That's Just The Way It Is

>be me, bonky
>i'm with my horse-man pal, pickle horse-man
>we're conducting our joint podcast, "Tellin' it Like it Is"
>i start the show with my trademark cough into the mic
>i say Alright folks it's ya man, the horse with da force, Bonky, and I'm here with my main horse-man Pickle Horse-man, and he was just about to tell me How It Is.
>Pickle Horse-man spikes the audio, his trademark opening move
>he puts his mouth real close up to it
>he says I'mma tell you how it is.
>Oh shit, i think, he's gonna do it
>well go on then, i say, tell us how it is
>he sits back
>i'm gonna tell you how it is
>go on then, i say, tell us
>there's a pause
>tell us how it is
>pickle horse-man lowers his shades
>he looks me dead in the eye
>i've never seen him more serious in my life
>looks straight into my soul
>i'm gonna tell you how it is he says
>oh damn, i think
>that was close
>he's gonna tell me how it is
>i thought he was about to tell me how it is
>but he was just sayin he's gonna tell me how it is
>so that means he's going to tell me how it is
>next
>probably next
>i say "i gotta hear this."
>but that's more for our listeners
>our listeners need to hear this
>or else we have no listeners
>so i sometimes say things for their benefit
>which is really our benefit
>but, yeah, i say things sometimes that i don't really feel
>i just want them to feel it
>the horrible thing about this podcast
>is if we told it how it is
>we would no longer have a podcast
>because everyone would know
>"how it is"
>i fake laugh
>deep, rasping fake laugh
>i squeal "tell me how it is!"
>pickle horse-man gets back in close again
>he says
>first, i'm gonna tell you how it is. . ."