President

>go to the toilet
>take a shit
>no toilet paper
>wipe arse with hand since I am about to take a shower
>hear a knock on the door
>it's the president
>panic and start sweating
>he reaches his hand
>shake it
>notice a look of disgust on him
>he starts puking on me
>body guards rush in and pin me to the ground
>out of fear my primal instincts make me shoot ink out of my testicles
>the sharks are scared off
>close in on Mr. President and prepare for the kill
>with a swift movement of my arms I chop his head off with a sword
>get crowned the kid
>rule the seven kingdoms with an iron grip
>winter comes
>the dead rise and devour all of my villagers
>surrender to the legion of undead warriors
>take a shit in my prison cell furthest away from where I put my head when I sleep