Night at the Kriegsmuseum part 4

“I’m home” I say to the empty room. The room, thankfully, doesn’t respond. I stumble my way through the apartment to the bedroom and flop onto the bed. I wonder if I should tell anyone about my new job. It’s not like I have all that many friends. Maybe /k/ would believe me, those guys believe just about anything. I open my laptop and bring up everyone’s favourite Mongolian basket weaving symposium. I savagely murder a.45>9mm thread to post my story. The replies range from complaints about the deceased thread to orders to have sex with various waffengiests. Its not like I really expected much from them anyway. I pass out soon after.
A ringing rouses me from my rock-like sleep. My hand sluggishly finds its way to my phone, dragging the loud little shit to my ear. Who’s brave enough to wake me up? “privyet comrade!” comes the voice, crackling with interference. “how was first night of work?”
“would have been easier if you’d told me about the waffengiests”
*laughs in Russian* “did you get scared and cry like little baby?”
“I came bloody close with Sturmtiger chasing after me”
“XAXAXA you are still of live, so all is good, I must go now, I think I see Siberian tiger in bushes”
“what?”
kalashnikovmagdump.mp3, the phone call ends. I know I should be worried, but I can already feel the sleepiness working back into my head. Besides, nothing can kill that crazy bastard. My vision goes black once again.
By the time I wake up again I barely have enough time to get to the museum before my shift starts. After a montage of getting ready and burning rubber, I’m back in the security office. Before long The waffengeists begin to show themselves. I begin watching what appears to be the entire Italian collection try and fail to make pasta. A few tankettes are attempting to boil the water by putting the pot on a P40 and getting her to run her engine to overheat. Soon afterwards they are chasing a now-flaming P40 in human form with fire extinguishers. Now a few girls in German uniforms turn up and start yelling at the hapless Italians. I’m not sure if I should laugh or go help clean up. Another monitor shows a group of Russians and an Americans making rude gestures at each other from behind twin forts made of replica nukes and shells. I get the feeling that these sorts of things happen. all the time. I guess I’ll go out again, thought this time I’ll try going through the medieval section. Despite Churchill and the others’ stories, I’m sure they did something to get the medieval geists angry. I pick up the torch and get on my way, hoping that last night doesn’t repeat itself.

I walk along the edge of the allied section, saying hello to the giests along the way. As I get to the doors I can hear a great amount of clanging and shouting. Looking around the doorframe, I get a glance of a bunch of suits of armour attacking each other with other waffengeists, who are loudly complaining about being bluntened on the enemy’s armour. I see one longsword transform out of her user’s hands and run away, leaving the helpless set to be pummelled by a Greenwich style suit with a mace.
“cześć” a voice causes me to jump back in suprise. Two girls, one significantly taller than the other, who is about my height. ”you must be the replacement for that russian”
yeah, thats me”
“I’m Husaria, and this is Kopia. Are you trying to get through this place?” she gestures to her tall companion.
“yeah, though it looks a bit too heated in there, so I might just go back”
“I can help you, for a small favour”
“sure”
She takes my hand and, similar to the time with the panzer II, I find myself suddenly encased in armour. The armour feels pretty light, at least lighter than I would expect armour to be.
“yes! Now Mr. Guard, you see that English tin can over there?”
She points to the Greenwich suit.
“she made fun of my wings the other night and now we crush her to dust!”
“I’m not so sure-“
“CHARGE KURWA”
Panicked, I run full pelt at Greenwich with Husaria screeching “KUUURWAAAAAAA” as I charge. As the Greenwich turns to face me I realise that I forgot to get Kopia and am currently rushing at a heavier armoured and armed target with no weapon. The mace comes crashing into my face. I stumble, falling over at the Greenwich’s feet.
“I GIVE YOU ONE JOB AND YOU FAIL YOU IS OF STUPID KURWA”
“what doth thou think to achieve with such tactics, Husaria?”
I pull myself to my feet, staying silent. I’ll let Husaria try to talk us out of this.
“GO RUST”
Or not, anything to get another faceful of mace. I quickly step out of reach as the mace comes down at me again. How should I fight this? Should I even fight? This ill-tempered Pollack is gonna end up getting me brain damage. Like hell I’m getting bludgeoned for someone else’s hurt pride! I turn and run further into the medieval exhibit.
“Coward! Have you no shame!”
“GO BACK AND CRUSH HER TO DUST”
I can feel the armour pieces trying to pull me backwards, like there’s gigantic magnet behind me. I keep running until I find a place where there are only a few waffengeists loitering around. Out of breath, I find a nearby bench to rest on. Husaria reappears next to me.
“why did you run away? You said you’d give me a favour” she states, her irritation clearly showing in her voice
“I wasn’t exactly equipped to fight an enemy with that sort of armour”
“I was your fault you didn’t pick up Kopia”
Not wanting to highlight my own incompetence, I change the subject.
“Do you know where we are?”
“Somewhere close to those big German steel boxes, but I’m not letting you distract me from how you just left Kopia there. She’s probably too embarrassed to even change back!”
“sorry”
“Apologise to Kopia next time you see her. Where are you going from here?”
“I think I’ll go check on those big German steel boxes, last I checked I saw some of their Italian friends were setting themselves on fire”. I briefly look around for a door
“now that’s something I’ve got to see, let’s get going!”
She jumps up and pulls me off the bench. I follow her as she runs off in what I hope is the right direction.