- A. My first and ultimately fatal mistake: I chose to not bring up my findings (money going missing) with the then council in our weekly meetings. My original reasoning was that it could not have changed the outcome, which was (even then) objectively the selfish choice. I had decided that it was over, and rather than to let it shatter and pick up the pieces afterwards like everyone else, I was going to use my position of privilege to safeguard part of my work.
- A couple of things happened here:
- - I put myself in the position of judge, jury and executioner
- - I used valuable inside information at the expense of others
- - I betrayed council, some (given my relationship with them) on a personal level
- B. The first one is classic narcissism, but the latter are instances of a conscious decision to do evil. My definition evil being "producing suffering where suffering is not needed". The solution lies in the problem here, in the most classical sense. "Do I care to be a good person? Or generally do I care to strive to not do evil?" became central as I've been trying piece things together.
- Mistake number two came in the form of action as opposed to inaction, which was the theft of the CS:S ZE server.
- While I understood that the server legally wasn't mine, morally I had no problems moving the server. I justified it to myself through morally disengaging myself from reality. There is a baseline set of truths and ethical standards you cannot bypass: stealing is bad, violence is wrong, etc. By morally disengaging myself I deluded myself into believing these truths and standards did not apply to me because of context X (read: vigilantism). Which for the record is not an excuse, it was a rhetorical failure.
- full text: https://pastebin.com/TssATA8R
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