flair kumpa

him up to a limo and left him in the cold. More on k-- Board of Directors. They showed a commercial for a new DVD collection of
the original Tough Enough with footage never before shown, such as Darryl
picking his nose. This wasn't the week to find that entenaining. Well, that's
it for his social life. Snow pinned Goldust in 1:01 with a Nonhem lights
bomb on a gold garbage can to win the hardcore title. I can't believe they are
going to tum Maven this soon. Jericho went out to run another errand for
Stephanie, hopped in the limo, forgot about the dog, and they ran him over
with this totally fake sound of a dog yelping in pain. Dog was stuck under the
car. Later we got the repon that the dog broke his leg. Rock practically gets
murdered and for weeks we can 't get even a fake medical update, but the dog
is diagnosed in seconds. "God, King, this is horrible," said Ross. Everyone
was thinking those same words. Angle & Booker beat Show & Edge in 4:37.
Show played superman throughout the match. Set up a choke slam on Angle
but Booker nailed him with a sidekick. Angle then gave him an Angle slam
and made him tap to the ankle lock. Match was well laid out. Stephanie was
now scared to death of HHH because of what happened to the dog she hated.
Jericho had a plan. If they had listened to Jericho's plans, maybe they
wouldn't be in this mess. We had Jackie~ Wilson and Terri in bikinis at WWF
NY to get over the Divas special. Christian pinned Billy in 2:08 when DDP
interfered with a diamond cutter after Chuck interfered first. Christian was so
happy he broke his losing streak that he jumped DDP and gave him the reverse
DDT and impaler. Jazz & Keibler beat Lita & Stratus in 2:27. Stratus
accidentally kicked Lita, allowing Jazz to pin her with a schoolgirl. If you
look at the way the matches are laid out and finishes, the actual wrestling part
of the booking up and down this show makes sense. The problem is,
everything is so rushed that nothing gets over. Even the basics of the story
supposed to be told "Van Dam pinned Regal clean, in six days if he does it
again ... " never gets over. I didn't even realize how much sense that aspect of
the show made watching it because I was so distracted and annoyed by the
insulting stuff. And speaking of Stephanie, she came out and apologized to
HHH about the dog. HHH came out and would have none of it, throwing t"'
around, basically committing spousal abuse, and set up the pedigree. That ,
Jericho's cue to bash his injured quad with the hammer. Seriously, on pape<
the best angle possible (except the sledge hamme r may have been too cartoony
after the semi truck). But since it was in that horrible framework, it meant
about as much as what Lucy left on the floor. HHH was helped out saying

that he thought his quad was tom. Board of Directors awarded all the power
to Vince. but did give the caveat that after Mania. they may review and come
to a different decision. This is the split set up. If you notice, not one of the
1in event perfonners appeared in a segment until the main event. Hogan &
\,,.__,,all & Nash beat Rock & Austin in 9: 13.

Would have been considered real
bad if any other fi ve guys were in there. Crowd was major into Hogan. but
surprisingly little buzz for the first Hogan-Austin lock-up. Hogan did a crotch
chop. I guess he missed the Costas show and didn't realize they don't do that
son of thing in the WWF anymore. Very sloppy in spots. but not hideous.
Crowd was very into Nash. panially because it was Detroit. Nash laid out
Rock. and then Hogan hit the high foot and legdrop and 1-2-3 in the middle.
Big face pop for the pinfall. .. Smackdown show on 3/ 12 in Cleveland
notes. Angle beat Van Dam. who was distracted by Regal while up for the
splash. Angle superplexed and used the ankle lock submission. Said to be the
best match on the show. Regal attacked Van Dam afterwards. Kane made the
save and choke slammed

~~~~

Where they go after the show is anyone’s guess. The NWO experiment clearly isn’t working in its current state. Nobody cares about Hall and Nash, although it’s clear there is still life left in Hogan. They may be able to salvage him for a few more months as a heel, perhaps with Hall and Nash tagging along, and then turn him babyface for a short semi-main event run against the NWO and perhaps another top heel or two. After that, they need to move him down the card into the Living Legend role. Hall needs to be moved down as well, probably a lot sooner. Say what you want about “justifying Nash’s contract”, but to me, his contract will be justified by keeping him out of the ring and pretty much off TV as much as possible.

They began building towards the split on Raw as well. Vince McMahon demanded the Board of Directors choose either himself or Flair as the sole owner of the company. They chose Vince after Flair refused to back out of his match with Undertaker (it’s funny, because the gimmick is that they don’t want an owner who is also a performer, but in real life, they have no problem with a booker who is also a performer). But, they added, they reserved the right to review their decision after WrestleMania. In other words, it’s clear Vince is going to do something crazy at the show that will result in the Board voting to reinstate Flair and split the company down the middle.

I am worried about the future. I don’t think the WWF is going to die anytime in the near future (check the financials if you don’t believe me), but I think everything is about to get a whole lot worse. Things were building up just fine last year until WrestleMania, and then everything came crashing down like the day after. My guess is that a similar crash is going to happen post-WrestleMania this year, but it will likely be a whole lot worse since things aren’t building up now like they were back then. I think things could remain stable and possibly grow slightly if the split angle took off, but it’s clear they don’t have a well thought out plan and will be booking everything week to week, which means hotshot panicked booking two weeks in and, ultimately, an accelerated free-fall.

~~~

Clips aired of an “emergency Board of Directors meeting” at WWF Headquarters. Vince said the company was in turmoil and it was all Flair’s fault. Flair is the last guy I’d blame, but I’m not on the Board. Vince asked the Board to please do the right thing, and that was to choose which direction the company was going to go, and who was going to be the sole leader.

~~~~~

Raw is 2000 Nitro (3/11/02)

Show opened with Ross claiming Rock & Austin vs. NWO was the “biggest main event ever on Raw”.

RVD & Hardyz beat Regal & Dudleys. Well, with the World Wildlife Fund court case not looking so good, I’ve figured out a new set of initials for the WWF — SOS. Same Old Shit. I wonder if anyone in the company has figured out yet that the reason things seem to have stagnated might be because there is nothing new in the WWF. We’ve seen the Hardyz and the Dudleys working together for a hundred years, and because they gave up on the idea of splitting the Hardyz up after about two weeks, we’re going to see it for another hundred years. RVD pinned Regal clean with the frog splash for the win.

Clips aired of an “emergency Board of Directors meeting” at WWF Headquarters. Vince said the company was in turmoil and it was all Flair’s fault. Flair is the last guy I’d blame, but I’m not on the Board. Vince asked the Board to please do the right thing, and that was to choose which direction the company was going to go, and who was going to be the sole leader.

Angle came out. He said he needed to talk about crime, specifically him getting robbed of his WWF Title shot at WrestleMania. You know what’s funny is that Angle has been making the WWF Title seem more important the last few weeks than both Jericho and Hunter put together, and he’s not even in the WrestleMania main event. He said the guy who robbed him was Kane, and as a result they were going to have a match at the PPV. He started ranting and raving about how stupid the fans were for saying he sucked. Booker came out. He cut a promo saying the fans weren’t stupid, they were beyond stupid. He blamed them for costing him his shampoo deal. Edge came out. He got into an argument about Booker over who was dumber on the Weakest Link. I’m not making this up. They even showed footage of Booker looking like an idiot on the show. Edge challenged him to a WrestleMania match. Then he got into an argument with Angle about who was more cool. Angle decided to prove his coolness by doing the worst spinerooni ever. Then he suggested he tag with Booker to face Edge and a mystery partner later.

Steph was shown backstage with Hunter’s dog Lucy, who has not been cut in half yet. She was talking to the dog when Hunter walked in. He was overjoyed to see her. The dog, that is. He said he was sorry about the car thing, and thanked Steph for bringing Lucy back. Steph stopped him, saying he didn’t own the dog anymore. She said she went to “the judge” and told him that Hunter beat and never fed the dog, and so the judge signed a court order (which had “COURT ORDER” in huge letters written on it) giving ownership to her. “Do not screw with my dog,” Hunter said. Apparently, the new main event of WrestleMania is Hunter vs. Steph for the Undisputed Dog.

Test beat Rikishi. No heat. Mr. Perfect ran in, right in front of the ref, who didn’t appear to give a rat’s ass. Rikishi threw him out of the ring, then turned around into the KICK OF FEAR, which was particularly fearful this evening because it appeared to have broken Rikishi’s nose legit.

Jericho arrived in Steph’s dressing room, wearing Those Pants. You don’t need to know what happened next, only that perhaps one person in the entire world thought it was funny, and his name is Vince McMahon.

Jericho took the dog outside and tied its leash to the handle of a limo.

Page and Christian had a meeting in some restaurant somewhere. They ran into Billy and Chucky, who were in their gear and wearing their title belts. They got into an argument and challenged each other to a tag match later.

. Back at the Board meeting, Vince showed footage of Flair punching out the fan on Smackdown.

Al Snow beat Goldust to win the WWF Hardcore Title. Thankfully short. Al got the win with a very scary Snow plow onto a trash can. Wouldn’t it have been smart to air this match on Smackdown right before Tough Enough instead? Also, what do you bet this sets up Maven vs. Snow for WrestleMania?.

Backstage, Jericho told the limo driver to back up. Presumably he ran over the dog. Man, that was hilarious! HA HA HA! I’ll bet the WWF and Saturday Night Live have bidding wars over these talented young writers!.

After commercial, Hunter ran backstage. The limo driver said the dog was stuck under the car, but “still alive”.

“God, King, this is horrible!” Ross said. Truer words have never been spoken.

Angle & Booker beat Edge and his Mystery Partner. Edge came out and introduced his Mystery Partner, who ended up being Big Show. Well fuck you Edge. I’m trying to think of what they can do in the next segment to further ruin this show. I’ll bet it’s something involving Stephanie. Edge almost killed himself early doing a plancha off Show’s shoulders over the top rope onto Angle and Booker on the floor. They say that sometimes, in a man’s darkest hour, The Lord makes His presence known. And that is damn true, because the end of this match saw Angle make Show submit to the ankle lock clean. WHOOOO!!!!!!!! Well, no matter what happens for the rest of this show, it was not a complete throw-away. “How in the world can anybody say that man sucks?” Lawler asked regarding Angle. That’s damn true.

A Stephanie segment aired next. I am too smart for my own good. She asked Jericho how he could run over the dog. Jericho said it was OK. Steph said Hunter was going to kill her. Jericho said he’d protect her. Someone protect me.

Torrie, Jackie and Terri danced half-naked at WWF New York to hype up the Divas special.

Christian beat Billy. DDP came out and did commentary. Christian started throwing a tantrum during the match so Page had to go calm him down. Billy hit the FAME ASSER~!, but then Page snuck in behind the ref’s back and gave him the Diamond Cutter. Christian climbed on top and got the pin. Christian threw a tantrum of joy after the match. Then he gave Page his reverse DDT for no good reason. I realize WrestleMania is only days away, but man, did they ever rush this storyline.

More Board meeting stuff aired. Vince would be the worst lawyer ever. He was going on and on about how Flair had “attacked” a fan, just moments after showing footage that made it clear the punch was accidental. He demanded the Board choose either him or Flair to lead the WWF. Linda said they would adjourn and make the decision.

Jazz & Stacy beat Lita & Trish. Trish, who was easily the second-best worker in this match, accidentally kicked Lita leading to the finish.

Steph came out for an interview. It seriously pains me to watch this woman. Very rarely do I hate anything about my job, but I hate the fact that I cannot change the channel right now. Hunter ran out and went to give her the Pedigree again, but Jericho made the save with a sledgehammer shot to the quadricep. “I think he tore my quad again!” Hunter said as the referees dragged him backstage. He tried to limp exactly like he did back in May. After commercial, they showed footage of Jericho attacking him again as he was being taken up the ramp. They loaded him onto a stretcher and took him off. Great idea, put the main event of the biggest PPV of the year in doubt one week before it airs. This drew some good heat at least.

Back at the meeting, Linda said the Board had made a decision, but had to ask Flair just one question. Did he still want to wrestle Undertaker at the PPV? Flair said yes. So she said they voted to give full authority to Vince. But, she added, they had the right to review the decision after WrestleMania. Flair stood up and gave a short speech. He said this was unfortunate, but he was going to protect his family at any cost. And, he said, he was going to even the score with Undertaker at any cost as well.

Hogan & Hall & Nash beat Rock & Austin. I cannot believe they gave this away for free. Crowd was into Hogan vs. Rock to an embarrassing degree. He was the only one of the three NWO members that anyone cared about. They got the heat on Rock for awhile, then he made the hot tag to Austin. NWO cut him off. Nash, who is making somewhere in the neighborhood of $14,423.08 per week, looked worse than the Big Show has looked on his worst day. The other two didn’t look a whole lot better. Austin made the hot tag to Rock. It broke down into a five-way. Everyone but Rock and Hogan ended up outside. Hogan then hit the BIG BOOT AND THE LEGDROP OF DOOM~! AND PINNED THE ROCK CLEAN. HYOOGE pop for that. Well, that was unexpected, but I can’t say I think it was a bad finish. If someone would have pinned Hogan clean, that would have been a disaster. As long as Rock doesn’t get his win back on Smackdown and the WWF makes people pay for it, then everything is OK.

~~

nDemand.com is hyping up the April PPV as follows: “Be there as the NEW RAW franchise helmed by Vince McMahon takes on the warriors of its new competitor NEW Shakedown, headed by Ric Flair. It’s sure to be history in the making.” Not sure if the Shakedown name is a typo or if that’s what they’re going to call Smackdown from now on. Also, assuming this is legit, the angle is already doomed to failure if they’re doing “interpromotional matches” one month in.

~~~~~~

Raw is 1997 Nitro (3/5/02)
Show opened with an insanely happy and animated Vince McMahon explaining that Ric Flair was not there due to circumstances beyond his control. Therefore, Vince said, tonight was FAN APPRECIATION NIGHT. Vince was clearly channelling Positively Page in this promo. He said the main event was going to be Hunter vs. Angle in a steel cage, and that Raw was going to finally return to a “state of normalcy”. Uh oh.

Austin NC Booker T. Ross said Austin wasn’t there because he had a family emergency of some sort. Oh God, where’s David? Crowd was crazy hot for this match. Just when they were really starting to get into it, the NWO hit the ring and stomped a mudhole in Austin. Presumably, this was the end of the match, but they never rang the bell. Hall went outside and got a wrench, which he clonked Austin with. Austin gigged. Finally, vintage NWO. Loud “HOGAN SUCKS!” chants. No garbage, though. They gave him a prolonged beating, then left him in a bloody heap after Hall dropped him with the Stunner. Thank God he didn’t make his own comeback and lay them all out. A good angle.

After commercial, Austin left of his own volition.

Test & Mr. Perfect beat Albert & Scotty 2 Hotty. Test cut the worst promo before the match introducing Mr. Perfect as his partner. They got the heat on ALBERT. Now that was horrible. Scotty hit Test with the Worm, but then walked right into the Perfectplex for the pin. WHOO-HOO~! The right man won this match. Bad guys continued their beating after the match until Rikishi made the save. Poor Perfect had to take the ass spot.

Angle hyped up the main event. They’re still writing promos for him like it’s 1999. That poor guy.

Goldust cut a horrible promo in-ring with Lillian. Tazz interrupted and challenged him to a match. Jackie came out to ref. Goldust beat Tazz to retain the Hardcore Title. Get this crappy finish. Tazz had the Tazzmission on, but Goldust hit him with a trash can lid. This somehow knocked Tazz out. Goldust, half unconscious, fell on top of him for the pin.

NWO had a meeting backstage in Austin’s dressing room (Austin was presumably at the hospital). They were drinking his beer. OK, they’re in trouble. They decided to “go take a walk”.

Coachman interviewed Rob Van Dam. RVD made the funniest comment about how cool he was. Seriously, if you watched this, tell me he didn’t sound like an eighth grade girl. Lance Storm interrupted and challenged him to a match later.

NWO ran into a guy backstage wearing an Austin 3:16 T-shirt. They slapped him around and humiliated him. Hall even ripped his T-shirt off. Hey, I think I saw that guy on Tough Enough! They tipped some stuff over on him, then ran off like hooligans.

Jazz beat Trish via DQ. Trish got stripped of her shirt and did half the match in her bra. In comparison to usual women’s fare, this was a hell of a match. Trish is going to become a pretty decent little worker doing all these matches with Jazz. Finish saw Trish put on the worst STF ever, then refuse to break when Jazz got the ropes.

Steph, on the phone, tried to give Jericho directions to the arena. You see, he was lost. When is the last time Rock or Austin or Hunter got lost on their way to the arena? Never. When was the last time that happened to any top star? Oh yeah, I remember. Sid. Anyway, she told him to make sure to get her lotion while he was at it. God, it’s been four days and he still hasn’t found that lotion? No wonder she’s so bitchy. Hunter walked in with a box of her stuff, which he dumped all over the floor. She was appalled, until she noticed a thing of her lotion. She immediately started smothering herself with it. You know where this is heading. They must have hired a new writer who just got out of junior high school.

The WrestleMania Moment was Butterbean KO’ing Bart Gunn. Never thought I’d see that one again.

Undertaker came out and cut a promo. He said he asked politely for a match with Flair at WrestleMania, but Flair said no. So he beat up Arn, which he didn’t want to do, but Flair said no again. That, Undertaker explained, gave him no other option then to go after Flair’s oldest son. Undertaker knew better than to go after that badass Reid. He showed footage from earlier in the day of him destroying David at the WWF training facility in Stamford. After a prolonged beating in the locker room, Undertaker sat down with David’s body in the shower and asked: “Don’t you have a little brother? No, wait. You have a sister!” See, he’s afraid of Reid. As much as I am DREADING this match, they’re at least doing a hell of a job building it up.

RVD beat Storm. They had a good match, but the crowd seemed oblivious to the psychology. Storm worked on his knee forever and Van Dam, while overdramatic in spots, generally did a very good job selling it. He finally got the win clean with the frog splash.

NWO had a meeting backstage. Nash looked like he’d literally just woken up. Some dude came in to check the coffee, and Hall shoved his face into it. Ross said it was “scalding hot coffee”. Is there no such thing as assault in the world of the WWF? Anyway, then they played rock, paper, scissors to determine who would wrestle later. Hogan literally forgot what he was doing, so he did a rock when he was supposed to do paper. He immediately changed it to paper, and therefore lost. They acted like nothing happened, even though it looked like blatant cheating. This was so unintentionally hilarious. Couldn’t they have re-taped this? Hall won, of course. What a shocker.

A Rock career history video aired. Great as you’d expect. Although I think that they could make a video that would put the Brooklyn Brawler over as a superstar, this video sure made Rock look like THE DUDE TO END ALL DUDES.

NWO did a deal where Hall reached into a BINGO ball tumbler and pulled out the name of a mystery opponent for his match later (I guess they take this BINGO ball tumbler on the road with them, because there was no other explanation for it being backstage). “I hope it’s not Andre the Giant!” Hogan said. Man, Hogan really hasn’t watched TV the last few years.

Hall beat Spike Dudley The Mystery Opponent. Hogan and Hall pounded on Spike whenever he got thrown outside. Never thought I’d see Hulk Hogan and Spike Dudley doing spots together. Hall got the win with the Edge in a virtual squash. He looks more like Perro Aguayo every day.

MARK HENRY~! came out. Then he went away again. He’s regained all that weight he worked so hard to lose, but, by God, he’s the World’s Strongest Man.

Steph, as you’d expect, had broken out in hives backstage, courtesy the lotion. She commanded Angle destroy Hunter in the cage match. Yeah, good one.

Angle actually beat Hunter in the cage match. Turned into a great match by the finish. I refuse to make a judgement on Hunter’s current ability until he begins regularly working guys who are not Kurt Angle. Hunter hit the Pedigree and the crowd looked towards the back. Sure enough, out came Steph. She slammed the cage door on Hunter’s head. Has there been a WWF cage match in the last ten years that HASN’T had that spot? Kurt tried to leave but she wouldn’t let him, demanding he destroy Hunter some more. Hunter gigged. Probably would have meant something if two guys hadn’t already bled on this same show. Angle went to leave again, but decided on his own to go back and kill Hunter. Of course, Hunter made his comeback. Steph threw a chair into the ring. You’ll never guess who got clonked with it. Yup, Angle. Hunter started to climb, but Steph ran in and hit him with the chair. He sold more for her one chairshot than he’s ever sold for Angle in all the matches they’ve had together, crotching the top rope and then getting his foot got tied up between the first and the second. Steph then used her superhuman strength to drag the half-dead Angle out for the win. WHOO-HOO~! What great booking! I’m so excited for WrestleMania now! It’s going to be Hunter vs. Angle with Stephanie as the guest referee, right? Or maybe it will just be Hunter vs. Stephanie in a one-on-one grudge match with the Undisputed Title on the line! I can’t wait to see how this plays out, AS LONG AS IT INVOLVES STEPHANIE MCMAHON, THE GREATEST WRESTLER IN THE WHOLE GODDAMN WORLD!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~

At that point, the new plan was to break the WWF into separate Raw and Smackdown brands, with both “companies” having their own TV show and PPVs. Later, the idea to do separate PPVs was dropped. Plans flip-flopped for another four months. Finally, on the March 18th, 2002 Raw, Linda McMahon announced that the draft would be taking place on the following week’s show.

To make a long story short, the WWF had a long, long time to come up with some off-the-charts storyline to make this split necessary. After a full YEAR, here is what they came up with.

The Board of Directors had a meeting. They decided that the WWF should have only one owner, either Vince McMahon or Ric Flair. McMahon had disgraced the company on innumerable occasions, at times commanding employees to kiss his bare ass on national television, having on-screen affairs with women half his age, promising to bring a poison into the WWF so he could kill the company dead, and, most recently, hiring three old men to try to kill Rock — arguably the WWF’s biggest star — with a semi-truck. Ric Flair just wanted to wrestle Undertaker because Undertaker beat up his son in an unprovoked attack. So the Board, headed by Linda McMahon, Vince’s wife who had been cheated on by her husband numerous times on TV, announced that they were getting rid of Flair. But, she said, this incompetent Board reserved the right to review their decision after WrestleMania. Vince responded by displaying perfect behavior, not even showing up at WrestleMania (as noted earlier, the plan actually never was for Vince to interfere in Austin’s match in any way). The Board rewarded Vince for his perfect behavior by deciding to reinstate Flair and split the company in two.

And you wonder why we make fun of the writers at every opportunity.

So there was no good reason to do the split, and fans at home were probably pretty damn confused as to what was going on. On Raw this past Monday, Linda announced that they would only be drafting twenty guys, and the rest of the performers would be assigned to either Raw or Smackdown in a blind lottery. That was actually a very good idea, because careers would have been killed in an instant for those guys drafted after, say, number thirty. A complete review of the show, including the first twenty draft picks, is available in the Raw report later in this issue. The complete rosters, which were determined on WWF.com after Raw, are as follows:

~~~~

WWF Developmental (bold centered


OVW taped TV on March 6th. Shawn O’Hare beat Mr. Black to officially become the new Bolin Services Head of Security. Mr. Black got so mad about being replaced after the match that he quit. Crowd popped big for that. You know what I love about Ohio Valley? The fact that they can promote matches for absurdly comical positions, such as “Head Referee of Ohio Valley” or “Head of Security for Bolin Services” and make the fans actually care. It’s kind of amazing when you think about it. Cornette interviewed David Flair. He said he wanted a rematch against Prototype with the OVW Title on the line. Also, he said, a tag match with O’Hare & Prototype vs. himself and HIS DAD, RIC FLAIR. WHOO~! Crowd popped HYOOGE for that. Cornette signed the match for the Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom show on April 5th. Prototype hit the ring and said he wasn’t leaving until Cornette changed his mind. Cornette and David left, leaving Prototype all by himself. He stuck to his word and refused to leave. Mark Jindrak came out because he had a match scheduled, but Prototype still wouldn’t leave. So Jindrak challenged him to a match. Jindrak beat him with a roll-up in a non-title match thanks to interference from David. That damn David. Prototype better beat him clean with the figure four in the end. Robert Brisco beat Ray Ramsey with a low blow and a small package to retain his OVW Head Referee Title. Phil Phair (that’s really his name) was the referee. Trailer Park Trash & Flash DRAW Shelton Benjamin & Redd Dogg in a dark match when the time limit expired. Nick Dinsmore & Rob Conway beat Damaja & Machine via DQ in a Southern Tag Title match. Conway and Dinsmore have matching ring gear now. How cute. Victoria ran in for the finish. Bad guys beat on the good guys afterwards until Danny Davis hit the ring. They eventually cut him off and Damaja gave him the Brain damage. Show ended with security and Cornette running down to check on Davis.

~~

8. Chris Jericho beat Rock to retain the WWF Title in 20:53. (bold) Dudleys ran in at the finish and tried to cost Rock the match, but it was to no avail. Thank God they at least knew enough to not do a screwjob. Finish ended up being the same as the Royal Rumble, with Jericho kicking Rock low, then rolling him up and using the ropes to get the pin. Said to be a very good match. Afterwards, Rock did his usual post-match spiel talking about strudel and pie. Jericho said he hated pie, so the crowd chanted “OKAMA!” at him, which I guess is what the Japanese call a guy who doesn’t like pie. Write that down for the next time you go to Japan. Rock then gave him the uranage and everyone went home happy.

~~~~~~

Drowning Pool will be at WrestleMania this year, probably performing Hunter’s new theme live. Speaking of, I just got the new WWF Forceable (I know, it’s spelled wrong, remember the unwritten law) Entry CD in the mail the other day. A complete track listing is available at WWF.com. I always feel like such a moron reviewing these music CDs, because this is how it is: If you like the songs on TV, you will probably like them just as much on this CD, since they are the same songs. If you don’t like them, well, you probably won’t like the CD. I will say, however, that while listening to this CD I believe my circulating testosterone levels increased dramatically. What I love best is that they have theme songs for all these big stars, like Austin, Hunter, Jericho, Vince, Benoit and Undertaker. Then, all of a sudden, there’s a new theme for Raven buried in there. Don’t know why I find that so funny.

Ross seemed a bit surly in his online report this week. He said there was nothing new on the injury or rehab front. Next international tour is May 1st through 4th, featuring “mostly the talent featured on the Raw program”, in Germany, Scotland and England. They’re planning on flooding the market with advertising for WrestleMania. “Probably our most aggressive promotional campaign to date for any event.” He said the split would give some of the developmental guys an opportunity to move up to the main roster and give some current mid-carders a chance to work main events. But, Ross said, “there will be some who will refuse to look in the mirror when things do not go perfectly for them. Such is life.” He said Shawn Michaels was backstage at Smackdown and will be at AXXESS. “Let the WrestleMania rumors begin.” OK. Shawn Michaels might be at WrestleMania. “Some interesting stuff written this week about our programs, including individual segments and who produced them,” he wrote. “Who produced them? Please! Does it really matter? I look at all our work as a team effort. Too much annoying stuff is reported as to who has power or stroke and who does not. Who cares as long as the product is good and our fans enjoy it? Maybe my string of mysterious e-mails will begin again and I can practice using my delete button with more expertise.” Whoa, cowboy. Actually, the e-mail line was funny, but only about 0.005% of the 5% of insider fans actually have a clue what he’s talking about. “I hate when people write how ol’ J.R. feels about an issue or a talent without ever talking to me,” he continued. “That’s lame-ass reporting it seems to me.” I love it when Ross gets ornery. He went off on the Canadian border patrol and how anal they are. This was becoming the greatest Ross Report ever. He finished up saying they were evaluating the developmental camp participants, might sign some to deals, and would be looking to do another camp in the near future.

There was an article in MediaLife magazine claiming that if the ratings for the Sex on the Beach special were good, UPN was considering turning it into a weekly show. I assume this would mean that every week they’d do a half-hour show from a different exotic location with the girls walking around half-naked. I pray this does not mean it would be a show that would feature the women actually doing wrestling matches, because that would bomb for sure. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think the novelty of this would wear off really quickly. I mean, how many times can you see the Divas in a swimsuit before all of a sudden it’s the same thing every week? It’s not like this is building up to a softcore special where they would be naked. It’s not like there are going to be new girls every week (well, maybe there would be after awhile). The same half-naked girls doing the same thing every single week will get overexposed (pardon the pun) just like anything else. And the thing is, because this first show will be a novelty, it probably will do a really good rating and result in a weekly show.

~~~

Raw is 2000 Nitro (3/11/02) (bold underline center)

Show opened with Ross claiming Rock & Austin vs. NWO was the “biggest main event ever on Raw”.

RVD & Hardyz beat Regal & Dudleys. Well, with the World Wildlife Fund court case not looking so good, I’ve figured out a new set of initials for the WWF — SOS. Same Old Shit. I wonder if anyone in the company has figured out yet that the reason things seem to have stagnated might be because there is nothing new in the WWF. We’ve seen the Hardyz and the Dudleys working together for a hundred years, and because they gave up on the idea of splitting the Hardyz up after about two weeks, we’re going to see it for another hundred years. RVD pinned Regal clean with the frog splash for the win.

Clips aired of an “emergency Board of Directors meeting” at WWF Headquarters. Vince said the company was in turmoil and it was all Flair’s fault. Flair is the last guy I’d blame, but I’m not on the Board. Vince asked the Board to please do the right thing, and that was to choose which direction the company was going to go, and who was going to be the sole leader.

~~~~~

Perhaps the best paragraph in the column was the one that was actually cut out of the final published version: “Their offer this week made me think long and hard about everything, and in that process I realized that my legacy is not a bunch of video tapes and pictures. My legacy is in the reputation that I’ve built and the respect that I have from fans all over the world. I decided that the best epitaph that I could give to the time I came from, a time when Champions still were honorable and the respect afforded them was real, earned and deserved, would be to decline the WWF’s invitation to be on their show. And I have.”

~~~~

Smackdown (3/21/02) (bold underline center)
Show opened with clips from RAW IS HULKAMANIA~! Kind of strange that during this entire package, not one word was uttered regarding the split.

Booker T beat Edge. Angle did commentary during this match, the point of which was to demonstrate his overwhelming whiteness. Didn’t I just pay forty fucking dollars for this match at WrestleMania, by the way? Angle said he was going to be the number-one draft pick. Cole wanted to know why he assumed that. “Because I’m the best in the company!” Angle said. Well, that’s damn true. Edge started making his comeback but the ref took a bump. Angle took this opportunity to hit the ring and give Edge the Slam. Booker then hit the axe kick and the ref woke up to count the pin.

Vince ran into Hogan backstage. Crazy and disturbingly loud “HOGAN!” chants. Vince said, just for the record, that he invented Hulkamania and made Hogan what he was today. He said it wasn’t cool for Hogan to desert the NWO. He said, however, that he was forgiving man, so he offered to draft Hogan number one. Vince did not offer a very compelling argument, saying the biggest benefit was that Hogan would work for him.

~~~~~

ir came out and cut a promo. Flair, as some of you might recall, loves everybody, including the Japanese fans. He talked about how he’d been coming over to Japan for thirty years (“Too long!” he added) and how he’d had great matches with the likes of Jumbo Tsuruta, Stan Hansen, Bruiser Brody, Genichiro Tenryu, Riki Choshu, Terry Funk, Tatsumi Fujinami, Great Muta (who was doing commentary) and Giant Baba. Crowd cheered everyone’s name except Choshu’s, probably because his match with Flair wasn’t anything to write home about. Regal interrupted the promo. Flair beat him up and put him in the figure four, which of course got a huge reaction

Results from the Singapore Indoor Stadium the following night were similar. Shane came out to do his speech but got seriously booed, so he turned it into a heel promo. Regal beat Edge by rolling through a crossbody. Lita beat Molly with the moonsault. DDP beat Haku with the Diamond Cutter. Haku got a decent pop and Page was really over. Hurricane beat Funaki with the Blockbuster. Sounded like the exact same comedy match they did here in Seattle. Chucky & Billy beat Hardyz to retain the Tag Team Titles. Earl Hebner was the referee and actually posed on all four corners a la Steve Austin when he came out. Chucky hit Matt with the JUNGLE KICK~! and Billy pinned him. Tajiri beat Kidman with the execution kick to retain the Cruiserweight Title. Torrie was really over. Ric Flair and Regal did their thing. Kane & Show beat Dudleys with the double chokeslam. Main event and post-match was the same as in Yokohama the night before.

Final night was in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Funaki beat Hurricane. Unlike in Japan, Funaki was way over here. Page beat Haku with the Diamond Cutter, then just walked backstage. Don’t know if he was afraid to go through this crowd or what (actually, I doubt that’s the reason, because the reports we got said the crowd was extremely polite all night). Lita beat Molly via pinfall with the moonsault. Flair did his segment and announced that Raw was coming back to Malaysian TV. Regal didn’t come out. You’ll know why in a minute. Edge beat Regal via DQ after Regal shoved the ref. Guess the WWF didn’t feel this crowd would go insane over a cheap finish. Chuck & Billy beat Hardyz. Same match as the night before. Shane came out and cut a heel promo, burying the fans and Ric Flair. Flair came out and they got into a brawl. Flair actually sold for him. Thankfully, he made a comeback and put Shane in the figure four. Tajiri beat Kidman with the kick. They shook hands afterwards. Kane & Show beat the Dudleys. You know the drill. Main event finish and post-match was the same as everywhere else. Said to be another good show.