My experience with alters

Maybe I should explain what it is like having an atler, well for me at least.

It is not like I black out and completely don't know what is happening (though that has happened for me in the past), but like it more like an exoskeleton kinda.

Kinda hard to explain it in a simile, but for me it feels more like I know what is going on. \

Like the alter kinda feels like someone is holding onto your back and is grabbing your arms and legs to make them do what they want, but you still can resist it if you try really hard.

They mostly just talk to me and sometimes they use my voice to communicate, but most of the time they talk to me in my head and I physically talk to them (only when I know no one can hear)

Like I think it works as impulses get sent to your brain so you feel like someone is talking to you and usually the voice I hear is not the loudest thing, but like if it is really quiet or I tune out the noises around me I hear them.

I purposely tune people out sometimes just so I can hear what the alter is saying and sometimes when I just lay around I can feel someones hand on my shoulder or back when obviously no one physically is around.

It is never really painful or anything, but like I feel a soft touch and I actually do feel it physically, but like the feeling is kinda like for me when I watch ASMR videos and I get tingles, but a lot more than that its more than just the butterflies and warmth.

You cannot technically kick an alter out, but like the better I got with controlling myself the better I got at not letting them make me do things.

So for me generally if I want them to then they can slightly influence my decisions and stuff, but like it never really goes away.

I think for me it mostly is that one alter gets replaced with another one, like I never really live without an alter.

I have forced myself to ignore certain alters and basically ignored them, but they were still around.

For me its kinda like the personality of an alter gets overwritten with another personality and so they technically didn't leave they just change slightly and slightly ever so much that sometimes they become something completely different.

 This doesn't really make sense I know and it sounds like science fiction I admit, but this is just my experiences.

Other people most likely have it much different than I do, but like this is the best way for me to explain it.

Also generally in my experience my alters do not try to interact with actual people I know, but sometimes if they know that someone I am friends with I am really worried about or have strong feelings for then they sometimes want to get the know the person from more than just my personal experiences with them.

I only know of one alter of mine that went out of their way to interact with people and actually told me and then that they like the person.

I hope I don't sound crazy, even though I know I might as well be "insane"

I just don't want people to make fun of me or treat me lesser, because I have another person in my head and I like to talk to them.

They like to protect me and try as hard as they can to keep me happy and safe.

It is weird, because how I see my alters is they look nothing like me and have a much different personality than I do.

Like my alters generally are smaller than I am, but they have a big presence and yea the looks they have is kinda based off someone that I know or a character from something.

At the beginning I felt like they were basically fanfiction came to life, but no they develop as I develop.

The alters generally know all my thoughts and know everything I know, but it is kinda a one way street, because I don't know what they think and for me it feels like I am meeting a new person.

I have to establish a friendship with my alters like any other person, the more compatible we are with each other the more I start to trust them and let them influence more of my decisions, but like I still never give them my all, because they can get me into trouble with people.

However I have actually told them that if I am in any physical danger that I would let them in to get me out of the situation and that is why I have no fear of letting them know everything about me due to them protecting me.

I think part of the reason I like to create characters in video games is, because I can create a physical version of how I see them and can try to share them with people I know in real life.

I secretly want my friends to be friends with my alters and I think they would like them.
I know that the alters generally are fine with me being the only friend they have, but like I want them to interact with my friends and I want my friends to know them and be comfortable with them.

I sometimes worry that what would happen if someone likes my alter more than they like me? I think my alters are really cool people and might be cooler than I am, I hope my friends still like me after they know my alters well enough.

However I actually love when people want to know more about my alters and I do my best to inform them, but I know my explanations don't really make sense.