the rates. Why would I do that? Do you want me to micromanage EVERYONE?"

>Well, no, but there's limits, ain't there?

"No? They can set whatever they want for apartments."

>...So we created a city where, literally, the only ones who ain't gotta commute from who knows where are the richest ponies, period.

"..."

>...

"...Damn it."

>It's all yer'-

"NO! NO IT IS NOT! I did not encourage this! NO!"

>...Fine, ain't technically yer' fault, but fine.

"GOOD!"

>...So we gonna do somethin' about-

"FINE!... Friggen nag."

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OOCO
>AJ
"Dash"
~~~~

>...

"Shut up."

>...

"Shut upppp."

>....

"...I will put your immortality to the test-"

>PFFFTAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHHAH!

"Aha, aha, and there it is!

>W-WHAT ARE YA' WEARIN!?

"There was a mixup in Rarity's design. Apparently, she forgot to include the ass portion, SOMEHOW."

>OH MAH STARSAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!

"Yes, it does now look like the Wonderbolt are the Wonderprostitutes, is this what you wanted?"

>AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

"Keep laughing, wait till you see the budget to fix it."

>AHAHAHHA-... OH FUCK! Well, this is clearly an issue!

"..."

>What?

"...Nothing... nothing..."

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>AJ
'Changelings'
"??"
~~~~~

'Why are you here?'

That, in four little words, had perfectly summed up exactly what Applejack had been thinking when she walked into this room.

In truth, she wasn't entirely sure herself. The looks they gave her, every one of them suspicious or venomous or just downright angry, were exactly as she had expected. She had not been so delusive to think that somehow they had just forgotten what had happened, or had forgotten a year of living in this place under her with such terrible conditions. She also knew every one of them was keenly aware that pretty much every advancement to them, be it from moving to better pastures or simply gaining basic necessities like toothbrushes and sleeping bags, had not come from her. She had, at best, helped out a tiny portion of them to maybe one day have a job, and she had succeeded exactly twice.

And in one of those cases, she very nearly got him dissected in a fortress surrounded by monsters.

As such, her first instinct with all of this was to, of course, go over to the Empire, grab a certain somebody, and drag him here to help convince them that all of this was on the up and up. But, as much as it would have made life so much easier, she couldn't.

Shining Armor had earned their trust. He had given them necessities, he had given them respect, he had given several of them jobs, and when the time came he gave them a bigger and better home than she ever did.

More than that... he gave them a populace that saw them as more than monsters.

But that was precisely why he needed to stay as far away from this place as she could manage to send him. That was exactly why he needed to have absolutely nothing to do with any of this.

She was a proud mare, sure, but she knew full well that sometimes you had to just swallow your pride and ask for help, she learned that the hard way once or twice.

But she also knew damn well that when a mistake is made, you need to own up to it, and make it right.

If they shot her down right now, that was their right, and she wouldn't blame a one. If they told her to sod off and every one of them jumped ship the minute she stopped talking, she wouldn't blame a one.

But nothing ever got fixed by staring at it and wondering how bad it was going to be if you tried to make it better. She had made mistakes, fine. She had been stubborn long past when she should have, she admitted it. She dragged them into the conflict between herself and Chrysalis, it was true.

So she had to at the very least try to make it right. If it failed, fine, sometimes you kick the barn too many times and it just can't stand up, and you've just gotta accept it when it all falls apart and just try to sweep up as much wreckage as you can and salvage the parts you can, that's all.

But sometimes that crack is fixable, and maybe you could even reinforce it so much it became stronger than you ever thought, and helped hold up the whole place from then on out.

She hoped, beyond that even, that she could fix this with just a bit of admitting she had kicked where she hadn't, and they could all work together to patch it up.

>...Ah' know Ah'm not yer' favorite pony right now. So when yer' Queen gave me the okay ta' talk ta' ya, Ah' admit, Ah' wasn't sure what Ah' was gonna say... still aren't, iffin' Ah'm bein' honest.

Eyes, every one of them suspicious, or venomous, or just downright angry at her locked in, and wouldn't let go as she began to pace.

>Ah' know me and ya'll... we' ain't had the best relationship so far.

Every one of them was tense, every one of them was primed and ready to jump. They were all waiting for a fight, and she knew damn well why.

>Ah've made a lotta mistakes.. but Ah'm here ta' finally say... dang it, Ah' was wrong.

She didn't even see a single flicker in their eyes that showed even the slightest spark of belief.

She didn't blame them for it at all.

>Iffin' ya' want me ta' just list it, fine, Ah' deserve that. Ah' told ya'll Ah' was gonna help ya' mingle better in society, and Ah' didn't. Instead, Ah' let the guard harass ya', push ya' when they could and just be outright jerks. Ah' said Ah' was gonna treat ya' fairly, but when, Twelve showed me a knife some fella had chucked at his head when he was lookin' fer' a job, Ah' didn't make any arrests, Ah' didn't order any guard ta' go straighten him out. When he came ta' me after bein' set on fire the one time, Ah' didn't send nobody ta' jail. Ah' would've, iffin' it had been a pony, but Ah' just nodded and said Ah' understood that they were just scared and didn't hold it against them. Ah' was too understandin' ta' someone who was actin' on fear, cause Ah' do that mah'self more often than Ah' should. But that ain't why yer' mad at me, is it? Nah...

Her pacing, and her words, slowed, and she found the hat on her head just a bit heavier than it should be.

>...Ah' didn't mean ta' hurt him that bad, and Ah' wasn't tryin' ta' kill him. Ah' just saw him grabbin' Jet, and Ah' panicked. Ah' didn't know what Ah' was capable of somethin' like that... Ah' didn't know what these dang powers could do. Ah'm not makin' excuses, what Ah' did was wrong, and you better believe that every dang day since Ah' learned just how bad Ah' hurt him, Ah' say a little thanks that, fer' at least one part, Ah' was totally wrong about yer' Queen. She didn't think of ya'll as disposable, and iffin' she hadn't stopped me, Ah'd have done somethin'... Ah' just couldn't take back, even if Ah' didn't mean to. Ah'm glad she took the hit, and Ah' was wrong... and Ah'm sorry fer' what came next.

She spoke with nothing but sincerity, honesty so bright that she could have activated her Element if it had not been within the tree of harmony.

>Ya'll weren't wrong there, Ah' was. The moment a gaddang army started showin' up, Ah' should'a stopped it right there. Ah' was scared. Ah' was scared because Chrysalis dang looked ready ta' tear me apart, and we all know she could'a. She's stronger than me. She could rip me apart without so much as a half decent fight, and iffin' she gets mad Ah' can't even outrun her. So when backup came, Ah' clung to it. But it was wrong... it was wrong because, right there, Ah' said "Yer' still the enemy, and we still need ta' beat ya'." And we didn't... we still don't. We were wrong, and ya' know what?... Ah bet ya' could'a won. Sure as shootin' would'a given us what for if nothin' else. But ya' didn't... because she was more worried about you, then she was bout her pride. And Ah' want ya' ta' think about that fer' just a sec, cause lord knows Ah' did. Big old fight about to break out, and she only wonders iffin' it's gonna hurt ya'll... so what's that say 'bout me, when Ah' was still ready ta' fight?

They didn't answer her. They didn't need to.

She had told herself the answer plenty, on many a sleepless nights.

>But ya' know what that fight really taught me? It weren't just me that was ready ta' go at ya'... it was everyone. Been a dang year, ya' helped out on three invasions, and ya' still get treated like yer' about ta' tear us apart. Now, Ah' could go inta' who's fault that was exactly. Probably get a whole dang list goin' where exactly we all went wrong, but ya' know what?... Ah' don't care. Ah'm sorry it happend, Ah'm sorry ya'll got treated like ya' did, Ah'm sorry, and it ain't gonna happen no more on mah' end. But it ain't just me that needed ta' get her thick head straight, nope...

Her gaze shifted to the wall. More specifically, to that which lie beyond the wall.

>Cause Ah' learned somethin', and Ah' didn't learn it from anythin' Ah' did, or ya'll did, or even big buggo herself did... nah. Ah' learned it from what the littlest o' er' bunch did.

To the land far, far away from her sight... the land of crystals.

>Ya' wanna know why ya'll can go over ta' the place ya' wanna go so bad?... She got out there, and she said hi. Ya' know? She just said hi. She got up and said “Ah' wanna be friends”. Now Ah' know, they were right scared o' her the first time, and they didn't let'r near them. She scared 'em, sure, and she kept scarin' 'em... but she kept tryin'. And then when Shinin' was right on her tail, tellin' her ta' slow down and watchin' out fer' her? Well... things changed, and they changed fer' the better, and it's all cause one little changelin' wanted ta' be friends.

Idly her hoof came up, as if to silence the words that weren't even coming yet, but she needed to stop.

>Now Ah' know, ya' tried. Some o' you really tried. Couple o' you made friends with the guard, even, but on the whole it never changed. Ya' saved mah' hide when the world was goin' ta' hell, and ya' fought plushies and robots, Ah' get it. That's where Ah' messed up. Cause before, Ah' said thanks, but that's it, nothin' else. Ya'll went back ta' the ballroom thinkin' we just plain weren't never gonna see ya' any different, we went back thinkin' it was a one off thing, nothin' change... so Ah'm gonna change fer' the better too. Now Ah'm gonna ask ya' somethin', and iffin' ya' don't want no part of it, Ah'll send ya' off right now, first class on the train ta' the Empire. Ain't a one o' ya'll gonna be seated in coach, Ah'll see to it. But Ah' wanna ask ya' this, and Ah' wanna ask ya' ta' just listen and keep an open mind, and iffin' ya' turn me down, that'll be the end of it. Just listen, please...

She looked back to them at last, a pleading, hopeful smile upon her face.

>Ah' want ya'll, who's ever willin', ta' come with me on a trip. We're gonna go round ta' Canterlot first, then Ponyville, and we're gonna show 'em all that ya' ain't monsters. And it ain't just gonna come from me, Ah've got guards too, ready and willin' ta' help ya' tell everyone ya' ain't no different. Some of them ya' know, like Haymaker or Suckerpunch.

Tellingly, she searched the room for the two who this would resonate most with. Yet, sadly, she found neither, both apparently gone from the hive at the moment, and had to move on.

>There's good o' ya', there's bad, but that's all. Ain't saint's, but ya' ain't demons neither. They need ta' see this, now, afore it gets worse. Cause iffin' we don't, it ain't gonna get better, ever. It's just gonna stay like this... and that ain't right.

She reached out, just as pleading, just as hopeful, as she had ever been in her life.

>So... can ya' forgive me? Ah'll say it again iffin Ah' have to, and a million times more iffin' that's what ya' want. Ah'm sorry, Ah'm sorry that things got so bad, that Ah' never really let go of how ya' were on the first impression, and that was it. Ah'm sorry, but this will help, it'll at least be a start and change some minds. So, please... will ya' come with me? Just give me, and Canterlot, and everyone a chance? Don't run away. Ah' know it's safer and they like ya' more, but... don't run away now, or yer' just gonna be gone forever. Gimme one last chance to make it right... please?

She waited, her hoof outstretched, her breath frozen in her lungs, her head spinning as she waited for the words to come. She had been honest, every word, and she could do nothing now but hope. Hope that, somehow, they would see to her intentions, see the truth in what she spoke, see that this wasn't just the last chance for her, but them as well.

She hoped.

'...Are you fucking kidding me?'

And she despaired.

'Like we'd ever go along with that!'

'Bullllll shiiiiiiittttt!'

'PFFT! Oh yeah! Hey, everyone! Let's go off on this field trip away from the safety of our home and numbers, and go on the road with the guard!'

'The guard you say? Why, will the alicorn princess be there too?'

'Indubitably old chum! And I see absolutely no way this can turn on us, do you?'

'Not a one! It worked out marvelously for our old chum Twelve!'

'Say, does anyone still have that old pitchfork? Perhaps we might return it to the owner at last!'

'FUUUUUCKKKK OOOOFFFFFF!'

Not a one. Not a single one even seemed to be debating it, not a single one even seemed to consider it. This was it. This was their final answer.

She had known, going in, that there was the possibility for failure. There was the chance they would tell her exactly what they are telling her now, that there was simply no chance they would ever agree to it. She had known, and thought herself prepared.

But nothing could ever prepare her for the heartbreak. Nothing could ready her to have all her words and her honesty cast aside like garbage. She knew the factors, she knew the causes both sides had made that contributed to it, made it as toxic as it was right now, but none of that mattered. She couldn't give a single damn who's fault this was.

She had tried, really tried, and it hadn't been enough.

At least before, she could claim laziness or suspicion or Chrysalis, but this time she had tried, and it hadn't been enough. She, alone, couldn't do it.

And it hurt.

'Here's a field trip for you, why don't you take that stupid idea of yours, put it in a little box, but that box in a bigger box, put that box in a safe, strap it to your back, and you and it can go RIGHT TO-'

Slam.

Like a gong bell, like the summoning of a demon, the door slammed open.

Gusts of hot wind rolled past, tickling her fur as it did so, as if the gates of the fiery pits of tartarus opened wide, and had let out something. Something... dangerous.

Clop. Clop. Clop. Each step light, and yet chilling. Clop. Clop. Clop. It echoed around the room. Clop. Clop. Clop.

Not a single changeling was out of line. They moved, as controlled by a mind beyond their own. A command unspoken that they move and wait, assembled and ready. Gone were the sneers, or the fear, or the anger. Stoic faces one and all, ready for any command that would come from a fanged maw.

She moved with such grace, her eyes twinkling with power as she looked over them all, one by one. The smirk upon her lips seemed both joyous and venomous at once, the flow of her hair wisping and carefree yet brimming with energy, the-

“And just what did you ask them? Are you offering them a chance to go into your army? Because that ship has sailed, Applejack.”

The tone of voice more appropriate to someone who was speaking about the weather just to pass the time...

>W... wha? No, Ah'... look, it don't matter, they said no.

She couldn't keep the sadness out of her voice, and to be honest like she ever was, she didn't even try. It would've been a losing battle anyway.

“Oh, I get it, reverse psychology. Oh yeah, it's totally not important and you don't want to know about it. You know what? I pity you so much, I'll actually give you this one. Oh yes, Applejack, your dismissive nature has shown me that, indeed, it must matter! Tell me!”

The confusion the rippled through her aligned forces could not be understated. To compare it to an earthquake that caused a hundred foot high tsunami just did not do it justice. All of them, every one, was wondering who this mare was, and what she had done with their Queen.

Literally, several were quite subtly checking for illusions or shapeshifting magic. Can never be too careful when a changeling is involved.

>Look, Ah'... ah' just was hopin' ta' take 'em on a little trip with me and the guards. Nowhere far, just takin' 'em out ta' Canterlot and Ponyville, ta' ya' know... met folks. Just talk ta' them. Nothin' more, just lettin' 'em see ya' in a better light. That way we could just show them that ya'll ain't so bad. Ya' know, like two did. Maybe then everyone would stop bein' afraid of y'all...

A spark flickered behind the Queen's eyes, and thus any fears it was any but their ruler were put to rest. Only she got like that when something made her think. Normally, this meant that whoever caused it was about to be thrown a fireball or two, and as such the only precaution was to oh so subtly shift away from the one who had once upon a time broken their Queen's arm. Soon, they would once more smell the burning flesh of pony...

“Huh.”

Like a baseball game cut short because of rain, they all felt just a little cheated when she just shrugged.

>Like Ah' said, didn't get any volunteers, so... just fer'get about it.

A part of her was ready to move for only one simple reason. Any second now, she was going to hear it, the HAH of victory, that damned craw of success that she always had. She had known there was no chance, and she had come to see her make a fool of herself. Well, she had gotten it, and there was no reason for the Alicorn to sit around and listen to anymore jeers from her.

“Nobody wants to go?”

It was only those four words that may as well have poured cement in her veins.

“Fair enough if you don't, just doublechecking.”

From the looks on their faces, she may as well have poured cement in their hearts too.

'M-.. Majesty? You're... uh... you want us to go?'

“I didn't say that, I'm asking if anyone wants to.”

Heads of chitin jerked back and forth, back and forth, looking to the other, looking to the pony, looking to their Queen, searching for answers they just couldn't find.

'You're... okay with that?'

“Why wouldn't I be?”

Such a simple question, such a lifeless, easy statement. There was not even any mirth to it, it was so blandly stated it could have been confused for a simple declaration of the sky being blue.

But the effect it had was more akin to a bomb being set off under their Queen, and being revealed to have been set by a killer monster clown.

'S-she... majesty! She... she did so much! She broke your arm! She commanded an army against us! She... She did a LOT!'

“...Did you apologize for that yet? To them, I mean. Not me”

This was every bit as surreal for the pony as it was for the changelings. Listening to her, Applejack too could not shake the chilling question if this was indeed Chrysalis...

>Y... yeah. Guess it didn't do any good though.

“Meh, their call, they don't have to like you. They're free to call you an asshole, Queen's decree.”

And just like before, that was put to rest.

“Still, sounds like it could be a way to stretch some legs. Nobody wants to go?”

'Majesty... what if she attacks us?'

She didn't say a word to that. Not a single peep, or statement. No, what she did next was far more profound, and resonated far more to the lings than any speech could have.

She rolled her eyes, walked over, and sat next to Applejack. Nothing more said, or done. No look of comradeship, no friendly greeting, but no fear or worry or even hint of displeasure or discomfort. She looked totally at ease sitting next to the alicorn.

And that said it all.

'But... she could do anything.'

Her head snapped over, and something had... changed.

“Fair warning, drone, you are coming dangerously close to insulting me by implying I would have allowed this if even the remotest chance of her using this to her advantage was present. The last time something of that nature happened, I chased her down and strangled the life out of her. If I thought she had not learned, I would do so again, but more... permanently this time. No Queen would save her, no matter how powerful.”

Though it chilled Applejack something terrible to hear the venom laced, viper like speech rolling off her hissing tongue, it seemed to do the exact opposite to the changeling forces. As one, they seemed to calm, put at ease by the words of her threats.

'So... it's, safe?'

Changed again, like a switch behind her back had been flicked, the dangerous fires in her eyes went out, and she was back to being the mirthful, if a bit lackadaisical, Queen.

“It's safe, right?”

>Yeah... yeah, o' course, Ah'm not gonna let anythin' happen ta' them, Ah' promise. This is fer' them.

“Fine... so, nobody wants to go?”

Where before, they had been so sure, now... they seemed less so.

Lightly, the Queen rose to her hooves, stepping with grace and poise as she mingled with her lings.

“It's alright if you don't want to, of course. Would hardly blame you, and if she tries to force the matter of course I'd intervene, but nobody is a little curious? Most of you have never gotten a good look at Canterlot, no? Almost none have ever been to Ponyville. Nobody is a little curious?”

More and more, murmurs rumbled through the lings, curious and far lighter than they had been before. Was this a trick from the Queen? A test? Or was it just as she asked? They loved the Empire, but they did admit there was such sights there was to see yet, sights they had only glimpsed...

'… I could use more stuff for my stories...'

There it was.

There, it, was. The very first one. The light touch of curiosity, the first meek one to raise their hooves. This, in this moment, was key. This was a tiny little spark, an itty bitty flicker, and if a single thing went wrong it would all go out, it would all be gone. This tiny little spark was the one chance...

>Heh, betch'a could find a whole new audience with yer' work.

'...You think they'd read it?'

One little spark.

>Why wouldn't they? Worst stuff goes on the best seller list all the time.

“Pfft, I doubt it.”

'Huh...'

'Hrmmm... there's no laws against gambling, is there? Because I admit, my pool is a little lacking...'

One little flame.

>Well, o' course there is, but it's legal iffin' ya' do it right. Ah' could make sure ya' gotta license a'fore we got on the road.

“Fair warning, I am taxing any winnings given in the name of the changeling race.”

'You mean I don't have to give it all away!?'

One little fire.

'...Majesty, if there's going to be that many out there, they'll need a guard.'

'More than one, even.'

>Course! Heh, can never be too safe, right?

And then comes the burn.

The talking spread like wildfire. Most, of course, remained derisive, perhaps a little mocking here and there, but in those tiny splinters, those flickers between the stones that would not move and remained as firm as ever, the fire spread. The feeling of ease as their Queen regarded them without any fear, the feeling of curiosity to see a greater world and know she would bring her wrath upon any who sought them harm, it let them come out of their metaphorical shells, if only for a moment.

“Alright, anyone who wants to go on the trip, step forwards.”

So few.

So very, precious few.

No more than twelve, total. Twelve out of almost a hundred, let their curiosity come forth, and they oh so cautiously stepped forwards. Soliders, drones, infiltrators, some of each were in there.

But they were not at ease, not yet.

'Are you sure it's alright?'

Not till they heard the wild cackle of their Queen boom throughout the room. Not till then, did they feel at ease once more.

“HAH!... Please. Alright, and the rest of you?”

'...Can we go home now?'

There was still a little sting left from that, but against the burning elation of the many faces who had listened, the many faces staring at her with trepidation, but curiosity, the mere fact that she was not leaving this room with empty hooves. It wasn't all of them, or most.

It was something. It was a start.

It was a spark.

One she had to keep alive. Let it burn, even if she had to give it the fur off her back. Let it burn, no matter what.

“Alright then! Well, the stadium should be livable now, and we can repair what isn't ourselves. So... to those of you that want to stay, have fun, and try not to set anything on fire. I'll be checking in often, and I will know.... good luck, Applejack.”

That was it, that was all they needed before Applejack saw the last visages of fear melt away from her volunteers. A light bumping of a chitinous hoof to her shoulder, that was all it took.

They believed.

“Alright, so, tell me what kinda stops they're making, I need to plan in case I have to convince anyone they were far away from it...”

She recognized fake small talk when she heard it, she recognized a cue to follow when she saw it. Hooves of surprising lightness carried her along, on the tail of the Queen, out the massive double doors under the guise of nothing at all important.

The doors shut, and the act fell away.

>Thanks... don't think Ah' could'a done it without ya'.

Sickly green hair flowed down her neck as she curled her head, a strangely intense eye looking down upon her.

“Fair, point, but I'm fairly certain I can't sway them either. I helped out with them, now help out with your species.”

Back to being a Queen, as she always did. Back to the act she loved so much. The more she thought about it, the more she wondered if she had ever stopped.

>Ah' will... this is gonna be better fer' all of us, Chrysalis. It's gonna work, Ah' promise.

“...Not a one, Applejack.”

She didn't so much as flinch to the threat, or the hidden meaning in the words. No...

Instead, a single orange hoof reached up, into her hat, and pulled from it, of all things, a picture.

She didn't say a word to the Queen, merely held out that picture she had been hoping to work into her speech, but never found the word. Just held out a picture of herself..

And the entire Apple clan.

The emerald gaze lingered on it for only a second, drinking in every face, many she recognized from that day only a little over a month ago, before she rolled her eyes back up to meet Applejack's own, sparkling pair.

>Not a one, Chrysalis.

It was all that needed to be said.

“Very well...”

Nothing else needed, and the Queen began to make her way to the train station no doubt, to ready them for the lings move once more.

>Chrysalis?

She paused. She did not slow, or waver as she was wont to do, she paused, and looked back.

>Ah' know where we went wrong with this, and why it took so long.

“Do you now? And what would that be.”

>... Tryin' ta do it alone.

She did not specify if she meant herself, or the Queen.

She did not need to.

There was no scoff, there was no snort, there was no laugh or shrug.

The Queen simply turned around, and continued on her way.

“Not a one, Applejack.”

Soon, she was gone, and the picture found itself pressed into a lightly beating heart. Relief flooding tears into her eyes as, at last... she had succeeded in something.

It was a spark.

She would make it burn as bright as the sun, no matter what it took.

>...Not a one, Chrysalis....

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 >SA
"18"
'Cadence'
~~~~

>...thinking about getting the greens, what do you all think? I dunno, this restaurant seems like it would do the greens best.

"...You wonder if we're missing something?"

'Like what?'

"It's just... I feel like something's missing."

'Two's being watched, so it's fine.'

>Spitfire is with the troops.

'Forty Two is doing the watching with Two.'

>Maney is currently in the magic room.

'Chrysalis is over in Canterlot.'

>Celestia is same.

'Twili is working in her lab.'

>...Yep, everything seems fine.

"...Huh... where's Sombra?"

>...

'Oh hey, good question, I haven't-'

>FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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>Sombra
"Guard"

>Mahna mahna

"Doo doo da doo doo."

>Magna mahna.

"Doo doo dee doo."

>Mahna mahna.

"Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo dah dah doo doo dee da doo."

>...

"..."

>We shall never speak of this again.

"Agreed."

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 >Discord
"???"
~~

Pop!

>Oh ho ho, that was quite an event, but back to business. But let's see... ah yes, there he is!

The he, in question, would have been rather hard to miss, even for one like him.

>Mmm, not quite how I remember him. It seems he is still quite malformed, perhaps this is why the old fuddy duddy hasn't made his move yet? Rather hard to pin down, maybe? Or... oh myyyy, perhaps old tall dark and ugly's powers might be waning... No no, bad thoughts, Discord, you content yourself with this down below, no need to wonder if now is the time to do a little remodeling... now let's see... ah! At his current trajectory, it won't be long now. How fortunate that there are so many interesting things in Everfree forest, no? But at this rate, he will reach it, and what a bother it would be if he unleashed old red and angry on the world again... Hm. Will have to amp up my plans. Not that I mind, of course, things going faster and more chaotic plans are-

"What are you doing?"

>GAH!... How... how did I not notice you!?

"I do not know."

>...Well, at least you're not Lavan, if he had snuck up on me I'd feel so embarrassed.

"I'm right here, why do you feel the need to say that?"

>Because lacking in visual mediums requires finesse, and I am a being of chaos.

"...what?"

>Oh, shush, Winona! And shoo! Take your little sword and shoo!

"Fine, fine... just wondering."

>Shoo!... What a rude little thing, sneaking up on-WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!.... DID THAT DOG JUST TALK!?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >PJ
"Blueblood"
'Arana'
~~~

>WHA CHA!... HA! She totally caught it!

"Please stop tossing the Frisbee like she's a dog..."

>She likes it!

'Ah' likh ih!'

"Ugh... didn't you have a meeting you were supposed to be at?"

>Bluey, I have literally never heard a single important thing come from any of those. Never.

"What if something big happened this time?"

>Plplpplplp.

"Riveting.'

>...Go get it!

'Wheee!'

"..."

>...Don't you judge me.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Lavan
"Celestia"

>Doo dee doo dee doo, hellooooo pretty white city! I'm La-

"No."

>Hello! I'm La-

"Nope. Shoo."

>...I do not understand.

"Listen, Mr. Lavan? I assume by now it's very hard not to get your name wrong."

>Correct.

"I need you to be literally anywhere else but Canterlot and Ponyville for...let's say about two days. Can you do that for me?"

>...maybe! Can you tell me about somewhere more interesting?

"...ever been to the Gryphon Kingdoms?"

>No!

"Just keeeeep going that way and you'll get there eventually. You can come back on..what is it, tuesday? Come back on thursday and we'll have...do you like cake?"

>What is cake?

"...oh you have so much to learn, don't you?"

>Very much so! I will return in two days to learn more! Onward to see the lands of griffons!

Whoosh!

"...Dad? Daddy? Daddykins? Are you around up there? I blame you for this."

The stars above twinkled.

"What do you mean you were keeping mom company?"

Twinkle twinkle twi-

"EW! I'M SORRY I ASKED!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Luna]
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and some stories never happened!

"Is this really the time?

'There's a time and place for everything, but not now.'

[Can we assume that Rarity did not destroy all the cardboard shadows by herself?]

>When you put it like that I guess I don't need to skip text. What do we do.

[Fear not, for your friend Rarity won't be able to escape into the waking world. My nightguards have already sealed this area. Even after 1000 years of my absence, they've remained ever vigilant with dreams.]

"That's good...but what does that mean for us?"

[It means we will be asleep until I deal with Rarity and lift the seal from the inside.]

'What if you don't?'

[Then we won't be waking up and you'll experience what a a few decades feel like when only a few hours have passed.]

>Wait, how are you going to deal with Rarity?

[We're going to have to-]
A whale with a vagina shaped mouth comes out of the floor, eats Luna, and dives back into the floor sealing it up behind it.

>"..."

'...We're *censored*.'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Guard
"???"
'Sombra'
~~~~

>...Sigh.

'I do apologize again, I really didn't intend any of this to happen.'

>No no, it's my duty. It's just really, really boring.

'Quite right... I could regale you a tale of wonder!'

>...

'No?'

>...No, I'd rather-

Jingle jingle.

>...Huh?

Jinglejinglejingle.

>What... where's it coming from-

"Hi!"

>GAH!

'Excellent guarding, I should say.'

>Oh hush you, I- Oh! Princess Two, I uh... I didn't see you there.

"I got it!"

>You got... what now?

"It! I got it!"

>...What's it?

As it to answer his question, the little arms thrust out a piggy bank shaped like Shining Armor.

"I got Somby's bail so ya' can let him out!"

'...Bail?'

>It's a system wherein' you, the defendant, may pay a sizable amount of money to be released until your court date to ensure you will attend it, and then upon that attendance the money is returned to you regardless of verdict.

'...Doesn't that just make it so the rich can run away easier?'

>I didn't go into politics, or I'd be sipping fruit punch on a beach somewhere... Princess? Uh... I don't know how to tell you this, but the bail for crimes like that is... a lot.

"I know... that's why I brought all of it."

>...All of it?

Sadly, she nodded, bringing the bank to her chest to hug it for just a little bit.


"...I've been savin' it up since Ah' got here, just in case, so... so it's a whole lot! My allowance, my chore money, all my pretty rocks, even the money I was savin' fer' the delux marchmalley bag! It's right here! So... so can Somby please come home now? He's really, really sorry, and he'll do his commun... he'll do his chores! Just... don't make him sit in a jail no more, he's sorry, and he didn't mean to. So... please?"

Shakily, she held out her piggy bank to him once more, eyes wide and misting over.

>...

'...So, that's what it looks like when a stallion must tell his one legged daughter that her chances of becoming swim champion are remote. I've always wondered.'

>Look, princess... I know you think that's a lot, it might even be a lot, but... ehhh... but...

In his desperation, he looked somewhere, anywhere other than the face in front of him, anything except for the look of utter pleading and hopefulness in front of him.

Which is good, it meant he could finally spot the several royals standing just in the shadow, waving their arms in such rapid fashion and mouthing all sorts of hurried commands that he had no hope of ever finding out what they were. Shining Armor, Princess Cadence, Princess Celestia, and... other, no doubt hallucinatory Princess Cadence all waved at him with reckless abandon and pointed to the captive just as wildly.

He could guess what they wanted.

>...Well, alright. If you're paying his bond, he's being released into your custody. Will you watch him and ensure he is present for his court date?

Her eyes lit up like the sun when he took the bank.

"Yep! Yep yep yep yep! I'll put it in my calendar and remind him every day!"

>Then I release him into your custody.

He opened up the door.

The smoke monster just went through the bars.

>...Really?

"SOMBY! I missed ya'!"

How it was possible to hug a smoke monster, he had no idea.

'I missed you as well... is Shining Armor still mad?'

He looked over. He saw hidden rage.

'Nevermind.'

>...How much is in here anyway-

He popped the cork on the bottom, and watched as several very large, precious gems fell out along with several dozen high cost bits.

>...

'...What? She's a princess.'

>...

'You can keep that by the way... not the bank, the funds. Do give the piggy bank back, that's custom made.'

"Cause it looks like daddy!"

>...huh.

'...So-'

"Daddy's gonna make ya' clean the toilet, he said."

'...Can I go back in the-"

>No.

'Rats.'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Fluttershy"
~~~~

>So, that's what we're plannin' ta' do.

"Oh, Applejack! This is a wonderful idea, I'm sure this will help out the changelings more than you know."

>Heh, yeah.

"Did you want me to come with? I'm sorry, I know I'm stronger now with this, but... but I just don't think I have a hold of it enough to protect them if something bad happens."

>Thaaaat... ain't why Ah' wanted ta' speak with ya'.

"Oh?"

>Look, Ah'm just gonna come outright and say it, Ah'm worried she's gonna go... freaky on me. Gonna go paranoid and think every shadow's got a knife, iffin' ya' know what Ah' mean.

"Oh come now, why would you think that?"

>...Ah' brought a pitchfork ta' Applebloom's first day o' school...

"..."

>...

"...Erm..."

>As Ah' was sayin', how do ya' handle her?

"...I don't."

>Ah' just mean-

"Applejack, here is my suggestion. Just succeed."

>That's kinda vague-

"You know how I get when someone hurts animals? Same principal."

>...So ya' think she's gonna rip mah' head off?

"Yes."

>Oh... disheartenin'.

"Wouldn't you rip Cheerilee's head off if she took Applebloom on a field trip and something happened?"

>Now listen here, Ah' am a mature, rational mind, and Ah'd make sure Ah' got all the fact before Ah' did anythin' rash or-

"..."

>Yeah, she'd be dead.

"Same principal."

>...Huh...

"Right?"


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>29
~~~~~

His eyes strained to open. How strange, he realized, that waking up would be more tiring most days than when he went to sleep. Yet, he could not find the irritation to bare.

So many he was able to help now, in such creative ways. Things that would have cost him a fortune or more now were finally in his grasp, and though many were simply far too restless to slumber in their ghostly ways, and had to be dealt with in the light of day, he could not deny the magnitude he sent on these days. So many at rest, at last...

Unlike himself. Where the light of the sun burned like it were acid to his eyes.

>Thine ball of starstuff and flame, I curse to thee, and all your...

He shifted, noticing his bed was further down than it should have been. He felt further down, sunken in quite a lot more than he was used to. As this was quite an expensive goosedown stuffed featherlight mattress with extra back support, this worried him quite a lot. For if he had to go back to that quill and sofa place and listen to one more sales pitch, he wold riot.

>Blast, nothing ever seems to go right around....

His attempts to rise and confront the issue found a peculiar stumbling block. His forelegs, as they were could not move. They were pinned, locked to the soft surface, held down with not a single inch of free movement.

It was only now, as the haze of morning sun at last left him, and he could understand why his four hundred count blanket was so much warmer than before.

Two bodies, pressed to his side, lost in gentle slumber. A zebra, and a pony.

>...Oh... oh dear, what did we do last night? Oh no, oh no, don't tell me we succumbed to the bewitching of the magic of substance and-... oh, wait, right.

He felt rather stupid right there.

>Dream thing. Right... right. Well, if I don't feel as a moron should.

Still, even knowing they were merely partaking in his exquisite bed, not so much his company, he couldn't help but feel... eased with them there. He couldn't help but feel...

Connected.

>...you didn't have to be my friends.

They shifted, still quite lost in slumberland, unaware to the gaze he gave them.

>Most think me quite hard to be around, and curse mine presence, but not you... their loss, of course, but...

He didn't know who he was trying to convince with that last line. It wasn't working, regardless.

>...Thank you.

Softly, his head laid back, any further thoughts of getting up and starting his day long gone from his head.

This, a moment like this, was rare, worth all the gold he could find.

>Thank you for throwing me here. I hated being hurled as such...

Slightly, not nearly enough to wake them, his grip tightened.

>...but they caught me all the same...

He saw a flicker of light to his side. It seemed, even without him there, they were on duty. Ever on duty, the enchantress and the mayor...

It would be rude not to join in.

>...thank you, Princess...

And join them once more he did.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OOCO
>Spike
"???"
'???'
~~~~

Spike the dragon loved to multitask.

Ever the eager body to help, when the call had come out through his own channels that two nightgaurds had failed to report in on time exactly as they should, he took them up on it. This sounded like a bit of fun, a bit of time to get back into the game after a bit of an extended sabbatical. He had been pretty much inactive since the Twelve rescue, and his mission list leading up to that was, to put it mildly, lacking for several months. The Cordyceps invasion had stuck with him, even if he was mostly past it now.

So, a simple investigation to find some wayward nightgaurds sounded just like the thing to liven up his day. And, of course more than that as he said... he loves to multitask.

For he could also help his apple princess, and he so loved doing that. For said apple princess was worried about Seven, said he didn't look particularly healthy, and he was hanging out with a strange LADY, she had been insistent on that one. And just so coincidentally, some remembered him being in the general area of this particular guard disappearing act. While he doubted the two were related, Seven didn't seem the type to randomly attack a guard, he still felt it worth checking out.

So he had taken the job to settle personal matters once it was done. The personal matter to Applejack, the personal matter to his fellow A-team member, and of course, his own personal matters on the guy who looked the other way after he had shot him full of holes. That was kind of rare.

Very little else needed said or done, he was off. Off on a train ride to a whole other city, eager to find the wayward soldiers. Packing Charity, of course.

Always pack Charity. Be ready for any amount of fighting, any amount of battle, anything that needed to be done.

...So it was a little disappointing upon his arrival.

>Really?

The two tired nightgaurd had nothing to say.

Without so much as a glance, they merely huffed at him, brushing past as they continued their slow, plodding journey towards... something. What, he had no idea, but they were moving at such a slow pace he was fairly certain he could have arrived at nightfall, and they still wouldn't have made it to wherever it was.

>You guys couldn't even call for backup?

"Little hard, asshole."

'We can't fly and can barely walk.'

That much was obvious, what wasn't obvious on the other claw...

>What, exactly, happened to you here?

"Classified."

'Totally classified.'

Not helpful.

>I can't help you guys if you don't help me.

"We don't need help, we need to go and make our report and get some sleep."

'I'm tempted to stay awake just so we can hear Princess Luna chew out that bug Queen.'

Interest, achieved.

>Ohhhhh?

Very few things brought a species together like the urge to see someone hurt or humiliated. It was one of the universal languages. Spike, and the guards, spoke it fluently.

"Look, all you need to know is a changeling interfered in official business, and oh, ohhhhh ho ho, we're going to let the princess know."

'All fun and games with her little minions skulking about, but when we do royal commands? Of course that's where she draws the line!'

>She sent someone to attack you?

He did not care how quickly his heart was racing, he was excited. This could finally be what he was looking for...

"No."

'But it was her agent, so it doesn't matter. Still a violation of peace agreements.'

"...Wait, did the princess ever sign a peace treaty?"

All three stilled, eyes rolling in the back of their heads as they thought back. Nothing came.

>Huh.
"Huh."
'Huh.'

>...Huh.

"Will have to look into that. After we give our report."

>You know, if you just give it to me, I can report it. I work for the crown too you know.

"Yeah, as a hired gun."

>...Actually I directly work for her, like a Secretary.

"..."

>I do.

'Right, well... point is, we can't divulge what we were doing, this is reportable only to our superiors and the princess, nobody else.'

"All you need to know is her fucking agent is going to be answering for a lot of stuff."

>...This, 'agent', he didn't happen to use green knives, did he?

"...That's classified."

'Classified.'

It didn't matter that they clammed up right there, the look they gave each other told him everything he needed to know.

>Oh... well, fine, at least let me help you guys get back to base.

Without even waiting for the okay, he slipped his arm underneath one of their forelegs, gripping him tightly by the armor in loose grasps, trying to find a non-awkward way to hold him up.

"Hey! I said I didn't need help!"

He let go a bit too quickly, the light shove from the guard seemingly enough to convince him to forgo that. Claws messily disentangled themselves from armor, letting the guard fall forwards without any support.

>Fine, be that way assholes. Hope you find someone soon, cause I'm not putting up with this...

He wasted no time stomping off, grumbling under his breath they were supposed to be working as a team, but never once slowing or looking back.

"...I kinda feel like a dick."

'It's what we're supposed to do. Can't let him know about the you know what.'

"Yeah... come on, only ten more miles."

'...I regret my previous actions.

They trudged off into the sunny day, sticking as close to alleyways and shadows as they could, seen by none.

Especially not the dragon who pressed himself against the wall, listening in to every hoof step until it ceased to be heard anymore.

>...Heh. Guess I'm going to have to make some recommendations for their training to Lune.

Smiling, he uncurled his claw, revealing the piece of paper he had only needed a glimpse and an excuse to pilfer.

>Can't have our best and nightest being so easily pickpocketed... I did not just say that, and nobody can prove it.

Thinking no more on his own thoughts, he unwrapped his new prize, the answer coming to him in seconds.

>Now... what could be on Sixteen Twelve Hoofbeat avenue?

That's all it said, an address. Just an address. Nothing more, nothing less.

More interesting than that, however, was the tiny substance on the edge. A forked tongue poked out...

>...yep, that's changeling.

Most would have been content with just seeing green goo, Spike went the extra mile.

>What's going on with you, Seven...

Both of those soldiers were showing love-drain symptoms, something he knew about quite well at this point. There had been a fight, even if they were too proud to say it, and they clearly had lost.

>So... what was worth fighting two nightguards over when you looked like the walking dead...

That, he was going to find out.

>It's a start.

So wrapped up in his mission, so enthralled by his clues, so quick did his feet carry him out into the street and away, he never even noticed.

He never noticed the beastly eyes staring down at him, peering from behind a steel plating of a griffon's head. Eyes that left their previous prey of the nights guard, followed his every step... and glared.

~Bad lizard.~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Chrysalis
"SA"
~~~~

"Sooooo..."

>...

"I heard you did a good thing."

>I might've.

"I heard from someone who told someone you did a good thing."

>The whisper challenge is a dangerous game, Shining. Things get mixed up along the the line.

"Reallly?"

>... I don't know what you're talking about.

"...You know what? You earned this one."

Without warning, he craned himself up, and wrapped his forelegs around her neck.

>...

"That's right, you get hugs."

>...

"Not going to say something to make me let go? Asking for more, maybe? A hint that maybe there's something else I can do? I'm waiting for the innuendo to break off, is what I'm saying."

>...

"...Hm."

>...I like this.

"..."

>...

"....Whelp! Good job, Chrysalis!"

Awkardly, he let go, patting her on the shoulder and making a hasty retreat.

>...You could just say you liked it too...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Screwloose
“12”
~~~~~

>Surprise!

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHoh, it’s just… it’s just a cake?”

>Yeah, you big wuss. I baked it myself!

And it was indeed a double-decker cake that screamed of Screwloose’s handiwork from the frosting in the shape of syringes to the little twisted smiley faces carved into the sides.

“Huh. I didn’t know you could cook, Screwloose.”

>Honestly? I can’t. I can cook in the lab, not in an actual kitchen. This took me the better portion of six straight hours.

“Wow.”

>Yuuuup. Also, I’m banned from the kitchen. And I wish I were joking about that, but I’m not. They literally have my picture up there. You know, on the doors? My pretty mug, with the caption ‘stab with steak knife on sight’ right under it.

“…Woooow.”

>Tell me about it. I guess they’re a teensy weensy bit pissed that one colt caught a whisk in the eye and this one mare got some batter up her batcave. But I mean, shit, I tried to make up for it by letting them give me a hoof massage but the motion was overturned by a four-to-three vote.

“…”

>…

“Huh. I’m not sure which I find more confusing. That you baked a cake… or that the option of giving you- YOU, the perpetrator- a hoof massage was only shot down by a single vote.”

>Did you forget my award? Most sexiest hooves? I break necks when I walk, pervert.

“And would be pretty helpful in a political running, apparently.”

>Now why do you find my foray into the baking field confusing…?

Her question was quite easily answered, and Twelve would have given one were he not just so enamored by the whole thing.

As if to consummate the birth of her cake, Screwloose had donned an apron. One splattered with red smears that Twelve was silently praying was just red wine. Add to it, her ever-kinked tail sashayed to and fro behind her to some mental beat as she set the cake down and pulled a scalpel from Faust knows where.

“You baking isn’t what’s confusing, just… why?”

She made the first cut with all the care and precision of slicing through a tendon of a patient on life support.

>Mmmmm, thaaaat’s it, like severing fine silk… And the why should be obvious, pervert! We’re going to work on us!

“Us. Okay, well, let’s see. I’m a hoof-obsessed changeling with a penchant for being fired and you’re a psychologically disturbed mare. Don’t see a whole lot to work on, and even less to work with.”

The cake was quickly plated and Screwloose placed it before the befuddled bug, smiling almost pridefully as she took to sitting back on her haunches.

“You look oddly expectant there, Screwloose.”

>Duh. I’m waiting for you to take a bite!

“HA! Yeah, no, that’s not happening.”

>Oh come on, why not? I promise it tastes ten times better than my hoofsies, perv, you’ll love it!

“I love being alive more than your hooves, Screwloose.”

>So you won’t even give this piece of succulent confectionary that I slaved on for over five hours a genial taste? Not even a lick? I had no idea you were so cruel, pervert….

“It’s not a matter of being cruel, but self-preservation. I’ll eat anything you make for me, happily, but I can clearly see the crushed bits of scalpel glinting at me from the inside.”

>…

“…”

>…Those arrrrre… flavor crystals…?

“If by ‘flavor crystal’ you mean shards of metal death that would get lodged in my esophagus then I can see th- no, no, I can’t. And rationally, I should assume that you just tried to kill me but I can honestly tell you were just baking a cake and tried to fuse it with one of your favorite things wanting it to taste good for me.”

The way her ears drooped, the way her lively tail grew limp, and the way her face seemed to devolve into this utterly simpering frown of ‘I fucked up’ was all the apology Twelve needed.

“So yeah, I’m not eating this. In fact, so you don’t accidentally kill some other poor hungry creature, I suggest we burn this thing.”

>…I’m sorry.

He booped her on the snout with his nose and she flushed.

>Gah! You are going to quit doing that shit right this inst-

Boop.

>Damn it!

“This is fun.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________