Stream Summary: 2021-01-29, Utawaku/"Comeback"

This summary was not made entirely by my own ability. I asked for a second opinion in regards to the explanation segment and revised some stuff from that advise. It wouldn't feel right to not mention this.

>Wants to do a re-take on the explanation
She starts off apologizing for all the worries she has given everyone in regards to her depressed state these past couple of days and says that she once again wants to try and lightly provide an explanation for this, she then laughs as she explains that she planned to explain this properly in the member stream, but since she didn't understand her own feelings as much as she thought she did, the member stream also ended up becoming a confusing one.
But since she has now recovered and is back to her usual energetic self she wants to take another shot at explaining, although it will be a light explanation.

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>Were you lonely?
During her break she checked Twitter a lot and saw a lot of people expressing their sadness over her not being around, and she says that seeing all the comments, the art, the tweets and so on, made her very happy and that it was for that reason this smiling face could return. She then reiterates and says that in all seriousness she has recovered from that slump and is back to being happy again.

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>Not an official leave
As she begins to write her poem she writes "Tadaima" first but then corrects herself stating it isn't like that and it brings her to talk about how she was surprised to see so many people talking about her as if she was going on a official leave as that was not how she saw it herself, and reflects on that while she thinks she never said anything like it, it is still probably her fault for making people believe it.
(A nuance difference is at work here, she is surprised about seeing people refer to her break as 休止 which is a more formal word hence me using "Official leave" instead. She does frequently say she took a break in the form of 休み which is less formal)

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>The explanation
First she wants to address that she did not expect it to worry as many people as it did, and that it was spreading far more than she herself thought it would. Even while she herself knew it was a rather big thing, it reached out further than she thought and for that she is very sorry for the worries and for anything else it might have given people, since she got the feeling that she really messed up as she was reading all the tweets, replies, and whatnot.
She then begins explaining the cause of the incident and starts off with stating that to prevent people from further worrying she'll clearly state that since that time she has come to terms with her thoughts and feelings and from now on will be streaming as usual every day, and she says that because her explanation might cause people to worry again.

She continues and mentions that during superchat reading during the Princess connect stream she ended up crying and because of that she felt like she was not able to continue reading and ended the stream there. Since she ended up making a lot of people worry from that she regrets not being able to get out a tweet after the stream to reduce people's anxiety. The reason she acted like that was because her ideas kept getting rejected whenever she asked management for permission to put these ideas into motion on the grounds of being difficult to implement for reasons unspecified by Pekora, and despite negotiating that she could pay for it out of her own pocket the decision by management would not budge. Despite getting increasingly more frustrated with the situation she managed to continue streaming as usual for a while, since streaming itself was fun for her. However, one day she saw someone implement an idea that she herself was turned down for, this became her breaking point as it felt like a direct attack against her making her wonder if the fault lies in her in particular and why that is.

In that turmoil she still decided to stream that Pricon stream and figured that while she is streaming it will work out one way or another but when it came to the superchat reading bit she just broke down, and then the result is all from that which she once again apologizes for. And then comes the Member stream where she figured she'd explain what was going on and at the time she honestly thought she'd be able to do it without issue but as soon as she got into the stream she turned into a sobbing mess for the entire time, she laughs at this and apologize for acting like that as she herself thought it would go better than it did, but after all her heart had yet to recover at that point.
She then answers an unspoken question as to why she made it a member stream in the first place and the reason is that she was worried about potentially ending up crying or coming off as complaining during her explanation and she felt that would be far too embarrassing for a public stream, therefore she limited it to members on the off-chance that it would happen, and well everyone saw how that went. And it was also because she was a sobbing mess for the entire stream she figured she needed to rest until she got her feelings under control so it wouldn't affect her regular streams.
It was also after this that she saw people being very worried about her going on an official break, and worrying other members as well as management which she is sorry for, also during this time she spoke a lot with management about various things as well as receiving a lot of support from various members which in the end allowed her to make this happy "return"(I put citation marks over this because she herself doesn't want to call it a "comeback" considering she was only gone for a couple of days and never considered it an official break, she even says 復活という "So-called return").

She goes on to say that she received a lot of concern from various members making her think that Hololive really is a supportive place and that despite her being bad at chatting she still has colleagues who'll happily help her out and it made her realize that she is not alone in all this and that there are members, management, and listeners out there that will support her during times like these, and so when she returned to her senses she now thinks her reaction was childish and that she was able to find a lot of things about herself to reflect upon.
This thing she wanted to do was something she really wanted to do and the reason she reacted in the way she did was because it felt personal for her as she could see others doing it and it made her think in the way of; "Why can't I do it? Why is it bad if I do it?" with these excessive thoughts she eventually ended up tipping over and crying.
To round off with some positivity she asks if everyone has noticed that her voice has recovered and she says it is because she hasn't spoken at all during her time away.

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>What did you do and Okayu
She gets the question what she did during her time away and she says for the most part she just laid in her bed, reading manga. As for which manga she says she was reading One Piece, Jigokuraku, Bakuman, and re-reading Death note. Okayu pops in and asks what she ate last evening and Pekora can't even remember that until a bit of awkward laughter and thinking she remembers that she ate つみれ汁(Fishball soup)

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>Dragon Quest Builders 2
On this Saturday at 13JST she'll be playing Dragon Quest Builders 2. Judging from the tweets she has had with a staff member from Squeenix this seems to be a special case permission to play the game so no mention of full scale permissions.

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>Left ear feeling weird
After a song she complains that her left ear is very itchy and asks if anyone knows what it is, she continues and says that she has been using a cotton swab too much during her break so that she is in a bit of pain. People tell her that using a cotton swab too much is a bad thing and she reacts in complete surprise, eventually letting out that she had no idea that it was a bad thing to do(In case anyone reading this doesn't know why, excessive use of a cotton swab can very easily lead to ear inflammation among other worse things if you aren't careful since the ear canal is particularly sensitive.)
Someone tells her that she should take a bath at least once every two days and she snaps at him calling him an idiot saying she takes a bath every day and that the nousagi are the type to take one every two days, no every three days.

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>Nier Replicant
Aside from Dragon Quest Builders they've also received permissions to play the Nier series and Pekora has plans to play the remake of Nier Replicant that is released in April. She remembers back to the time she played Nier Automata(Pre-Hololive for anyone confused) and how a friend of hers would make fun of her for planning to play Automata before having played Replicant.

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>No humans
Someone asks her if she watched the latest episode of Molcar(Pui Pui Molcar) and she says she did and although it might be a selfish thought from her but she says she never wanted any human faces to come out in the show and when it happened it gave her a disappointing feeling.

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>Superchats
As she thanks a superchat she remembers that she egosearched a lot and found people talking about the whole perceived pressure from superchats and she says it is completely fine to still send them and that while she did she say she wants to do something as a repayment for all the superchats she gets, she is still happy about receiving them from everyone.(Might sound contradicting if you have the member stream fresh in mind but I mean, she was not exactly in a clear state of mind at the time so nothing she said at that moment should be treated as absolute)

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>Saving her voice
Someone jokingly asks her if she is going to do two streams today and she goes back and forth with the thought but settles on that she wants to save this current pretty voice she has so for the time being she will probably not do any long streams, except for Saturday.