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- “Ewwwwww! Spiders! Why’d it have to be spiders?”
- >The ground is alive with the things, skittering in every direction.
- >Thick strands of webbing cling to your hands and face as you feel your way forwards through the gloom.
- >“C’mon Annie, no chickening out now!” Scootaloo’s voice sounds from just behind you. “An interp… intepid… -brave- explorer isn’t scared of any stupid spiders. Don’t make me regret giving you my hat!”
- “Who said I was scared? I’m not scared. Spiders are just -gross-, that’s all. And I’m not even wearing any shoes.”
- >“Well? Neither are we, silly. You don’t hear us complaining.”
- “You have hooves!”
- >“Jus’ keep goin’,” Apple Bloom urges, taking the lead as tiny spiders scatter before her. “We must be real close to the treasure by now.”
- >“Yeah!” Sweetie Belle says happily. “I bet it’s gonna be the best treasure ever, too. I wonder what sort of cutie marks we’ll get?”
- >She frowns momentarily.
- >“What if we find some ancient jewellery and get cutie marks of that? I don’t want ponies to think we’re all stuck up and mean like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.”
- “Naw, it’ll be fine,” Apple Bloom says. “Ponies won’t think that, cause we won’t -act- stuck up like them. Just look at your big sis, Sweetie Belle. She’s got a cutie mark of diamonds, it don’t get much fancier’n that, but she ain’t so stuck up. Err… mosta the time. Once you get to know ‘er.”
- >“Anyway,” Scootaloo butts in, “we’re -not- gonna get jewellery cutie marks, that’d be totally boring. We’re gonna get cutie marks showing our awesome adventures.”
- “…what, like… spiders?” you ask dubiously.
- >“Bleh, no way. I dunno exactly what, okay? But I bet they’re gonna be totally cool. Just wait and see.”
- “If you say so. I still don’t know if I get this whole cutie mark thing.”
- >All three fillies sigh.
- >“It really ain’t that complicated Annie,” Apple Bloom says patiently. “It’s just a mark on yer flank that appears when you find the thing that makes you special.”
- “Yeah, yeah, you said that.”
- >You frown, thinking this whole cutie mark thing over as you march onwards into the shady gully, deep in the shadow of the tall trees that rear up atop the rocky banks on either side.
- >The spiders seem to have made their retreat, but you’re still pushing through their thick webs with every step.
- >A thought strikes you, a flash of memory surfacing.
- “My big brother’s girlfriend had a butterfly on her… flank, I guess, and Dad didn’t seem real impressed when he found out about it.”
- >“That’s not right,” Sweetie Belle says in grave tones. “Your dad must have had his reasons, I guess. But a butterfly is a perfectly good cutie mark. Maybe her special talent was looking after animals, just like Fluttershy.”
- “Maybe…”
- >“Anyway, it proves that humans can get cutie marks too! So that makes you a blankflank just like us.”
- >You sense, rather than see, the excited grin that passes between the fillies.
- >“So we need to get you a cutie mark too!” Scootaloo says matter-of-factly.
- >“Yeah!” Apple Bloom chimes in. “Yer a Cutie Mark Crusader too now.”
- >“Right!” Sweetie Belle confirms.
- >You’re not too sure about all this, but after all, the three fillies have been nothing but friendly to you, and they seem cool.
- >Why let common sense or realism stand in the way of friendship?
- “… all right then,” you declare firmly. “Cutie Mark Crusaders forever!”
- >A cheer goes up from the ponies.
- >Striding forward through the dark fissure with a big grin plastered across your face, you don’t see the sheer drop ahead of you until you’re almost upon it.
- >It’s lucky that you’re walking somewhat gingerly anyway for fear of what you might step on, bare-footed, in the gloom.
- >Your toes come down in empty space, and with a sudden jerk you manage to shift your weight onto the heel; it scrapes painfully on coarse stone and slips off the edge, but not before you’ve already overbalanced backwards.
- >You fall and come down on your butt with a bump, safe and sound.
- >Apple Bloom, skipping along right beside you, was not so lucky.
- >Even as you sit forcefully down you can hear her cheer turn into a yelp of surprise as she pitches forwards over the edge.
- >“Apple Bloom!” comes the twin shout from behind you.
- >Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo race up to peer over the edge, and you prop yourself up on your elbows to do the same.
- >From up here it’s impossible to tell how far the darkness extends, but to your relief a plaintive cry soon comes from a little ways below.
- >“Ah… Ah’m all raght, guys.”
- >She sounds a little shaky, but not hurt.
- >“Apple Bloom, don’t scare us like that!” Sweetie Belle yells down angrily. “Do you think you can climb back up?”
- >“Uhhh… nope,” Apple Bloom replies. “Ah don’t reckon Ah can. Ah…. umm… Ah’m kinda stuck.”
- >“Stuck how?” Scootaloo yells down impatiently.
- >“There’s a whole mess o’ webs dahn here,” Apple Bloom calls back, her voice sounding more and more worried.
- >There’s a fizzing noise beside you and Sweetie Belle’s horn crackles and gives off a few sparks before settling down into a weak but steady glow of light.
- “…neat…” you murmur involuntarily, as your eyes widen to saucers at the display of magic.
- >The white unicorn’s muzzle is scrunched up in concentration as she leans over to shed her light down the pit to where her friend hangs.
- >The yellow filly comes into view, wriggling helplessly in a thick mesh of webs that span the tunnel like a hammock.
- >The rocky floor of the cavern looks to be only a few feet beyond her, but her struggles aren’t getting her any closer to it; the webbing holds her fast.
- >“Scootaloo, can you fly down there and help her?” you ask.
- >Scootaloo just gives you an angry glare.
- “Uhhh…”
- >“…Scoots… uh… doesn’t fly so good,” Sweetie Belle pitches in with a nervous smile as the orange pegasus whips round to glare at her.
- >“I do too,” she says defensively. “I just… uh… I hurt my wing, all right? I’ll be flying in no time. Flying again, I mean.”
- >“Right, right,” Sweetie agrees hurriedly.
- “…right,” you nod. “Well what are we gonna do, then? Maybe we can find some sort of long branch, and lower it to her so she can grab on…?”
- >Your planning is interrupted by an abrasive voice that comes from directly ahead of you, on what must be the other side of the chasm that Apple Bloom fell into.
- >“So whadda we have heah?” the voice sneers. In the murky shadows you can see the shifting of a large, many-legged form and the baleful gleam of a cluster of eight red eyes.
- >A shudder runs through you at the sight, and you find yourself scrambling backwards from the edge a few paces to get some distance between you and the oversized spider thing.
- >Another arachnid form moves up alongside the first and speaks, its accent just as marked but rather feminine sounding.
- >“Tree lil’ ponies, huh? And some sorda shaved monkey in a wig, how’dya like that?”
- >Your fear is instantly forgotten as you spring to your feet.
- “MONKEY? WIG?! What the jumping jacks do you ACTUALLY THINK YOU’RE SAYING, spiderfreaks?”
- >The fillies at your side are staring, open-mouthed.
- >The spiders seem pretty taken aback as well.
- >“Ehhh… my sinceah apologies fer my associate’s rudeness theah,” the male one says after a moment.
- >You see mandibles glistening in the dark as he takes a step forward, and your frown deepens.
- >“Ain’t no reason why we should get offona wrong foot, like. Way I sees it, we just gotta straightforward business proposition over heah.”
- “Hmph.”
- >You stamp your foot in annoyance.
- “What business? Our friend Apple Bloom is stuck in your web, and you need to LET HER GO.”
- >”Yeaaahhhh… well, that’s one waya lookin’ at it,” the female spider says. “Alternatively, I could say that yer clumsy friend… Apple Boom or whatevah… has just gone and smashed right inta our property, and she’s bustin’ it all up.”
- >”Yer property?!” comes the indignant yell from below. “Are you kiddin’ me? You made a TRAP, an’ I fell into it!”
- >”Well now, again, mebbe that’s one waya seein’ things,” the spider says in oily tones. “You call it a trap, I call it home-sweet-home. Either way, you’s the one stuck down in a hole right now, so I reckon we got what ya might call a superior negotiatin’ position.”
- “Pfffthhhhhhhht,” you reply eloquently, puffing out your cheeks in a giant raspberry.
- >Once more your cutting wit seems to have rendered everybody speechless for a moment.
- >You press your advantage.
- “Just stop being massive spiderjerks and let Apple Bloom go,” you demand.
- >”Well sure, sure, we will. There’s just the miiinor question of fair compensation, like, for repairs to our property. An’ the emotional distress we’s suffered an’ all.”
- >You give a growl of exasperation.
- >”Well what do you want?” Sweetie Belle pipes up.
- >”Dunno, watcha got?” the spider shoots back.
- >”Ummm… three bits?” Sweetie Belle offers brightly, holding up three shiny coins on one hoof.
- >”I’ve got a couple bits too, I guess,” Scootaloo says sulkily.
- “Woah, woah, woah,” you say with another stamp of your foot. “Put that away. Since when do inter-pid explorers give in and pay bribes to hostage-taking savages?”
- >”Savages?” Scootaloo says dubiously. “I dunno Annie, these just seem like regular spiders.”
- “They take hostages, THEY’RE SAVAGES.”
- >”Hey hey hey, who you callin’ sav-“
- “I BET THEY’RE GONNA COOK APPLE BLOOM AND EAT HER.”
- >The two fillies stare at you in horror, as do the spiders.
- >The only sound is a strangled ‘eep’ from the pit below.
- “THEY’RE CANNIBAL SAVAGES.”
- >”But… but… how do you know?” Scootaloo asks, sounding almost awed.
- “Isn’t it obvious? We’ve run into them in the middle of the forest here, and they’ve taken Apple Bloom hostage with a VILE AND DEVIANT TRAP.”
- “…I think you mean devious,” Sweetie Belle chips in quietly.
- “YES. THANK YOU. DEVIOUS.”
- >Scootaloo is starting to get a determined look in her eyes.
- >”So what you’re saying is, this is an adventure,” she says, her wings starting to hum with excitement.
- “Yeah! A totally exciting adventure! So are you with me?”
- >”Yeah!” Scootaloo yells immediately.
- >You fix Sweetie Belle with a forceful look, imploring her to trust you.
- >For a moment she looks scared and uncertain, but gradually the doubt fades away from her big green eyes and she springs over to stand by your side. “Yeah!” she squeaks.
- “Apple Bloom?” you yell.
- >”Yeah?”
- “Are you with me?”
- >”Oh fer cryin’ out loud-“ one of the spiders starts, before being interrupted by a resounding “YEAH!” that echoes up from the pit.
- “RIGHT.”
- >You grab a hoof each from Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, and prepare yourself.
- “LET’S DO THIS.”
- >You take a step forwards and leap from the edge of the pit, plummeting down into blackness.
- >Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are taken by surprise, but you drag them with you, and they follow in your leap of faith.
- >After a long moment of tumbling head-over-heels – or hooves – in the darkness, your fall is arrested by the springy expanse of webbing, which sags and stretches under your weight.
- >A moment later the two fillies land nearby, and you hear a couple of muted ‘oof’s as somebody lands on Apple Bloom.
- >Just as planned, the webs begin to give way under your combined weight, strand after strand stretching past its breaking point and snapping.
- >In fits and starts the four of you tumble slowly to the floor through the layers of webbing, and after a few moments you stand on solid ground once more, grazed and a little bruised but none the worse for wear.
- “ Come on!” you call, springing to your feet just as quickly as you can regain your senses and shake off the dizziness. “Let’s go before they come after us.”
- >You pause just a moment to snatch up the ponies' hats from where they had fallen on the floor, and then sprint off down the rocky tunnel that leads out of this chamber.
- >The three fillies follow close on your heels, Sweetie Belle doing her best to light the way.
- “Hahaha! Loser spiderfreaks!” you call in sing-song over your shoulder, giving a skip of elation as sunlight comes into view off down the tunnel in the distance along with the sound of splashing water.
- >A minute later you emerge into brilliant sunlight with a great torrent of water cascading down in front of you.
- >It takes only moments before you’re thoroughly drenched in spray, but it doesn’t do much to damp your mood.
- >With the bright sun and the spraying water, there are miniature rainbows everywhere, and for a moment you just stand gazing with a big grin on your face as the ponies come to a halt beside you.
- >You’re halfway up a cliff behind a waterfall, with only a narrow ledge leading across to safety on the bank, but there’s no sound of pursuit from the spiders, so it seems like you have plenty of time to admire the view and figure out your next move.
- >As long as you don’t mind getting soaked to the skin, but it’s a bit late for that anyway.
- >”Annie!” Sweetie Belle starts with an excited squeak, “that was-“
- >“AWESOME.” Scootaloo breaks in.
- >“Yeah!” Apple Bloom agrees enthusiastically. “How’dya know that there was a tunnel out of there?”
- “Huh?”
- >”I mean how’d ya know that we could escape like that once we were outta the web, and weren’t just all gonna be stuck down there forever until the spiders let us out?”
- >You feel a blush creeping over your face.
- “Oh. Uh. I just knew. So anyway! Let’s go.”
- >You start striding off confidently across the narrow ledge, and promptly slip and plummet twenty feet through the air with a shriek before splashing into the pool below.
- >You surface a moment later, dizzy and spluttering, and look up to see three little filly-faces peering over the ledge above, the fear on their faces slowly turning to amusement.
- >”Pfffhahahaa!” Scootaloo is the first to break into laughter, and within moments all three of them are giggling as you pout back at them.
- >Your hair is plastered to your face, you’re still coughing up water, and you can feel the beginnings of a very bad mood coming on.
- >Momentarily, there’s a loud squeak from above and then Sweetie Belle is tumbling through the air to bomb into the water next to you.
- >Scootaloo follows a moment later, her wings fluttering desperately to no avail as she yells a muffled curse up at her treacherous friend.
- >Only Apple Bloom is left, laughing uncontrollably as she looks down at the three of you.
- >”Ehehehe… Princess o’ the hill!”
- >She grins, savouring her triumph for a moment longer before leaping off herself.
- >She cannonballs into the water in the middle of all three of you, sending up a great splash of water and soaking you all once more.
- >You exchange evil looks with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.
- >The three of you dive on Apple Bloom as soon as she surfaces, pushing her back under water as she gives a startled yelp.
- >Battle ensues for the next several minutes until finally you call a stop.
- “Girls, girls, girls!”
- >Scootaloo makes a diving lunge for you and you backstep as she bellyflops into the water.
- “STOP. We still have treasure to find!”
- >You hold up the two hats, now wet through and floppy, that you rescued from the cave.
- “Sweetie Belle. Apple Bloom. Take your hats back. We’ve got EXPLORING to do. Or do you think we’re gonna get water-fighting cutie marks?”
- >A look of steely purpose comes into the fillies’ eyes as you mention cutie marks.
- >”Right!” Scootaloo says, surfacing with the same serious look on her face. “Let’s get going.”
- >Your soaked pyjamas slowly begin to dry in the sun as you walk along the riverbank with the three fillies following fast on your heels.
- >With every step your bare feet sink into an inch of silt and the warm, stinking sludge squidges deliciously between your toes.
- >It puts you in a thoughtful mood, and your brain starts turning things over.
- >Not big, pointless, uncomfortable questions like how you got ripped from your reality and dumped barefoot but magically healed in the middle of a strange forest with three colourful talking ponies as your only companions.
- >No, you’re caught up with more pressing things.
- ‘If you ask me, it’s pretty lame that those spider savages didn’t have any treasure,’ you muse out loud. ‘I mean, we fall into the clutches of horrible cannibals and escape their deadly lair and all, and we don’t find a holy grail or even a single lousy magic rock?’
- >‘Magic rock?’ Scootaloo asks sceptically.
- ‘Y’know, like in that one Indiana Jones movie. They have to save that lady from getting human-sacrificed, just like Apple Bloom… except, obviously, without the human bit… like, pony-sacrificed, whatever… and Indiana gets turned evil and almost loses his hat and some dude’s heart gets ripped out of his chest but it all turns out okay and they get out with a magic rock or something.’
- >‘Hang on,’ Apple Bloom cuts in with a worried frown. ‘I thought you said I was gonna get cannibaled, not pony-sacrificed! Which one was it?’
- ‘Well I dunno,’ you scoff, ‘it’s you guys who are s’posed to know this forest, you tell me, do the spider savages sacrifice ponies or just eat them?’
- >They exchange uncertain glances as they continue to pad along just behind you, hooves making little sucking noises in the mud.
- ‘Whatever. The point is, there shoulda been treasure. It was the same deal with that other Indiana Jones movie where he has to fight Nazis and dodge a bunch of traps and do a crossword or whatever and then he gets all those shiny cups.’
- >‘A… crossword?’
- ‘Uhh… I dunno, it’s more like a spelling bee. That he does with his feet. And if he gets it wrong then he falls.’
- >They look more confused than ever.
- >‘And what’s a Nazi?’ Sweetie Belle asks, splashing mud everywhere as she takes several hops forward to walk at your side.
- ‘Nazis are bad people who wear silly clothes and boss people around a lot and they tried to get rid of all the juice.’
- >‘…why would they do that?’ Scootaloo asks as she and Apple Bloom come up on your other side to join Sweetie in fixing you with an inquisitive look.
- >‘Yeah!’ Sweetie squeaks in indignation. ‘Who doesn’t like juice?’
- ‘I dunno, but it’s -history-,’ you say solemnly. ‘My brother told me, and he’s really smart. They put all the juice in Germany into camps to be concentrated on.’
- >‘Concentrated on…?’ Sweetie asks in total confusion.
- ‘Yeah. Like, you know, fancy juice bottles say “not from concentrate” on them. Because concentration makes juice worse. So the Nazis were probably just gonna concentrate on it and concentrate on it in their camps until it wasn’t… tasty any more.’
- >You’re aware that your voice trailed off into a slightly speculative sort of tone towards the end of that.
- >That won’t do.
- >You make up for it by raising your chin in the air with the authoritative ‘hmpf’ of a girl who knows exactly what she’s talking about.
- >‘…they sound -really- bad,’ Sweetie Belle says tentatively.
- ‘Darn straight.’
- >‘Well,’ Scootaloo cuts in, ‘Rainbow never mentioned Daring Do fighting any, err, Nasties. I don’t even think we have any of those in Equestria. But I get what you’re saying, Annie. We shoulda found at least SOME treasure by now.’
- >’Yeah… Ah’m getting’ awful hungry,’ Apple Bloom says, ‘an’ there’s a whole mess o’ chores Ah’m s’posed to be doin’ back at Sweet Apple Acres. Maybe we should start headin’ back to P0nyville?’
- >You feel a pit open up in your stomach at the suggestion.
- >Just as you were starting to get into the swing of things, they’re talking about going home?
- >All very well for them, but you’ve got no home to go to.
- >You hardly even remember what home should mean to you.
- >But they’re right; you’re tired and you’re hungry, the sun’s beating down and you’re too hot and trudging around in this forest is pointless.
- >Your eyes are already beginning to fill with tears when Sweetie Belle’s outraged voice pulls you back from the brink of despair.
- >‘What?! Come on, you guys! We came out here to be brave explorers and earn our cutie marks, didn’t we? We can’t give up already. Let’s just get in the shade under the trees over there, and keep going. We’re BOUND to find some treasure soon.’
- ‘Yeah,’ you declare as you feel your resolution returning. ‘No quitting! C’mon.’
- >You and Sweetie lead the way toward the treeline and, after a moment’s shared glance with Apple Bloom, Scootaloo follows, her little wings buzzing as she tries to keep her hooves clear of the clinging mud.
- >‘All right, all right! Wait fer me!’ Apple Bloom hollers as she scampers to catch up.
- >‘Keep up then!’ Sweetie Belle says cheerfully.
- >All is right with the world again as you enter the cool shade of the trees.
- >You even find a bush covered with big fat blue berries.
- >After some brief deliberation on whether they’re the delicious kind of berries or the deadly kind of berries, you see some birds eating them and decide that’s good enough for you.
- >You take the lead in stuffing your face with them as fast as you can grab them from the bush without scratching your hands to ribbons on the thorny branches.
- >Ten minutes later as you lick the last of the sweet juice from your fingers you’re still not feeling any urge to throw up or keel over, so it seems like you’re pretty much on a roll.
- >With the gnawing in your stomach quieter for the time being, you press on and strike deeper into the forest, onwards towards the treasure that awaits you.
- >It’s not long before the trees begin to thin out once more; the river must curve around, because you can see it off in the distance again, a band of silver sparkling in the sunlight across a green meadow.
- >The long grass sways sweetly in the breeze with a sound like soft breathing.
- >Here and there a patch of poppies or other wildflowers adds a dash of vivid colour to the peaceful scene.
- >And right in the middle of the meadow, not so far from you, sitting on a blanket…
- >‘Oh, great,’ Scootaloo says with a voice full of scorn. ‘It’s THEM. Let’s get out of here before they see us.’
- >‘Ayep,’ Apple Bloom hastily agrees.
- >You duck back behind a tree, yanked by Sweetie Belle, but your curiosity keeps you peering around the trunk to where a group of small ponies sit around a wickerwork basket.
- >A couple of them are throwing a frisbee back and forth nearby.
- >From here you can hear the occasional yell our outburst of laughter.
- ‘What’s wrong?’ you ask as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo walk away and Sweetie Belle tries to tug you bodily after them by the leg of your pyjama bottoms, making adorable little muffled high-pitched noises with the exertion. ‘…Quit that.’
- >‘That’s Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara over there with those other ponies,’ Apple Bloom says by way of explanation, over her shoulder. ‘Applejack always told me that if I ain’t got anythin’ nice to say about somep0ny then I shouldn’t say anythin’ at all. So I got a whole lotta nothin’ ta say about those two. A WHOLE lot. Now c’mooooon.’
- ‘Wait, wait, wait.’ You make a grab for the waist of your pyjama bottoms as Sweetie Belle’s efforts threaten to tug them down. ‘I -said- cut it out, Sweetie.’
- >She spits her mouthful of pant-leg out with a ‘bleh’ noise and gives an embarrassed giggle. ‘…sorry Annie.’
- ‘What’s the big deal? Why are you so scared of those ponies?’
- >‘SCARED?!’ Scootaloo yells in outrage, before Apple Bloom clamps a hoof over her mouth with a forceful ‘SHHHH.’
- >‘Mmmmfdhgklaphp. Shmph. Asfd glrb.’
- >Apple Bloom removes her hoof as Scootaloo’s protestations return to a more reasonable volume. ‘Huh?’
- >‘I -said-: we’re not scared! But those two are just lame. They’ll ruin everything.’
- >‘Yeah,’ Sweetie pouts. ‘And Annie, they can’t know about you. They’ll just run right off and tell everyp0ny that they saw an alien-’
- ‘Didn’t I already say I’m not an alien?’
- >‘Well try telling THEM that! Try telling all of P0nyville that! Twilight’ll probably have you straight in her lab to run crazy magic tests on you for days before we get to see you again.’
- >The blood drains from your face.
- ‘…lab? Tests? No. No, no, no.’
- >‘Right?! So that’s why we need to keep you a secret. From everyp0ny, and especially from those two.’
- ‘But what’s so bad about them?’
- >‘What’s –good- about them?’ Scootaloo says darkly. ‘They’re just big mean bullies. Always pushing other ponies around and trying to make them feel bad. Especially us, ‘cos we don’t have our cutie marks yet.’
- ‘Hmm…’ you peek back around the tree trunk to where the little fillies sit drinking juice from fancy glasses on their plaid blanket. ‘So you’re saying they’re bad ponies, who boss other ponies around and… and are mean to them just ‘cos they’re different than them?’
- >‘Ayep,’ Apple Bloom nods vigorously.
- ‘Greedy?’
- >‘Ayep, they’re about the richest fillies at school but Ah ain't ever seen 'em share.’
- ‘Wear silly clothes at all?’
- >Sweetie fields this one.
- >‘My big sis Rarity says that Diamond Tiara’s headwear is a gaudy, tasteless crime against fashion.’
- ‘Close enough. And that sure is a big bottle of juice they have there…’
- >You look around at your friends, who are all gazing at you with varying levels of confusion.
- ‘Don’t you get it? They’re Nazi ponies.’
- >The three fillies gasp in shock.
- >‘A…are you sure?’ Sweetie Belle asks with a tremor in her voice.
- ‘Yeah,’ you say, feeling your resolve forming. ‘I’m sure. And that must mean they got to the treasure before we did.’
- >‘But how come?’ Apple Bloom asks.
- ‘Because that’s what Nazis do! They go around getting to treasure first and then you have to get it off of them by poisoning their drinks or pushing them into plane propellers or something.’
- >‘But… we can’t poison their drinks,’ Scootaloo says in shocked tones. ‘That’d be horrible. We’d get in SO MUCH TROUBLE.’
- ‘Well… okay. And I don’t see any planes around here, huh?’
- >The fillies just look blankly at you.
- ‘Right. Buuuut…’
- >Your eyes fix on the wicker basket that sits in pride of place on the blanket amidst all the little ponies.
- ‘Ehehe. Bingo. It’s JUST like that one movie!’
- >‘What are you talking about, Annie?’ Scootaloo says in weary tones.
- ‘The Ark of the Coffin-Ant,’ you answer reverently.
- >‘…what.’
- ‘The Ark of the Coffin-Ant! Or maybe this is a different ark, of… uhhh… a different sort of Ant. I dunno. The point is, it’s TREASURE.’
- >‘Annie, what in the hay are ya talkin’ about?’
- ‘Well y’know how Noah put all the animals on a ship called an ark to save them from the big flood?’
- >‘Nope.’
- ‘Well he did. And… uhh… there was a special kind of ant… called a coffin-ant… I guess… which… needed a special sort of boat to save it? Probably? A boat that looked like a gold chest?’
- >They’re all staring at you.
- >You’re losing them.
- >You’re even losing yourself.
- ‘…look. You see that fancy chest they’re all sitting around?’
- >‘Fancy… chest? You mean the picnic basket?’
- ‘It’s called an ark.’
- >Your tone brooks no argument.
- >You target Sweetie Belle with a fierce stare, and she bites her lip uncertainly as she looks back at you.
- ‘An ark is, like, a super special treasure chest, okay? A MAGICAL super special treasure chest. Those Nazi-ponies probably want it for some kind of evil scheme, so it’s our DUTY to take it off of them.’
- >‘… you wanna steal their picnic basket?’ Apple Bloom asks dubiously.
- >You lunge forwards, clasping your hands on either side of her face as you look into her eyes and speak with steely determination.
- ‘OUR. SACRED. DUTY.’
- >‘Right!’ Sweetie Belle joins in. ‘If it’s really magic, we can’t just let them have it! I dunno if they’re really natty ponies-’
- ‘NAZI PONIES. And they -are-.’
- >‘-but anyway if they’ve got our treasure – the treasure we’ve EARNED – then we need to get it back from them! For our cutie marks!’
- >Scootaloo nods slowly.
- >‘Rainbow told me about this one Daring Do story where some bad ponies got the treasure before she did, and she had to steal it off of them. I think Annie and Sweetie are right about this.’
- >‘…really, you guys?’ Apple Bloom asks flatly.
- >‘DOWN WITH NAZI PONIES,’ Sweetie Belle hisses intensely.
- ‘Down with Nazi ponies!’ you echo. ‘Cutie Mark Raiders of the Ark of the Coffin-Ant! Yay!’
- >‘Yay!’ Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo chorus.
- >‘…yay,’ Apple Bloom says with resignation after a moment.
- >‘But how are we gonna get it off of them?’ Scootaloo asks, her face suddenly falling. ‘We already said, we can’t poison them.’
- ‘Wellllll, I was thinking before, if we get to the ark and open it, it ought to do some magic stuff and get rid of all the bad ponies,’ you say doubtfully. ‘Buuuut… I dunno. If this isn’t the Ark of the Coffin-Ant, but just some other sort of ant, who knows if it works the same way. The best thing would be if we could scare them away or something.’
- >‘Scare them away, huh?’ Sweetie Belle says thoughtfully.
- >‘Scare them… away… oh! Oh! Ah’ve got it!’ Apple Bloom cries excitedly, all her previous reservations forgotten. ‘We’re gonna need mud. A lot of mud.’
- * * *
- >You are Diamond Tiara, and you are having the best day right now.
- >You knew all along that you were the most popular and beloved filly in school.
- >There was never any doubt.
- >But this, this proves it for sure.
- >All you had to do was hold a picnic, and mention on the invitations that your dad would be providing the most delicious and extravagant picnic lunch ever gobbled up by filly-kind, and your classmates positively flocked to bask in your presence.
- >Well, okay, the first time you sent round the invitations nop0ny seemed to notice, but after you sent out that second batch with the bit about DELICIOUS and EXTRAVAGANT put in bold and underlined a few times, everyp0ny remembered how much they wanted to be your friend.
- >As well they should.
- >’Hey, Diamond Tiara,’ comes a slightly muffled voice from behind you.
- >You roll your eyes before turning to face her with the politest smile you can manage.
- ‘Oh… hi, Alula…’
- >The pale yellow pegasus filly shuffles her hooves nervously, blushing as she meets your eyes for a moment. She lowers her head to place a wild pink orchid at your hooves.
- >You knew it was a mistake to invite her.
- [for those who have no idea who Alula is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5L-eWnpi6wM]
- >’I picked you a flower…’
- ‘…’
- >’I thought the colour would go nicely with your mane…’
- ‘…’
- >‘Ummm.’
- >You toss your head imperiously.
- ‘Didn’t I explain this to you well enough back on Hearts and Hooves Day?’ you say in a low voice, not wanting to be overheard. ‘It’s -weird-. Stop it.’
- >‘…I’m sorry, Diamond Tiara… I just thought…’ she sniffs, ears drooping as she starts to back away from you.
- ‘Have some juice and enjoy the picnic like a NORMAL filly,’ you demand, pouring her a glass from the pitcher nearby.
- >She does as she’s told.
- >To your relief, Silver Spoon trots over just then, a justified look of satisfaction on her face.
- >‘This is -such- a triumph,’ she says gloatingly. ‘Bump… bump… sugar lump rump!’
- >You bump hooves and flanks with her proudly; this was your ritual, the two of you, the most popular fillies in school.
- >Everyp0ny else must be SO jealous that they weren’t cool enough for the sugar lump rump.
- ‘In fact this picnic might be the best idea we’ve ever had,’ Silver Spoon goes on.
- >You frown.
- ‘The best idea I’VE ever had,’ you correct her.
- >‘Oh! Oh, yes, of course,’ she says hurriedly, an ingratiating smile coming to her lips. ‘Anyway, everyp0ny’s having a great time.’
- ‘Of course they are,’ you smile.
- >‘A -great- time,’ she repeats, looking a little worried. ‘Only… umm… a few of the girls were wondering, when are we going to eat? I guess they’re getting hungry…’
- ‘Hmph. We’ll eat when I SAY it’s time to eat.’
- >‘Hey Diamond Tiara?’ comes an interruption from behind you.
- >Alula again. That filly is really wearing on your nerves.
- ‘What?’
- >‘Did you invite Apple Bloom and Scootaloo?’
- >You and Silver Spoon burst out into peals of laughter in unison.
- ‘As if!’ you scoff through your giggles. ‘Why in Equestria would I invite those losers to my picnic?’
- >‘Haha, yeah!’ Silver Spoon chips in. ‘Cutie mark crusaders, more like Cutie mark cru-LAMERS, am I right?’
- >‘Well, yeah, I know you don’t really get along with them, that’s why I was surprised…’ Alula murmurs.
- ‘Surprised by -what-?’ you demand impatiently.
- >You turn around to glare at her, and that’s when you see them.
- >Those two pathetic blank-flanks, galloping across the meadow towards you at full pace, already nearly upon you.
- >Of all the nerve… these social outcasts, turning up to ruin your picnic…
- >You fix them with your haughtiest stare as they pause breathlessly in front of you, both of them sweating and wild-eyed.
- ‘What do YOU want?’ you demand.
- >‘Da… Dahmond Tiara, there’s no tahm ta explain,’ Apple Bloom splutters in that ridiculous yokel’s accent of hers. ‘Ya’ll gotta RUN!’
- ‘And WHY would I do that?’ you say icily.
- >‘BECAUSE IT’S COMING!’ Scootaloo yells, flapping her wings in agitation.
- ‘…it?’
- >‘The monster! It’s trying to eat us! IT ALREADY GOT SWEETIE BELLE.’
- >You give a dainty snort of laughter.
- ‘A monster? Oh, come on, you don’t rea-’
- >The words die in your throat as the thing comes crashing out of the woods.
- >It’s… it’s horrifying.
- >It stands on its hind legs, at least as tall as a fully grown pony, but its whole body seems to be made of sludge and ooze that sloughs off of it constantly as it thrashes its limbs about and makes bizarre shrieking noises.
- >And in front of it, running frantically, just out of its reach, is Sweetie Belle.
- >‘HELP! SOMEP0NY! PLEASE!
- >As you watch in stunned horror, the disgusting creature lunges forwards and collapses forwards over the filly.
- >One moment that squeaky blank-flank is there, and the next… nothing.
- >Just a brief scream of fear, cut short as the ooze smothers it.
- >And then Sweetie Belle is no more.
- ‘Oh, Celestia,’ you breathe as the hideous creature rises up on its hind legs again and starts surging towards you. ‘RUN! EVERYP0NY FOR HERSELF! RUUUUN!’
- >You try to get the picnic basket onto your back, but Silver Spoon grabs your hoof.
- >‘Come ON, Diamond! Just leave it, it’s not worth it!’
- ‘But-’
- >The mud-monster gives a gurgling howl of hunger, just yards away from you now.
- >You run, shedding a single tear for the basket of exquisite delicacies you leave behind.
- >You run, and don’t stop running.
- >Your lungs burn, your legs ache, but you can’t stop running until you’re safely in P0nyville again.
- >When you arrive, you can’t help but notice that the two remaining Cutie Mark Crusaders aren’t with you any more.
- >Maybe they fell behind and got devoured by that horrible mud monster, just like Sweetie Belle.
- >You almost feel bad for them.
- * * *
- >Figuring you’re about as clean as you’re going to get, you splash on out of the river again and pull your pyjamas back on.
- >They cling wetly to you now, but at least they were spared the worst extremities of mud.
- >‘…ah thought ya said it was s’posed to be magic,’ Apple Bloom says, poking around in the Ark of the Coffin-Ant.
- >You lean over her shoulder and reach in to grab a cake and pop it into your mouth.
- >It tastes a little muddy. Everything tastes a little muddy. It’ll probably be weeks before you can get the taste of mud out of your mouth.
- ‘Maybe it’s a magic picnic,’ you say through a mouth full of cream and pastry. ‘Have one of these éclairs, they’re awesome.’
- >She sighs, absent-mindedly stuffing a pastry delicacy in her mouth and chewing as Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo come over to claim their share of plunder.
- >‘No cutie marks, again. An’ Applejack’s gonna pitch a fit that Ah stayed out late and missed my chores.’
- ‘At least we stuck it to the Nazi-ponies,’ you say happily as you take a drink of juice.
- >Sweet, not-from-concentrate juice, free from Nazi interference.
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