Anonpencil Writes Drunk: Sick Burn, Bro (LWTSIW)

>You hear Twilight's shrill voice echo from across the castle.
"Anon! Come heeere.... I need yoooou..."
>Your whole body instinctively tenses up. Oh god. That weird swoony voice, the way she extends and slurs the words. Yes, it sounds to you like Twilight is drunk. Shit, the last time she was drunk she knocked Spike unconscious and then used him and other random objects to play shuffleboard in the castle. And by "shuffleboard" what she meant was throwing everything off the balcony and trying to get it to land as close to the walls as possible.
>You were horrified at first. But hey, you won the tournament she suggested shortly after. So it could have been worse.
>Still, Twilight with her inhibitions is bad enough. Without she's definitely downright dangerous. Maybe you shouldn't go check on her.
"Anooooon! If you don't come heeeere I'll curse your feet to try to walk in opposite directions from eachotheeeeer... Are you flexible anooon?"
>You are not.
>With a sigh you get up out of bed and put down your issue of Stablemates, sheathe your still-stubby warrior and head out into the hall. You go down the hallways towards Twilight's chamber, and you hear a soft coughing coming from that direction. Oh lord, if she's sick to the point of puking, you are not cleaning that up again.You still have nightmares about the baby bird she barfed up last time. It was still... alive.
>You involuntarily shudder as you turn the door knob and open her door.
>Once inside, you quickly discover that Twilight is not in fact drunk. No. It's far worse than that.
>Twilight lies under several layers of blankets on her bed. Her face is rosy, her mane looks tousled and sweaty, and she has dark circles under her eyes. She sniffs hard and a trail of slick, pale green snot worms its way down her nostrils to hover on her upper lip before dripping into her open and panting mouth.
>Twilight Sparkle is sick.
>You're still for a moment, and she stares at you, breathing thickly.
"Well, I guess I'll be going then," you announce, and turn to leave the room.
"Don't you dare!" Twilight barks, her words sounding wet.
>The door behind you lights up with magic, but rather than slamming it immediately bursts into flames. Within less than a second the door is a pile of sparkling purple ash on the ground.
"Shit," Twilight mutters. "Can't think straight to do magic."
"Thus I am leaving."
"You stay or I'm casting the next spell on you," she says, smiling grimly. "Who know what'll happen? Ever seen your own skin peel off like wallpaper? Wanna know what it's like when your anus and mouth switch places?"
>You groan and walk over to her bedside, then sit on the small stool she has positioned there.  Twilight clears her throat, which sounds something like a person blowing bubbles into a bowl of chowder with a straw.
"Thas better," she mumbles.
"So, what do you want," you say flatly.
"I can't sleep, tell me a story," she says.
"Really? You can't just, I dunno, read a book like usual?"
"My eyes are all blurry, and besides I've read all my books, I want something new."
"So you want me to..."
"Make up a story," she demands like the impetuous little child she is.
>You think for a moment. Anything that can get you out of here sooner rather than later sounds like a good plan. You clear your throat, and this time it sounds like a normal, healthy person. Not a sick pony snot beast.
"Okay," you begin, "there was once a very ugly barnacle..."
"You told me that one alreadyyyyy," she whines, "I need a new one."
>Damn, you'd forgotten that you'd tried that last time. It had been cute at first how excited she'd gotten. Then terrifying as she started to swear at you in latin. She might actually have been possessed that time, not sick. It's impossible to tell anymore.
"So..." you say, doing the best you can to think on your feet, "there was once a princess."
"And her name was Twilight."
"...sure, her name was Twilight," you say, with a scowl, "and she was endlessly cruel to her roommate and pet wimp dragon. Everyone hated her but they were too scared to leave and one day they finally staged a coup and was burned at the stake. The end."
"Come on... give it a happy ending."
"That was a happy ending in my mind," you say with a dreamy, far-off look in your eye.
"Come oooooon," she whines once more.
"Fine, fine, and Twilight learned a very valuable friendship lesson. She stopped doing weird experiments on her friends and loved ones, committed herself to being the princess of Friendship, and everyone slowly grew to love her over time. And they all lived happily ever after."
>Twilight was silent a moment, and you hold your breath, hoping this has done the trick. After a few tense minutes, she begins to tremble, and gives a short nod.
"Yeah... yeah that sounds nice..." she mumbles, "but I'm cold. Tuck me in and then you can go."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
>You stand up, lift what must be four layers of blankets and move to tuck them in around her neck. She's actually a little cute here, all helpless and pouty. Maybe, in another world the two of you could have...
>Twilight projectile vomits onto you chest.
>You freeze, trying not to breathe in the smell of her bile as you feel the wetness of the puke singing through your shirt. Then you slowly stand up straight, angry at yourself for expecting anything different. After a moment, Twilight coughs, smiles, and looks up at you almost proudly.
"Okay, you can go," she says sweetly. "I feel much better now."
>You turn and walk away, reminding yourself that anyone who trusts Twilight at this point is a total Flu-ser.

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