Thread 36: Stories 16-30

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>Chitania Doll
"???"

It was a good day to be a very small yet unstoppable engine of plastic destruction. The Chitania doll had knocked over an untold number of wastebaskets, poked many a tourist in the belly with her mighty horn, and even won that battle against the foul robot! Truly this was the high...pseudo life.

"*Squeaky*"

>...destroy?

The doll turned, curious as to what had uttered a falsetto challenge to her dominance of everything from the haunch down of your average adult pony. To her confusion she came face to face with a veritable horde of small stuffed animals...which by every law of nature should have been wearing helmets. The lack of helmets unnerved her as she examined their leader, a rather remarkably faithful plush adaptation of Cerberus.

"*Squeak squeaky squeakum*!"

>Destroy!

"*Squeeeeak!*"

>CRUSH!

"*Squeeeee...ak!*"

>Let's fly to the castle...AND DESTROY IT!

Her mighty pre-recorded bellow cowed the smaller plushies, causing them to cower before her magnificence! With that good deed done for the day, she turned and went on her merry way.

"*Squeak*?"

Or tried to, she turned again, to see all three heads of the cerberus toy giving her puppy dog eyes. Which was quite easy considering that seemed to be its default expression.

>DESTROY!

"*Squeak*..."

>...crush...

"*Squeaky*?"

The stuffed cerberus as well as the other animals leaned in, eyes glistening with tears...no, no, that was just the sun glinting off their fake eyes.

Dolltania grimaced...kind of, her body language definitely indicated a grimace. Then shrugged.

>Crush crush destroy...Destroy crush crush!

""""*SQUEEEEAAAAAK*!""""

Dolltania turned, marching off, behind her the pack of stuffed beasts that called her their master.

Hey, Queen's gotta have a hive after all.
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>Pinkie
"Dash"
'Fluttershy'
~~~

"Why cosplay?"

>Huh?

"Why a cosplay contest? Seems weird."

>Well, how else are we going to get people here for the main event tonight?

'...Main event?'

>Yeah, that.

"..."
'...'
>...

"Gonna say what that is?"

>You guys can't tell? There's signs everywhere!

"I don't..."

'I don't see it.'

>Come on, there's one right over there!

"The one of you singing?"

>YEAH!

'...So is it a concert? I didn't know you had a band.'

>NO, SILLY! It's a contest!

"...About how well they can judge you singing?"

>DAMN IT! Cheesy told me it would be too vague! But I didn't listen! Just haaaad to chew on that squeaky toy, didn't I? IT WAS JUST SO DELICIOUS!

"..."
'...'
>...KARAOKE CONTEST!

"'Oh.... ohhhhhhh!....OHHHHHHHHHHHH!"'

"Yeah, okay, I'm on board now."

'Much less confusing.'

>Hrm, I might need some sky writing to announce it and make it more clear... MAGIC! NOW!

"...How."

>Flutterbutter's an alicorn!

"Oh, right, completely forgot about that... I forget that so often..."

'Uh, um... I uh... I can't do magic like that yet, I haven't been practicing.'

>Practice now!

'NO!'

>...

'I mean, uh, noooo... that would be... maybe not good? Probably, it seems like that could backfire, magic in the sky and all that.'

>...meh. TO TWILIGHT!

"GLK! I AM SO SICK OF BEING DRAGGED AROUND!"

'wee...'

"DON'T YOU START!"
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>Twilight
"???"
'???'
[???]
~~~

>You know, I don't even know why I bother starting to make ridiculously elaborate searching spells if they're just going to solve the problem in two minutes. All of this effort just feels wasted now.

"You never did do anything halfway, my once faithful student. Always have to go to dizzying newer heights."

>Yeah... sometimes too hig-

*SMACK!*

>OW!

'DON'T HIT HER!'

[Shut up you flaming lizard, she was getting mopey.]

>I was not!

[Were so.]

>Princess?

"Little mopey."

>Oh... thanks.

[Anytime. Literally, I will use any excuse to hit you in the head.]

>Right... well, glad Spike manged to find you, Princess, though I guess it wasn't really necessary.

'Actually stumbled across her after the fact.'

>Oh, too bad. You missed Chrysalis bursting into the room with fire swords blazing.

"Reeeealy?"

[There was the potential opportunity to kill something with impunity and have no legal repercussions. For the briefest of moments, I thought it was my ascension day. Which is a national holiday, did I mention that? My hive is supposed to get me presents. Others are welcome.]

'Of course. Just couldn't settle on just your birthday, could you?'

[...Huh?]

'What 'huh'?'

[What the fuck does my birthday have to do with anything?... When the hell is that anyway?]

"You don't know when your birthday is?"

[Why would I remember that? It's not very important.]

>...Huh.

'I admit, I'm pretty stunned you're not heralding your birth as some grand achievement upon this world.'

[...Huh, when you put it like that...]

'WHAT HAVE I DONE!?'

[Something useful. I know, it's weird.]

>Hey, Spike is very useful!

[It's a barb, Twi-lite, try not to take it so literal.]

>Well, don't go there. Lots of ponies think he doesn't do as much as he does, and it bothers me.

[Alright, fine. I have plenty of other material.]

>Thank you.

'Wha-cha.'

>Spike!

'Oh come on-'

>No, not come on, why would you insinuate something like that when she does something considerate for you? She didn't have to.

'Didn't have to start in the first place either.'

[Relaaax, Twi. The only thing that sound conjures in my head is mental imagery of your brother wrapped in leather with a whi-]

>PLEASE NO!

'And now I am going to hurl.'

[Point is, Shike's tiny... 'barb' is nothing but adorable in it's tiny, unimpactful state, and I assure you that even a hundred years from now it will be as unimpressive comparatively to every other 'barb' out there that it will forever be known as 'eh, you could do a lot better' to any he reveals it to. Sure, some may spare his feelings telling him it's not that tiny a barb, but he'll know. Anytime he really examines that barb of his, he'll know...]

'...'
>...
"....Really went the extra mile for that one."

>I don't get it.

'I do, and I wish I had Charity.'

[See? Easiest way to tell when a guy needs bit of 'compensation' for his less impressive skills, he immediately goes for something that can actually make a bang someone will remember, and think more fondly of.]

'...'

>Still not... I don't get it.

[I want to fuck your brother again.]

>Oh... EW! EWEWEW! CHRYSALIS!

[HAH! Love that reaction.]

"Must you do that to her every time?"

[No, I don't have to, but she knows it's in good fun.]

>EW EW EW EW! THE IMAGES ARE IN MY BRAAAIIINN!

[HAHA! I like you guys, really I do. Well, most of you.]

>Bleeehhh... wait, why did you call him Shike?

[Combination of Spike and short.]

>Oohhhh... huh. Weird stretch.

[It's an in joke, don't worry about it. Come! I wish to meet someone who's barbs are impressive enough for me and do not make me shake my head in contact embarrassment, to Shiny!]

"...You're thinking up a retaliation, aren't you?"

'Maybe. I wouldn't wear anything flammable.'

>...

"You're trying to think up what she meant, aren't you?"

>I'll figure it out!

"...What amazing company I keep..."
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All atop the watchtower, the pirates looked in awe at the gigantic gemstone that was embedded quite steadfastly in the ceiling of the mighty structure.

"Look at the damned SIZE of that thing!" Shoals fawned, "That's the kinda rock you'd give ta Mother Faust herself on bended foreleg!"

"Doc, how much ya think some fo the merchants we know would pay for soemthing like that?" Rat asked, grinning ear to ear.

"Bollocks to them," Doc turned to Pommel, "Boy, cut the bullshit for a moment, Celestia and the rest, how much would they pay for the giant abyssal diamond? Considering we con them into thinkin' there's some kinda of evil inside it that's got to be safeguarded and yadda yadda."

"Quite...quite a bit," Pommel said, transfixed by the gem to the point where he couldn't question whether or not his answer could label him a traitor, "I mean...like, I know some of the Princesses who'd probably break the bank just because they think it looks pretty. Hell, you could probably get the Crystal Empire's treasury if you figured out a way to turn it pink."

"Ohhh sweet mother, I'm coming home!" Rat gave a hop of joy, "Let's get back to the boat, get some more lads down here and yank that sucker like a cabin boy's molar!"

"Hang on, hang on," Doc cut him off with a withering glare, "Don't go off half-cocked, this entire tower could have treasures like this! Why be the richest man in Equestria when you can be the richest man in the world?"

"Doc, ya speak my language fluently and with the eloquence of a poet!" Rat grinned, turning to Pommel and the others, "Boys we're going treasure hunting!

"I'll remain up here and study these engravings a bit, might see where the Coltecs may have squirreled away more such goodies," Doc grinned, already rummaging out for more of his instruments.

"Right then, Tide, Keel, you two stay here and make sure Doc doesn't get a migraine while Pommel, Tow, Shoal, Reel, and me look and see if we can plunder Montezumare's silverware," Rat turned, starting down the stairs, a swaying gait in his step as though he was listening to a song only he could hear, the other unicorns in tow.

Pommel shrugged, following after, looking back to see Doc jabbering at his two hired helpers and forcing one to levitate a torch. As he began to descend, he heard Rat's soundless song become a chipper little hum picked up by his compatriots, heads bobbing from side to side as their horns lit the way down the stairs, glinting off the golden interior walls on either side of them.

"That's weird..." Pommel mused.

"What is, Mr. Pommel, sir?" The unicorn closest to him, 'Reel' as Rat had called him, asked.

"I-wow, Pommel, not Gardener or Boy or whatever? And Mr. too?" Pommel blinked, his confusion distracted by something even more baffling.

"What can I say, mama always taught me to respect the Guard...uhhhh...ners," Reel said conversationally, "I'm, uh, I'm not really good at this pirate thing, they picked me just a few months ago. I'm Gag...Reel! Gag Reel."

Pommel grimaced, "I...that's not a very nautical name."

"Yeah...I was kind of a camerapony for a movie company, let's just say you really should listen to that thing about never leaving the resort in Mexicolt, phew, let's just say I'm lucky these guys have a hard-on for slaver hunting, elsewise I'd probably be some Camel's eunuch right now!" Gag Reel rattled off his little story with the speed of a man who had been told if you just cooperated with the officer, they'd let you off.

"You realize I can't arrest you, right? I got no authority here, I barely have any authority in Equestria," Pommel grimaced as Reel fell into step with him, growing a bit annoyed as the off-white stallion relaxed almost immediately.

"Oh...that's a relief, so, weirdness, right?" Gag Reel cocked his head to the side.

"Yeah, the top of this place had a big kinda well-looking thing, right?" Pommel asked.

"Right!"

"And now we've got a wall on either side of these stairs...but the interior wall is hollow."

"Right..."

"So if the interior wall isn't solid to support the tower...but the tower is too tall for that thing to actually be a well...what's the point of it?" Pommel's face screwed up in thought, unable to shake the feeling something was strange. As strange as things could possibly get when you're already in a sunken City of Gold in the middle of a raging eternal storm.

"Oh hello!" Rat's voice came from further down, "Get down here, lads, Doc wasn't kidding!"

The unicorns following Rat came rushing down, finding the lead pirate standing at the entrance to what appeared to be a common room, outcroppings that resembled tables and beds rose from the walls and floor, and at the very center, same as with the chamber above, rose another well-like outcropping. However here, the glow of light on water danced around the walls of the room, showing that a further descent would only result in a waterlogging.

"Another of those holes," Pommel tilted his head, "What are they for?"

"Maybe once upon a time there was a pulley system," Gag Reel shrugged, "Or maybe it was just easier to signal up here if you shot a bolt up from the bottom? These guys were Unicorns after all."

"Quite worrying about the why's and how's and worry about the what's, look!" Rat pointed to where heaps of goblets and small ornate trinkets were scattered about the room, glimmering even in the darkness, "Someone light a torch and let's get to filling our bags!"

Shoal nodded and lit a torch with his horn, illuminating the room with a waving fiery glow.

"Shur?" A voice questioned from somewhere in the room.

The crew went silent, a slow dread overtaking them.

"Did you hear that?" Pommel whispered to Rat, the other stallion's reply was to unsheath his cutlass from its place on his belt, the others soon following suit.

"Of feckin' course a monster's down here, why wouldn't there be one down here?" Rat growled, slowly walking forward, half of the group following him around the 'well', the other half going around the other side, "Alright, ya bastard, what are...ya...Celestia wept..."

Gazing at them all with almost luminous white eyes, was a creature out of a wholly new nightmare. Its skin a horrible mashing of flesh and scale, sail-like fins rising from its back, its neck home to a series of gills that fluttered under their gaze. Its hooves were a waterlogged mess of tangled seaweed and soggy growths; crooked and protruding teeth chomped down on the lifeless body of a fish as the creature slunk back towards the next flight of stairs, submerged beneath the water.

"B'dur...Shurrrr B'durrr..." It hissed at them, then disappeared beneath the waters.

"Ooookay," Pommel said after a few moments of silence, "I vote we grab what we can, run back upstairs, and try to barricade ourselves as best we can. All in favor?"

There was a chorus of 'Ayes' as the room became a rainbow of different auras, grabbing whatever wasn't nailed down and tossing them into sacks. Many a nervous glance was tossed towards the submerged staircase, mummurs of worry pervading the air.

"Fucking hell, Gardener," Shoals muttered, "I wish yer luck would make up its mind, good or bad, I can't take much more whipla-AAAH!"

Shoals cried out in terror as from the well in the center of the room another of the horrible aquatic ponies erupted from the inside, its teeth slicing into the side of the pony Rat had called Tow, eliciting a shout of pain as the jaws closed around him. The pony flailed his forelegs, trying to fight back, but soon as them caught in the maw of another of the horrible beasts which worked with its comrade to drag him below the depths, now stained a vile crimson.

"Oh damn it all!" Rat shouted, "Lads, back up! Away from the center, we got to get outta here!"

The ponies began to retreat, slow and measured, trying not to invite their behinds for a thorough chomping. The waters in the 'well' were churning and sloshing with a horrible unseen feeding frenzy, every so often the ponies could make out a finned tail or errant hoof breaking the surface. Then in a flash, there was silence, and in just as much of a flash, the room descended into chaos. Fish-Ponies erupted from the well and stairs, charging with a reckless abandon, hissing their strange turn of phrase...

"Shurr B'durr!"

"Oh Faust, oh Faust, oh Faust..." Gag Reel whispered next to Pommel, his horn firing erratically into the frenzied crowd.

Pommel gritted his teeth, making every single blast of magic count as the monstrous attackers advanced with a thrashing gait. The remaining four unicorns continued to back up, even as the attack grew with intensity and savagery, many of the amphibious beasts leaping over their fellows to try and snatch an advantage as blasts of magic rained down upon them, searing flesh and scales, scorching gills, and causing the wounded to fall within the press of their fellows, getting trampled and in a few glimpses Pommel could make out, fallen upon by their brethren, torn into by long sharp teeth.

"Is there no end to these things!?" Pommel asked in exasperation, near breathless from the sheer amount of bolts he had already thrown out to keep the creatures at bay, "How in the name of Celestia are we going to get out of this?!"

"I'm in favor of running," Shoals supplied, "Just throwin' it out there."

"These thing have the drop on us!" Rat shot back, "If we turned tail, we'd lose one of us, minimum!"

"Well you ever hear the story about the two hunters and the angry Ursa Ma-" Shoals began, but he was cut off quite thoroughly.

By the near blinding column of pale blue light that erupted from the hole in the ceiling, shooting downward into the murky depths of the water.

"WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL!?" Rat shouted, shielding his eyes with a hoof, squinting.

"WHAT IS THAT!?" Pommel couldn't stop himself from closing his eyes from the intensity of the light, cracking them open just a little bit to see a swirling mass of shapes. He slowly opened his eyes wide to see the shapes were the sea-beasts, their eyes wide in terror as they stared at the column of light, their movement a made dash for the sunken stairs, fleeing the horrible illumination.

Then a voice, loud, unnaturally loud, as though it was not even a voice speaking a word but the word itself being imprinted onto Pommel's mind, boomed out in Pommel's head.

'DISPELL!'

Then as the voice stopped, so too did the light, leaving the unicorns to sway groggily as they recoiled from what had just happened.

"Did...did anyone else hear that?" Pommel asked, rubbing his head.

"Nngh...aye," Rat muttered, "Big booming voice? Shouted Dish Pell or some such?"

"Same here," Gag Reel bit his lip, "I haven't felt this bad since the day after the wrap party for Extrasolar Encounter Four..."

"I'm half-blind, I just had craziness shouted in my head, and I'm pretty sure Tow was carrying my good knife," Shoals groaned, "The hell WAS that?"

"I dunno," Rat grimaced, looking up, "But I've a pressing desire to throw Doc into the briney."

Without a moment's delay, the stallions were sprinting back up the steps, their muscles straining to get back up to the topmost chamber as swiftly as possibe. They stumbled up and into the chamber, falling in a heap on the floor.

"Aha, there you are, I must say I was just a bit worried," Doc's voice greeted them, "...I see Mr. Undertow isn't with you...he didn't get caught by the beam, did he?"

"What...did you...do?" Pommel asked between breaths, trying to stand up.

"A few observations of the engravgings lead me to make a hypothesis, one which I enlisted the help of my guards to enact and-"

"IN EQUESTRIAN!" Rat growled.

"Doc made us shoot the Faust-damned evil gem," A voice muttered from somewhere, "Hurt like a bastard afterwards..."

"Hmm...interesting..." Doc said with interest, "You're all crawling on the floor and yet I am perfectly fine. Still, I really wish you'd all look up and see-"

"WHAT IN TH' HELL DID YOU IDIOTS DO?!" Daw's voice broke through Doc's musings and caused Pommel to look up in time for the pegasus to land inside the chamber, "I...holyshitethat'sabiggem."

"It's more than a gem, Jacqueline, what we have here is some kind of magical magnifier, a primitive device designed to apply focused magic to a singular area for a massive spell. I'm beginning to see how and why the Coltec were able to keep this place a secret," Doc gave a low exhalation, "It's beautiful..."

"What...is?" Pommel and the other unicorns slowly got up, and what met their eyes was a sight they could barely comprehend.

"The Tempest..." Rat whispered.

"It's...it's GONE!" Shoals fell against one of the columns, eyes wide in shock.

Indeed, where once were churning waters and swirling clouds, was now a great expanse of calm pristine waters, the sun shining off them with all the beauty of a tropical resort. In the distance a few rock formations rose from the ocean below as dark shapes (presumably more of the native monstrosities) fluttered and flapped about, trying to make sense of the rug being pulled out from under them.

"Aye, aye, it's pretty and all that, but look past that and I think you'll see th' problem!" Daw growled.

Pommel grimaced, then blanched as he saw what she meant.

Far off, far in the distance yet coming closer with every seond, was a massive fleet of ships, bustling with activity and coming straight for the City of Gold.

"Brahmos," Pommel said hollowly.

"And he's headed straight for us," Daw glared at the horizon, her wings flared out.

Pommel swallowed and uttered the only words he could think were applicable here:

"This is gonna suck."
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>Chitania
"Vendor"
~~~~

>AT! FUCKING! LAAAAAAAASSSSSSST!

"...Miss? This is a family park, could you refrain from the language? Or at least don't scream it-"

>SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW AND GIVE ME KERNELS!

"Really, miss, if you continue I'll have to-"

>NOW YOU FUCKWIT!

"Last warning before I-"

>I WILL RIP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF AND DRINK FROM THE BLEEDING STUMP THAT REMAINS-

Without even looking she swung her hoof backwards, destroying the claw the had been reaching towards her to jettison her off partyland without any real effort.

>-AND THEN SPIT ON THE GROUND BECAUSE BLOOD IS ACTUALLY REALLY FOUL TASTING!... I'm not joking, have you tried it? It's disgusting, have no idea why those crazy asshole warlords keep saying it's good, it's not. It tastes like melted copper dipped in acid. It's rank, is what it is.

"...I'll, uh... t-take your word for it."

>I mean, that's not even getting into what you could catch from drinking it, you know? What if they've got something in the... what was I saying again?

"Y-y-you, uh, w-wanted popcorn kernels?"

>Oh, right!

"..."

>...Well!?

"You didn't tell me which ones. We uh... we have a lot."

>Huh, so you do... I'll taaakkkee... six bags of the cotton candy flavored blend, five of the super butter infused one, three of the MEGA butter infused one, eight of the non-salted, and... how's the sherbert ice cream flavored one taste?

"Not one of our popular ones."

>Meh, give me a bad so I can try it. OH! And definitely four of the low fat ones... trying to watch my calorie intake.

"Ah. And I'm guessing you'll not be-"

A loud clinking sound rang out as she dropped a huge sack of bits on the counter.

>Keep the change, I didn't even count it.

"...Wow, this would have saved so much time and fear on my part, and I would have been way happier to see you. Okay, next time, just start with that instead of the yelling."

>Don't tell me how to live.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>18
"???"
'???'
[???]
{???}
~~~

>Hm... it just hit me. If Chrysalis had succeeded, would I have ended up doing the paperwork for Equestria? You'd think someone would have to deal with the ... Am I.. is this my destiny? I feel like I somehow ended up with this as my destiny. Can I fight destiny? What happens if I don't do it anymore?

"18! There you are!"

>...Ah, right, happy feelings that make my whole life worthwhile. Hey guys!... Hoo boy.

'What's up 18?'

>Nothing, Two. Where did you get off too?

'I uh... I ran outta the hotel room.'

>TWO!

'I said I was sorry!'

"We had a talk, don't worry about it."

>Well, I'm glad. Don't scare us like that.

'I won't...'

>And the same goes to you missy-

[I'M SORRYYYYYYY!]

>...

"...We've had a talk too."

>Uh... was talking to 42, actually.

{She ordered me to find Shining Armor, I did. My mission to my Queen is ever in my mind.}

>Halfway across the carnival?

{My mission needed to be slightly updated, but ultimately remained the same.}

>Right... you okay Cadence? You don't look-

[FINE!]

>No yeah, you convinced me. The little spittle in there had 'this is true' inside of it, I could see it because it hit me in the eye, you see.

[Sorry...]

>Someday, I'm going to find it in my heart to forgive you. Oh, and if anyone asks, you've been in this general area handing out cotton candy and occasionally giving inspirational words out for the last hour and a half. You also had to reassure a reporter that Shiny is not looking for a harem, no matter what the tabloids say.

[...]

>I know, broke my heart to have to say that-

[Thanks. You didn't have to.]

>You can pay me back with one of your all access spa trips-

[NEVER!]

>...

{That seemed extreme over a spa.}

[...Oh, wait, did you say spa trips? Wow, I think I might need to stop hanging around... it's just, in my head I heard you asking for... you know.]

'Shiny? Why's she pointin' at ya'?'

"Clearly she though she meant trading for you, which we would never do. Because you're Two."

'OHHHhhh.. that makes sense! Sorry 18! But ya' gotta share!'

>Well, that further heartbreak aside, we should probably get going to the main event, if only to figure out what everyone's been up to.

{Indeed, I have barely spoken to anyone in almost an entire day.}

>Weird, right?

'CAN WE SING IN THE KARAOKE CONTEST!?'

>...What karaoke contest?

"I'm lost too."

[Likewise.]

{Baffled, really.}

'But there's a sign right there!'

"The one of Pinkie singing?"

'YEAH!'

[What makes you think that's a karaoke contest?]

'Are ya' kiddin'!? It's obvious!'

>"{[...]}"

"Roll with it."

>Done!

[And done!]

{I have to most days anyway.}

"Sure, Two, we can enter if there is a contest."

'YAYYYYY!'

"...Wow, I already feel the icy fingers of regret."

'AYYYYYYY
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NC

"Hey, Candence? Can I borrow a cup of s-"

>NO YOU CAN NOT BORROW A CUP OF MY HUSBAND TO FUCK!

"...What?"
~~~~

'Cadence! Just who I wanted to see, listen, I have a little problem and I need to see if Shiny could-'

>NO HE'S NOT GOING TO FUCK YOU TO 'SCRATCH AN ITCH' STOP ASKING!

'I...huh?'
~~~~

[Cadence! I want to try a new science experiment! I need Shiny to-]

>NO YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM "FOR SCIENCE" THAT LINE IS STUPID!

[EW EW EW CADENCE!?]
~~~~

>Mom, this is my husband, Shining Armor!

{Oh my! You certainly did find yourself a strong, strapping, handsome looking-}

*POW!*

>BACK OFF YOU HOMEWRECKER!

(CADENCE WHAT THE FUCK!?)

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NC

~Cadence, I think you have a problem.~

>What do you mean, Auntie Celestia?

~Well, I'll put it like this... A-hem... Cadence? Would you mind sending Shining Armor to my room later?~

>Sure!

~...M'kay, non-starter there. Let's try this again. Wow, Cadence, I think something is wrong with my backside, could you send your husband up to check it out?~

>Of course! You don't think it's serious, do you?

~...Cadence? Someone said Shining Armor and me should sleep together, and I didn't say no.~

>What an odd place to take a conversation! So inappropriate.

~...Huh. Maybe I'm the one who's over reacting.~

>To what?

#PRINCESS! Your cake is here!#

~Thank you, Pinkie!~

#Woo, it was a hard one too. I almost had to ask Shiny to help with the frosting-#

*KA-POW!#

>MY HUSBAND IS NOT FROSTING ANYTHING OF YOURS YOU HUSSIE!

#MY NOSH!#

*ZIPZAPKABLAM!*

~...huh....~

>NOTHIIIIIING!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Dolltania
“Underlings”
‘???’
______

It was coming back… but from where or even how was anyone’s guess. True, the memories flooding into her patchwork mind, it was like trying to hold water in your hooves, the trickles finding escape and slipping away… yet one remained, clear and magnified.

And she knew what she must do.

Finish business.

>CRUUUUUUSH!

One of her little plushie arm struck the air to accompany her rousing battle cry and her little army of sinister-cute stuffed animals responded in kind.

“SQUEAKER SQUEAK SQUEAKETH!”

No more lurching, time to put their legs to good use with a sprint!… which had all the speed of a one-legged diamond dog. Still, they scuttled with purpose, their leader proudly carving a way betwixt the byways of towering legs and hooves.

The scurried for what seemed like hours, never tiring due to a lack of a central nervous system. Or lungs. Or a heart.

>Destroy! Crush Crush Bam!

As they somehow neared the edge of Party Land, where beyond lay nothing but a sea of pearly clouds, there wasn’t a change in her set plastic face but as she was a special edition, her pupils did indeed blink a frightening off-red.

“Sq-squeak…?”

>Crush it!

“Squeak squeaky….”

>…Destroy. Destroy!

“Squeeeeak…”

>Crush?

“Squeak! ...Squeakums squeak, squeak.”

After trying to talk some sense into their leader, and subsequently failing underneath her glowering eyes and powerful, artificially enhanced voice, the armada of anatomic animals fell into step.

And followed their crazed Queen right over the ledge like a herd of cows, each one tumbling over with a silent prayer to Celestia.

>DESTROOOOOOY!

That was her version of a mad cackle as they began to free fall, plummeting like rocks.

“SQUEEEEEAK!”

That was their version of a horrified yell as they grouped together into a collective bundle of scared fabric and cotton.

~~~~~

‘By the impenetrable scales on the hide of Tu’Rock the Silver, today is just a marvelous day for freeflying without a c- GWAAAAAAAA-’

What felt like a meteorite struck the aloft dragon on his back, the white-hot impact knocking him unconscious almost before Dolltania could get her tiny plastic hoofs to grip him by the ears.

With her subordinates squeaking for dear life behind her, she alone took charge, yanking hard and using the dragons head as a rudder to steer them through and around the clouds as the ground lurched up to meet them.

>CRUUUUSH!

So she apparently had something of a heart if she warned to brace themselves. Not that they could as they corkscrewed out of the air like a downed fly, but the thought was there.

>Destroy crush crush!

“SQUEAK?!”

>CRUSH!

“SQUEEEEE-”

And the plush that likened cerberus held its stricken cry, nearly short-circuiting its voice chip, when Dolltania grabbed him and the others… and then leapt, seconds before she crashed their unconscious chauffeur into a solid piece of stone wall. There followed a very horrible, very comedic snapping sound, but that didn’t concern them as they burst through a stained glass window and slide over a polished floor.

The trembling stuffed animals each glanced about, shaken and confused.

But not Dolltania, oh no. As she stood there before them- tall, proud, majestic- she knew exactly where she was. She was back… at the place where she recalled fighting the so called ‘gods’.

This was their home. Their castle.

Canterlot Castle.

>…Let’s—*BZZT*—destroy the castle!

It was only through sheer will that she managed to mix her recordings, but she did, and her prideful command brought back a bit of the shattered will of her subjects. They soon rose, plush tails waving and paws stomping.

“SQUEAK!”

~~~~~

>PJ
“Blueblood”
______

Her nose twitched.

>Well. Guess it was getting a mite too boring anyway….

“Come again…?”

>You still remember how to fire that rifle of yours?

“Um, yeeees? Why, though?”

>Good. You say you wanted a chance to redeem yourself, right? Welp, ya get what ya ask for.

She fished a potato out of her bag, cracking it apart to reveal a golden key, one that she tossed to the confused stallion.

>There. That’s the key to your rifle. Go get it.

“How did… no, forget that, not important. Why would I run the risk-”

>Because it’s time to protect your homestead, Bluey. We’ve got intruders-

“WHAT?”

>-and it’s only you and me here. You ready for this?

“…Yes.”

>Would’ve preferred a stronger admission but fine, that’ll work. Now listen, you follow me, got it? I don’t know what we’re up against but it smells evil. And… plastic-y? Regardless, always on my six. We’re about to become a pair of shadows.

“Right.”

>And remember, for Canterlot.

“…For Canterlot.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Twilight
“Celestia”
'Spike'
[Chrysalis]
{???}
(???)
~???~
~~~~~

>Fire does NOT answer all of life's problems!

“I disagree.”

'Me too.'

[Especially green fire!]

'Don't make me try to agree with you.'

[I was dealing it out long before you were a sperm, Lizardo, don't get bitter because you stole my schtick.]

>How old are you anyway?

[I have no goddamn idea, I didn't exactly carry a calendar with me.]

>Chitania did, in her journal.

“How is your translation of that going anyway?”

>Great! Chrysalis and me are discovering all kinds of things. She's been an invaluable help.

[Not that I'm ever one to give up any credit, but I'll at least concede it was impressive of you to get that from her. Obviously couldn't translate it without that. She did good.]

{Well shucks, it almost sounds like ya'll are gettin' along!}

'RARITY! APPLEJACK! FINALLLY!'

Without hesitation, he jumped from Celestia's back and right into the pair.

(Darling, we've been looking all over for you!)

{Well, sorta, we were lookin' yesterday but got sidetracked today.}

'Don't care! I've seriously been scouring this place with a fine tooth comb just trying to find you! AT LAST!'

{Well shucks, didn' know we were-}

*SMACKSMACK!*

{(OW!)}

>Really you guys!? We come all the way over here to finally spend some time together as friends and you run off not once, but twice!? COME ON! We're buddies here!

(Oh dear, I'm afraid day one was all my fault...)

{Was mah' screw up fer' last night and today, so distribute the blame evenly.}
(Sorry, darling... where are the others, by the way?)

>Uh... I uh... maayyyy have left them behind in my rush?

{(…)}

>They lagged behind and I needed to check on Spike for-

*DOUBLESMACK*

>OW... I deserve that.

“Well, no need for anymore punishment I feel. There is still quite a bit of day left, after all! Much more time to spend reconnecting.”

(I suppose you're right.)

“But on that note, what was it you were looking for today, Applejack?”

{Hm? Oh, well, a 'guest' O' ours decided she wanted ta' take a little stroll, and Ah' was lookin' fer...}

The entire room went stone cold.

Directly behind the two new arrivals, at the end of the hallway, was a tiny, shaking bundle wrapped up as tightly as she could in her trench coat, as if to try to hide just a little more despite the futility of it. Her eyes were wide with terror, extraneous legs clattering against each other with her twitching.

The collective eyes of the room flickered back to the one clear on the opposite end, farthest from her of them all, where a sparking horn flickered with fire and two eyes narrowed in fury, coupled with a dark snarl.

Idly, horns around the room sparked with magic in preparation for what might come, and Spike found himself idly grabbing at a gun that just wasn't there. Of them, only Twilight moved forward and tried to put on a placating air.

>N-now, Chrysalis, let's be calm about this.

[I am very calm.]

Everyone in the room flinched at the deep, dark tone.

>You are not calm, you are so, so not calm.

[Whatever do you mean?]

>Your horn is on fire.

[It is drafty in here.]

>The ground is shaking.

[One of the air stabilizers must be malfunctioning.]

>...Your eyes are on fire.

[Allergies are acting up.]

>CHRYSALIS!

Shuffling more than walking, Arana started to move back around the corner she had come from.

~I-I, uh... I-ih... Is this a bad time?~

{Sug', stay put.}

(We'll handle her if she decides to do anything foolish.)

A loud, harsh cackle filled the room.

[AHAHAH!... Handle me, that's a good one. Coming from you, especially.]

>Chrysalis, please!

'Twi, don't get too close! She might-'

[ENOUGH!]

Almost everyone flinched back, dropping into a more defensive stance, more tense than ever.

This tenseness, instead of intensifying, left Chrysalis. The fire on her horn went out, and her own high strung air ebbed away.

[I promised Shining Armor I would not attack her unless she made some kind of obvious move against me or my hive, and I have every intention of sticking to it. Frankly, I'm hurt you all think I would jeopardize my hive's well being to take out a threat such as her. Especially out in the open like this.]

{Ya'll are one to talk about threats!}

[Indeed, Applejack, I am. For you see, I'm the only one in this room that has seen what her hive is capable of. While you all think her a cuddly little thing who couldn't hurt a fly, I've seen members of that foul hive capture all sorts of creatures, Changelings included, and dissolve them for fun. All grew under Sciderella's madness, and all were as monstrous as her.]

~S-SHE WASN'T A MONSTER!~

[All of you were, the creatures that brought fear to those that steal your love, and hide in your bed.]

(That's enough you ghastly thing!)

Chrysalis's eyes narrowed, sparking with green magic once more. But she did not look to Rarity, poised for action as she was, but instead to the changeling that lied beyond.

[...Hm, yes, it is enough I should say.]

Flippantly, she took on a relaxed air, a winning smirk splitting across her face.

[Hm hm hm... well, I certainly don't want to cause anymore in fighting around here, we're on vacation are we not? A time for relaxation and fun. No need to muddy it up with a brawl, after all. And of course, it is of no concern of mine if someone like her is loose in an area like this, totally unsupervised.]

Spike's claw clenched, so hungry for the cool steel that would actually give him an edge if she should try something.

'And just what are you implying?'

[I'm just saying, a creature from a known hive of pony dissolving monsters is brought into an amusement park and let loose, away from her handlers? Sounds like the premise to a lackluster horror story. Such a shame she was all alone for a whole day.]

~NO I WASN'T! I was with-~

{ARANA HUSH!}

Too late.

[Well, that was rude. I have no idea why you'd think I'd have a problem with one of your guys watching her. So sorry to have soured the happy reunion, I had no intention of it. Merely a standard reaction to seeing things that I once saw string up a buffalo and drain of-]

Abruptly, Arana threw her head to the side and hurled.

[...Well, that said, I do feel it is my time to depart, would hate to cause more unnecessary strife just by my being her.]

“Oh, you don't have to leave if you don't want to.”

As one, every head snapped over to the alabaster princess, who was sitting off to the side completely unbothered looking.

“Really, it would be silly to expect you to actually do something violent. You don't have to go anywhere on their account, they're just being overly cautious.”

A suspicious eyebrow went up.

[Well, while I agree I have no intentions of violence, it is obvious I am stressing these poor souls out.]

“You are stressing them out because of the fire. You really do need to stop with that, it stresses out my maids as well.”

[Only because of the scorch marks. And my fire is gone, and yet they persist.]

“Oh, I agree, quite rude. But to be fair, you tried to set fire to her once.”

[Pre-agreement.]

“I'm just saying. Precedent for fire in a hallway, specifically.”

[...Fair enough. But I still have to leave, new pressing matters have made themselves apparent and I have to deal with them immediately. Official Changeling business.]

“Sorry to hear that, I was going to see how many more barbs I could make up that would go over Twilight's head.”

[HAH! You want a list? I've got a million of 'em!]

“You cannot count to a thousand, so I doubt this.”

[Hey, I'll have you know I can count to blueberry and beyond, thank you!]

“...Really?”

[No, those fucking Sparklejoules are confusing like you wouldn't believe. I tried to read about them for ten minutes and my eyes were crossed all day.]

“Tell me about it, I saw a pink elephant run past fifteen minutes in and I was done.”

[Bah, I'll leave that to 18, she's smart enough to figure it out. Whatever, I've got places to be and Queen things to do, you and Twi have fun and try not to be dissolved in your sleep, that would be fucking hard to explain to Shiny.]

With a calm, uncaring air, she started to trot down the hall, away from the group.

“Crissy?”

She slowed just a bit, looking back at a pair of concerned eyes.

“I have seen a lot of monsters over my many years, and I've found that one of the most surefire ways to create the foulest of them... is treating someone like a monster, especially when they're trying their best not to be.”

The Changeling Queen remained frozen for just a moment longer, her expression unreadable.

And then without a word, she left.

(Oh, thank goodness.)

{Thought Ah' was gonna have a friggen heart attack.}

>You guys, she's just-

'Save it, Twilight. She's always starting stuff like this even when Arana was just sitting there.'

(You can come out now, Darling, she's gone.)

The spiderling poked her head around the corner, wearily creeping forward.

~Sorry, I didn't mean to scare her.~

(You have absolutely nothing to apologize for! It's all her fault for being so horrible for no real reason.)

{She's right, sugar cube, and you tell us if she tries anythin' while ya'll are havin' fun, ya' here? We ain't here ta' be watchin' out fer some grudge.}

'I need to talk to Pinkie about letting me get Charity back. DT gets tablubalto or whatever the heck she says with that garble noise, I should get my weapon too.'

>Spike! No bringing the gun into the amusement park!

'Spoilsport.'

{C'mon, we'll go meet up with everyone else and see what we wanna do with the rest of the day.}

'Besides avoid Bugbutt over there.'

{Right, sides that.}

~You don't have to for me.~

'Trust me when I say you are way more preferable company to her.'

>You guys...

They all moved on ahead, taking the longer route to into the amphitheater so as to avoid another meetup with Chrysalis, and leaving a certain white Princess lagging just a bit behind.

Lower than they could hear, the white mare sighed to herself.

“I may love them like they were my children... but they have the memory spans of concussed gophers, I swear.”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-canon
>Arana
~~~
>As thanks for all your help, I shall perform for you, the dance of my people!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_yYC5r8xMI
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Rekulk
"Vekir"
'Ruby Quartz'
-Igneous Rock-

>And now we look for the Spike of Scales so for that we may find a proper gift for the Blood of Blue!

"For that is how you create friendships! I gave the helmeted one an effigy of herself, hopefully that means she will be my friend!"

'Quite a story.'

-Very.-

>Indeed! Do you too follow the guidance of the sky smiley?

-We go wherever we go.-

'Not too much thought into it.'

>Oh ho and aha! Wisdom is to be had there!

"Muchly!"

-Though the park map helps.-

"...ooooh...pretty picture."

>Yes, this thing...it could help us for to navigate to this mysterious Amped Theatre! Hat man, how much for this 'Map'?

-It is literally free everywhere in the park.-

>Do not try to haggle with Rekulk! I will give you one sparkly green shimmerstone and not a sparkly green shimmerstone more!

-Hmm...-

"...whyfor does the hat man inspect our shimmerstone so?"

'Hush, child, he's working.'

"I am not a-MMPH!"

Rekulk does not question how Vekir's mouth could be silenced by a hoof when the little Morlock was wearing her armor.

-Imperfections across the center...a small deformation at either end...mined using primitive methods, certainly, but there's no denying it possesses a...not energy, no. Hmph, I'll have to give it closer examination. Take the map.-

>Hurrah, our trade is complete! Come, sister!

"Hurrah!"

The two Morlocks hurry off.

'...something troubles you husband?'

-Wife, do you remember that story Grandfather Sedimentarian used to tell?-

'The one about the branch of the family hired to seed Canterlot mountain with valuable ores and gems to help bolster the Equestrian treasury but one day vanished amidst ramblings of having discovered the perfect rock-farming technique, never to be seen again and forever serving as a warning to those that would so foolishly attempt to claim mastery over the earth we merely coax our livelihood from?'

-Yes, that one.-

'I can't recall it.'

-Neither can I.-
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Arana
--------

Before Arana stood a towering structure, similar to that of a chainsaw. Each tooth a compartment for a passenger. She watched as the ride began, going slow at first. But then it really picked up
Back flips! Front flips! Full stop to reverse direction! ALL WHILE SPINNIG ON FOUR AXIS!
>Nope.
Arana tucked in her legs, despite lacking their spiderness, and
>NOPENOPENOPeNOpeNopenope
The Ultra Zipper failed to claim at least one victim that day, as Arana deftly roll dodged the deluge of vomit around the ride.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NC

"Oh, I see, so now you're not just letting bug monsters into the castle and setting them loose, you've upgraded to letting in SPIDER monsters and letting them loose..."

"Is this a fetish we need to know about? I feel like we need to know the safe word here."

NC CONT

"No no! It's brilliant! She lets in the bug monsters, but then they get annoying so she goes and gets what is apparently their natural predator or something and the spider-monster scares off the bug monsters. Now we just need a hornet monster."

"Then what?"

"Then we get a bird monster."

"Then?"

"Then wolf monster."

"Then?"

"Then a dinosaur monster."

"Then?"

"Then we wait for the winter to come, because Dinosaurs are cold blooded. Win win!"

"What if they don't die out?"

"...Shut up."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Sucker Punch
"41"
'Tour Guide'

Meanwhile in the Partyland Arcade...

"Haha! Look at that! Look. At. That!"

>Ugh...

"Look at all myyyy tickets, and then lookit yours~!"

>Not even going to dignify it with a response.

'...you have like five tickets.'

>I CAN'T MASH BUTTONS BECAUSE OF THE LIGHTNING HOOF!

'What about the times you used the karaoke game?'

>...I was not going to stop until I beat that stupid polka.

'And the skee ball?'

>...

"Losah~"

'You're really behind, dude. The Bug Lady's gonna win.'

"Hey, you don't call me Bug Lady, ok? You gotta earn that right."

'I don't think I do.'

"Rude."

'Invader.'

"Oh get over it!"

'Kind of a hard thing to get over.'

>He's got a bit of a point. You guys diiiid kind of...yeah...

"Oh really? What about what he's gonna do?"

'Me?'

"Yeah, you! I heard that speech your boss gave! I know your game! You are the face of evil!"

'...I'm a grad student.'

"You're gonna steal our powers, and use them to...to do bad things, I bet!"

'Oh...ohhhh...no we're not.'

'What?'

"But...the guy on stage..."

>He said...

'Yeah, he lied. Talking completely out of his ass in order to get the tourists happy. If you sell a guy on the moon, he'll gladly buy something less to tide him over.'

"...buh..."

'I got a passing interest in this sort of stuff, according to my bosses we're lightyears away from realistically making a changeling infusion without like a blood sample or something. You'd need an artifact on par with the Alicorn Amulet to generate the magical yield required to copy the changeling method, and it's not like one's going to pop up out of nowhere. Frankly with our capabilities, it'd take years for the most brilliant minds on the planet to even theorize a proper formula, let alone put it in practice.'

>"..."

'...my degree is in Applied Biological Magic.'

"Ah...ahhhhhAAAAA! Our blood! You want our blood!"

'Well I mean, if you'd like, that'd be nice.'

"You'll he hearing from our Queen! And by 'hearing from' I mean 'being destroyed by'!"

41 prissily stomps off into the arcade.

'...'

>...

'...Think I'm gonna call in sick tomorrow.'

>Probably for the best.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________