Thread 80: Stories 76-90

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"WHOOO HOOOO!"

They should not have been enjoying this so much.

It was wrong they were enjoying this so much.

But DAMN they just enjoying this so much.

"Get some!"

Even the staunch and professional soldier let out her cry of joy as she literally slid down the giant centipede's back, some strange horseshoes on her hind legs preventing whatever electricity cackled along its metal frame. All the while, her hooves were a flurry of punches, landing blows on an assortment of flying robots that all made suicidal dives at her.

"You haven't seen anything yet!"

A lavender shape flew in the midst of the swarm. Bobbing, weaving, slipping and sliding through every attack.

Well, to be more precise, there were two lavender shapes. The one flying, and the one riding the alicorn while firing off round after round expertly from her back.

"At least make it sort of difficult!"

Missiles toppled even the tallest of the monsters, bringing them low with thunderous claps. If any of the smaller ones could breach through, they too found themselves blasted in the face with one of TBDRLIATU's many, many armaments.

Be it the taser that shocked a metal timberwolf, a canister that once held gas breaking the nose of some kind of snake creature, blades that sliced through a robot gryphon's sternum, or even compressed air that blasted away smoke, none got close.

And she knew it wasn't solely because of 'him'.

"You doing okay back there, patchy?"

She could not see what was causing the occasional noise behind her, obviously. If she had seen it coming, she would have dealt with it before it got that close, but that's what that shape that she spotted out of the corner of her eye was for.

Any slithering worm that sought to sink in poisonous fangs, jackrabbit robots set to blow, or even tiny flying drones were snapped up and dealt with before any of them knew what had happened, torn to shreds by a blade of bone and leaving his allies untouched.

They never once saw him coming.

And even he too, as clever and cloaked as he was, was not alone.

For the monsters who threatened to hurl a giant chunk of wall at them may have been confused, but the changelings in the room knew all too well why a mutant manticore suddenly turned on them and fired green lasers from his head.

"Seven, do try not to over exert yourself."

The manticore indeed revealed a changeling underneath, one that gave little more than a shrug before flipping back into the fray.

"Can't let you guys have all the fun!"

"And WOWEE WOW WOW is this fun!"

The slithering things upon the ground surely thought they would have been the most slippery and hard to pin down. But, as she is known to do, Pinkie showed them how it's done with rubber like movements that expertly slipped by them, flipped them like flapjacks, kicked them into cannons from the air and then used the segmented machines, snakes, worms and slugs as projectiles against their enemies.

"Aren't you worried that's a bit of overkill?"

"No, THAT's a bit overkill!"

They all instinctively hunkered down at that point, her words speaking to them with more than one would think five words could convey. The monsters only had a second to process their befuddlement before a streak shot past them, and a sonic BOOOOOM rang throughout the hallway and scattered them all in it's gale force wind like paper in a hurricane.

"How do you always know she's coming?"

"Because the back of my left eye gets itchy!... Speaking of, Rainbow, please stop, it hurts..."

"KAY!"

She came back for another pass, but sans the boom.

Well, she still had a boom, but it was a boom in the form of tackling an armored armadillo into his kin.

"Oh, how lovely! I must remember this design!... oh! And that one! And that one! And that one!"

She snapped them all up like she was on a shopping spree, putting them in tiny little shields any time she saw a creature with a distinct pattern that caught her eye.

"Rarity, we're on a mission!"

"Says the mare bouncing atop a slime monster like jello."

At no point did the stern look leave Diamond Tiara's face, even as she bounced away.

"At any rate, this isn't going to last much longer."

"NOT YE-, I mean, whyyyyy?"

"Call it a hunch."

Both eyes shifted over to the only one not throwing some kind of spell, attack or magic. The one wading through the masses without so much as a scratch, tuft of dirt or even a single hair out of place.

And yet, her score for 'defeated' was several times higher than most of them combined.

"Um, excuse me, mister laser chinchilla? Listen, we don't really want to hurt you... oh, I know, you probably had so many terrible things done to you down there, and I'm oh so sorry, but we're here to help get you out of here... really! Just ask mister snake-bunny! He knows! Isn't that right mister- YOU PUT MISTER MOUSY DOWN!"

Impertinently, a mouse with a pony ear growing on his back was spat to the ground. It did not look appreciative.

"I told you, mister mousy! Twilight will get it off when we get home!"

Sadly, Diamond Tiara sighed as she watched her pool of opponents dwindle.

"Well, that takes the fun out of it!"

"THANK GOODNESS!"

She tried not to huff at he relieved country drawl.

She didn't try very hard.

"Will ya'll PLEASE watch where yer' shootin'!?"

Twelve was awash with strange emotions as he was pressed against the side of Screwloose, who was rather irate she was not allowed to participate in the battle, but apparently the pink haired one had an issue with her slitting a puppy's throat! The bitch, it was a mutant puppy!

But there was little more she could do than just accept it as she was pressed against the changeling, both of them covered quite uncomfortably by the very overprotective body of the mare atop them.


"Watch yer' dang- SPIKE NO WE'RE OVER HERE! Ah' said don't point it that way, Seven! Stop friggen kickin' 'em over here! DO NONE O' YA'LL EVEN REMEMBER WHY WE'RE HERE!? STOP SHOOTIN' IN THIS DIRECTION"

"We're stopping the monsters from getting to you! You can't block them and move at the same time!"

"Lett'em try! Ah' eat them! YOU HEAR ME!?"

To prove her point, she bit up and down again and again.

Strangely, the remaining creatures decided to give her a bit of a berth. What few were left, anyway.

Diamond Tiara remained sad.

"Awww, just when I was having fu-"

A black shape, cackling with electricity, skid past her, hooves digging into steel to slow the frenzied flight. Annoyed, Forty Two came to a stop, and glared.

"...Yay!"

The roar from the centipede vocalized how was less than thrilled when the filly began approaching it.

"You stupid monster! Do you even know who you're dealing with!?"

Two shapes landed on either side of her. Both a very similar color, and both packing weaponry.

Admittedly, Twilight's was more 'built in' than Spike's was, but she still should probably get that thing registered.

"We're the A-team!"

"And we don't let stuff like this fly!"

From the shadows, two changelings emerged, landing on either side of the group.

"We strike any who assault our homes."

"And we leave nothing left in our wake!"

One final body landing in front of all of them, the soldier who had been cast away.

"We are united. Pony, Changeling, dragon, it does not matter. We are one..."

Together, they chanted, brimming with power.

"We're the A-team!"

And Diamond Tiara finished.

"Do you really think you stand a... huh."

Just like that, all the bluster and bravado bled out like a punctured balloon.

"...Where... where did you get those?"

The centipede did not answer verbally.

It just waved 98 tiny white flags with all it had, balancing itself on a mere two legs quite comically.

"...DANG IT! Well, there goes that one!"

Diamond Tiara huffed, childishly flopping on her rear and crossing her forelegs.

Everyone had a good, long laugh at that one.

"Oh, DT... huh."

Seeing the what had to be several hundred foot long centipede give up so easily was apparently even demoralizing to mindless monsters.

One by one, they began to give up, leaving only the sparking remains of the robots who had attacked to give any movement.

"Uh.... c-can we give up too?"

Hundreds of security personnel of varying species, each one carrying a rather heavy looking weapon, began to throw up their hooves, claws, hands whateer appendage they could as one by one they surrendered.

It was only here, only now, that Applejack began to relax.

"...We did it!"

Fluttershy gave of a happy little cheer, smiling wide for all the world to see with her new animal friends.

"We did it! We did it! We won!"

"No."

The stern, matronly voice cut off any celebration before it could even begin.

"Not yet, we got ourselves one more o' these things ta' wrap up."

She looked to them, the living, thinking soldiers who were shaking in fear of her terrifying, stone cold glare.

"...Take me to yer' leader..."

It was time to end this.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Pommel
"Haymaker"
'Lucky'
~~~~

THOOM! THOOM!

RUSTLE!

...SPLAT!

>I don't know why it thinks that making a really big pile of papers is going to be more effective.

"Yeah, who's afraid of a giant pile of papers?"

'How could that POSSIBLY be dangerous?'

"Just silly, really."

>... did you all just suddenly feel eyes in the back of your heads?

'Like someone just glared at me from across space and time? Happens a lot, actually!'

>Huh... who's got the next shot?

"We're running out of water. Want to use the honey next?"

>...Yes.

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~~~~~

The explosion that blew the door of the hinge was, frankly, not necessary. Ignoring the fact that said explosion turned what was once steel into less steel than twizzler, it was not locked.

But, at this point, Applejack had just had enough, and needed to let off some steam.

One would not know it from looking at her stern, stone cold face, but a mere six seconds ago she had been an absolute wreck. Shoving Twelve into the arms of Twilight and demanding, with far more force than was necessary, that-

"DON'T YA'LL LET HIM GET A SCRATCH, YA' HEAR!? NOT A TINY LITTLE TINY BITTY SCRATCH ON HIS GIANT BUGGY HEAD! WORK WITH ME, TWILIGHT! WORK WITH ME! DO IT FER' YER FRIEND!"

One would be forgiven if they would think she wouldn't have ever let him go after that, but as she described it, this was her duty to see through to the end. This was her fuckup, her neglect, and she needed to be the one to finally confront the individual behind the veil and demand answers that she could personally deliver to Chrysalis. She had to, at last, finish this up.

So when she got into this heavily fortified, but again unlocked, room, she expected some kickback, some fight back, something to battle and break.

Okay, less 'expected', more 'hoped'.

So, it was with great surprise that all she found in this deep dark room was nothing but a a hundred or so monitors, a little set of buttons, and a single, tall chair with it's back to her. One that, had she not seen the tips of the hooves dangling beneath it, she would have expected to be empty, considering that there was clearly some kind of escape pod on the other side.

"Ya'll made a big mistake, ya' hear!? Ya' messed with the wrong mare, and when Ah' get through with you Ah'm gonna... ah'm gonna..."

No, she thought to herself. It couldn't be. She couldn't be hearing what she thought she heard. She couldn't be hearing that sound that was making her ears twitch and flicker. No way, no possible way, was she hearing that.

Her magic, still very unfocused, grabbed hold of the edge of the chair. Normally, she would have done this physically, but she could take no chances. It was a good thing, too.

She didn't know if she would have been able to keep from stumbling on her ass as the sight that greeted her when she spun that chair around, had she been close up.

There, sitting in the chair, was a bright green unicorn mare, no doubt the leader of this place. And she was...

...She was sobbing to herself like a child, clutching a mass of papers and schematics and data sheets in her hooves as if she expected them to be ripped away by a storm.

"D-D-DON'T SHOOT THEM!"

She screamed, holding the papers away from her as if she was worried Applejack would fire upon her at any second, red and strained eyes locked in on her like a laser.

"...What in tarnation are ya'll talkin' about?"

She choked again, sobbing to herself as she delicately placed every single bit of paper on the desk.

"Hey! Ah' said-"

"W-why... why couldn't you just let me keep going?"

Her forehead hit the desk, one of her forelegs crossing over her hair while she banged on the desk beneath her.

"I was going so far... I was getting so much done... why couldn't you just let me keep going? I could have gotten so far..."

Applejack couldn't stop the scoff, no matter how unlike her it sounded coming from her lips.

"Ya'll were hurtin' ponies, Ah' wasn't gonna-"

"FUCK YOU!"

She shrieked like a banshee when hurled back some strange bobble head paperweight, only narrowly missing the princesses hat.

"Fuck you, "I was hurting ponies!" FUCK YOU!"

She flopped off her chair, unable to stand up straight as she wobbled over closer to the rapidly tensing princess.

"D-do you have any idea what I was doing down here!? Do you realize how important this all is!?"

Again, another scoff. She was going to have to watch that.

"All Ah' saw was a bunch'a illegal experiments that-"

"FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR 'ILLEGAL' BULLSHIT!"

She threw something else this time, Applejack didn't know what, but it wasn't one of the folders or papers.

"Fuck you! Fuck you for holding back so much! Fuck you for telling to stop helping them! Fuck you! And you shove your 'illegal this' right up your-"

Having had quite enough of that, Applejack slapped her hard, right on the cheek, sending her sprawling to the ground the instant she looked like she was going to get close.

"...F-fuck you..."

"Always with the excuses with you brainy folk, Ah'm noticin'. Seems like the more o' this crud you learn, the more ya' convince yer'self yer' above it all. Above all the ponies ya'll hurt just ta' be more important."

She spat on the ground, rubbing the deftly soar cheek that now sported quite the bruise.

"You don't understand. You're just... you're some fucking farmer who lucked into a magic necklace, you don't fucking understand."

Her limit so far gone she wouldn't be able to spot it on a map at this point, Applejack gripped her by the hair, pulled her to her hooves, and glared right into those red eyes.

"Yeah, heard all that shit before too, don't make a bit o' difference. "Oh, Ah' was just makin' the world a better place", "Ya'll don't understand Mah' genius", "Ah'm so smart and blah blah blah, that's why Ah' couldn't just work with ya' and-"

"FUCK YOOOU!"

At this rate, the ringing would never stop.

"I worked in your stupid, convoluted, overly cautious quagmire of a system for YEARS, and you have the nerve to pull that on me!?"

"Oh yeah? Why'd ya' stop."

She inhaled deep, deep breaths, trying to restore enough into her lungs to talk again.

When she finally did, long gone was the screech of rage. Instead, a whisper quiet.

"...One year ago, Fillydelphia Hospital, Lunar Wing. "

For the very first time, just a bit of the rage left Applejack's eyes.

For the very first time, she started to listen.

"...one year ago, there were... there were five hundred, twenty three ponies in that place..."

"...Incurable diseases."

A beat past between them. Only then after that, did Applejack motion for her to continue.

"...t-ten months ago... there were three hundred, seventy two ponies... none of them ever went home."

She began to choke again, but never once did Applejack rush her.

"...I... I worked at that place for almost ten years... and we had done so little. So many just never... never made it home. Every time we started up a new experiment there were so many regulations and paperwork that needed to be filed and clearances, and even then we were still banned from doing it to any pony if it was deemed 'too harsh'. We crawled the whole way... while they sat in those beds. So, ten months ago, I was given a shot to..."

Her hooves shot out, spreading as far as they go.

"No more of you fucking bureaucrats thinking you think you know whats best for everyone, no more fucking paperwork quagmires of endless forms to repeat the same damn thing over and over just to be denied, no more flushing back months of work just because a couple ponies who had never so much had a papercut in their lives were too squeamish. No more of that bullshit, and you know what?"

She closed in a little closer, just a bit.

"Of those three hundred and seventy two, they had ten unique diseases among them, all incurable... today, there are two hundred and four of them left, and four less names on the 'incurable' list... every one of them got to go home."

Her hoof shot out, poking Applejack right in the chest.

"All because someone out there let me fucking WORK, let me actually do my job! Let me actually help somebody! They didn't make me do anything, didn't give me anything but money! No demands, no regulations, just WORK! That's all I needed, just someone stepping back and letting me do it! And you know what!? Everyone here did their best. Everyone here has advanced their field more in these eight months than years outside! We fucking did our job and we saved lives!"

"Really? Bettin' those other folks don't agree. They had ta' risk their lives fer'-"

"FUCK YOUUU!"

There was that scream again.

"You fucking hypocrite!"

"Hypocrite? How the hell do ya' figure!?"

"Oh yeah, ponies risking their lives is so terrible, except when you do it to fight some giant crazy lunar alicorn, you mean!"

"That ain't the same, iffin' we didn't then the whole world would'a-"

"Oh yeah!? Well, ever figure that to the little filly sleeping in that hospital bed, her whole world is on the line if we can't find a cure for her heart disease!? Ever figure that to them, this is just as all or nothing as if the whole world was going to be turned into monsters!? Everybody always celebrates you guys for pointing a fucking necklace at the problem and making it go away, but what about the pony who turned his skin green just so we could figure out how to make faux skin cells so a burn victim can close her eyes again! What about the ponies that give up chunks of flesh so we can examine just how a body is going to react to an antibody, and use that to give a pony the right to BREATH again! It's oh so important you beat the badguy and save the day, but when they volunteer to save the life against a badguy we can't punch, or trick, or shoot with a fucking necklace, suddenly it doesn't matter! You HYPOCRITE!"

She was speechless.

Utterly, utterly speechless.

Nothing but a blank stare, flat as a plank of wood, looking into those deep eyes as they heaved with every breath as she sucked in desperately to refill what she had spouted out.

She stared. And she stared.

And then she slapped the mare.

"You idiot."

And while she sat there on the ground, rubbing her stinging cheek, it was her turn to be speechless.

"You... gad danged, fuzzybrained, airheaded, shortsighted, senseless, twisted up IDIOT."

She picked her back up, by the shoulders this time, and she forced her to look right into rage filled eyes.

"You really think Ah' don't think those folks are some'a the bravest in this whole danged world!? Ya' think Ah' don't admire someone who risks never walkin' again just so someone might be able ta' take two steps!? Ya' think Ah' don't get what they're givin' up!?"

She shook her, with everything she had she shook her.

"Those gad danged regulations ain't in place ta' hold you back like some kind'a danged cage ya' moron, they're there so that someone sides your own foolheaded self can take a look at what yer' doin' and stop ya' before ya' hurt someone who don't know a lick o' what kinda technobabble yer' spoutin' at them! It's not a danged cage, it's a friggen fence on the side of a river! Sure, ya' might go faster if ya' go down the river, but iffin' ya' do someone is gonna drown!"

She pulled her in close, until nearly their muzzles touched.

"More than that, it's ta' stop fellas from takin' advantage of those folks. Them, the brave ones, the ones who are down on their luck and just need some cash, the ones who ain't got nowhere ta' go! Yer' all on about how brave some'a those folks are, but ya'll answer me, right now, how many of them were just folks who needed a roof over their head, and iffin' they had a place ta' go wouldn't be within' a hundred miles o' this place."

When she received no response, she slapped her again, hard across the cheek.

"Why the great buck that shook the world does it always gotta be absolutes with ya'll for some things, but never others! Oh, either we gotta put up with regulations and never get nothin' done or we gotta be totally free and then we can actually succeed! Gotta be one or the other, either someone puts in some protection ta' keep ya' from goin' bonkers and nothin' ever gets done or ya' do nothin' at all and it works! Oh, but then ya' turn around and never once think that yer' just as cold as those friggen villains Ah' fight, cause iffin' yer' doin good then that means yer' good, no matter how ya' got there! Ah' don't just protect ponies from crazy god things who can snap 'em inta' bein' fruit, Ah'm protectin' 'em from foolheaded ninnies who ain't gonna look out fer' 'em because hey! Ya've gotta do yer' science, right!? Who cares who gets hurt !? Savin' 'em!? Don't know if it counts if ya' gotta bulldoze over the unfortunate to get there!"

The emerald mouth flapped open again and again, trying to come up with something, trying to say anything.

But nothing came.

"Ah' fought robots, monsters, all sorts o' crazy things, and ya' know what? They all had a good reason for why ya' made 'em. But ya' know what Ah' didn't see? Not a one of them was savin' lives, they were tryin' ta' end me! Ya'll look at me, right now, and you tell me this was a place ta' make stuff fer' GOOD!"

The shaking was subtle, slow as it built up gradually, slow as the gnawing thoughts that had been in her own mind not long ago began to claw at the recesses once more. She knew, she had seen it.

"...I-I... I wanted to... I helped so many, I did so much good..."

The sobbing was coming back. Not quickly, but it was coming back.

"I just wanted to finally... to finally... all of them... the ponies who were sick, who got hurt... and you just kept holding me back. I wanted to help them."

Finally, there were no more slaps, no more shakes, no more yanking or tossing.

There were only two orange limbs who pulled the other in close, and embraced her.

"...Ah' know. Ya' probably saw it everyday... felt helpless against some thing just takin' them over, changein' them and twistin' them, wantin' ta' fix it... Ah' get it."

"I-I didn't want to hurt anybody."

"Ah' know, ya' never start out wantin' that."

"I don't want to make weapons... I j-just want to make something to keep them safe..."

"A weapon ain't a sword or a spear or whatever, it's just something good that someone used ta' hurt, that's all. A rock ain't a weapon till the wrong hoof picks it up."

"I just... I got so tired..."

"...Ah' know."

She sighed, holding the other mare as more cried wracked her body, her own two limbs coming up and wrapping around Applejack's strong frame.

"Look, sug... there's a middle ground. We ain't perfect, we can get better. We can keep everyone safe and still let'cha do yer' work. We ain't gotta have one or the other fer' sure. Our system ain't perfect right now, it ain't even close. It does hold back a lot, and it don't work like it should. Yer' right, the system needs work... but we can fix it."

The rocking grew harder as she buried her muzzle in Applejack's mane.

"But we can't fix it in some kinda fortress, surrounded by weapons and secrets and all this. This ain't a fix, this is just makin' a new problem."

"I know... I know..."

She did, Applejack knew.

Nothing more needed to be said, she understood.

She understood.

"...I don't care if you lock me up forever... just... just use it. A weapon is just something you use wrong, but... but that works both ways. Just because it came from something bad, doesn't mean someone can't use it right. There's so much good in there..."

"Ah' know."

"I'm sorry... you have to look through all the bad stuff to find it."

"...Ah'll find it anyway."

She helped her up, helped her to look upon her with tear streaked eyes, helped her to stand, again.

"...So, what happens now?"

"Now? Now ya' tell who's ever still fightin' ta' stand down. Then... we start sortin'. There's good in there... but there's some bad too, sugar cube."

"I know... where do I fall in on that?"

A simple, cautious shrug, that was what she gave.

"Ain't figured that part out yet... ya' ready ta' go?"

She looked around, took one last look at all the monitors showing cages, surgery rooms, chemical vats and machines armed to the teeth...

"...Yeah, I think I am..."

And she was ready to go.

"Good, now-"

The somber moment died a hard death as a loud, blaring screech of an alarm.

"What the buck is that!?"

She looked around in a panic, shaking with fear.

"The proximity alarm! Something's about to hit us!"

"What!? A missile!? A bomb!? A friggen dragon!?"

She rushed over to a monitor, flicking a few switches in seconds.

"No it's... your airship!? OH CRAP! Call it off! It's going to hit us!"

"..."

"...C-call it off!"

"..."

"...Please?"

"...Dangit."

~~~~~~

"OKAY! SO! SLIGHT PROBLEM! WE'RE GONNA DIE!"

Well, the team certainly hadn't been expecting that.

"WHAT!?"
"WHY!?"
"HOW!?"
"WHEN!?"
"DAMN IT, APPLEJACK!"

All eyes turned to Forty Two.

"...It's probably her fault."

"Wow, way to be a dick-"

"Er, actually is."

Two chitinous legs shot out, nobody took her up on the nonverbal 'what now?'

"How long do we have!?"

"One minute before the dang thing crashes!"

"One minute!? We'd never get out in time! I can't teleport up that high!"

"WE'RE DOOMED!"

Unseen to all, the soldier changeling's eyes started darting around the room wildly. Faced with past knowledge, she knew she could take exactly one other passenger with her, assuming she could manage at all.

But who...

"...Um..."

"OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK!"

"APPLEJACK! I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING! I REALLY DO LO-"

NOT NOW SPIKE!"

"...um..."

"DASH STOP SHAKING HIM!"

"NOT THE TIME, TWILIGHT!"

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIEEEEEEE!"

"DADDY HELP ME!"

"...um..."

"NOT LIKE THIS! NOT! LIKE! TH-"

SNAP!

"....What the fuck?"

All eyes turned to the yellow hoof hanging in the air.

The one that had, somehow, snapped.

"...how."

"I... think we should be more worried if it wo-"

They didn't even wait for her to finish before cramming into the room, and looking at the monitors.

"...is... is that a giant-"

There, mere inches from he ground, was the tip of the Highwind.

And wrapped all around it...

BOIOIOIOOINNNNGGGG!

"...You made a gigantic spring!?"

As one, they sang

"YOU MADE A GIGANTIC SPRING!"

"YOU DID IT! NO CRAZY CHAOS MONSTERS OR NOTHING! NOTHING! JUST THE SPRING! YOU DID IT!"

"YOU DID IIIIIIIIIITTTTT!"

Thusly, from everything from her friends to the scientists to the security to the creatures all around, the mare was buried in hugs.

"YOU DIIID IT! YOU DIIID IT! YOU DIIIID IT!"

And though it all, she could hardly believe it herself.

"I... I did it! I did it! I actually-"

BOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!

The whole complex shook with a thunderous roar for a second.

Then, all was silent.

"...I didn't hit anything, did I?"

"...nope. Nothing but desert."

"Oh... y-yay!"

They joined her in that yay. Cheering to themselves, patting themselves on the back, smiling, laughing, joyous.

Until a thought hit a certain blue pegasus.

"...How the fuck are we gonna get home?"

And it all went quiet.

"...Erm..."

The green scientist, thus far mostly silent, raised her hoof.

"Well, it's only four hours if we take the Centitrain."

"....The giant centipede is a train?"

"What else would he be? It's a giant electrical creature designed to prevent dragon attacks and not burn fossil fuels or waste unicorn magic."

"Seems kinda roundabout."

"If you were a dragon, would you mess with that?"

"...Point."

"...Whelp!"

A rope snapped in the air, stealing back all their attention.

"Start roundin' folks up! We're packin' this in and we're heading home! First stop, the Empire!"

A roar of a cheer came from both A-team and Element of Harmony, a harmonious sound of elation like no other.

"Finally... think they missed us?"

For the first time since this started, Applejack looked... happy.

"Pfft, probably been quiet as a mouse since we left. Chrysalis did her rants, but she's probably just bored outta her skull waitin' fer us' ta' get back."

"Yeah... lets take our time with this one. Think she deserved that after the strangling thing."

"Ah' dunno."

"You heard her, guys! Take five!"

"Well..."

A glance to the clock revealed a full twelve hours still remaining on her time limit. All the time in the world.

At ease, Applejack smiled wide and proud.

"Yep... take a rest, folks! We earned it."

A feeling overtook her as she threw a hoof over Twelve's shoulder, a feeling unlike any other, of pure, unrestrained, happiness.

"...Can't wait ta' see the look on their faces..."

It was time to go home.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pommel
"Haymaker"
'Lucky'
~~~~

>What the hell do you think you were doing?

"Uh... was going to set it on fire."

>You were going to set it on fire.

"Yeah? Match, lights up, fwoosh. Paper burns, am I right?"

'Checks out.'

>You were planning to set that giant mound of paper on fire.

'Speaking of, am I the only one concerned with the fact it's still going? How much paper does she ha-'

>Focus.

"Well... yeah? I mean, like I said, paper."

>And then?

"And then it's... on fire?"

>On fire aaaannnnddd...

"...Oh, wait, would he stop moving?"

>...

"...No?"

'Guessing that's a no.'

>So, on fire, and moving... in our direction.

"Ah. I uh... see the issue."

>...

"...A-hem. More honey?"

'More honey sounds good.'

>I like honey as well.

"...I never get to have any fun..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Pommel
"Haymaker"
'Lucky'

>So what did we learn?

"Don't shred it?"

>Don't shred it.

'They're everywhere!'

"In my defense, how was I supposed to know these things worked on asteroids rules?"

'They're in the ven-no, wait the air conditioner flushed 'em back out, nevermind.'

>Someone get a mop so we can just scrub them into oblivion!

-Hey everypony, I came down to give you all lemonade!-

>Cousin Coco, stop!

-...-

'...we can expla-'

-EEEEEE!-

>"'GAH!'"

-Look at them! They're so tiny! Oh look at that one, it's writing 'Scree' on the others! They're adorable!-

>Cousin Coco, don't-

-I could just hug you all to death!-

'Private, we in a life and death struggle to-...huh.'

"Huh."

>You uh...you hugged them to death.

-...-

"Wow, these things are as fragile as goldfish."

-*wibble*-

>...so how about that lemonade?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"Rarity"
'Applejack'
~~~~~

>WOOOOO HOO HOO! We fucking did it! We did it! We-

ZAP!

>...Rarity, any particular reason you just put that hat on my head?

"Oh, I just remember you got one of them on your birthday, and it fit so divinely! So when you started dancing..."

>...You want me to dance?

"No no, I want you to CONTINUE to dance."

>...Applejack? Why are you-

'Put 'em in the coat.'

"What?"

'Rar, Ah' have had a SHIT day ta'day, Ah' need that dragon in the suit. Put him in the suit.'

"You really think I would make Spike debase himself like this?"

>Er, I don't think-

"Because I totally would."

ZAP!

>...
"..."
'...'

"Dance!"

>...Damn I look good...

"..."

>...Aj are you okay, are you okay AJ?

"WOOOO!"

'DANCE DRAGON DANCE!'

>Cause this place's been hit by, it's been struck by some smooth criminals!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OMAKE!
>Chitania
"Chrysalis"
'SA'
[Cadence]
{Celestia}
~~~~

>...W-what... what happened!?

"I can't move!"

'It's like we're frozen in time somehow!'

[What did you do, you monster!?]

>I-I don't know! I think... I think I punched so hard I BROKE REALITY.

{...Seriously?}

>You explain it better, sunny ass!

"This is the worst! Why couldn't I have been frozen being hugged by Shiny!"

[Hey!]

"You don't have his muscles!"

[...His muscles are nice...]

{That they are.}

"SWITCH! SWWIIIIIITTTCH!"

{I can't!}

"HAX!"

>What do we do!? WHAT DO WE DO I BROKE THE WORLD!? Oh fuck, oh FUCK! Momma warned me about this! She said

~~~~~

~Chitania, you're the most worthless sack of shit I've ever seen, and I wish I had eaten you. If I had the chance to go back in time and punch myself right in the stomach as you formed, I would. The only joy you have ever given me is laughter as you comically fail to be worth a single damn in anything you do, whatever you do. I hate you, and wish you would just choke on your own stupidity... and don't punch so hard, you might break something.~

~~~~~~~~

"..."
'...'
[...]
{...}
>...In hindsight, I think she meant, like, my shoulder or something, but it fits so well!

'...What the fuck is wrong with you changelings?'

"HEY!"

>HEY WAIT A MINUTE! How did you see that!?

'...Huh... good question...'

>...So what now?

"...This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my frieeeends!"

{CADENCE! SNAP HER NECK WHILE SHE IS WEAK!}

[I'M TRYING!]

"Yes there is a song that never ends, and this is how it goes! OH! This is the song that never ends-"

>FUCK! EVERYTHING!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Omakooo
>AJ
"Crystal citizens"
'Changelings'
~~~~~

>Wow, Ah' guess everythin' worked out! Nothin' too bad happened, no deaths, no maulin's, no nothin'! This is great!

~~~~~~

"OH DEAR MERCY IT'S ALL TERRIBLE!"

"HOW IS THIS WORSE THAN THE TIME SOMBRA TOOK US OVER!? HOW!?"

~~~~~~

>Yep. Even the scientists ain't so bad, imagine that! This whole thing is gonna end with us understandin' each other a lot better, Ah' feel. Real emotional journey!

~~~~

'FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!'

"Can you please carry me better!?"

'WHY WERE YOU IN THE WAY OF THE FIGHTING GIANT MONSTERS!?'

"My house is there, and I don't know if you noticed the wheelchair but I CAN'T WALK AND RUBBLE IS NOT HANDICAP ACCESSIBLE!"

'FUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKK!'

~~~~~

>Yep. This whole thing right here?... Shoot, Ah'm gonna come out and say it, Ah' had a load of fun! Beatin' up robots, fightin' monsters and crazy scientists. Was a right fun adventure, it was. Wish we went on more o' these. And shoot, can't wait to see the look on Chrysalis's face when she was all worried about absolutely nothin'!

~~~~~

'So, our Queen is kind of almost dead.'

'I! FUCKING! NOTICED!'

'Just saying, this shit is not why we moved here.'

~~~~~~

>...Wonder if we should take our time comin' home... ya' know what? Yeah, Ah' earned a break. Ah've been through hell these last few days, Ah' earned it. Yep. Ah' deserve ta' kick back, relax, and...

~~~~~

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'

'"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

~~~~~~~~

>What. A. Day... why is mah' nose bleedin'?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Omake time? Omake time.

>Sunset
"Variolus"

"Come on, you don't really have to do this do you? Just let me go and I promise to behave"

>You'll really behave if I let you go?

"I've learned my lesson, I'll behave, swear on my mother's grave"

>I REFUSE.

>The one thing I, Sunset Shimmer, like more than anything else is finding people who think they're hot shit and saying no straight to their faces.

"DAMMIT, LET ME OUT YOU LITTLE SHIT"

>Come Variolus, come suffer with me.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Omake!
>7
"SL"
'12'
~~~~~

>Oh my god! I made it out of an arc without getting hospitalized! This is great! This is amazing! This is-OW!... WHY!?

"You seemed like you were missing something in your life, I filled it... with a scalpel."

>OW! WHY! WHY IT HURTS SO MUCH!

"Oh please, you big baby-"

*POW!*

'HEY! Don't punch her!'

"Huh... he actually punched me."

>That's what you get for stabbing me!

"Hey, you 'stabbed' me last thread."

>THAT WAS NON CANON!

"So is this."

>...Huuuhhh...

"...hrmmm... one more before the arc ends?"

'NO! NO NO NO NO NO! I'M NOT WATCHING THAT AGAIN! NO! NOOOOOOO!'

"Oh, come on, pervert."

>Yeah, seriously. Never heard of a spitroast?

'B-but I- you can't- I don't know about- I mean I've never-'

"Oh, come on, Pervert... I'll let you get nice and close to them..."

'...uhhhh... ehhhh... ok-

~~~~~~~~~

>.....Mmmm... yep.

"...mmmhm..."

'...I-I thought you meant SHE would be in the middle.'

"What? Don't be silly, pervert."

'...I want to go back to canon now...'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Omake!
>Sunset
"Variolus"
~~~~~

"...So how did you know how to do this?"

>What?

"The whole mental chains thing, I didn't know you knew mind control."

>Oh yeah, used it to mind control a whole student body once.

"Kinky!"

>If you think that's kinky, I dated a human once.

"...What's a human?"

>This.

"OH DEAR FUCK YOU DISGUSTING MONSTER! YOU HORRIBLE HORRIBLE THING! GET ME OUT! GET ME OOOUUUUTTTTTTTTTTT!"

>...Twilight thought he was sexy...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC Parody OMAKE

>13
"32"
~~~

"So, tell me a little about yourself."

>The first person who's mind I dove into was my mother's. I saw nothing but disgust and hatred for me in her heart. My father died when I dove into his... and she despised me for it... I thought my mother was going to kill me. That's when my future disappeared. I lost my past as well. When I came to, the Hive was engulfed in flames...

"Are you saying that you burned your village down to bury your past?"

>I see that you have suffered the same trauma. We are truly the same, you and I...

"Uh, well, she kinda abadoned me in the snow, so, no."

>*Heavy breathing*

"...what's your actual name? Can't keep calling you Thirteen, I suppose."

>Mantidae. But you may call me... Mantis!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OMAKKEEEE!
>13
"32"
~~~~

"So, since you're Chitania's kid... I've always wanted to know-"

>I have no idea who the fuck my father is.

"DAMN! I've always wanted to know that one."

>At some point, I wouldn't be surprised if she impregnated herself by punching her own uterus.

"...That doesn't sound biologically sound-"

>SHE WOULD FIND A WAY

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Omake!
>Luna
"29"
~~~

>GAASSSSP!

"WHAT!?"

>WE ARE MISSING SOMETHING IMPORTANT!

"OH DEAR MERCY WHAT!?

>... Best Princess of Belle Heir is on!

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, BITCH!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon Pinkie Preview
>Pinkie
~~~~
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mlEPdtZeECk
>Maybe I should be the element of honesty because guess who was right? We got to rescue 12 and are on our way home. Meanwhile the Crystal Empire is...Uh we rescued 12!
>Maud wanders the Crystal Empire. Cheerilee runs into the cmc and 2. Blueblood gets peeved at a mess. Luna wonders if she missed anything. Celestia uses her gun to summon her persona and the praetorians heed her call for help and show off their magnificent bodies. Find out what happens next time in thread 81:Choo Choo...and of course...uh...belly...rubbing Fanservice!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________