[Lilly] Smile

Smile


There are tubes everywhere.

Breathing tubes, IV's, every tube imaginable is coming out of my body. Pale sunlight streaks in through the window in my room, making stripes across my blanket. My body feels weak and brittle, as if I could pass at any moment.

Well, in reality, I am going to pass at any moment.

My heart condition finally caught up to me. It only took until now, when I'm seventy-two old to do so. Medicine truly works wonders, but at the same time, there was no possible way for me to outrun this thing into my eighties or nineties. This year, it finally caught up to me. After years and years of being heart attack free, nature truly unleashed its wrath on me this time around.

Three heart attacks in one year.

Three.

This is the result of my latest one, in which the doctors have said will be my final stand. I've been was given about seven hours to live when I recieved an update this morning. Lilly clutched my hand as he delivered the news, really the only news update of importance that we had recieved all week.

I knew it was coming. All I've felt is pain all week, hell, all year at that. My body has weakened to the point that I've been walking with a cane ever since I was released after my first heart attack.

Lilly has remained faithful and as helpful as anyone could be in my life, especially during the most recent times. Over the past ten years, her hair has faded from shimmering blonde to wintery gray, her skin transitioning from smooth to a tad wrinkled. Her smile and wit has yet to change, and doubtfully ever will.

I turn my head from the window, the thoughts still flowing through my head. My hand is having the life squeezed out of it by my wife, sitting in here and crying silent tears as the time quickly approaches.

Only five minutes left.

My body already feels like it's beginning to shut down. Breathing, even with help, has become a struggle as my lungs fight for oxygen. My bones feel like they could break with a simple touch, as every simple movement shoots pain up my spine.

At this point, though, it isn't about me anymore.

It's about her.

I can't peel my eyes from her face, her eyes letting tears flow free as she does her usual blank stare towards the window. She obviously can't see anything, but I feel that at this moment, sight is the least important sense. A drop touches my hand and runs down towards my wrist, giving me the courage to finally speak with her.

"My love, why are you crying?"

Silence settles in for a moment. I raise my hand as she loosens up her grip a bit, moving it and wiping away a tear from her cheek.

"Lilly, please." My voice is weakening with every word spoken. It feels as if someone is slowly dropping weights onto my throat, closing the airway and attempting to cut stop me from getting out my final words. She shivers a bit at my touch as I caress her cheek to the best of my ability, her head nuzzling into it.

"I don't want to lose you..."  Her voice trails off as she nearly loses composure once again. She's honestly never been one to make huge emotional scenes, such as bawling or getting absolutely furious, but all of that has seemed to taken a backseat at the moment.

"You act as if I'm going to be leaving you." Her ears perk up a bit, raising an eyebrow at me. "I mean, I may be leaving you in person, but I will never leave you in spirit and love..." My voice begins to choke up a bit as I can feel tears welling up in the corners of my eyes.

I still remember what we said on our wedding day.

"Don't you remember our promise, Lilly?" She looks as if she ponders the question for a moment before a somewhat sad smile forms across her lips. Then, she surprises me, and repeats it word for word.

"Stay faithful, stay playful, stay kind or I'll beat your behind. Promise to me and I'll promise to you, for we are inseparable with love as our bind." She rattles it off straight from memory, a few more tears dropping as her voice begins to shake towards the latter part. I move her hand to my face and allow her to feel my smile for what could be the last time.

"You know, I thought you would have forgotten by now. I guess I was proven wrong, huh?"

"I could never forget. It is what we based everything off of, remember?" It truly was and still is, to this very day. We had our one and only daughter together with that simple promise being the basis of our family. Even our daughter learned it by heart. It was like a motto, but it sort of died off as our daughter moved out and started a family of her own.

I guess it still is our motto, to this very day.

My daughter already came by, drenched in tears as she gave me her final goodbye. My two grandchildren and son-in-law came as well, but my son-in-law refused to come in and see me in my state. He was like the son that Lilly and I never had, and he sat in the hall with his head buried in his hands. All of this sadness...

But, what is it for?

Passing away is just another step in life.

Whatever happens afterwards, I'll know soon enough.

I regain my train of thought as my vision begins to blur. So, the final moments begin now I assume. I give Lilly my strongest squeeze that I can muster, before giving her some of my final words.
"I'm feeling tired, my dear. I think it's about time for me to go."

"I understand, Hisao." She leans down and kisses me on the lips, my vision beginning to fade into white. She grips my hand tight as a warm sensation begins to spread throughout my body, easing the pain of the past year in nearly an instant. Before I entirely lose my vision, I catch one final glimpse of the beauty before me, and weakly smile at what I see.

Along with her tears is a smile.

"Smile in memory of me, Lilly, for it is how I want you to remember our time together..." My voice trails off as my vision completely fades, but one image stays stapled in my mind as my body finally shuts down.

The gentle and caring smile of a woman who saved my life.