Precure AAA Disastrous Data Center Breakin

Alopex (GM): I will mention that this upcoming session is geared toward social/intelligence skills rather than combat.
Alopex (GM): So you COULD do it with Ran, Eiko, and Sophia.
It'll just be extra hilarious.
Prof: >Intelligence
>Ran, Eiko and Sophia
we're doomed
Kaja: Seriously, we're the idiot trio.
Prof: The most you can say about Eiko and Sophia is "probably smarter than Ran"
Kaja: Sophia isn't really stupid, really. Just impulsive.
She just has to stop to actually think.
...If she doesn't, we're doomed. XD
Alopex (GM): So, now that one of your smart folks is off being evil and the other one is off dealing with urgent shrine business, it's time to play with computers!
Ready to open your hearts and become magical girls?
Prof: To the extreme
Sophia: I'm not even a magical girl, but sure!
Eiko: YOU ARE IN YOUR HEART
Sophia: IN MY HEART I AM A HERO
Eiko: SAME THING
Ran: I'll be a magical girl if SOME PEOPLE go back to being bad guys like they totally are
Eiko: ~*~NO FIGHTING~*~
Alopex (GM): Recap! You decided to foil Machinae's MMORPG plot via sneaking into the data storage facility. It's downtown, right across from Presto pizza.
It's a large, one-story building with no windows on the front and a keypad lock on the door.
Eiko: "Looks spooky."
Sophia: "Oh, come on! This'd be way easier if there were a guard."
Eiko: "Let's have Machine hack it--
"...hmm."
Ran: "If only she hadn't been seduced to the side of evil by an evil temptress."
"I bet this would be a lot easier!"
Sophia: "Hahaha! Sorry about that."
Eiko: "Maybe someone will show up if we lie in wait?"
Ran: Silent fuming.
Sophia: "That sounds better than just busting our way in."
Eiko: "And while we're lying in wait, we can have pizza!"
Sophia: "Oh, I've never had that before!"
Eiko: "PLAN DECIDED"
Ran: Pizza time!
Eiko: We shall eat pizza while keeping an eye on the suspicious-ass building.
I hope one of you two geniuses has thought of what we're gonna actually do if we see someone.
Becuase Eiko hasn't
Sophia: "You know, this reminds me of the time we camped out eating roast monster while waiting for the monster's mate to return."
"In retrospective, that wasn't such a brilliant idea. It was really pissed off!"
Eiko: "Monsters are real?!"
"I mean, besides Tarnish and stuff?"
Sophia: "Yup. Well, dunno what happened to them though. Maybe they got hunted into extinction or something."
Ran: "Maybe you bored them to death with your crappy stories."
Sophia: "Oh come on! I'm not that bad!"
"Oh yeah! We gonna ambush the next person in for the thingy to enter?"
Eiko: "I hadn't thought that far ahead, actually."
Sophia: "I could wait until they've got the door open and then distract them!"
Eiko: "Ooh, good idea!"
"Do you think we should transform?"
Ran: "I dunno, but if nobody shows up in the next ten minutes, I'm kicking the door down."
Sophia: "Well, it'll be easier for you." Sophia looks at Eiko's wheelchair.
Eiko: "Haha yeah I'm not really cut out for sneaking..."
Sophia: "Of course I can't transform! So I'll just play distraction. Let's see, I've got just the stories..."
Eiko: So I guess we'll transform for this then
Alopex (GM): The next instance of activity is not someone entering the facility, but someone exiting it.
He's a young, frazzled fellow in thick glasses, and he's striding right into the pizza joint.
Ran: "Think that's our man. Let's get 'im!"
Eiko: Should we be transformed at this point
Alopex (GM): It's a semi-occupied restaurant, so it'll be a stealth roll if you want to do it in a rush.
Eiko: I don't think there's muc need if he's coming in here
Alopex (GM): Glasses man orders "three of the usual" and sits down to fiddle with his phone as he waits.
Sophia: "Yo, I'm a fan of your game!" Sophia's already come over.
Ran: Ran's right on her heels.
Eiko is just gonna watch from their table for now.
Glasses Man (GM): "GAH"
"What game I don't know what you'retalkingabout."
Ran: "Cut the crap, four eyes! We're cops!"
"Tell us everything you know about the game!"
Eiko: Ran no
Glasses Man (GM): "...You're not the police! You're... what, thirteen?"
Sophia: "Haha, she sure tells funny jokes sometimes, doesn't she?"
Eiko is making RAN NO gestures from the other table that Ran probably can't see.
Ran: "I've got reverse aging, like that movie. It's actually very tragic."
Glasses Man (GM): "Look, if this is another griefing complaint, take it to the admins, this is not my department and I'm not authorized to deal with it."
Nodoka invokes I Will Bring You Around from her secret Headquarters. The Glasses man receives a text message, seemingly from his boss. "Pass the phone to the one in the wheelchair when I call."
Nodoka: His cellphone rings like six seconds later.
Glasses Man (GM): "...Am I on a reality show?"
"Wait, which one is the one in the wheelchair?!"
Nodoka: Another text. "Just pass it to one of them and say it's for 'Pitch'." You can almost hear the facepalm.
Nodoka not too OCD on secrecy ATM it seems. 8|
Glasses Man (GM): "...It's for... Pitch?"
Glasses Man (GM) passes the phone to Ran, utterly befuddled.
Nodoka: The phone is ringing.
Ran: ANSWERED
"This is the police. Tell me everything you know about..... the game."
Nodoka: "You could have just tried working some of the magic after logging in, you know." Imagine that the camera is on Nodoka, most of her face in shadows, her hands in the Gendo Ikari stance.
"Or, you know. Picked a lock. The security shouldn't be *that* good."
The voice is very, very obviously Nodoka.
Ran: "Oh. You."
Nodoka: "Yup. Me. Tell you what, though. Pass the phone to Eiko and I'll give you a couple free answers. Then you can try and stop me properly. I intend to best you on my own terms, not because you managed to meathead your way to your collective dooms."
Ran: "What's wrong with talking to me, huh? Why's Eiko so special?"
"Or are you too embarrassed to talk to me after you ran like that?"
Nodoka: "She might know which questions to ask. Your going for that poor art programmer reprsents that you don't. But if you don't *want* any hints..."
Sophia: "So, what's it saying?"
Ran: "It's Nodoka, she's telling me all about your secret plan to fake being good so you can betray us. Might as well give up now."
Eiko: "Raaaaaan"
Ran: To Nodoka: "Fine! You can talk to Eiko. But you can't keep running from me forever, Nodoka!"
Nodoka: "... Ran? Your distrust will be very useful soon. Fufufu~"
Sophia: "My secret plan, huh?" Sophia clearly isn't taking that seriously.
Nodoka waits for Eiko to take the phone. 8|
Ran: Handing the phone to Eiko!
Eiko: Much to what may be Nodoka's irritation, Eiko actually perks up as she gets the phone.
"Hi, Nodoka!"
"Are you gonna be coming to school soon?"
"I'll let you borrow my notes for the days you miss."
Nodoka: "... Please take your predicament with at least a little seriousness."
"I'll worry about the notes after I've crushed you and gotten Spelter back on track. But I'd prefer you not meathead your way to your own doom. I like to enjoy my genius, you know."
Eiko: Serious now. "You're using the game to hurt people somehow, aren't you?"
Nodoka: "Nope. They can do plenty of that themselves. The only magic's in the advertising... And the specific handling for when you step in, of course. After all, you've gotta try and stop me, right?"
Eiko: "Nodoka..."
Nodoka: "The hero complex and all that. See, if you don't come in, then I might have to start magicing up the game itself."
Eiko: "Will you let us in, then?"
Nodoka: "I have reason to believe your magic will let you in, with a little creative thinking."
"Going for the employee isn't likely to work, but the locks aren't too hefty, you know."
Eiko: "Thanks for the hint!"
Nodoka: "Heh. We'll see how you do soon enough. Maybe you'll even make it to me before you're crushed down enough that I can finally give you your mask. We have several ready, you know."
Eiko: "...Hey, Nodoka..."
Nodoka: "Hrm?"
Eiko: "Oh, nothing, just... if the world does fall to despair..."
"There won't really be any need for idols, you know?"
Nodoka: "... You've misread me again, I think. Fufufu~"
BOOP
Eiko: "Ah, she hung up."
Glassesman (GM): "So... can I have my phone back, please?"
Ran: "Not so fast!"
"I say we take him with us."
Eiko: "Oh, ye-- really?"
"Can't we give him his phone back?"
Ran: "FINE. Here."
Glassesman (GM): "I have no idea what's going on right now."
Ran: "You're gonna help us get into that facility! C'mon, let's go!"
Sophia: "Oh, yeah, why don't you give us a tour of where the magic happens? I've been really wanting to see it myself?"
Glassesman (GM): "I-I'm pretty sure I'm not authorized to do that. I could lose my job."
Ran: "Trust me, when we're done, you won't have a job to lose!"
Sophia: "Aww! I don't want you to lose your job!"
Glassesman (GM): "THIS DOES NOT FILL ME WITH CONFIDENCE"
Sophia elbows Ran. Hard.
Ran: "OW"
Eiko: "Guys I don't think we should kidnap adults"
Ran: "We might need him! Whoever he is. What's your name, four-eyes?"
Sophia elbows Ran again. She's gonna just keep doing it until Ran stops bullying the programmer.
Eiko: "RAN I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL"
Glassesman (GM): "I just fix things and go on pizza runs I'm a very junior assistant"
"You don't want to kidnap a guy like me please listen to your friend"
Ran: "FINE, let's just go."
"Forgive me for trying to do the friendship thing, sheesh."
Sophia: "So what did you think of our comedy act?" And Sophia does that chopping motion for the tsukkomi does. Right atop Ran's head.
Glassesman (GM): "Ha. Ha...?"
Eiko: This is the best stealth ever
Glassesman (GM): Glassesman seems politely terrified.
Eiko: And then we let him go back to work.
RIGHT, HEROIC GOOD GUY FRIENDS?
Ran: FINE GEEZ
Eiko: "Okay."
"Hey, Ran. You can pick locks, right?"
Ran: "I can...... HANDLE locks, yes"
Eiko: "Okay. We wait until nobody's looking, then we break in quietly."
Ran: "Sounds good. Let's roll!"
Sophia: "And I'll keep an eye out!"
Glassesman (GM): I'm not actually sure how you'd go about picking a keycard lock.
Eiko: (Can roll emotional support. If necessary.)
Can Ran roll to retroacively have stolen that guy's card
Ran: Here's how Ran does it: by smashing the lock with her fists
Glassesman (GM): She sure can-
Eiko: or that
Alopex (GM): Roll Physique, I guess! It's more brute force than anything else.
Ran: [rolls really poorly--a -3 for a total of 0]
bawwwww
Alopex (GM): Lock 1, Ran 0.
Eiko: "I didn't think this next part through"
Ran: "I CAN DO IT JUST GIMMEE A MINUTE"
She's trying to roundhouse kick the door without much success.
Sophia: "Oh, we doing it that way? Lemme have a go!"
Ran: "'Not too hefty' my #@$!"
Alopex (GM): Sophia's door-whacking appendage is less bruised than Ran's. That's about it in terms of success.
Eiko: (2 hours later and we still haven't made it in the front door)
Ran: "Okay, those in favor of hunting down four-eyes?"
Eiko: "I guess we can't get in without a card..."
Ran: "TOLD you we would need him. Be right back."
Ran's gonna chase off in the direction of Glassesman! Can she find him, GM?
Alopex (GM): He's still there, paying for the pizzas.
Ran: Let's steal that card.
Sophia: "Heyas!" Sophia says to the guy, as she steps in front of him, trying to pull his attention away from Ran's approach. "Want to hear a fun story?"
Alopex (GM): "Oh noooo it's you"
You've got his attention; good news!
Ran: Can we call that an Aspect?
Alopex (GM): You can.
Ran: Great, invoking it for a +2!
[rolls a NEGATIVE FOUR this time, lowest possible roll in FATE]
;O;
Alopex (GM): Or you can if Sophia rolls for it-
Eiko: you have fate points
Alopex (GM): .....
Ran: hahaha no I want the failure
It's a crit fail, accept it
Eiko: Why is the only smart person absent
Alopex (GM): Glasses Man reaches into his pocket for his wallet just as Ran does the same thing.
Ran: Immediately:
Grabbing his hand.
Looking into his eyes.
"Hey."
Alopex (GM): "And YOU again!"
"WHY"
Sophia: "I know you've got a crush on him, but it just won't work out!"
Ran: "Ssh."
Sophia: Sophia says to Ran.
Ran: "Look, just..."
"Can I have something to remember you by?"
"Handsome?"
Eiko: Ran no
Alopex (GM): "Whyyyyy" says Glasses Man to the heavens.
Ran: "Just give me something and I'll be out of your hair!"
"A card, perhaps of the key variety, for example!"
Eiko: Maybe if we confuse and traumatize him enough he'll decide that letting us in is easier
Sophia gives Ran a "You don't get what I'm trying to play at here" elbowing.
Eiko quietly buries face in hands
Alopex (GM): "But I can't get into work without that!"
Ran: "You're right, it was stupid."
"Guess I'll just have to follow you around forever."
Eiko: "rrrraaaaaannnnn"
Sophia: "Oh, why don't you just call in sick?"
Alopex (GM): "...Oh god."
At the prospect of an eternity of Ran, the programmer grabs his pizzas and makes a run for it.
Ran: Well, we tried this the nice way.
Just gonna tackle him and take the keycard by force!
Eiko: RAN NO
Ran: "HOLD STILL $#$%IT"
Alopex (GM): Success! Ran grabs a grown man in a headlock and makes him cry.
Ran: More importantly: keycard get?
Alopex (GM): Yep.
Ran: Running away as soon as she has it!
"HEY GUYS, I GOT THE CARD"
Eiko: "RAN WHY"
Ran: "LESS TALK MORE RUNNING"
Eiko follows Ran for lack of any less insane idea.
Alopex (GM): Entering the data storage?
Ran: Swiping card! Running into building!
Alopex (GM): There you go!
There's another door at the end of a short hallway.
Sophia: "Hey, mister! Unless you want to say you got mugged by a middle school girl, just say you lost it!" And then Sophia hustles after the others.
Eiko: "Ran if I get arrested because of you I'm telling the zoo about the hole in the koala pen fence"
Alopex (GM): It's hooked up to a fingerprint scanner.
Ran: OH FOR
Just.
Smashing the fingerprint scanner.
Ran is beyond angry at this door.
Sophia will just help Ran out here!
Alopex (GM): (I read up on data storage facilities; they're pretty serious about security apparently!)
Ran: NOT SERIOUS ENOUGH
Alopex (GM): Ran defeats the door with great violence!
Ran: In we go! Quickly!
Eiko: T_T
Sophia: (Yeah, but there's versmillite, and then there's making it difficult to get to the actual plot. This is some honest feedback, by the way.)
Eiko: (At least it was hilarious)
Alopex (GM): (Fortunately you are good at breaking things.)
A gaggle of lab techs stare at you like startled deer as the alarms start to go off.
Eiko: "QUICK TRANSFORM"
Alopex (GM): The room is full of mechanical devices and fans.
(mechanical device fans, not... enthusiast fans)
Two doors, one left one right.
Eiko is gonna go ahead and go Cure Pitch to avoid being seen in this fiasco.
Ran: Transforming!
Eiko: This is too ridiculous for the full canned animation.
Cure Pitch: Bam.
Ran: "Destroyer of dumb mechanical doors and whatever! Cure Beast!"
Cure Pitch: "Listen I know this looks bad but we're here on an important mission of justice!"
Sophia will just hang back since she doesn't have a transformation.
Alopex (GM): A tech speaks up. "Are you here to help us with the servers...?"
Cure Pitch: "Y... Yes?"
"Yes!"
Alopex (GM): "Oh good, the whatsitcraft project's been on the verge of overheating for days now."
"The guys keep joking about it being magic, but I never thought they'd call in Precure."
Cure Pitch: "Sounds like a clue!"
"Beast, let's go! Without breaking any more doors!"
Cure Beast: "I promise nothing!"
Cure Pitch: "Which way to the server place?"
Alopex (GM): "Through security, on your left. It's okay, guys, they're superheroes!"
Cure Pitch: "We should have just done this from the start..."
Cure Beast: "Hindsight's 20/20, Pitch!"
Alopex (GM): The security folks seem a mite on edge given that you've just... broken in and have clearance based mostly on your neat frilly costumes.
You've got a full escort as you head into the depth of the server room.
Cure Pitch: "Show yourself, Agony!"
"Which server is the overheating one?"
Alopex (GM): "That big one right up against the cooling unit."
"It's been like that for a couple of days now."
"Do you... like... exorcise it or something?"
Cure Beast: "That's exactly it, yes."
Closer examination!
Cure Pitch: Thouhgtful squinting!
Cure Beast: What's the server looking like?
Alopex (GM): It's a big clunky machine with a bunch of wires and junk on it.
Sophia is just kinda staying quiet and trying to avoid notice since she's not in disguise.
Alopex (GM): Attached to it is a post-it note saying "All exorcisms should be performed in-game."
Cure Beast: "Really now."
Cure Pitch: "So we were supposed to play the game after all..."
Cure Beast: "Well, you heard the sticky note. Let's get in the game!"
Ran will start looking for an opening panel on the server that she might be able to wrench open.
Sophia: "Hey, I know how to take care of that."
"So don't do anything dumb okay?"
Cure Pitch: "Do you guys have any computers we can borrow...?"
This is not how Eiko envisioned this adventure going.
Alopex (GM): "Oh, sure! Who doesn't drag a laptop around with them these days?"
"...Are you planning to break them?"
Cure Pitch: "No, no! We just need to log on to the game running on that server."
Cure Beast: "DEFINITELY probably not."
Sophia: "If she does, I'll punch her," Sophia says cheerfully.
Cure Beast: "You're welcome to try!"
Sophia: "But yeah, we just need to borrow your laptops a bit."
Alopex (GM): "You're... going to fix the servers by playing a video game?"
Cure Pitch: "It's the superhero way!"
Alopex (GM): You are eventually presented with a laptop. It is somewhat out of date and it has happy kitten stickers on it, but it should still do the job.
Cure Pitch: "Okay! Let's play this game!"
Sophia: "Alright, I know how to log into those things, so I'll just take care of that!" And Sophia's just gonna do all that's necessary, including registering an account and such.
Cure Beast: Same!
Alopex (GM): > Welcome to Wreckcraft

Alopex (GM): Today I have learned a valuable and hilarious lesson about PC-appropriate obstacles
Cure Pitch: To be fair, you probably wrote this session assuming Ishigami
who would have helped a lot
Alopex (GM): And Ran probably could've burglary checked her way in
Cure Pitch: get these three alone and we'll take the stupidest possible path
Cure Beast: that crit fail didn't exactly help matters

Sophia: And it looks like all that trouble might've been avoided if Sophia'd just logged in to check out the game first.
Alopex (GM): Hahaha, yeah, that's what Inc and I thought you'd do
Cure Pitch: yeah I thought that might be the solution
but
then we were breaking into a data center for no reason
you know how it goes
Alopex (GM): I felt really bad for most of this session, but in a good way.

Alopex (GM): I think this counts as our filler episode.
Sailor Moon has an episode where Venus gets pissed off that the enemy hasn't tried stealing her heart crystal
So she runs around town donating blood to see if that gives her a pure and beautiful heart.
Eventually her heart does get stolen
So she grabs it back
Runs around the entire town with her heart in her hands, bragging about it
Alopex (GM): there's a whole chase sequence
Anyway the moral of the story is that magical girls being obnoxiously dumb is the best thing
Cure Pitch: Ran honestly isn't even the stupidest Precure character out there
Miyuki tried to hide from a flying wolfman behind a chest-high brick wall because the Big Bad Wolf couldn't blow down the brick house in the story