Holy Hand Grenade - Monty Python

1
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We have the Holy Hand Grenade.

2
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Yes of course!

3
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The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

4
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'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him.

5
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Brother Maynard. Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade.

6
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How does it, um... how does it work?

7
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I know not, my leige.

8
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Consult the Book of Armaments!

9
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Armaments, chapter 2, verses 9 to 21

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And Saint Attila raised the hand
grenade up on high, saying,

11
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"O Lord, bless this
Thy hand grenade,

12
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that with it Thou mayest blow Thine
enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy."

13
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And the Lord did grin,

14
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and the people did feast upon the lambs

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and sloths, and carp,

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and anchovies, and orangutans,

17
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and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats,

18
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and large...
Skip a bit, Brother.

19
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And the Lord spake, saying,

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"First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin.

21
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Then, shalt thou count to 3.

22
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No more. No less.

23
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3 shall be the number thou shalt count,

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and the number of the counting shall be 3.

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4 shalt thou not count,

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neither count thou 2,

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excepting that thou then proceed to 3.

28
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5 is right out.

29
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Once the number 3, being the 3rd number be reached

30
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then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand
Grenade of Antioch, towards they foe,

31
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who, being naughty in
My sight, shall snuff it."

32
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Amen.

33
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Right.

34
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One!... Two!... Five!

35
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Three sir!

36
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Three!