Space Funeral 5: Journey of the Moon and Bubsy Text Dump

-SPACE FUNERAL 5: SPACE EULOGY: JOURNEY OF THE MOON AND BUBSY-

This will only include overworld dialogue. I will be censoring major swear words to evade Pastebin's censors. Enjoy!

Got twenty-five Rubles! All right!
... Are you ready to fight? Are you sure? Received OLD PJs!
He's silent.
Eat your greens, young lady.
You're not my son!
Take a rest. You feel worse.
Ho, TRAVELER! We seemed to have taken a bit of a DETOUR to the BLOOD CAVERNS! Sadly, there is NO WAY OUT. Well, there is ONE WAY. But you'll have to find that out YOURSELF! I am now going to sit here and ACCEPT MY FATE!
Got a CLEAN BRUSH!
Sometimes it seems my blood spurts out in gobs, as if it were a fountain's pulsing sobs. I clearly hear it mutter as it goes yet cannot find the wound from which it flows. Before I met you baby I didn't know what I was missing. You're just a small fry. Prepare to be demolished.
...
Greetings, my friends. Welcome to the CITY OF FORMS, now formless. What?! Who are you?! Can you be . . . Yes. I am MOON. It is I who have corrupted the city. Many years ago . . . Time passes so queerly, here . . . I was an artist . . . I sought perfection in all things. So, seeking to be inspired, I travelled to this city, a place of pure form. It was perfect. It destroyed me. Nothing could be created which was not a pathetic mockery of the objects of the city. The finest works paled in comparison. In the face of such beauty I felt corrupted, an animal. Our world meant nothing. We were all graceless, creatures of slime. I was practically comatose for months when I realised what I had to do. So you turned the city and world into a grotesque mockery of itself. Don't you see? The perfection of the city left us impotent. We have to destroy that we can build again! It's still not enough, you know. Even now I can feel echoes of that perfect world, in the chance permutations of our broken copy. Perhaps another GREAT CHANGE . . . Yes . . . And more, until it becomes self-perpetuating. . . A ceaseless chaos of forms . . . Perhaps I already have. Perhaps we've had this conversation many times, you and I, with places exchanged. . . Perhaps. But it stops here. Heh. Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven..............motherf*ckerrrrrr!
We did it . . . But the city hasn't changed. *koff* It will. It's collapsing as we speak. Sliding back into the entropy of perfection. . . Quickly, Phillip! Let's get out of here! *koff* *koff* Enjoy . .  . Your perfect world . . .
I smell BEEF. Or is that PORK? Nah, it's just HUMAN FLESH.
WELCOME TO GENECITY!!! The ART STYLE CLASH is REAL! BGM- Aphex Twin - Where's Your Girlfriend
It's a tall EASEL that somehow FLOATS above your HEAD. Paint something? You paint a poor pixelated rendition of one of the SKULL PLANTS sitting around. You need some better pixel art skills first. You feel better, but not much.
No one's home.
Hey, kid, wanna buy some TOMATO BUD and SWAMPWEED mix blunts? They're perfectly legal! ...in two countries....this one not included.
Okay.
oy f*k off m8
They KICKED ME OUT because I was being too DISGUSTING and ABHORRENT towards the strippers! I feel like i'm being FURSECUTED!
*grumble grumble* H e e e e e e y! Hey you! Yeah you! Me? Yeah, down heah! Under the text box! Yeah, you! Pal, I don't think yah wanna go in der, it's uh, kinda messy. Oh what am I kiddin, the place is fine, it's just that... Well it used t' be mine yah know. Really? (I don't have time for this) Oops, should uh, probably introduce myself. I'm CONKER. CONKER the SQUIRREL. I used to own that there establishment. "Conker's Fuzzy Palace". And technically, I still do! (???) It's just that, well, I got BOOTED OUT and REPLACED by some creepy DOPPELGANGER! I've been out here for months! Or was it weeks? Eh, I dunno, point is I WANT MY CLUB BACK! Wait why are you even going in there? Yeah, you've got OTHER CONKER to blame fer that! He looks just like me! Well, sort of. He looks like me if I was a HAIRY MUPPET! Which i'm not. If you're goin' in there, c-can I tag along? I know some of the patrons get... rowdy....and y*ffy. Wait, REALLY? Y-You're serious? Uh, okay, alrighty then! CONKER has joined the party! Yeah, you've got OTHER CONKER to blame fer that! He looks just like me! Well, sort of. He looks like me if I was a HAIRY MUPPET! Which i'm not. If you're goin' in there, c-can I tag along? I know some of the patrons get... rowdy....and y*ffy. Wait, REALLY? Y-You're serious? Uh, okay, alrighty then! CONKER has joined the party!
Keep many SMALL KNIVES on yourself! You'll never know when you have to dish out a MEAN STEAK!
I'm sorry, but the DUMPING GROUNDS are currently UNDER CONSTRUCTION! Please come back after an UNDETERMINED AMOUNT OF TIME!
In the trash can, you find a ROTTEN HAMBURGER. Eww, I guess it was in there for a reason. You put the ROTTEN HAMBURGER back in the trash.
This place SUCKS!
OMINOUS SPOOKY CASTLE PLACE
For some strange progress-related reason, you can't go in. It's almost as if some video game-related force is keeping you back. Odd.
Sleep in the bed? As soon as your body touches the bed, you are gnawed to death instantly.
The BLOOD-DRINKING TICK in my mattress SUCCED me to DIE!
What kind of SH*TTY SERVICE is THIS? Where's my FREE PILLOW CHOCOLATE? I want my FREE PILLOW CHOCOLATE!
Welcome to the HOTEL SCHMOTEL! We have an INFESTATION of BLOOD-DRINKING TICKS in our matresses, so please DON'T SLEEP IN THEM!
I sure do like this GREGORY guy loads more than that TOM NOOK blowhard! Too bad TOM threatened to return some day. I hope i'm DEAD before then!
HE HE HE, welcome to GENECITY, traveller. Please, PERUSE my USEFUL WARES, all for an AFFORDABLE SET OF PRICES, HE HE HE.
The PROGRESS BOAT turns back for NO MAN OR WOMAN! It shall sit here for ETERNITY!
OKAY, is all the 'fading in and out' BS done and gone? Good. So, we have ARRIVED at our DESTINATION! G E N E C I T Y ! Welp, nice going yah! I'm just gonna disappear into my impossibly tiny living quarters on my boat now! Bye!
No going back.
Hi! Welcome to FORGOTTEN SWAMP VILLAGE, I'm INYOR WAYE!
Owchies, my BRAIN STEM!
"Welcome to FORGOTTEN SWAMP VILLAGE! We're LONELY and FORGOTTEN!!" BGM- Kid Chameleon - Mountain
Paint something? You draw a heavily artifacted-yet-happy clip art green frog in the sky. Graphic design is your passion. You feel better, but not much.
It's locked.
Buzz off, kid, we're GAMBLING!
HE HE HE, my shop has many THINGS of USE to you, traveler! I hope you find what you NEED, hee hee.
This is fine. I'm okay with the events that are unfolding currently. That's ok, things are going to be okay.
You found a PARTICULARILY SAUCY P*RNO MAG!
WHAT ARE YAH DOIN' IN MY SWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMP!
You found a P*RNO MAG!
I come here to get away from all the rucus over at SCUM VULLAGE! The ROARS and MOANING of the native OGRES are soothing to me!
You can't fight it, haha!
HAHA! HM? AND WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE? I AM A PUPPET! A VERY HAPPY PUPPET! OH, OGGLING MY CHEST, I SEE? OH, THAT CHEST. WELL, YOU CAN'T HAVE WHAT'S IN IT! ...well, maybe you can... IF! IF YOU GET ME SOME READING MATERIAL! I CAN'T EXACTLY GET IT ON MY OWN, AS YOU CAN SEE. I HEARD THE OGRES HAVE THE LATEST COPIES OF 'PLAYGIRL' IN STOCK! FIND THOSE COPIES! ...like that one conveniently placed behind you... OH, and if you HAVEN'T ALREADY, GO NORTH and SEE the WIZARD.
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, GET ME SOME P*RN, D*MNIT!
HOLY SH*T, THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF. GIVE IT HERE, HURRY! Used DUCT TAPE to tape the magazine onto the PUPPET'S FACE! YEAAAH BWOOIIIIIIII!!! The puppet disappears into the hole, leaving a key.
The chest unlocks with a click. The inside is pitch black. Look in? (WARNING: ONCE YOU ACCEPT, YOU CAN'T GO BACK)
This is MY swamp!
Yawn, I'm not prevalent for another two games... Please leave... Sigh...
A mysterious letter. Read it? It says... "Who you are doesn't dictate what you do." How oddly swe- Wait a second. On the back it says: "Ayy lmao". How boring.
That was weird. Party healed.
Huh, what are YOU doing here? As you may know, I have IMPORTANT DUTIES in GENECITY! And, for TOTALLY LOGICAL REASONS, GENECITY is half-way to the CITY OF FORMS! Well, I guess you can come along. Tomorrow, we set sail for the kingdom of Daggerf-I mean, Genecity. And we sail now!
I am the SWAMP WIZARD! I protect this D*MN DAM from OGRES! Ah, so you're heading to the CITY OF FORMS, eh? And you need my help? Well, I don't know HOW to get there, but I can give you a few tips. And by TIPS I mean VAGUE RIDDLES! Watch for carrots! Trust the hobo! Aid the down-trodden woman! Drink your blood! That's all the HELP I can give you. Now be off! My ship sails in the morning! I wonder what's for DINNER!
This place SUCKS! Don't tell DRACULA I said that!
The SWAMPS are full of vicious OGRES! Watch out!
"You're always alone"
Paint something? You draw a horrifying, twitching being. You don't feel better at ALL.
Take a rest. You feel better....but not much.
Take a rest. You're not tired.
It's my brother.
It's dad.
It's mom.
Moon, honey, are you feeling alright? ... Oh hush, I'm sure she's fine. Right, Moon? ...Yeah, I just, need some fresh air.
I just can't stand to be around them. They are simply limiting my potential. If only summer came quicker.
You've heard it before, yes? The story of the hero who ventures to the City of Forms. The one they call Phillip. But, as you know, Phillip wasn't the first. Moon was. At that time, they weren't, as one could say, deluded. They had a passion, and a future. Just like everyone else. They also weren't the first artist. No, they were the SECOND. The first was......well, i'll just let you find that out by yourself. Eat a brick, f*cksteak. Space Funeral 5: Space Eulogy: Journey Of The Moon & Bubsy
And so, Moon went into the depths of the new and refurrbished CONKER'S FURRY PALACE......but that's to be explored in the full release of the game. Once again, apologies for taking so long to get the demo out again (one year to be exact), RPG Maker updated and broke everything. I still have no idea of a definite release date for the final game, but eh, that's okay, i'll get it done. I'm not gonna cancel it or anything. But, in the meantime... You should try out the game that inspired the creation of this mess if you haven't already: Super Space Funeral 4: Blood Red Edition & Bubsy Or maybe... Corpse March, which is being developed a heck of a lot faster than this game is, but that's because there's two devs who aren't constantly almost-dying. But for now... Happy Halloween, you goofs. I hope you all enjoyed the demo. See you all on the flip side.
I am the wise lion BUBSY. Not to be confused with that DEADBEAT HARLOT of the same name. I am writing MESSAGES back to the LION VILLAGE. I fear I have FALLEN ILL, and they need to PREPARE MY DEATHBED before I return. I am not long for this world, I fear. I guess there can only be one BUBSY,
Sometimes when I SLEEP, I think of all the CHILDREN I've DEVOURED with these MANDIBLES! Ha ha! It was too late for them!
I'm home. But that's not why I'm here. The City Of Forms lies ahead, mocking me with its beauty. I need inspiration, as without inspiration, I cannot create ART. GRAPHIC DESIGN is my PASSION.... I need to get moving.
I can't see my TENDONS anymore!
I hear that the FARTHER you go NORTH, the more CORRUPTED it becomes! Spooky, huh.
It's locked. Laughing can be heard inside.
orf orf
I am FORGETFUL AND ALONE MUSCLE! I know that you don't need a tutorial, so I won't give you one! ...on second thought, I'll give you a brief one! MORAL causes enemies to stop fighting for a bit! GOUGED decreases accuracy! SPOOKED does something I forgot! MYSTERY does something mysterious! I forgot the others, so BUG OFF, chump!
Itz all gone, all of it! Sniff. A... vizard... broke into my home, sniff. Now all my weed iz gone! Sniff. Haha! I get ze pun! That made me feel slightly better, zank you, Haha! I like you! FANK you for the jokes, hehe. Haha! I'd veward you handsomely! Find my FAT DOOBIE, and vile you're at it, KILL that WIZARD sh*t who broke into my home!
I should MOVE FAR AWAY.
Ha ha! You have found my weed! Zank you very much! Now, I don't have very much to reward you with, but... I think you'll find some USE for this! Acquired CEREBRAL BORE. Don't ask me where I got that. Now please, leave me to smoke this FAT DOOBIE in peace.
Good luck, arting starvist!
Got 420 Rubles! ... Put back 420 Rubles!
Got 420 Rubles! ... Put back 69 Rubles! Haha!
I am the GUARD of this FINE TOWNSHIP. Don't ask why i'm HIDING INSIDE!
I heard from the WISE LION BUBSY that the LION VILLAGE is a magnificent place of STEAK and INSTITUTIONALIZED LION ELITISM.
HE HE HE, I am GREGORY MOUSE. Welcome to my MODEST SHOP. I am currently ON VACATION from the HOUSE. Don't tell my mother!
... It's too late for you.
Found EIGHT RUBLES! All right!
Just a swamp. Take a closer look?
Got two SMALL BLOODS!
This message does not exist yet. as to explain it's ghostly nature. It must be a rip in time. But I can still read it.It says: "I eat *ss." ...I shouldn't have read that.
There's something hidden in the wall. Pull it out? You find some PURPLE DRANK! Rip Pimp C.
SNIFF... Please...SNIFF... My CASTLE... my FAMILY... You are in my way. Leg Horse scurries away, dripping blood and tears as he goes.... Strange.
It's sealed.
I am the mighty wizard FARTSNATCH. My location is a secret to the ENTIRE WORLD. If you're here, that can only mean one thing. So, you've come for the FAT DOOBIE, have you? You'll have to pluck it from my cold, dead, lips! You found a FAT DOOBIE on the corpse. I mean, a single puff wouldn't hurt, right? Party Healed.
I am still on the boat. That was an illusion. Dreams. They look real, but are just fallacies. Is this journey really worth it? Is it just a lost cause? Guh, my head... I can feel the BLOOD rushing to it.
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
ror
Nice to meat you.
WATCH OUT! For a PALTRY FEE, i'll tell you about the horrible dangers of this room! Thanks, CHUMBAG! The danger is... Everyone are bad dancers! Don't get your toes stepped on! Thanks for the money, IGNORAMUS! Aww...
F*k u lol I got my money.
HAHAHAHAHA, NO ONE LIKES ME! HAHAHA! PLEASE END ME!
I like to eat concrete.
GIRLS are ALL OVER ME once I tell them that I have a FELONY CONVICTION for SMUGGLING F*RESKIN!
what the f*ck am i even supposed to be
I want to go home.
I'd enjoy some FRESH FLESH right now.
I used to be a LIBERAL, but now i'm just an IRRELAVANT F*CKWAD! Isn't LIFE great?
My MIND is tellin' me no... But my body, my body is tellin' me OH GOD IT HURTS PLEASE HELP ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Do not bother me, FOOLISH MORTAL. I am only here for SCIENCY REASONS.
Did'ja hear? CONKER just got the place REFURRBISHED! It looks JUST LIKE my INNARDS! Well, back when I had INNARDS...
Found NEW(ISH) HOODIE!
Let's get WET 'N WILD, baby!
The LACK OF FLASHING LIGHTS is giving me an ANTI-SEIZURE!
M E A T
Yah see those over there, to the left? Those are called Glitches. No one knows why they've started appearin' all over the place, and I don't think anyone wants to. Odd, ain't it? What, why am I not CAPITALIZING EVERYTHING? Reasons, my dear Moon, reasons. Whoosh, i'm gone.
What are YOU lookin' at, TOSSER?
I don't like these NEW DISCO BALLS. They've made me TWO-EIGHTS BLIND!