Dear Jack,

I hope you are feeling better now.

You say the I kicked your father out when you were two years old, that I didn’t protect you and that that I verbally abused you.

Here are the facts of the matter, which you are free to accept or reject as you wish.

1.       Your father never lived with us.  Before you were conceived, he came and went, laying pretence to an affection and a future, in order to get his alcoholic and living needs met.

2.       As soon as I became pregnant with you, he disappeared completely, only returning the day before you were born, with more false promises of commitment to family life.   He disappeared again, 3 days after you were born.

3.       For a few weeks after, he came and went with more promises, whenever he wanted money, food, a bath, loan of car with free petrol to shop for his mother (who it later turns out was giving him money for petrol to give to me, but he immediately spent on alcohol) , equipment or materials to do up his house in Waylen Street (he said, for us to live in in the future) never staying more than a couple of days, before leaving to get drunk again or (unbeknownst to me) to go to Stoke to enact the same routine with Helen, with whom he also had a child.

4.       Ask Anna what her date of birth is.  Count back the 9 months to when she was conceived.  Ask Helen how long she and Jo had been together before Anna was conceived.  How old would you have been then?  Now perhaps you can start to see the truth of the matter. Numbers don’t lie.

5.       In a box in the loft and on floppy disk, is a record of the lengths I went to, to protect you.  This includes copies of correspondence with doctors, solicitors, the courts, the court welfare officers, access centre, your nursery, the private detectives I hired to follow and protect you and the building society from whom I re-mortgaged the house to pay for all this (along with taking in lodgers and living on boiled rice).

6.       If I ever, in any way, verbally or otherwise abused you, I think that Stephanie (German trainee teacher) Caterina and Teresa (Portuguese student psychologists) Irena (Czech Republic), Oya and Selim (Istanbul) and James (fellow teacher at Beechwood) all who serially lodged with us, from when you were born until we moved to Theale (photos of you with them to prove it); also Chris and Kevin (who, you have to admit, has been a real father to you) might have noticed and had something to say about it.  So you see, there are a host of independent witnesses, who you are free to contact for verification, as to how dearly you were loved, looked after, cherished and protected throughout your infancy and childhood.

7.       Last year, you rampaged through the house, smashing things, just like your father used to do when he was drunk and frightened the living daylights out of me. This why I calmly said to you, that if you were going to continue to behave like that, then you must leave.  Please be clear that it was your behaviour that I was rejecting and not you.

Know that I love you dearly, always have and always will, also that I am incredibly proud of you and what you have achieved.  I really hope that one day, we will perhaps be able to talk about all this in the spirit of loving kindness and hear what each other has to say.  Until then, please know that I think of you every day with all the love and pride that a mother can possibly have for her accomplished, successful and grown up son, who I know has a heart of gold.

C/x