SC3

Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause: The Theatre Clause
Scott Calvin blinked. Where was he? The last thing he remembered was losing consciousness in his friend’s recording studio. He can’t be dead. Could he? Scott walked down the hallway where he awoke and found a room with a large screen and chairs as far as the eye could see. He was stopped at the entrance. By… himself? Another Santa? What was going on?
“Ho ho ho!” the jolly man bellowed “Shame it had to end like this Scott, you were a great Santa.” He continued.
“Great? Santa?” Scott asked, “So that means I’m dead?”
“Afraid so pal.”
The words stung at Scott’s heartstrings. What would Carol think? Buddy isn’t that old yet - by Legendary Figure status anyway, and Carol has to take responsibility by herself. “So, what does that mean for my Mrs Claus? Carol?” he questioned, pausing to choke on his words.
“Mrs Clauses of deceased Santas still retain their legendary status, Scott. And don’t worry about Buddy. He’ll be put on the priority list for if the Santa Coat isn’t found after another Santa dies.” The doorguard Santa reassured.
“What even is that we do here? I thought death was just, that’s it, you’re gone.”
“Well, this is the Santa Theatre. Much like the hall of Snow globes, this is the gathering place for every Santa who’s ever been. - Apart from ones who’ve evoked the Escape Clause. – We watch the lives of future Santas unfold and cheer for them. We also take bets on whether they’ll give up and quit, or join us in the Afterlife Theatre.”
“So I’m just sentenced to eternally watch whoever comes next? For eternity?” Scott inquired, confused.
“You get used to it. Hey! Here comes the Santa that came before you! Say hello to Richard!” Doorguard Santa beamed.
“Oh! Hello there Scott!” Richard exclaimed.
“Uh, hi there Richard. Sorry about the whole, having you die three times thing that happened with Jack Frost.” Scott mumbled.
“It’s nothing, Scott, Santas get put through that a lot from what I’ve heard.”
“Really?” Scott wanted to know more, how often did a brawl happen between Santa Candidates?
“All the time actually, There’s another viewing just down the hall for recapping the events of the origin of Santa as we know it. The Santa Claus Infinity War.”
“Infinity War? Like the Marvel Movie?”
“I guess you could call it that.” Richard chuckled at Scott’s Pop Culture knowledge. “It’s a gruesome war that happened between the residents of the ex-Santa Planet, Santopolis, and the residents of the neighbouring Jack Frost Planet, Jack Frost Planet. Redundant and Egotistical name I know.”
“There was a war?” Now Scott Calvin was really confused. He never expected the inner workings of Santa to be this gruesome or existential. He was in a room, with all of his job-based ancestors, talking about a war that possibly killed millions of Santas. Infact, how many of those Santas are in this room now?
“Exactly. It’s the reason why only one Santa can exist at a time.” Richard explained. “I don’t know too many of the details myself. But I do know, is after the war, the coat was sent to Earth, where it took on a property that made it drawn towards the dominant species at the time.”
“Wait wait wait, you’re saying that there could have been a Santa Dinosaur?” Scott was livid. Not only was there a War between Santas, but it meant that a Tyrannosaurs Rex was Santa at some point.
Right on cue, a large roar could be heard throughout the viewing room. Several Santas rushed towards the source with a large bag of food.
“Yep, that’s Rexy for you.” Richard chuckled. “That’s enough of that, we should be finding out who the next Santa is soon! You should join us! Take a seat would you?”
Scott Calvin hesitated for a moment, but grabbed a seat not too long after, and a plate of cookies was served infront of him.
“Autoserving Cookie Plates, wonderful isn’t it?” Richard asked.
Eventually, the screen flickered, cutting to a house that was pretty familiar to Scott. The speakers started to blare sound, as a doorbell rang. A man walked up to the door, but there was nobody there, apart from an odd package.
He opened the package precariously, it was addressed to him, but he didn’t remember ordering anything recently.
“A Santa Coat? It’s a bit early for that, it’s still July!” The man on the screen wondered.
Meanwhile in the audience, Richard was unusually excited. “Hey! I know that guy! That’s that Seinfeld Guy! I loved his stuff before I became Santa!”
“Jerry Seinfeld?!?” Scott was shocked, his friend that he had helped record a movie trailer with before he had apparently died, had received his Santa Coat through the mail. “I worked with him a few times! And now he’s becoming the next Santa?”
“Seems like it, I can already tell he’s gonna make a great Santa.”
Scott slumped in his seat. Sure he liked Jerry, but spending an eternity with him in a few decades will make for a long, long eternal existence.
Cheers from the other Santas echoed. A monitor slid down from above, placing itself in front of the face of every Santa.
[PICK A TEAM]
[ETERNAL SANTA]      [RETIRED SANTA]
Scott, despite just dreading the idea of spending literally forever with a man that makes jokes that eventually get grating, picked team “Eternal Santa”, even if he will get sick of it, it’d be nice to see a familiar face around the theatre every so often.
Richard then turned to Scott, and spoke up “You know, honestly speaking, I was a pretty short lived Santa, I never really got a hang of the whole, ‘Walking of Roofs’ thing, which you probably already know.”
Scott reassured him, “You must’ve been a great Santa for your time though. I can assure you that. But who was the Santa who preceded you?”
“You’re not gonna believe me for this, but…” Richard paused for a moment. As if he was finding someone “Hey Elvis! Get over here! Our Santa-Descendent wants to talk!”
Scott was about to talk for a second, but then just stopped. Elvis Presley? He thought. As in, the Elvis Presley? He was a Santa?
“I thought he died on the toilet.”
“Well yes, he did. But Elvis was one of the first Santas to become adept with Illusion Magic. Similar to that how every Santa has Time Magic to get around the world, Elvis, being a high figure profile, gained the power of Illusion Magic to retain his public image. That’s what he told me anyway, I’ve asked around with the older Santas and they can confirm it.”
Upon finishing the sentence, Elvis Presley approached Scott.
“Uh, Hi Elvis, Richard here was just telling me about how you preceded him, I just found it a bit surprising and all, that you of all people were a Santa.” Scott stammered.
“Don’t sweat it Scott, pal, your good friend Jerry Seinfeld is becoming a Santa right? Celebrities become Santa more often then you may think, he’s gonna inherit that Illusion Magic too.” Elvis pointed out.
This is getting weirder and weirder by the second. Scott thought, first he’s in a room with billions of Santas, then he discovers that T-Rexes were Santas, and that his friend Jerry Seinfeld would be the next Santa.
And now he’s talking to Elvis Presley, with a full Santa getup and Facial Hair.