Gamzee and Equius go to a Con and Have Yucky Buttsex

Gamzee was getting ready to go to this con. It was a homestuck con (shut the fuck up). ‘Shit man, I’mma dress up as Lil’ Cal because Tits said so’ said Gamzee as he put on his costume. Meanwhile at Equius’ crib, Equius slipped into a Maplehoof costume that he had nearby because that’s his troll fursuit and also he was going to the same con as Gamzee (it’s totally a coincidence and not because they’re both in the fic).

Blah blah blah Gamzee and Equius are at the con after riding the Yaoimobile there. It’s the only way hip and happening people get to their weird homestuck yaoi furry con shit. Some fuckass was selling key lime pie close to the entrance and Gamzee thought it was that sopor slime shit so he killed the fuckass and ate all of the pies and got high but it was a placebo effect so he wasn’t really high but he felt high.

At the same time, Equius was being a total con knobhead and was simultaneously beating the shit out of people with a yaoi paddle while saying that their Tavros robolegs looked like shit they pulled out from a Doctor Who episode. Then Gamzee was like ‘Sup Equius’ and shit and then Equius got super horny because he is was LARPing as Maplehoof in heat so he dragged Gamzee to some room that nobody was in (conveniently for Equius and maybe Gamzee).

The fucking then began. Equius pulled off Gamzee’s costume and started lubing up with some anal lube he kept in his anus specifically for this purpose. Unfortunately Equius has Parkinson’s disease and so he was really bad at lubing up. The end result was a lubed up Gamzee, Equius and floor in preparation for a hard dick up the ass by Equius.

Gamzee was like ‘Put it in motherfucker’ and Equius was like ‘Okay, mumble grumble lowbloods but I’m a highblood and you are higher than me so I have to resort to con-prison-rape in order to show dominance’. He unzipped the crotch panel on his Maplesuit and rammed his hotdog in Gamzee’s booty pipe. Foreplay wasn’t required because Equius is always hard.

‘Oh no’ said Gamzee, ‘I forgot to clean my asshole for your noble wangcockle, lemme fix that.’ Gamzee pulled his enema kit out of his ass. ‘Oh and motherfucker and miracles,’ he added. Gamzee proceeded to cleanse his asshole like Adolf Hitler did to Poland except instead of removing shit he was removing jews, which may not be too different depending on if you’re a nazi or not. Oh wait shit Hitler apparently accustomed Jews to shit so I dunno. Anyway, Gamzee wanted some wang and decided to half-ass the enema so there was still a little shit left in but Equius didn’t notice.

Equius lubed up some more and inserted his William into Gamzee’s Elizabeth Hurley again. Equius got a good rhythm as his dick has the horsepower of b100 (heheh, HORSEpower, geddit? Because he likes horses to fuck him and stuff). Anyway, because of his superior musclebeast libido, the lube soon evaporated due to the heat and friction and continued in the water cycle.
Equius was not aware of this so he kept going and so Gamzee’s ass started to bleed like his ass was having a ‘Housewives of New Jersey’ period. IE, it was shooting out more blood than a thousand horses on viagra could shoot out semen. Also the shit Gamzee didn’t clean out got on Equius’ dick and formed that shit ring that that Tumblr twatface described. ‘Oh no’ said Gamzee as his shit entering his bloodstream gave him instant sepsis and also he gave Equius AIDS because Gamzee doesn’t care if his partners use protection.

Five months later, Equius’ AIDS got cured because of the Furry Wizard of the East and some debts he forgot to pay back to Equius. But Gamzee’s sepsis got really bad. Like ‘his heart now pumps shit instead of blood throughout his body’ bad. Gamzee was going to die.

Equius used his furry sense and learned that Gamzee was in danger. He quickly escaped from his Physics or whatever Peter Parker did class and donned his fursuit. The Maplehoof Raiment granted him the speed equal to the horsepower of his dick. Which was b100. He arrived at Gamzee’s room in like five minutes.

‘Gamzee, are you for reals going to die from your own shit?’ asked Equius. ‘Yeah, motherfucker, no miracles for me,’ replied Gamzee. ‘Lolz,’ said Equius,’Can I get your house and shit, I think it would be a pretty cool holiday home.’
‘Whatevs brah,’ said Gamzee.

Gamzee then expired faster than full-cream milk does in the summer heat of Ghana. ‘Yeah bipches,’ said Equius, ‘Dis horsefucker is rich!!!!1!’

And they both lived happily ever after.

THE END

(Not really there’s a part II)

Part II

Equius realized that shit was bad because Gamzee was not around to take it in the ass from him. He got totally sad and shit. Like really sad, so sad that he gave up musclebeasts for like two seconds. But then he was like, “Shit, I need these musclebeasts,” so then he put his posters back on and went onto Troll FurAffinity and started up an RP with Nepeta.

The RP went like this:
“Nepeta: Blah blah meow
Equius: Blah Blah neigh
Nepeta: i lik ur pussy
Nepeta: wait i am the pussy sorry lol
Equius: i take ur sopor slime an fuk u hard
Nepeta: lolwut
Equius: soz i just miss Gamze
Equius: we r lik jogn lennon and the beatles
Equius: we were made 4 eachoder
Nepeta: haha fag
Nepeta quit and stuff
Equius: sobbu sobbu”

Equius decided he needed Gamzee and his anus. He  went to the troll place were they bury the dead (they totally do fuckass don’t go all uptight canon on me I will curb stomp your fat ass into the 9th circle of hell). “Shit, should I or should I not?” Equius asked himself. He then realized that was a stupid question and dug up Gamzee’s body.

“So we meat again,” said Equius’ william to Gamzee Elizabeth Hurley (MEAT geddit?). Equius inserted his kielbasa into Gamzee pavlova. Unfortunately, Gamzee was iin the middle of decomposing and so his ass was all delicate and his anus fell off. Equius couldn’t fuck Gamzee’s ass. Still very hard, Equius grasped Gamzee’s shed rectum and strongfapped furiously. It was like the 4th of July but it was ejaculating not fireworks.

Feeling deflated and spent, Equius put Gamzee’s anus on his ass and re-buried Gamzee. Equius realized that in order to feel the tight asshole of Gamzee, he needed to resurrect him or some bullshit like that (it’s part of the plot cuntrod, don’t question the author).

Eridan was the only one who knew magic, so Equius went to Eridan to help him. “Sure, I’ll -ugh- resurrect Gam -ugh- for you -ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” said Eridan, whilst furiously beating off to the fact that Equius visited him.

The two went on  a big journey across Middle Earth to Gamzee’s grave, during the journey, Gandalf valiantly sacrificed himself in order to fend off that Lord English fuckass. At the grave, Eridan did some magic shit and bada-boom bada-bing, Gamzee was back to life. Eridan hid behind some bushes and unzipped his fly will Equius went straight on to fucking Gamzee’s hot ass.

However, Eridan couldn’t reverse the decomposition process and so his anus fell off again.

A single tear rolled down Equius’ cheek.