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Loud House Sneezy Morning

Grapefoot Oct 15th, 2017 265 Never
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  1. Being part of a large family, you rarely have quiet time. Even in the early morning.  When you expect everyone to be peacefully slumbering, or at least getting up quietly . . . well that just isn't a luxury here at the Loud House.  I know, it just doesn't happen.  Let me introduce myself, I am Lincoln Loud, middle child of a family of eleven kids.  I am also the only guy . . . so you can bet things get kind of weird.
  2.  
  3. But to get back to what I was saying, there is no such thing as a quiet morning in our household.  Even when it should be quiet, it isn't.  And who would have ever expected a common morning routine in this family, to drive me beserk!  Let me explain.  You see, in this family, Dad recently wanted Saturday's to be a quiet morning till at least noon.  So, I followed that naturally, but my sisters?  That's another story.  Actually, it is the story I am about to tell.  
  4.  
  5. A handful of my sisters for some reason just sneeze a lot in the morning.  They are all different, some loud, some quiet, etc... but no matter what, they all break the silence.  It can drive you bonkers.
  6.  
  7. I remember looking over at the clock, eight o clock in the morning.  I should be asleep till at least nine, but no!  I am awakened by a sneeze!
  8.  
  9. “Hhheeeeettsshpphhh.”  I open my eyes clickly the second time.  “Who, what, when?”  I flop out of bed and rub my eyes to see my sister Lynn standing at my door.
  10.  
  11. “Hheeeettsscchpphh.”  She sneezed a third time and rubs her nose before putting that same hand back on my door handle.  
  12.  
  13. “Excuse me!”  I remembered yelling as I point to her germy hand on my door.
  14.  
  15. “Oh sorry, Lincoln.  I was just coming to . . . heh . . .”  
  16.  
  17. I watched as her eyes began to such and her nostrils quivered.  I just had a feeling she wasn't going to cover this sneeze and I really didn't want her spreading more germs into my room.  So with reflexes as fast as . . . well, I'm not that fast.  Reflexes as fast as a lumbering bison?  Will that work?  Sure.  So I lept forward and did my best interpretation of a line backer and shoved her out of my room just in time as she left the sneeze blast out.
  18.  
  19. “Heeeeaaaasssscchhhoooooh!”  I could almost see in slow motion as the droplets of spray came barreling out.  I rolled to the side and quickly got up.  
  20.  
  21. “What?  What do you want, Lynn?”
  22.  
  23. She recovered quickly and laughed.  “Hey you got me when I was sneezing!  That doesn't count!”
  24.  
  25. Something you need to know about Lynn, she treats everything like a sports game.  Anyways, my eyes widened as if telling her to get to the point.  She caught on.
  26.  
  27. “I was just reminded you to be quiet this morning, Lincoln.”  She smiled as she rubbed her nose and started walking off, sneezing once more, this time into her cupped hands.  “Hhheeeettsschhhppphh!”  
  28.  
  29. I just about lost it as closed my door and decided to go brush my teeth.  I walked up to the bathroom in a small line behind Luan and Lola, and Lana.  Since you don't know, Lana is Lola's twin.  Lola likes to dress up as a princess and be all cute, while Lana likes to jump in the mud and do gross stuff.  They're both younger then me.  Luan, who is older then me, likes to make a joke out of everything.
  30.  
  31. “Who are we waiting for?”  I asked as I walk up.
  32.  
  33. “Lori of course.”  Lola says in a peeved tone.  She is a notorious sneezer, especially in the morning.  Something about waking up just makes her sneeze.  
  34.  
  35. Having said that, Lola let out a quick sneeze, not even attempting to cover it.  She aimed down thankfully.  
  36.  
  37. “Hiittcheew!”  
  38.  
  39. “Ohhhhh!!  Nasty!”  Lana smiled as she watched eagerly where the sneeze droplets went.  She likes gross stuff.  She's a weirdo.  
  40.  
  41. “Say it don't spray it!  Get it?  Ha ha ha ha!”  My older sister Luan nervously laughed hoping we all got her lame joke.
  42.  
  43. “We get it.”  We all said in unison.  
  44.  
  45. All of a sudden the bathroom door opened and a burst of steam poured out.  It was my oldest sister, Lori.
  46.  
  47. “Huhhh, Huhhh, Huhhh . . . . IIIEEESCCHHUUUUUU!”
  48.  
  49. Wind from the sneeze rushed by my face and I could have sworn I felt some spray.  The steam from the bathroom rushed by me.
  50.  
  51. “What the heck, Lori?”  Lola yelled as Lori sniffed and rubbed her nose.
  52.  
  53. “Sorry guys, I guess all this makeup just is getting to my . . . my . . . heh . . . heh . . . “  Her eyes closed tight as she hitched her breath and raised her hands towards her mouth.  “Iiiiieeeeeetttscchhhoooo!”
  54.  
  55. The sneeze sprayed me, I know it.
  56.  
  57. “Gross!” I yelled.  My other sister Luan just laughed.
  58.  
  59. “Snot very fun when it happens to you, is it?”  Luan giggled.  
  60.  
  61. Lori, blew her nose into a tissue as then said, “Bathrooms all yours.”
  62.  
  63. Lola ran in and locked the door.  Hopeless of the bathroom line situation I decided to walk back to my room and wait there.  As I was walking back I heard yet another sneeze.
  64.  
  65. “Aaassshooo!”  
  66.  
  67. I propped open the door to Leni's room.  Leni is also an older sister of mine.  Kind of a clutz.  
  68.  
  69. “Bless you.”  I said to Leni.
  70.  
  71. “I didn't know you were a priest, Lincoln?”  Leni said with a bewildered expression.
  72.  
  73. “I'm not!  I was just saying bless you because you sneezed.”
  74.  
  75. Leni looked at be absolutely lost and simply blinked.  I waited for her to understand what I was saying but then I saw her eyes begin to shut as her nostrils flared once again.  She quickly ran her hands to her nose and mouth.
  76.  
  77. “Aeessshhooo!”  She paused and sneezed again.  “Aiisssshhhooo!”  
  78.  
  79. “Wow, bless me.”  Leni said to herself.  “Woah!  I didn't know I was a priest?”
  80.  
  81. I slapped my forehead and closed the door and went back to my room.
  82.  
  83. As you can tell, a quiet morning is not quiet!  I got all these crazy sisters who keep disturbing the peace!  But you know what?  I wouldn't have it any other way.  I'm Lincoln Loud, and thanks for listening to my average Saturday morning.
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