old godkin essay edited

A [lovingly condensed past] Essay on my supposed godkin identity-

A preface-
You don’t have to believe a single word I write here. This can be a fun little story to you for all I care. But if I’m asked about otherkin and my kintype then this is what I’m going to reply with. It is basically an introduction and FAQ for otherkin, myself and my kintype. This essay is not always written in an ‘official’ tone, I’m no CEO and you’re no work college, if I’m going to say shit I’ll say shit. There’s also probably spelling and grammar mistakes; I’m flawed, not perfect, get over it. That being said, this ‘essay’ might not ‘flow’ nicely either, sorry but you’ll have to deal with it. I’m not going to bother citing all of my sources, I’ll do it someday. This essay is also in flux; it is always being edited with new information that comes to light. If you have a question you wish to add, please reach out to me and ask.


I understand that to help other people comprehend these seemingly controversial things about myself, I’m going to have to define some words. I’ve made the mistake before in assuming people use these words the way I do and I don’t want that to happen again. If you disagree with the definitions I’ve laid out, find a word you believe is what I’m describing and replace it with that. If you want to talk to me about this stuff of want further clarification, please reach out to me and ask.

Otherkin- A person that believes that they are non-human on some level. This can be a spiritual, psychological, neurological, a combination or a different experience.

Therian- A person that believes that they are a non-human animal on some level. Since non-human animal fits under the umbrella term of non-human, and that the definition of therian and otherkin are literally the same except for what they identify as, I put therianthropy under the umbrella term of otherkin. I understand that some people like to differentiate the two because the communities developed independently, however, by the definitions I use, I can substitute the word therian for otherkin and it still mean the same thing.

Fictionkin- Similar to otherkin but specifically for ‘fictional’ characters and/or races. Otherkin overlaps with fictionkin, however it does encompass fictional human characters thus fictionkin cannot be substituted with otherkin.

Otherhearted- A person that does not identify as, but instead with, something non-human. This is differentiated from things such as ‘liking something’ or ‘obsession’. An example being; John is not faekin, however he feels like fae are his family, his best and closest friends, like they are his blood relatives. It is stressed that John does not believe to be fae himself, however the ties of ‘family’ are so strong he cannot ignore them. Thus, John is faehearted. There is a therian version and a fictionkin version of otherhearted which are called animalhearted (or kith) and fictionhearted (or synpath) respectively. I consider otherhearted to be fictional kin i.e. family not bound by blood/genes.

Copinglinker- A person that takes on a non-human identity (or fictionkin identity) for coping reasons. It is debatable of whether or not a copinglink is otherkin as it is commonly considered that otherkin is not a choice while copinglinking is.

God/deity- From my point of view, there are many different ‘types’ of gods/deities. Some are created (by human minds or other means) and some are ‘discovered’ (by humans or otherwise). Something does not have to be ‘born’ physically as a god to be one, they can become a god. God is kind of like a status, a classification, a title. From what I’ve seen, god is generally a name given to an entity of large power and/or is not fully understandable by humans. Said ‘god’ does not have to be a part of a religion or of any religious rites either, it just needs to be called a god and referred to as such. Though generally, if a human finds/creates an entity of large power and does not fully understand it, they tend to worship it in hope of appeasing it and getting its favour since they were/are thought of controlling some part of the world or some aspect of life or is the personification of a force.

Demigod- The definition of demigod has been debated for a long while. In Chinese mythology demigods are half human and half god. In Hinduism, the term demigod is used to refer to deities who were once human and later became devas (gods). In the more modern times, people say it means a being/person with some but not all of the powers of a god or a lesser/’inferior’ god. The first use of ‘demigod’ was by two archaic Greek poets (Homer and Hesiod) to describe heroes after death, calling them hemitheoi (half gods). The first Roman to use the word demigod is thought to have been the poet Ovid (written in Latin as semideus), it was used to refer to minor deities.
I peg the definition as referring to a lesser/’inferior’/less ‘important’/minor god/deity that generally has more power than a human/mortal.

Shapeshifter- An entity that can change shape. Take it from the name, shape that shifts. This can be through magical means or otherwise. Shapeshifter is more of a descriptor than a species itself.



What my identity is-
I can and have been called a number of different things. People, to this day, argue about what I should be labelled as (and I find it hilarious, it’s like I don’t exist or something). So instead, I’ve defined the words I’m using so that you can’t argue with misunderstandings anymore.

I’ll come out and say it plain, I am godkin.
I have identified as non-human for as long as I can remember and it doesn’t look like these feelings are going away anytime soon.

Now; this does not mean I have a god complex. A god complex is an unshakeable belief characterised by consistently inflated feelings of personal ability, privilege, and/or infallibility. And I will quickly interject that a god complex differs from a messiah complex, which is when a person’s state of mind makes them believe that their purpose in life is to be a saviour (it isn’t all bad in theory however when these people believe they must take action, that’s when things don’t go so well).

People with god complexes will always (keyword here being ‘always’) believe that they are perfection personified, and will have an expectation to be treated as such. They believe that they are the best at anything and everything, everyone else is just a ‘lowly’ and ‘inferior’ human to them.
As such, they constantly scrutinise other people’s actions and think of them as bad or ‘not up to the mark’. Their judgement of others is always negative while they always see themselves in a positive and they regard their personal opinions as unquestionably correct. They expect to be recognised as superior even without any achievements.

Most likely because they see themselves as ‘higher than the mortal man’, they feel an uncontrollable urge to influence people and situations, to ‘use’ people where and when they see fit (in other words, they’re very manipulative). They exploit other people for their own personal gain and/or enjoyment.

According to the person in question, they will be forever incapable of ever making a mistake. Society’s rule/s are also unimportant to people with god complexes since they deem themselves to be above these "petty" things of the mortal world. Any ‘mistakes’ made by them apparently bare no responsibility on them. Any criticism of their actions (constructive or otherwise) will be met with rage, confusion and/or even outright denial. Anything that even so much as mildly contradicts their beliefs and/or actions, they cannot tolerate.

Basically, people who have a god complex are: extremely arrogant, judgemental, unable to tolerate criticism, and are addicted to influence and power. They are literally unable to recognise the damage their behaviour causes to themselves and to the people they interact with.
Possibilities for the existence of a god complex are: excessive admiration be people close to them without any realistic feedback or reason, unnecessarily high praise for ‘good’ behaviour and/or extreme criticism for ‘bad’ behaviour, severe emotional abuse in childhood and/or a learned manipulative behaviour from their parents.

I know I’m wrong a lot of the time, I’m not confidant in my ability to do nearly anything, I’m damn-well sure I’m not better than the average person, I’m generally always told I’m wrong and I love criticism as long as it’s constructive. Sure I’m judgemental, but when you’ve always been disappointed and betrayed by people and life you tend to take on a very judgemental and skeptical view. Sure I like power, it means I can get by in life easier and I like the path of least resistance, but obtaining that power is generally just too much effort on my part.


Now to explain my kintype more thoroughly. I sometimes take the reincarnation/misplaced soul approach to my kintype but I will accept the possibility that my mind has just ‘grown’ like this and my brain is making up an explanation as to why I feel this way. In fact, I do lean towards it being a psychological phenomenon. I guess from this point on, anything ‘specific’ about my kintype can be considered conjecture; it may seem like I know a lot about my ‘past-life’ as a ‘god’ but being honest here, this is all I know and this is incomplete (plus I learn new things every day, no matter how small).

I was a shapeshifter that was worshipped and thought of as a god. I was a creature of magick, the shapeshifting partly was due to me messing with space and the mind. For me, my power grew exponentially.
I found great joy in ‘infiltrating’ the human settlement. They were interesting creatures, they had such funny personalities. I grew attached to them, like I was their parent. I wanted to protect them. Later in my life, I enjoyed travelling across different universes/dimensions and immersing myself in different situations and interacting with different communities.

Whether I was a god or a demigod depends on who’s view and what time in my life you’re going from. The humans that worshiped me thought of me as a god while the foreigners that invaded thought of me as a demigod. Since I much like and prefer the human settlement to the foreigners (for a multitude of reasons) I prefer the title of god. At the same time however, the title of demigod is easier to explain, makes me nostalgic and is more natural given my ‘origins’. Conversely, even before the time of my ‘death’, I was at the power of a god, thus god is the correct title.
In other words, both godkin and demigodkin can apply to me since I was both at varying stages of my life. Because I like continuity (and it is considered insulting to call someone a child), my identity ‘continues’ of from when I ‘died’ thus I call myself godkin.



Forms-
Chimera form- lion-like head with protruding upper canines, tiger/lion-like ears (fur was short and light brown to brown), head/back jaw fur tufted over a small part of the neck kind of like a tiger/lioness mane, scaled neck and tail (scales were green), feathered wings and end of tail (feathers were either a lighter shade of brown or white), horns, feline/cheetah torso and paws with sharp hooked claws that protrude, feline/leopard arms and neck, and a long strong tail. The closest animal I can find for comparison is the Lokotunjailurus emageritus. This form’s diet consisted primarily of river fish and offerings (metal and meat), and was diurnal.

Human form- short brown hair, male physique, lightly tanned skin, tall (around 185 cm), always partially crouched/hunched. I wore what the village warriors wore, but during my travels I wore a large brown duster coat as my major identifying feature. This form’s diet consisted of anything I felt like eating, and was generally diurnal though did have stints of nocturnal activity.

‘ware’ form- anthropomorphic Chimera form. Wings were optional and were generally discarded for balance purposes, the tail was also shortened and simplified. This form’s diet consisted of the Chimera and human diet, and was generally diurnal though did have long stints of large nocturnal activity.

Other forms- I could shapeshift into whatever I desired. I generally stuck to humanoid forms for convenience and was generally limited to 2 m^2 of matter to become and play around with.



Personal otherkin abridged timeline-
-Dragonkin
-Dragonkin/godkin
-chimerakin/godkin
-shapeshifterkin/godkin
-demigodkin/godkin


In-depth personal otherkin timeline-
At first I thought I was dragonkin because I felt some scales (I thought they were blue), wings, horns, an elongated muzzle, was quadrupedal instead of bipedal, prowled, hissed, and growled.

Later I thought I was dragonkin and godkin. I was a god and someone said that I didn't understand what it meant to live a mortal life so I turned myself into a dragon and lived as one. I was in denial about not being dragonkin. I had discovered fur and thought “dragons can have fur”, then I discovered my feline paws and thought “dragons can have... cat paws?” The final nail in the coffin was when I discovered my feathered tail and wings and thought “maybe I’m not a dragon”. (I also differed from the mythologies and just loved dragons in general).

Later, it was I was a chimeric beast (instead of a dragon) and a god. A furred torso, scaled neck, tail and legs, a dragon-like body with feathered wings and a jackal-like head with, possibly, horns.

Later, I was a god of war and destruction etc. and I fucked people up for fun and shit and I was banished/condemned to a human life because of it.

Now, I was a shapeshifter that liked the chimera form and lived as such until a bunch of humans one day decided to worship me as a god. I (being the beast I was) killed them at first but they intrigued me so I shifted into a human and started learning about them in their tribal/ye olde Victorian/medieval small town/camp. I took a liking to them and decided to protect them from harm. I joined their wars later and helped bring them victory through bloodshed and chaotic violence. The current hypothesis as to why a shapeshifter (me) existed is a mage/powerful force created me and I escaped their keep.



How I came to feel this way and what I feel-
If I’m being honest, I’ve always felt like I wasn’t human, like something was just off. When I compared myself to other humans, it just felt wrong somehow. As I grew up, I just chalked it up to “I just haven’t found the right people yet”, but later in life I’ve realised that no-matter where I go, I’m just not fully connecting with humans on some integral level. To avoid me thinking too hard about this ‘problem’ I just ended up accepting that my soul isn’t like a ‘normal’ human’s and I left it at that.

So cue about a decade later, I was playing an online fan-game (for Pokémon of all things). I came across this strange word; catkin. So I thought ‘ok, I like cats and I also like the word kin, so what’s all this about?’ So I punched catkin into Google and it spat out these weird quizzes with some of the most obvious and rigged answers. I did a few of them (I mean, there’s no harm in it and I find them fun to do) and the answers I got included; otherkin, demonkin, angelkin, vampirekin and therian. So I thought to myself ‘hmm, this seems like a topic of some depth that may interest me, let’s do some research.’ I did a bit of Googling, found a few wikis, obscure forums and some definitions. I did a year or two of on-and-off critical thinking about my history and the reasons why I felt weird/different from seemingly everyone else and the word otherkin fit the bill. Later on (now), I’m giving myself a hard review of these feelings and compiling everything into and ‘easy-to-read’ introduction essay/document.

Strangely enough, during my research, I managed to completely avoid Tumblr and Wikipedia so I wasn’t privy to their snowflakeness until long after I identified as otherkin. Honestly, I learned about the tumblrkins through some irl friends making fun of them. Funny how internet works, I both am and am not sheltered.

My experience as an otherkin generally lines up with what is considered the ‘norm’. I’ve felt phantom limbs; my chimera fangs, snout, wings, claws, tail, horns etc. all at random times but mostly not all together. For example, I may feel my wings, fangs and claws but not my snout and tail. Then the next day or so, I may feel my snout, tail and wings but not my fangs and claws. The phantom limbs just 'appear' even when I don’t want them to and last around 10 minutes to 3 hours (or at least until I forget them consciously or otherwise). I also experience other phantom limbs which was (and still is) strange and sometimes annoying. At first, I didn't know if they were all from the same 'body' (since it's not like I was vain enough to stare into a lake at night just to see my reflection and imprint it into my memory), but after a while I felt these WoW orc-like tusks and I just knew it was from something different since my usual fangs were from my upper jaw. It just felt so foreign to my usual shifts and after that, I've noticed some pretty weird shifts every-so-often and they've all felt different to my usual 'chimera' shifts. The thing is though, they still felt like it was the same, just deep down I knew it was slightly different. It's hard to explain with words.

I don’t know for sure if I’ve had a few mental shifts or if I’m in one continuous shift. I consider my personality to be the same now as it was back then, I do the same things now as I did back then. I am the same creature, just not in body. That being said, I can shift into a more feral mindset when experiencing ‘memory’ dreams and such though I attribute it more to my chimeric form and not my mentally older human form. That also being said, humans are animals and have put their minds into a ‘feral’ state so yeah.

I’ve had (and still sometimes have) ‘memory’ dreams. I’ve always had dreams in which I wasn’t human, dreams that use my human body are so rare I could count them on these fingers. Said ‘memory’ dreams are like dreams that are too real, an intense feeling of déjà vu, so ‘real’ you forget about ‘reality’ for a moment. They’re not like dreams where you forget about ‘reality’ so it feels reals, the feeling of these ‘memories’ continue far beyond when you wake up.

I understand that ‘memories’ can be quite common among otherkin and some people place a lot of weight on them. In my opinion, memories that are ‘remembered’ through dream aren’t solid evidence of kintype; for all I know it could be my brain filling in the blanks of ‘why do I hold no memories even though I am it’. I will still indulge in them and use them to help flesh out what I look like (colour wise) and what my ‘past’ was. I know what I am without needing or relying on these ‘memories’ but hey, it’s fun to indulge every-so-often and can be very surprising sometimes.
Some things that I remember have no human words to describe what I felt. I know what I felt but putting it into words so others can even so much as begin to understand it is/feels impossible.
I remember using ‘magick’ to fly in my human form during some dreams. I remember how to change my shape. I remember how to physically speak in emotions. I remember how to hunt. I remember how to ‘telepathically’ know what something else is thinking. I remember how to ‘create’ matter and energy with just my thoughts and how to shape things already in ‘existence’. I can’t do all this now/anymore but I remember it. It’s very hard to explain and I really can’t find the words for it. It’s kind of like muscle memory or riding a bike, you know what to do and what it feels like but putting it into words is impossible. It is an innate sense, it just is.



My views on other otherkins and non-otherkins-
I tend to try my best at being courteous to everyone even if they hate me. I do have limits however, I’m not about to say I’m perfect and that I can never be angered. I know I have patience, and I know I have a quick temper for specific things.

I think of most otherkins as copinglinkers (myself included for now). I am of the belief that once you’ve past the ten year mark of otherkin identification then you are probably definitely otherkin. This is because some people identify as otherkin for a year or two and find that they actually aren’t that at all and it really was ‘just a phase’. Also, the entire concept of otherkin and fictionkin can just be an elaborate coping mechanism for life so I’m not ruling that out for sure.

I am under the impression that this tends to be frowned upon but: I like to believe or at least hypothetically believe that everyone who says they’re otherkin, is otherkin. At the risk of sounding snobbish, I treat it all like a fun thought experiment; how can it be true? Are they really otherkin or could they be otherhearted, or is it all just an obsession? Trolls that make an effort are especially fun to deal with. Trolls that don’t make an effort are easy to spot and are disappointing (hey look a list of 50 characters that one person is apparently ‘kin’ with, and a list of 60 ‘triggers’ which include just about every common word in the dictionary to match!). If you’re going to try, at least try good.

Fictionkin are fine by me. Specific characters I get iffy about (because it’s human nature to mimic other people and things, especially with media characters) but I can tolerate it if they explain their identity (and my worldview does allow for such things), fictional races are easily fare game though.
Honestly, to me, the only difference between otherkin and fictionkin is when the source material was made. Dragons, gods, demons etc. were first written about in very old ages, while TV shows and such are written recently. You could argue that they have the same validity too.

Honestly though, time tells all. If they’re not otherkin, they’ll ‘slip up’ and I’ll know: if they are otherkin, well I’ve been treating them like they always were anyway, so no difference.

Trolls and ‘non-believers’ (for lack of a better word) are helpful in their own way, so I try to treat them nicely too. Because they don’t know, lack the proper research, or just can’t be bothered to research for themselves; they ask questions, sometimes good questions. Sometimes it takes a troll to spur you into questioning yourself critically. As my high school chemistry teacher always said; “you never truly know a topic unless you can explain it to, and answer questions from, a 5 year-old.”



FAQ-
What do you dislike about your kintype?-
Being godkin is fine by me, I’m ok with that. I have workarounds. I hate calling myself godkin though. Publicly outing myself as godkin is a hard pill to swallow. My kintype gets a bad rap. A very bad rap. I get flak from other people just by existing.

There’s one hell of a stereotype that comes with godkin, a very annoying stigma that follows me everywhere. Tumblr is the main advocate of this stereotype (as usual) and (as usual) idiots believe that the satire is truth. Godkin is one of those ‘absurd’ kintypes that trolls like to latch onto for satire purposes. It is also something that people (or trolls pretending to be such people) who are not ‘mentally sound’ like to use to deny medical treatment.

Trolls (and others, sadly) claim to be godkin then immediately pretend that they're physically gods and demand worship, prayers, a following and offerings. They are swindlers, egomaniacs and some of them have legitimate god complexes and ‘normalising’ this by using the word godkin is not only detrimental to their health, it is detrimental to people like me who are just trying to get by in life. Those brats, and people in need of help, have clung to the word godkin and they don't look like they're leaving anytime soon. You can’t force them away from that label, they have to exhaust it and move off themselves. It’s like a fire, you can smother it but moving it with your bare hands will only hurt you.

I have no clue whether or not the stereotype is true, I don't have contact with many other godkins to confirm it. I’ve never been introduced to some godkin fightclub so I don’t know if they’re all holding out on me or what. I’ve met two or three people I’d consider ‘legit’ godkins and they either had little opinion on worship or didn’t understand why we would want it nowadays.


Another thing I hate about calling myself godkin is that I have to explain that godkin does not immediately equal god complex, you can be/have one without the other. I also hate having to explain that I don’t want to be worshiped. Worship is a rabbit hole of shit that's also on fire. You have little to no control over the people who worship you anyway, if I wanted worship I would also want to be able to control my image not have other people decide what that is for me.

When I say I’m godkin, people think I believe myself to be a god. I do not believe myself to be a god. I am not physically a god. My body is not perfection. That was in the past. Being Godkin gives me no advantage over other people, this body is the same as yours, if not worse. I think I was a horrible god and my behaviour was appalling back then so I have no right to look down on humans (especially since I am one now).
I was a god in the past, these days I'm in a human body, and I'm quite sure this is a human now. You could think of me being godkin as presumptuous but since I grew up as human with human parents in a human environment, I act like one. I am human, I am born human, I am living as a human, and I hope to die like one too. It is as simple as that.

Being godkin is mediocre, if not bad. I was once an all-powerful being that could kill millions just by breathing the wrong way and now I’m a mundane little human. Sure you could say I get bragging rights for being a god, but I’m not anymore and accepting that can be hard sometimes. I have to live as a little worker ant and obey the society, when back in the day, I made that society. I'm pretty cool with it though, acceptance is easier when you don't get a say in it anymore. I get homesick and frustrated at my new body only once a year too, so I'm pretty lucky with that. I can't fight the homesickness but I can go to the gym and improve my body.
Being godkin makes me painfully aware of mortality. I don’t I hate it, but it is another thing to get through. Being godkin makes me always question my sanity. “So I heard you identify as a god hmmm?” hahaha yes and I have lots of reasons why but I don’t know if my stupid brain is making it all up so I feel better about myself and humanity. Another thing I dislike are my shifts. I feel like my chimera form today? Well tomorrow I’m going to have a humanoid form shift and feel off in just the slightest way every-so-often and accidentally 'see' into space itself causing me to feel incredibly nauseous and physically off-balance for a whole week! What joyous fun!

Honestly? I wish I was ratkin because rats are so cute, but no, I'm stuck like this. I’m stuck with this shitty kintype in this shitty body and I have to deal with it. I don’t make an effort to complain, I just suck it up and move on because complaining doesn’t actually achieve anything.

Also, I have nothing awesome to represent me. Wolfkins and dragonkins have a plethora of merch to indulge in. Therians have the furry fandom for all those tails, clip-on ears and horns, and non-human looking paws and feet. Angelkins have religion and religious imagery that’s generally accepted by society. Demonkins have tonnes of ‘demonic’ stuff to roll with. Spiritkins have books and books on research and merch because ghosts and such are so popular. I could go on and on. But what about me? I have to make my own stuff. As childish as it is, I want an easy way to be recognised and feel happy about.



Do you like being otherkin?-
I both like and dislike being otherkin. On one hand, it can affect my magic practice in a good way, I actually have a community (as fractured as it is) to belong with and gives me a topic to research and hypothesise on; but on the other hand, primal natures and social stigma are annoying to deal with.

To me, being otherkin just another part of me. It plays little to no role in my life. It's like my sexuality or gender, it’s just another aspect of what makes me, me. I tend to just shrug at it all and get on with my life. I hardly even think about being otherkin these days. No point lingering on the past when I’m human now and I’ve got to fit in with the human life.

Being honest here, getting lost in the nostalgia feels amazing. Trying to understand the flashes of memories, on the other hand, is like sifting through vomit and identifying what you ate that night. “I'm pretty sure that was carrot but I'm not too sure about that thing next to it” cue 5 years later, “oh it was actually pork”. Some people may think I have it all figured out and that I have so many memories when in actual fact, I have no clue what I’m doing and those memories and just flashes and passing thoughts with a ton of dot connecting in-between. It’s all conjecture, and because of that, I doubt it all. I don’t like doubting myself, it’s not good for my already-crippled self-esteem.



How do you know for sure you’re otherkin/why do you believe you are otherkin?-
Short answer- I don’t. I really don’t.

That being said; I have doubts all the time. I want to be wrong about this. I want to be proven wrong. I want to be a normal human being without all this extra ‘kin problems’. But when I’m in my period of doubtfulness something ‘inexplicable’ happens that I can’t ignore and I’m back to mostly believing I’m otherkin again. I know I can't say with full confidence that I'm not human on some level without a lingering doubt of "maybe I'm just faking this" or "maybe it's something else making me feel this way". The doubts are never ending.
I’m definitely not looking forward to hitting the decade mark of this mental/spiritual shitshow. I just want to be done with all this. I just want to be a mindless sheep doing my mindless job to contribute to this mindless society.

I dislike humans. I’m a misanthropist. I wish I was never born human. I hate having to live with my humanity. I can’t trust other humans on a fundamental level because I know what drives them. My hatred, disgust and mistrust of humanity points to my ‘otherkinnity’ being a coping mechanism for me. Weirdly enough, this is a potential explanation I accept.

If I think about the difference between me and someone that isn’t otherkin, there isn’t much. My perceptions may at times reflect a higher power's thinking but that's very rare and anyone can do that, and hey who truly knows what a higher power’s thoughts really look like? I would think that my mind voice and tone is the same as everyone else's. Phantom limbs and ‘memory’ dreams other people apparently don’t ever get but they can be created if the person wants them enough.


I believe I’m otherkin for a multitude of reasons, just like how I believe the Earth revolves around the Sun for a multitude of reasons. Not everyone's reasons are the same, and not everyone's reasons make sense to me or maybe you, but they are reasons they believe.

To know if you’re otherkin you first have to know what otherkin is.
It’s an identity. It’s kind of a thing that makes up a part of you, but without it being your whole life. Most importantly, even if you spend years supressing it, it never goes away.

I'm quite sure nearly every child played make-believe at some stage. Otherkin is not that. Otherkin is not roleplay. Otherkin is not something you pretend or should pretend. Identity is integral to you, is not something you just pretend. To pretend is to deny and denied things always fester and hurt until acknowledged.

Some people claim that there are ‘common traits’ that otherkin exhibit but I haven’t personally observed or taken the time to observe such things. There are many claims to this though, so I won’t rule it out just yet.



What do you think of religion, churches and hospitals?-
I get nervous/feel weird when watching someone practice their religion. I just want to give them privacy, it’s not my business to intervene nor watch.
I’m not bugged by the title ‘god slayer’. In my opinion, anyone who is bothered greatly by phrases is being childish (unless they have a medical condition).

I’m ok in churches, I feel safe and they’re quite homely; but they also feel foreign. Not in the way that I’m not welcome there, just that it’s different to me and I want to be respectful to them since a church is their sacred space, not mine. It’s not my house, it’s theirs, so I have to follow their rules. To do so otherwise is very disrespectful.
I think I feel at home in churches because they’re made of stone. I’ve been to some wooden ones and they just felt full on foreign (I think there were one or two psi vampires there as well). Plus the window mosaics are kind of reminiscent of the tapestries the village used to do of me.

I generally feel at home in hospitals. I don’t feel any more nervous than in a crowd or in public. The only time I feel out-of-place or nervous is when I’m in transition between rooms on my own, without a guide or anything. That is because I don’t want to get in the way of people working so I get nervous when I’m potentially inconveniencing someone’s work. I’ve been stuck in hospitals for a large portion of my life, I get monthly blood tests and prescription meds for a bone disease and HRT. I’ve also seen many doctors and some psychologists and I don’t get any more nervous around them than do I with strangers. I am very used to sterile rooms/things and I haven’t experienced anything ‘supernatural’ during my visits.



In conclusion-
TL;DR I’m a weird and what I think of myself doesn’t really affect you or your life.