Chapter 14

>The next morning you awake feeling rather sullen
>You don't remember your dreams, but you remember that they were bad
>Probably about...
>No, don't think about it
>Your arms are still around Treehugger, who's laying next to you, one arm hanging off the side of the couch
>She turns to you and smiles
>"Mornin', man. I know I'm usually makin' stuff to eat around now, but I didn't want to wake you. Really seemed like you needed to rejuvenate your energies."
>You smile back to her meekly
"Thanks... I'm... I'm still not feeling all that great, to tell you the truth... I don't know how long it'll take to forget about what happened."
>Treehugger frowns and pulls you into her
>There's not much she can say, but...
>This is nice
>She's TOO nice...
"I'm sorry for always piling my garbage on you... This is all my fault..."
>She sighs
>"Spark Bug, you don't have to be sorry to me. Ever. I'm the one who fucked up. I have to make that up to you somehow. Even if I don't have much to offer..."
>You don't blame her for anything
>The two of you lie on the couch for a while longer
>"Hungry?"
"Sure."
>You watch as Treehugger gets up and walks over to the kitchen
>Stretching, you think you're starting to feel a little bit better
>Maybe just a little
>But it's better than nothing
>You try to hum to yourself again
>Doesn't quite have the same quality that it does when Treehugger does it...
>Oh well
>You check the time
>Past noon
>Not worth it to go to school now
>Dad's probably freaking out—
>Treehugger calls for you
>"Spark Bug!"
>You head off to the kitchen to join Treehugger for some pancakes
>Taking a seat, you being to eat with Treehugger
>It's going to take you a while to get used to these vegan pancakes
"Thanks. Really, Treehugger... It means a lot to me."
>She smiles at you
>"I'd be in jail or worse without you... I'm just making you pancakes."
"It... It still means a lot to me. Everything! I mean, I just show up and you're always so nice about it. I'm just a nuisance—"
>"You're not."
>Treehugger sighs, putting down her utensils
>"Spark Bug, you're a lot more than you think you are. Can't keep beating yourself up. You've got a good heart, and that's what matters."
>You break eye contact and look down to your food
>'Good heart'
>You're not so sure
>For most of the last few years, you've been a generally shit person
>In terms of how you treated people
>And just shit in terms of how people are supposed to be made
"I think you see something that's not really there...
>"The Spark Bug I know is an awesome person!"
"Before I met you, I ruined some mementos given to my childhood friend by her dead father because I thought she was embarrassing me at a party."
>Treehugger stares at you
>"That doesn't seem like you, man. Why'd you go and do something like that?"
>You shrug
>It just sort of...
>Happened
>Not entirely sure why
"I don't know. I... She wanted to play Magic the Gathering with me, and it was the first party I'd ever been to... I thought she was going to embarrass me in front of someone, and I got scared, and... My first reaction was to be a total asshole. I didn't even care! That's not a 'good person' thing to do."
>"What's so bad about being embarrassed?"
"I... There's just so many bad memories... I just don't like feeling that way, and I still blow up sometimes over it..."
>You remember back to the last party
>Pinkie Pie
>Ugh...
>You're shit
>"People bullied you?"
>You frown and nod
>"Maybe assholes beget assholes, and maybe you've been an asshole in the past, but you're not one now. Someone who doesn't care wouldn't beat themselves up so much, man. I mean... You stuck your neck out for me. You'd have every right to hate me for all the shit that's happened to you. I... My point still stands: The Spark Bug I know is an awesome person!"
"I..."
>You can't quite believe her
>She hasn't known you for very long at all...
>All the horrible shit you've thought about Trixie
>Who only ever wanted a friend in you
>The obsessive shitposting you've done online
>Pent up hate and anger at your friends, your school, the world
>Your mom...
>God, in your edgier phases, you did wish you could've been someone just like Discord
>Thought you were above everyone...
>At the same time, you thought you were trash
>That's just who you are
>Treehugger wouldn't like the Twilight you really are
>You don't realize it, but you start to tear up
>"Hey—"
"I'm not an awesome person... People would want to talk to me if I was... And hell, the people who do want to talk to me, I think there must be something wrong with them."
>You try to chuckle
"No offense... I... I was just meant to be a shut-in loser. I got made wrong. The moment I step outside and try to be something I'm not, I ruin everyone's lives."
>Treehugger lets out a long sigh
>"There's nothing wrong with people who see something in you, and there's nothing wrong with YOU. If there is, then I don't care. I'm still going to like you whether you like it or not."
>You laugh
>She gives you a concerned smile
"I just..."
>You sigh
"Thanks, I guess."
>Treehugger smiles at you, and you give a small smile back
>You feel a sense of relief as you finish up your breakfast
>The pancakes really aren't that bad
>Once you're totally done, you stand and get ready to leave
>Treehugger picks up her plate and yours, and brings them to the sink
"Thanks again, Treehugger... You... You're the best."
>She laughs
>"All I did was make you pancakes, man. I—"
>You startle her with a hug
>Treehugger smiles and returns it
>"Need a drive, well, at this time of day I guess home, huh?"
"You don't have to..."
>She pats you on the shoulder
>"It's the least I could do. C'mon."
>You smile as you follow her outside
>Treehugger always makes you feel better...
>If only until something else goes wrong
>But for now, you're okay
>Not good
>Bulk still flashes into your mind here and there, but...
>Better than you were last night
>You jump into Treehugger's car and start the ride home
>The two of you have some light conversation
>Books you've read
>Shows you follow
>Movies you like
>Some of the stuff she likes is pleb, but so what?
>Maybe you used to find that sort of thing repulsive, but
>It's not the end of the world
>Plus, you've sort of become immune to plebiness after hanging out with Rainbow Dash
>It doesn't take long before she pulls up to your house
>You give a her a quick hug before you leave
"Thanks, Treehugger."
>"Any time, Spark Bug."
>The two of you share smiles, and you exit the car, waving
>Time to get confronted by Dad again...
>You enter your house and—
>You spot your dad looking haggard, a beer in his hand, an empty one next to him on the table
"D-Dad? You're—"
>He jumps a bit, and then looks at you with defeat
>"I'm... It's just the two, Twilight, you don't have to worry..."
>It's been a while since you've seen him drink
>Not since he found out Mom was leaving him for the mustachioed, monocled asshole
>All through the long divorce...
>Always fretting over the bills and the alimony
>He promised you he'd stopped for good last year
>Your father puts down his beer and sighs
>"You didn't come home last night... And I got a call from your school because you skipped. Again. I can smell the marijuana on you... Twilight, if you're lashing out because of something I've done, or... Can't you just tell me what's going on?"
>You look down at your feet
>What can you even tell him?
>If you tell him what you're involved in...
>It could only make things worse
>Make him worry more
>You'll just end up getting more people hurt if you bring more people in
"It's not you... It's just..."
>You frown
"I can't tell you what's going on.
>"Will you sit down with me?"
>You stare at your shoes
>"Or... Or you can go back upstairs. I won't stop you, but I wish you would just talk to me, even just a little."
>Nothing's stopping you from skipping out on another conversation with Dad
>But you won't do that
>Not this time
>You take a seat at the table with him
>There's a small silence between the two of you, until your father speaks
>"I was too distant with you after your mother left... God I was a bad father. I... I just let you shut yourself away in your room. I didn't try talking to you until it'd already been so long that the last time we'd really talked was just a memory... I let you waste years of your life in the house because I was too busy wasting mine in the bottle... I know this is my fault, Twilight, but I just want to make it up to you."
>You don't meet his eyes
"It's not your fault. I just wanted to be—No, I was supposed to be alone..."
>Your father places a hand on your shoulder
>"No one's supposed to be alone."
>You turn your head away
"I was the kid who came home from school crying, almost every day... I barely remember any of that, guess I've tried to forget it, but I can't forget that people just don't want to be around me. Mom leaving just... She proved my point! I was born to be alone."
>Your father shakes his head
>"Twilight, that's not true. Not at all... I mean, when she left, I guess I felt the same way... Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I suppose."
>He laughs softly
>"But I know now that I was wrong. I was just... Addicted to the self-pity. I always had you, Twilight."
>You grit your teeth and swallow hard, trying to stay composed
>Seems your dad is doing the same...
"You don't know how much better off you'd be without me... How much better off everyone would be. I'm pointless."
>"You're not. Twilight, the world is better with you in it. I can see that. Can't you?"
>You scoff, holding back tears
"If I'm so great, then where's Mom? If I were worth anything, then you'd think my own mom would care about me. That she'd do more than send cards on Christmas and my birthday. That she'd call once in a while, instead of fucking around the world with her boyfriend—"
>"Twilight—"
"No! God, I'm not sure I even remember what she sounds like anymore... I was always trying so hard, pushing myself to do well, to be something, but that didn't matter! I don't matter. If the whole world is telling me I'm worthless, then the few voices saying otherwise are—"
>Your father pulls you into a hug
>You hadn't realized it, but you were crying
>"Twilight, I love you. You're not worthless... You mean everything to me."
>His arms around you, you sob into your father
>"If people can't see how good you are, how much you have to offer, then that's their loss. But you have to know that there are people who care about you. You're not alone, Twilight."
"I know... It's just... Hard to believe..."
>It's difficult to talk through your sharp breaths
>"It's not hard for me to believe it."
>You're not sure what to say...
>Not sure if you can say anything right now
>The two of you share a long embrace
>It's been so long since you've talked to your dad
>Done anything with him aside from sneak food away from the kitchen and into your room
>Fuck, when's the last time you even...
"Dad... I love you..."
>You hold him tighter
"I'm sorry for just hiding away in my room all this time... For always brushing you off..."
>"It's not your fault... I was too distant, but, I'm here now. Whatever you're going through, if you can't tell me now, well, I just hope you can tell me eventually..."
>Should you tell him what's really going on?
>If thinking you were being a rebellious teen pushed him back into drinking...
"I've just been... Acting out is all, I guess... I'm sorry."
>"It's okay, Twilight. All I want is for you to be safe."
"I... I will be."
>You give your father a smile
>He gives you one back
>It's been a while since you've seen him do that
>Your breathing has calmed, your tears subsided
>Doing that shit too often...
>Your father sighs
>"So... What are your plans for today?"
"I don't really have any."
>"Maybe we could do something together today. Like old times. It's been a while."
>You nod
"It has..."
>You stay at home with your father that night
>At one point, you'd checked your phone
>Dash texting about hanging out
>Not today, you'd decided
>When you were a kid, you remember watching The Wizard of Oz with Mom and Dad all the time
>Probably made them sick of it, but you loved it
>Maybe it was because you were so dumb, lonely, and scared
>A little wish fulfillment goes a long way
>Been a long time since then, but you watched it with him
>His arm around you
>You pressed against his chest
>Like time hadn't passed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BeKhlUzPUc
>You woke up the next morning feeling, well, happy would be the wrong word
>Somewhat positive
>Spike is asleep next to you, and you rub your hand down along his back
>You're glad he's still with you
>And that he's been looking healthier than usual to boot
>You, on the other hand, notice that you still have that specific 'Treehugger's apartment' smell on you
>Maybe it's time to start showering more
>Brushing your teeth, too
>Maybe even flossing
>(Not really)
>Taking care of yourself in general
>All the things that have been happening
>That have happened
>Can't let that weigh you down
>Today is going to be a shower day
>And most days from now on, you think
>It feels kind of nice to clean yourself up
>You get dressed and head downstairs
>"Morning, Twilight."
>Your dad smiles at you, and you back
"Morning."
>You grab you snack, ready to head out
>Maybe you should wake up a little earlier and let yourself have a real breakfast for once
>"Have a good day!"
"I will!"
>You're not really sure what school's going to be like today
>Decent, you hope
>Probably rumors abound about why you've been missing school, and about the fight at Pinkies
>At the very least you still have your friends to back you up
>Still hard to believe Rainbow and Trixie would stand up for you like that
>Shining
>Sunny
>Treehugger
>Dad
>You smile warmly
>It doesn't take long for you to get to school
>Just gotta head to your locker, get your stuff
>It'll be boring today, since it's school, but hopefully no more than that
>You get to your locker and—
>"Hey."
"O-Oh... Hey, Anon."
>Well, this is awkward
>He doesn't look good at all
>After Sunny got him, he looked pretty bad
>Rainbow did a pretty big number to him as well, it seems
>You can't tell if he's frowning, or his face is just like that for now
>Anon sighs
>"Guess I've gotten my ass beat over you twice now."
>You look down
"S-Sorry..."
>Sort of
>But not entirely
>"Did the shit I've said to you really get you that bad?"
>You nod
"Yeah."
>"I—"
"I know, I know. 'I was just joking'..."
>He shakes his head
>"I was going to say that I'm sorry. I guess after I got my ass beat the first time, I let my jokes get a little more personal. This time... Nah, I know I fucked up."
>You look back up at him
"R-Really? You're... Apologizing?"
>He nods
>"I know we don't know each other that much, and basically, I've been a dick to you, but..."
>He sighs
>"This is asking a lot, but Rainbow and I have been through a lot of shit. You don't even want to know, but I've never met anyone like her. She's not talking to me, and you're her friend... I fucked up, and I lost my best friend over this. I know you don't owe me anything, but..."
>Anon shrugs, looking deflated
>You're not sure about how Rainbow's been since their break up
>All you know is that she's been playing more vidya, and that she was desperate enough to text you last night
>Maybe desperate is the wrong word
>But still
"Well... It's hard to convince Rainbow to do anything after she's set her mind to something."
>He nods sullenly
"But... Rainbow's really pleb—"
>"What?"
"Uh, nothing... But, I'll try and put in a good word for you, and maybe you should do some sort of pleb thing for her. Boombox outside of her house blasting..."
>You frown on the inside
"A metalcore love song or something..."
>Anon puts a hand against his chin
>"That does sound like something she'd like..."
>You're not really sure why you're helping Anon
>Whatever
>"Twi, thanks... Again, I'm sorry that the shit I said to you, and did behind your back, was so shitty. Holding a grudge like that was retarded."
"Thanks... It's funny, I used to have a crush on you, and now I guess I'm helping you get back with one of my friends."
>Anon chuckles
>"You WHAT?! Lol, never expected that."
>He shakes his head
>"Man, I thought one of the things we had in common was how into the pussy we were."
>Yuck
>You squint and let your slight disgust show on your face
>Anon chuckles a little more
>"Sorry, Twi. But, you know, if you want, you could come along to some parties with Brad and I. He's a pretty good wingman, so you'd be drowning in—"
"I think I'll pass... You weren't 'drowning' in anything while you were dating Rainbow Dash, were you?"
>Anon holds his hands up in front of himself
>"Definitely no, man. Brad thought I was a bit lame letting myself get a gf, or whatever, but after the whole thing with Rainbow's tortoise, I dunno, I couldn't think about anybody else. The only pussy I want to be drowning in is—"
>You cover your face with your hands
>Why are Anon and Rainbow so gross
"Please stop."
>"Anyways... all this shit recently put things in perspective for me. So I am, for real, sorry, man."
>You nod
>He seems sincere enough
>No point in not forgiving him
"Well, probably good to head off to class and stuff... I'll try and talk to Rainbow for you."
>"Thanks..."
>Anon opens up his locker and you hear something go off
>A can of shaving cream begins showering him and his locker in foam
>Anon tries desperately to stop it
>"Ugh."
>Geez
>That's what happens when you're the 'Man' in 'Man Punches Autistic Girl at Party'
>Despite trying to be all 'nice' and shit to people, you're still pretty lazy, so you slink off before being asked for help
>You're going to help him with Rainbow, so, don't need to clean out his locker too
>Class goes much the same as usual
>Boring
>Paced for the lowest common denominator
>You get some of those weird looks that you always get
>But they don't really get to you
>Take that, normies
>Or, just, other people or whatever
>Anyways, time passes much as it always does until lunch comes
>When you head to your table, you see that Sunny seems to have skipped another day...
>As you sit down, you turn to Trixie
"Do you know where Sunny is?"
>"Trixie does not know where Miss Shimmer is during school."
>Trixie frowns
>"She also does not come to play with Trixie after school anymore. Trixie is worried."
>You frown as well
>What in the world is Sunny doing?
>Work stuff?
>"—sake Rarity, can ye just shut up about that fuckin' 'Trender' hipster? He don't even like y'all, he's interested in me. I wish he weren't, but he is. Fuckin' trespassin' on Apple land to take 'rustic photos' or whatever the fuck. I swear, if Granny would just let me Stand My Ground..."
>Rarity scoffs
>"He is not a hipster! He is a man with taste. And as for YOU, he is simply misguided at the moment, but—"
>Just try and shut them out, Twilight
>You need to talk to Rainbow
>She's soaked into her handheld, again, being unusually quiet
"Um, Rainbow?"
>No response
"Rainbow."
>"Huh? Egghead?"
"Anon apologized to me today."
>She rolls her eyes
>"That guy can rot for all I care."
"Well... He asked me to try and put in a good word for him. He said—"
>Hmm
>On second thought, maybe telling her what he said verbatim would be a bad idea
>"What did he say?"
"Uh, just that he missed you and loved you and all that stuff, you know."
>"That doesn't sound like something he'd say..."
>You shrug
"I really don't want to say what he actually said."
>Rainbow frowns at you
>Ugh
"He said that you... Ugh... That you were the only pussy he wanted to be drowning in."
>Rainbow puts her hand over heart
>"Th-That's—No! No, Anon's a douche..."
>Jesus Christ...
>Fluttershy doesn't look to be happy with what's happening
>Doing the whole 'I'm super shy and am going to hide my hide and look sad' thing
>Probably thinking about killing you some more
>It's probably best to not think about that, though
>Plus, she's not going to do anything to you around the girls
>At worst, she's going to pretend to be your best friend
>Today is going to be a good day
>A simple day
>And a new experience!
>A real life slumber party...
>Before that, you can hang with Trixie
>Just got to hope Moondancer doesn't stir up more shit with you
>You turn to Trixie
"So, Trixie, who have you been playing with at the Game Shop if Sunny isn't there?"
>"Um, Trixie has been playing with Mister Dust and his friends."
>Boy oh boy, can't wait for that...
"So, are you and Cheeto, like... Dating?"
>Trixie cocks her head at you
>"What?"
"You know, like, going out or something? I saw you guys holding hands at Pinkie's party."
>"Trixie goes out to have fun with Mister Dust, but Trixie does not know why she would be dating him. We are just friends! Trixie holds your hand sometimes, too."
>That makes you think back to the movie with Sunny...
>You relive the spaghetti internally
>Even if you don't particularly care for that neckbeard, if he's anywhere near as autistic as you are
>And signs point to 'WAY MORE'
>Then things might be a bit different in his head
>Maybe you could straighten that out for him
>Why would you even do such a thing?
>Who knows
"Well... I guess I'll meet you after school, then."
>Trixie smiles
"Um, Rainbow?"
>Rainbow brings her head back up from her handheld
"Do we bring pajamas to these things? I've never been, so—"
>"Do what you want, Egghead."
>THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER
"But—"
>The bell rings
>WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO
>Fuck, you're going to fucking spaghetti
>You head off to your next few classes
>Nothing of note happens
>Maybe you should start doing your homework, though...
>Otherwise you're definitely going to get held behind again
>Or you can just find a way to do the minimal amount of work possible to pass decently
>Whatever, you can figure that shit out later
>YOU'VE GOT A SLUMBER PARTY TO ATTEND LATER TONIGHT
>CAN'T BE THINKIN' ABOUT SCHOOL SHIT
>The bell rings, and you head off to find Trixie
>Now that you think of it, this is the first time in a long time you're hanging out with her just to hang out with her...
>You accepted her invitation without really thinking about it
>Sunny won't be there
>Instead, it'll just be Trixie and a bunch of spergs
>Well, at least Trixie isn't so bad
>And you can handle Moondancer, probably
>Unless she just stalks you and whines until you leave
>She's not THAT autistic, right?
>"Miss Sparkle!"
>Trixie shouts your name in the crowded hall and bounces towards you, hugging you
>You see people give weird looks, and some people snicker
>Whatever
>She can't stop the flow of spaghetti, so why bother?
>Honestly, her sperginess has kind of grown on you
"Hey, Trixie."
>"Come, let us go!"
>You nod and let her pull you along
>Trixie begins to tell you about her webcomic as you walk
>It sounds very, very autistic
>But it seems to make her happy
>Looking back, you can't believe how much of a dick you were to her
>You literally insulted her for being sad because her fucking dad died
>What the fuck was wrong with you?
>"Miss Sparkle, is Trixie being obnoxious again?"
>She frowns
"Huh? Oh, sorry. I was just thinking is all."
>The two of you continue walking in some silence for a bit
>You've been doing this walking thing a lot more than usual
>It's almost like you exercise, now
>"What was Miss Sparkle thinking about?"
"The way I've treated you."
>Trixie tilts her head
>You sigh
"I know I've sort of said it before already, but I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I still don't understand why you stuck around me, even after all the stuff I did to you..."
>"You were Trixie's friend since she was little. Her only friend... Trixie understands that Miss Sparkle was only very mean because she was very sad."
"W-What?"
>Trixie hugs herself against your arm
>"Trixie is just happy Miss Sparkle is nice again."
>You exhale slowly and smile
>Well, there goes some more sperg wisdom
>Kind of makes you feel bad when Trixie is more observant of shit than you are
>Again, you wonder if you were happier back when you were an unaware sperg
>That was a long time ago
>At this point, you don't think you can just go back to being a cringe-inducing sperg
>Definitely can't be a 'normie', or whatever
>The middle ground has been nothing but a somber nothingness
>Looking back on how you ended up peeing in bottles and shit, that was cringe as fuck
>Maybe you can carve your own way and just...
>Well, just be yourself
>Man that sounds gay to say
>Trixie resumes telling you about her drawings, webcomic, magic tricks, etc
>For once, you actually listen
>You still sort of have to grit your teeth at the really autistic shit
>But oh well
>Eventually, you make your way into the Game Shop
>"Oh, hello..."
>Mr. Dancer has a very uncomfortable smile on his face
>Man he's bad at faking that shit
>"Hello Mr. Dancer!"
"Hey."
>He nods you to the back
>No sign of Moondancer
>Sick
>Oh fuck, don't start doing that unironically, Twilight
>You might start listening to metalcore before you know it