Steelhooves is impressed by Littlepip

As I floated the canteen from the bedpost, the deep, resonating voice of SteelHooves carried in from the other room. “Sorry, but I just don’t buy it.”

“Ah don’t get ya,” I heard Calamity respond. There was something in the tone of both ponies that caught my attention. My ears perked, and I drank quietly as I listened.

“Your group is like the beginning of a bad joke,” SteelHooves elaborated. “A covert agent, a princess descended from pre-war aristocracy and an outcast from an advanced civilization trot into a saloon and try to tell ponies that they’re completely normal.”

I nearly choked. Swiftly and without a sound, I plugged the canteen and rehung it on the bed.

“Y’think we’re lyin’?” Thank you, Calamity, for sounding offended.

“I think either you’re lying to me, or they’re lying to you.”

I heard a stomp I assumed was from Calamity. “What makes ya think…?”

“Because I was conscious, if barely. I saw all of us down for the count. That alicorn was at full strength, unimpaired, her magical shield shrugging off grenades. Then, a moment later, she was dead,” the low voice gave a grave accounting of our meeting battle like a schoolteacher reading test scores. “A single bullet hole, right through the brain. You want me to believe some innocent young mare just weeks out of a Stable did that? Do you even believe that?”

I didn’t like how quiet Calamity was before saying, “Yeah, Ah do. Cuz that’s what happened.”

“An innocent young mare,” SteelHooves repeated, “Just out of a Stable. With refined criminal skills that let her pick every lock and hack every computer, even when nopony else in two hundred years has managed the feat.”

I frowned. I had to admit, I’d wondered about the lack of other skilled lockpickers myself. But then, I also knew that I had honed my skill in precise telekinetic lockpicking over years as part of my attempt to conjure my cutie mark. My C.A.T. proved that my natural talents were focused towards mundane and arcane sciences, and my studies as a PipBuck technician and the tools of my trade gave me the education to manipulate terminals that few outsiders would have. But most of all, I knew that I hadn’t been anywhere near as good at either of these things when I left Stable Two as I had become since. I had been reading books and getting a lot of practice.

SteelHooves continued, “For that matter, a Stable that is still in closed operation? It’s hard enough to find a Stable whose population survived.” A dark cloud threatened my mind at that.

Calamity’s voice was low, and perhaps a little dangerous. “Are ya suggestin’ they ain’t from a Stable?”

“No. I’m sure they’re from a Stable.” The voice was cool and even. “I just find it more believable that they are highly-trained agents on a mission… perhaps from someplace akin to a Ministry of Awesome black-ops facility… than wide-eyed tourists from a repository for civilian ponies.”

What? I thought Calamity said the Ministry of Awesome didn’t actually do anything.

Calamity nickered. “That’s… ridiculous.”

“Really?” SteelHooves asked. “She survived a train jumping off a cliff.”

“Ah caught her!”

SteelHooves paused, and seemed to concede that one. “How did you meet her?”

My friend hesitated. Then, with a sad breath, “I nearly killed her.”

“She’d jus’ come outta Ponyville, where she’d cleared a nest o’ raiders,” Calamity explained. “She was covered in blood an’ wearin’ armor she’d scavenged from ‘em, so I mistook her for a raider ‘erself. Swooped outta the sky an’ started shootin’.” I could hear the regret in his voice.

I felt a pang in my heart for him. But I also winced at his description. Even Calamity seemed to do a double-take at how that sounded, because after a pause, he quickly followed with, “They were raiders, mind ya. Raiders ain’t that hard t’ kill.” Then, seeming to remember the wagon crash, he amended, “If yer at least a li’l lucky. An’ the terrain is on yer side.”

“I see,” SteelHooves deadpanned. “So she’s not a secret agent death pony. She’s just lucky. How about the other one?”

“Velvet Remedy? She’s…” Calamity chuckled, “She’s a civilian. She’s a medic an’ a singer. How does that fit inta yer covert ops stable theory?”

“Any other talents?”

“Does being the most beautiful pony I’ve ever met count?” I could hear the smile in Calamity’s voice. “Other than that, no. I mean, well… she does have a freakish knack fer getting’ what she want. Barterin’ Ah mean. An’ talkin’ folks inta stuff, when she’s not bein’…” Calamity shut up.

Good buck, Calamity. Don’t finish that sentence.

“A direct descendant of one of the three founders of Stable-Tec. The founder who, I believe, was Stable-Tec’s face of public relations and also the sister of one of the eight most powerful figures in the pre-apocalyptic government. A descendant with skills in seduction, trade and diplomacy.” SteelHooves intoned wryly, “No, you’re right. That does sound like a civilian pony.”

I groaned inside. How the hell did SteelHooves manage to do that? I was beginning to doubt my story, and I’d lived it.

I heard Calamity sigh. I hoped it was out of exasperation. “Okay, let’s pretend, just fer a minute, that my companions ‘ave been lyin’ t’ me through their teeth.” Oh no. Calamity, please don’t. We’ve been honest. I know it sounds bad when he says it like that, but…

Calamity finished, “T’ what end?”

“Well,” the deep, masculine voice rumbled, “They marched into the center of a battle between raiders and slavers, somehow got the heads of two factions to sit down in the short one’s crosshairs, and then proceeded not only to eliminate the one they didn’t like, but to kill the dragon running the show, assuring the one they wanted was in charge…”

Calamity interrupted, “Ah dare say ah had a might t’ do with that muhself.”

SteelHooves continued, undissuaded. “To me, that sounds a lot like a special unit rearranging local power structures to suit their purposes. Whatever those purposed might be.”

Goddesses damn it. Is this what ponies were thinking? And I had been chagrined by my reputation when I was supposedly just a hero. This was… insane.

At least Calamity seemed to agree with me on that. “Riiiiight. Okay then, how about this? If Li’lpip was some sorta special black ops pony, how in tarnation could Ah ‘ave nearly killed ‘er?”

“Because underground training facilities aren’t exactly the best place to learn to fight aerial opponents. I doubt you’d be able to get the drop on her again.”

Calamity was fighting not to fall for it too, bless him. “Look, Ah’ve been with them. Y’all haven’t. Ah know they’re… surprisin’. But if ya got t’know ‘em…”

“I’d see that they’re not spies at all?” SteelHooves’ deep voice seemed on the verge of a chuckle.

“Ayep.” Thank you, Calamity.

“Not a sly, sneaky hair in their manes, then?”

“Not a one.”

“Did you know that when Littlepip sleeps, she has a cute little snore?”

I do not sn… oh crap!

Fallout Equestria: Chapter 15