Seinfeld x Inuyasha

Seinfeld x Inuyasha Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)00:12:14 No.167819226

    Gonna start dumping my Seinfeld x Inuyasha fan fic

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)00:15:13 No.167819322

    >>167819226 (OP)
    >The Shikon Jewel
    >Cold open: Jerry’s Standup
    >Jerry: Have you ever wondered how some of these Hanyo relationships even start? I mean, some of these Yokai don’t even look remotely humanoid. What’s with that hopping foot with the umbrella head? How do you even DO that? Well sure, I guess if you’re a human female, but what happens when the umbrella opens up?

    >Slap Bass

    >Scene: Seinfelds apartment. Jerry is calmly polishing his wakizashi sword.
    >Kramer bursts in.
    >Kramer: Jackpot, Jerry! Jackpot!
    >Jerry, not looking up: mmhmm
    >Kramer: I’m serious, Jerry! Serious!
    >Jerry: mmhmm
    >Kramer: I was just there, at the oyster bar, you know the one on 82nd? The one with the thing, Jerry, the thing!
    >Jerry: Ah yeah… the bartender is that-that oyster daiyokai... Hosenki!

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)00:18:10 No.167819414

    >>167819322
    >Kramer: That’s it! That’s it, the daiyokai! I was there, on my 2nd dozen of Kuwamoto’s (slurps and smacks lips) and there it was, mid swallow-
    >[kramer places the black pearl in Jerry’s palm]
    >Kramer: -that!
    >Jerry: This.
    >Kramer: That!
    >Jerry: Mid...swallow…[uncermoniously drops the Black Pearl, disgusted. Kramer wildly tries to catch it]
    >[George enters the apt door left open by Kramer]
    >George: I did it guys, I did it!
    >Kramer, still on the floor fawning over the black pearl: Did it?

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)00:20:18 No.167819473

    >>167819414
    >George: It my friends, it. Remember Jerry? The shrine priestess? The one you BOTH said was way out of my league?
    >Kramer: Kikyo?
    >George: Ah yes… Kikyo. Kikyo my dear?
    >[Kagome enters]
    >Kagome: For the hundredth time, my name is Kagome!
    >George: Semantics, semantics.
    >Jerry, looking Kikyo up and down: Nope not Kikyo.
    >George: Not Kikyo? NOT KIKYO?!
    >Jerry: Not Kikyo. And George, did you notice her outfit? That’s a middle school uniform, George. You know, I’m not sure I can get behind you on this one.

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)00:23:01 No.167819568

    >>167819473
    >George: Middle school? Middle school!? Please, she's 500 years old, it's totally kosher
    >Jerry: nyeehhhhhh.....
    >George: Look it's just an outfit! And you know how these Japanese girls look waaaaaay younger than they actually
    [Inuyasha bursts in through Jerry's window]
    >Inuyasha: KAGOMEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
    >Jerry: See? Not Kikyo. He says Kagome, I'm going with Kagome.

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)00:28:59 No.167819741

    >>167819568
    >George: SHE'S KIKYO!
    >[Inuyasha unsheathes Tessaiga]
    >Kramer: Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa how about we all just sit down and have a nice-
    >Kagome: Good idea! Inuyasha! SIT!
    >[Inuyasha is slammed to the ground with the command]
    >Jerry: And they say middle school girls are vulnerable.
    >Kramer: Great, now I'll get us all a nice cool glass of mugicha. Hold this for me, will ya, Jerr?
    >[Kramer hands the black pearl to Jerry. Jerry is still disgusted by it and puts it on a plate]

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)00:34:44 No.167819913

    >>167819741
    >[Inuyasha instinctively covers his eye.]
    >Inuyasha: KUROSHINJU!
    >[Inuyasha lunges for the black pearl. Kramer gracefully whisks it from his reach. Inuyasha wields his blade]
    >Kagome: SIT!
    >Kramer: That's right, buddy, finders keepers.
    >Inuyasha: Tha-that's the black pearl! Y-You don't understand the power it holds!
    >Kramer: Ooohh buddy I understand plenty. And this beauty [kisses pearl] is going to have me in cubans and mimosas till the end of time.
    >Inuyasha: End of time is right! If-

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)00:39:28 No.167820064

    >>167819913
    >[Elaine enters carrying a bunch of yokai heads]
    >Elaine: You would NOT be-LIEVE the day I had. First I was called in by Peterman to entertain a client's nephew, a pervy teen at that, and THEN a bunch of yokai just show up and get sucked into his palm, and THEN-who are you?
    >George: She, Elaine, is the esteemed priestess Kikyo. Not sure about the mutt tho.
    >Kagome: It's KAGOME!
    [Miroku bursts into the apartment]

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)00:44:47 No.167820193

    >>167820064
    >Miroku: ELAINE-SAN! We haven't even gotten to-eh? You guys?
    >Inuyasha [flatly]: New York City is a small fiefdom it appears
    >Kagome: Miroku!? Look, this is getting out of hand. First this kappa kidnaps me-
    >George: Kappa?! IT'S STRESS ALOPECIA, PERFECTLY REVERSIBLE! GAH!
    >[George leaves in a huff]

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)00:48:05 No.167820274

    >>167820193
    >[Kramer grabs the pitcher of mugicha and the black pearl]
    >Kramer: Yep. Well, you guys take care of all this, I'll be next door
    >[He grabs a magazine as he exits]
    >Jerry: Huh...
    >Inuyasha: The-the black pearl. We must get it back...

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)00:54:53 No.167820459

    >>167820274
    >Slap Bass

    >Scene: The Costanza Residence
    >George: A kappa. A KAPPA! She called me a Kappa
    >Estelle: You're nawt that bald!!
    >Frank: That's right, my attorney was a kappa! Could see my reflection right in the water of his dome. Could never win a case if the opposition ever managed to spill it though.
    >George: A KAPPA! I'm not even a hanyo, much less a yokai.
    >Estelle: ...George
    >Frank: NO ESTELLE! I WON'T STAND FOR IT
    >Estelle: Frank, it's time
    >Frank: NO BY GOD NOT IN THIS HOUSE
    >Estelle: George, you're a yokai
    >Frank: DAMN IT ALL
    >George: What?
    >Estelle: A yokai. We all are.
    >George: Thi- this doesn't make any sense.. I'm 38 years old, I-
    >Frank: It's true. Damn it, son it's true!
    >Estelle: This is our true form.....
    >[Camera zooms in on George's awed reaction as he sees his family's true yokai nature]

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)01:03:37 No.167820671

    >>167820459
    >Slap Bass

    >[Scene: Kramer's apartment. Kramer is watching tv with the Black Pearl when a haunting disembodied shadow appears behind him]
    >Voice: Kraaamer
    >[No response]
    >Shadow: Kraaaaaaaaameeeeerrrrr
    >[No response]
    >Shadow: KRAMER!!!!
    >[Kramer reacts violently knocking over popcorn and beer]
    >Kramer: Ma?!
    >[The shadow appears in front of Kramer]
    >Kramer: Jackie?
    >Shadow: GIVE ME THE PEARL
    >Kramer: Th-the pearl?
    >Shadow: GIVE ME THE PEARL!
    >Kramer: NO! IT'S MINE!
    >[Kramer shields the pearl with his body. The shadow tries to grab at it]
    >Kramer: Wait-these-these pudgy fingers
    >[Kramer casts a light on the shadow]
    >Kramer: NEWMAN!

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)01:08:21 No.167820799

    >>167820671
    >Newman: Ugh Come out Naraku, our cover's blown.
    >[Naraku emerges from the shadows]
    >Kramer: Who're you?
    >Newman: Kramer, Naraku, Naraku, Kramer.
    >[They awkwardly shake hands with Kramer cautiously keeping the pearl out of reach]
    >Kramer: So this pearl... how much is it worth to you?

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)01:16:04 No.167820982

    >>167820799
    >Slap Bass

    >Scene: Jerry's Apartment. Elaine, Jerry, Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Inuyasha, and Kagome are in the living room looking at a diagram of all the character relations, artifacts, and plot lines
    >Jerry: Look, it's been 5 hours, and I STILL can't make heads or tails out of this mess.
    >Elaine: Ugh, it's easy, you see, Kagome here can sense shards of the Shikon Jewel, not to be confused with the Black Pearl yada yada yada world ends
    >Jerry: You can't just Yada yada yada why the world ends!
    >Kagome: Great! We're all on the same page here.
    >Jerry: Is anyone listening to me? None of this makes sense!
    >Inuyasha: The answer is clear! We burst over to your friend Kramer's residence, take what is rightfully mine, and save the day yet again!
    >Jerry: nnyeaaahh not much progress from the yada yada yada

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)01:22:09 No.167821129

    >>167820982
    >Slap Bass

    >[Scene: Kramer's door]
    >Jerry [ knocking]: Kramer! KRAMER! KRAMER!!!
    >[Kramer opens the door a crack. Smoke billows out. Laughter can be heard. Kramer takes a sip from a champagne flute]
    >Kramer: What'd I tell you, Jerry, what'd I tell you.
    >Jerry: What? What did you tell me?
    >Kramer: The pearl Jerry the pearl! All the cubans [he takes a hearty puff] and all the mimosas [he downs the contents of the glass] for all time! ALL TIME!
    >Jerry: Aww Kramer, you didn't, you didn't!
    >Kramer: I did! I did!
    >Jerry: You sold the pearl?!?
    >Kramer: Nononono that's the best part, I still get the pearl, they just wanted to hold it.
    >Jerry: Hold it. I guess that's okay. I mean as long as it wasn't to Naruto.
    >Kramer: No, heavens sake no. Fella went by Naraku.
    >Jerry: NO! That's who it shouldn't-
    >Kramer: You said Naruto! JAPANESE Jerry you gotta learn your JAPANESE!

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)01:26:01 No.167821220

    >>167821129
    >Jerry: Look, is he still here? Maybe it's not too late-
    >[Susan Ross comes up behind Kramer]
    >Susan: Kramer, what are you doing? It's your turn to deal. Oh, hi, Jerry. [She leaves]
    >Jerry: Susan!? SUSAN!? She's DEAD!
    >Kramer: Great, isn't it?
    >Jerry: No it's not "great!" Kramer, you've set off the end of times!
    >Kramer: That's right, baby, the end of bad times. Giddyup.

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)01:33:20 No.167821414

    >>167821220
    >Slap Bass

    >[Scene: NY Street. Jerry is dejectedly walking around as yokai run rampant, New York is witnessing the apocalypse as the world of the dead engulfs the living. George runs up to Jerry and grabs him at the shoulders.]
    >George: Big news, Jerry, BIG NEWS!
    >Jerry: Right. The world as we know it is ending.
    >George: No, not that I'm a yokai Jerry, a yokai! ME!
    >Jerry: A yokai.
    >George: Yeah! Me! Can you believe it?!
    >Jerry: Look, George, I really wanna be happy for you but as you can see, Manhattan is tearing itself apart and I just want a good pastrami sandwich before I meet my maker.
    >George: World is tearing itself apart, do you HEAR yourself right now? I'm a YOKAI!
    >Jerry: Goodbye, George. We had a good run.

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)01:39:36 No.167821562

    >>167821414
    >[Scene: Kramer's apartment. There is a black whirlwind around the Black Pearl. Inuyasha and crew are attacking Naraku and Newman trying to contain the madness as Kramer tries to moderate his undead poker game]
    >Miroku: I-I can't contain it!!
    >Inuyasha: We have to TRY! Our worlds depend on it!
    >[George triumphantly enters]
    >George: Perhaps you need the aid of a yokai!
    >Shippo: We've GOT yokai! And HALF yokai! What use have we for a Kappa!?
    >George [frustrated]: I'm not a KAPPA!
    >[George begins to transform]
    >George: I'm a KASA!
    >[George's yokai form is the foot with an umbrella (kasa) head]
    >George: AAARRRHHHHGHHGHHHHH
    [He enters the black hole as the scene fades to white]

Anonymous 01/31/18(Wed)01:46:25 No.167821704

    >>167821562
    >Slap Bass

    >[Scene: Tom's Diner. George is seated next to a Kagome in a booth across from Jerry and Elaine]
    >George: And yadayadayada I averted the apocalypse
    >Elaine: You can't just yadayadayada how you averted the apocalypse!
    >George: Look I'm mankind -and yokai-kind's [he gives a knowing nod to Shippo] saviour, I can do what I want! Now give me some, sugar sweetheart.
    >[George leans in to kiss Kagome]
    >Susan: GEORGE!
    >George [Frightened]: Su-susan! B-but you-you died!
    >Susan: Oh and that would give you free rain to go to town on some-some middle schooler! You CAD!
    >[Susan throws her glass of water at George, who turns into an Umbrella to block it - FREEZEFRAME]

    >SLAP BASS

    THE END