[PiE] (Un-named Story) Chapter 1: Calling the President

>You are Princess Celestia
>After stepping through a portal in the Everfree Forest with, you arrive in a dark closet
>Anon opens the door to the closet, revealing a particularly messy room
>His floor is covered in clothes, some of which smell particularly terrible, as if they haven't been washed in ages
>The sight of it feels very foreign
>Ponies don't wear clothes very often
>When they do, it's a special occasion, so they tend to take care of their clothes
>You remember Anon telling you that humans wear clothes on a daily basis, as it is culturally unacceptable to not do so
>You suppose it is possible that they would take their clothes for granted, but even considering that...
>It's just so damn weird

>Scattered along the floor, you also see several other items you cannot recognize, but which you would guess are garbage
>A number of green metal cylinders which Anon is crushing in his hands and gathering up
>"Sorry my room's a mess. Wasn't exactly expecting visitors. Feel free to look around, I need to take out some trash."
>And look around you do
>The first thing that comes to your eyes is a bookshelf
>It is covered in titles that you cannot recognize, but which you would suppose might be mostly fiction
>One title, however, catches your eye
>The Art of War
>You read the back to find a summary
>Apparently, this is a translation of the writings of a Chinese general who lived thousands of years ago
>You suppose "Chinese" is most likely a nationality, as Anon had told you that humans were the only intelligent species on this planet
>You set the book aside, as it may lead you to understand how humans conduct war

>Next to the bookshelf, a strange sort of box with what you can guess are speakers
>You press a button on it, and hear music starting to play
>It is strange to think that while there are some areas in which humanity has advanced far beyond equinity, it is roughly equal in others
>Still, the box is producing music without any sort of attached record player, making you wonder upon what the music was recorded
>"CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES, THIS IS MY LAST RESORT!"
>Well those are certainly strange lyrics
>"SUFFOCATION, NO BREATHING, DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF I CUT MY ARM BLEEDING"
>These are lyrics only Luna could appreciate
>You press another button on the music box
>The music stops, and a tray pops out, revealing a tiny, highly reflective disc
>You begin to wonder how humans manage to store so much information in such a small amount of space
>These thoughts are interrupted, however, by Anon returning to the room
>"Yeah, I didn't have the best of musical taste in my teenage years"
>You fake a smile
"It's certainly... interesting."
>"Yeah, but it's junk. Besides, I've got something important to show you - the Internet."

>The Internet
>You remember Anon telling you about it once
>Over a billion of these "computers" connected together
>Capable of communicating messages to someone on the other side of the world in less than a second
>Without using magic no less
>And the more impressive features aren't its usage for communication, but for research
>The collective sum of almost all human knowledge lies at Anon's fingertips
>He sits down in a chair at his desk and presses a button on a tall metal box on the floor
>You hear a few whirring sounds from the box, and watch as a flat rectangular object in front of Anon changes from pitch black, to radiating light in the form of text.
>The text is replaced with a four colored flag with the text "Microsoft corporation" written below it
>Following this, the black color of the screen is replaced with a mostly blue image with a white box in the center
>The white box fills rapidly with black dots as Anon presses several buttons on some machine in front of him in rapid succession
>"Sorry about the wait, it takes a while to start up"
"Half a minute does not seem like a long time to wait, Anon, but what is with the rapidly changing images?"
>"Oh that's just a splash screen. It shows up on the monitor - that's what you're seeing all of this displayed on - when the computer is first starting up. After that is a login screen, where I have to type in a password on this keyboard..."
>Anon points his fingers at a device sitting in front of him with a myriad of buttons, containing every letter of the alphabet, some numbers, and punctuation marks, as well as a few other keys with words on them like "enter" and "shift"
>"...in order to gain access to my computer. It's a security function to keep people from just randomly reading, changing, or destroying any of the documents I have saved on here."
>So humans not only use these machines for doing research, but also for storing personal effects. Perhaps they might act like a highly advanced file cabinet...

"So tell me, Anon, how do you plan on using this to get me to speak with your nation's president? I thought you said that not just anyone could speak with him."
>"Glad you asked. We're going to grab his attention. Since you're an alien on this planet, he's not going to ignore you if you make your presence known. Since we're pressed for time, we're going to take a shortcut and just make everyone on the planet aware of you at once."
"And how would you propose we go about that?"
>"With this"
>Anon pulls out another machine from one of his desk drawers
>"This is called a camcorder. It can record video - that is, moving pictures and sound - with fairly high quality. I'm going to make a video of you making a request to President Obama, and then put it onto the internet. Then, I'm going to show that video to a few popular websites, and let it go viral to a point where he can't ignore it."
"Viral?"
>"Yes, viral. Something I never mentioned about the internet is that it can act like a hive mind at times. One person finds something interesting, and he'll share it with friends, who share it with friends, who share it with friends, until half the world knows about it. this function has been used for everything from calling attention to political issues to making mediocre songs extremely popular."
>You raise an eyebrow
>"Yeah, humanity's weird. Now come on, I've got a speech for you."
>Anon pulls a sheet of paper out of his pocket and hands it to you
>"Read this. If it's to your satisfaction, I'll start making the video immediately. All you'll need to do is read it aloud while holding the script in your magic."
>You take a look at the script.

To President Obama,

My name is Princess Celestia and I am the representative of a nation called Equestria, on a planet called Equis, which lies an indeterminable distance away from Earth. I have come here by means of interdimensional travel to request your assistance in resolving a conflict with another species that resides on my planet. I have been told by a human who has been living within my borders that the people of Earth are more than capable of tackling this issue, that you are the best man for the job, and that we possess goods that would be of equivalent market value for the services provided. As I am short on time, I request your immediate correspondance.

People of Earth,

As it is of upmost importance that my message reach the president quickly, I request that you help me in this task by sharing this video on every website you can think of with the hashtag "AttentionPresidentObama."

>6 hours later
>You heard a loud sound coming from outside that seems as if it is descending from above
>It sounds like something is beating the air into submission
>There are three loud thumps on the door
>"I think that's them"
>You follow Anon to answer the door to his apartment
>There is a man in a black suit standing outside
>He has bags under his eyes, perhaps indicative that he has had a very long day
>He gives you a deadpan look
>"You rang?"