bottomless pit

I am god
Yes hello
I will practice you



Say hello (waves)
but they’re never gonna know it
how much (inaudible)
I am god yes hello hello hello
Hello… Helllloooo oh



(laughs) They’ll never understand…
(male laughing behind camera)
...that you are god so they’ll never understand the actual danger… you present



I’m actually a cheerful person (phone beeps)
And there are people... who, when they see a cheerful person… they don’t see it
It couldn’t be cheerful
You must be wicked - to be happy, you must be nasty and evil
(male voice- mhm)
You couldn’t just be happy
Because they’re not happy, ever happy to know
They’re… uh… angry
Or maybe they’re in fear



There was the same storyline in fairytales for probably centuries
And if you look over the (stutters) fairytales from all around the world
Every land
They’re the SAME
-Excuse me for carrying on like this, but
There’s the sweet man, the lovely gentle girl or brother or son
Girl or son
And then they have the stinky brothers and the nasty people
And the stinky brothers and the nasty people are just simply selfish
There’s nothing very much more complex than that
And the good people aren't - they’re not

So stinky people out into the world
To uh, t-to get their fortune or to get the princess or to… uh…
Or they just are stumbling in the woods and they get lost, whatever
And they run into, always, a special person
They run into a… uh… magical person
Who always looks like crap
You know he looks like uh - his nose, and the little warts, and they look like witches
And they’re crippled, and they’re awful, and they’re disgusting, ehhh

And they need something
What do they need?
They just need some food!
Some liquid, some water, some milk
Something
And then stinky brothers and stinky sisters will not give it to them
And they carry on
And they never succeed
And the, and the, nebbish one
The sweet one
whose good hearted, that’s all we know
He’s tender hearted
But everybody makes fun of him
And everybody doesn’t treat him very well
He doesn’t scare anybody
This reminds me of me



Must have, can’t have
This is human, nothing to do with… the order of the universe
Humans must have what they can’t have
They must, they must

You know, one of the ways to get a girl is; loving her nice, loving her nice
And then you, then you vanish
Now they must have you



Anyhow
This man is suicidal, and he’s an actor, and he’s terribly famous
And people mistreat him and everything, and he’s miserable miserable
And there’s this huge, brightly lit, almost blue/white stage… lit
And it looks like - and i think might be - a boxing arena
Ahd everyone around is really in a boxing area
And he’s walking - he’s gonna have -
The TVs are there, up on that blatant white blue stage over there
And and he’s walking through the path toward that stage and on either side of him is his audience
Well you know how Fellini like to make people look
it’s like a bad dream you're having
(male voice - mm)
Nightmarish, but beautiful



I will fuck your mind and steal the babies
I love it



As he walks, he’s looking at these audience members, looking at the
Look up, look up, and they look up
And here’s a white face
Terribly screaming red lipstick
And here’s another clown face
And i’m telling you, i went up
I went up, I got high, I left my body
And looking at this thing, just



(mouth open, yawning/screaming expression)


Um… (sighs)
You know, when you… have someone with you in a room
And they carry with them in this moment
All the things that you experienced together in the past
They have a certain kind of lipstick on
And the light hits their hair… and eyes in a certain way
They’re very real
They’re really there
And as a listener, as someone looking at them
In fact you haven't - you aren't anything - you're nothing
There are a couple times in my life - three times - where i forgot I was
I completely forgot I was

I was a child while I was 12 well i was in acting class, and they had a little banquet for some people, it was during the day though
And my acting teacher and a woman, were talking to each other and I was listening
And they turned to look at me
(whispers) what are they looking at?
What are they looking at?
I didn’t know what they’re looking at
Oh! They remembered i’m here



Dear bottomless pit
I wake up in a deep search for intent and belief in myself
But, the day is intense
And death… driven with some euphoria
I’m think now, if I ever want your opinion i’ll give it to you... (looks at camera)
...Over and over
Like… (looks at phone)… egyptians fucking the crocodiles (laughs)
That’s my mind now too
Like egyptians fucking the crocodiles and that's… my mind now too


There’s a string shooting off from the back of my mind
It’s behind me and…
Living
I can’t see it
I’ve just heeeard about (it)
No one knows how long it is or how far it goes...
(a weed trimmer, or possibly a loud drone can be heard clearly, then ends abruptly)
Including me!
It tows a star shielding my back
(Sighs, begins to breath heavily)
As we… (inhale) accelerate indefinitely!
 (inhale exhale inhale exhale)
We were so fast!
The star might actually be pulling me forward!
Guiding me from the front, I pretend like I... (laughs) (male laugh)
I don’t know the difference, but I do!
(inhale exhale)
Eternally, ah, is very, eternally (drifting off)
(struggles to say eternity)
Eternity… is very ok



Dear bottomless pit,
I need you here to undo me
(long pause)
I wake up in a deep search for… intent…
belief in myself
(long pause)
But, the day is intense
Driven with some euphoria (sighs)

I’m thinking now, I’ve never.. been.. bored!
Until this moment
Aaaaaaaand this moment is gone!
Forever
Over and over (laughs) that’s my mind now too!
Like egyptians fucking the crocodiles, and that’s my mind now too


Got a strong sense of sense
And in this case, not liking it says more about you than liking it-
I say this!
Before you kill me, make sure it’s dead
i look at it all for a second
I’m finally… slow enough
I go to sleep... (cat meows) with worry and fantasy
(sigh) Watching
By the way, I don’t whisper


(crying) It’s… the saddest thing… that I have to… numb the truth
When my dreams come true
(silently crying)
It’s fucking lame actually
One thought at a time
I see
People love to confess and design the confession
Designer… non-confessions
Six walls of sex, now that there is nothing else to it, we can move on
Yep
Specialized, I am  specialized (laughs)
I’ve been smoking myself again too (sighs)
Love you
Fuck you
Now
(Pleasure/pain grown)
Crawl into hell


nothing, nothing that serious is there? (asks the camera)