Thing

[H3LL0 B0Y5 4ND G1RL5! 17'5 M3, 5Y573M 32, Y0UR F4V0R173 K1LL3R R0B07. JU57 K1DD1NG. [HA. HA.] BU7 53R10U5LY F0LK5, W3 H4V3 4 GR34T L1N3UP T0D4Y! 1N F4C7, H3R3'5 0UR F1R57 GU357 574R! [The muffled screams of a captured bandit can be heard.] G3323 H3 S0UND5 34G3R 70 B3 0N 7H3 5H0W! 4LM057 45 34G3R 45 1 4M 70 H057! W3'R3 G01NG 70 H4V3 4 L07 0F FUN 70D4Y 1'M 5UR3. [The screams can now be heard in full, the captured bandit sounds to have freed his mouth. "PLEASE, HELP M-!" His screams are drowned out by the sound of a buzz saw cutting into something, presumably him.] 0H W0W! 00P5! 50UND5 L1K3 H15 R0L3 1N 70D4Y'5 5H0W G07 CU7! [HA. HA.] N0W 17'5 71M3 F0R 0UR L1573N3R C4LL 1N. 53ND 0U7 Y0UR 0WN FR3QU3NC135 T0 H34R U5 R35P0ND 70 7H3M 0N 7H3 5H0573L4ND3R5 L1K3 J0K35? 1 837 Y0U D0! WH47'D 7H3 HUM4N 5K3L370N 54Y 70 7H3 L1V1NG HUM4N? 1'V3 G07 4 80N3 70 P1CK W17H Y0U! [HA. HA.] N0W 17'5 71M3 F0R 0UR L1573N3R C4LL 1N. 53ND 0U7 Y0UR 0WN FR3QU3NC135 T0 H34R U5 R35P0ND 70 7H3M 0N 7H3 5H0W!]