Thread 23: Stories 106-120

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Nc-addtion to nc-addtion
>Pinkie
"SA"
'???'
~~~

>How many wallets do you have!?

"Sixty."

>Of just Two!?

"Don't be ridiculous! These ones are all devoted to Cadence, these ones are for Twi, Spike, Celestia gets these three, 18 and 42 get these four, and Chrysalis gets her own."

>...

"...I had dreams of being a photographer once."

>Some of these are kind of-

"WHOOP! That's, uh... that's the 'special' Cadence wallet."

'Your wife is hot.'

>MOM! WHAT THE HELL!?

'What? She is.'
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NC additon to NC addition's addition.

>Pinkie
[Shining]
'Cloudy Quartz'
"Igneous"

---

>Muuuum, give Shiny back his 'special' Cadence wallet!

'But she can strike such poses!'

"How can she be so flexible?"

'I have to try some of these...'

>Ew! Mum!

"Her arse is really flat."

'Mhm, mine's bigger.'

>Guys!!

[...My wife is perfect the way she is.]

'We should try this one later...'

>EwEwEwEw!!!
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>MP
"Pinkie'
'LP'
[SA]
~~~~~

>Limestone, did you move the northeast mountain again? It took me a whole week to- Pinkie!

"INKIE!"

Tackle!

>Wow! You didn't say you were visiting! What's up?

'She came to show off her new coltfriend.'

[Actually, miss... Inkie?]

>Marble Pie. Pinkie just calls me Inkie.

'I'm Limestone... but Pinkie calls me-

"Blinky!"

'Right, that.'

[...Anyway, I just wanted to point out we're actually here to help-]

'Gotta say, Pinkie, you did way better this time.'

>Really?

'Oh yeah, dad loves the guy.'

>No waaay!

'He does. Think he won him over with the mountain toss.'

>He did that? Impressive.

"You guuuys! Stop it!"

>Stop what? He didn't like the last one you brought home, this is a nice change of pace.

"He's not- wait, Daddy didn't like Cheesy!?"

>Nope.

'Not even a little.'

>Said the guy was all jokes, no spine. He didn't even flinch when mom kept low balling him.

"But he's funny!"

[Would just like to clarify, again, that I am married, quite happily I might add, and have a daughter.]

>Really?

'It's why he through the mountain, according to mom. Dad did his test thing by seeing if he'd stick up for his offspring.'

>Pass?

'Really well. Took an uppercut like a champ and came back swinging.'

[Seriously, married. MARRRIED. I am married.]

>*Whistles* damn, Pinkie, where'd you find this one?

[I'm the Prince of the Crystal Empire.]

>Oh... ehhh, dad take off any points for working with the twinks?

'Nope.'

>Mind. Blown.

[...They're doing this to mess with you, aren't they?]

"YES!"

[Ah, well-]

"AND IT'S WORKING!"
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>Batmom
“Dadling”
~~~~~

>Nope.

“Honey…”

>Nuuu.

“Honey.

>What language do I have to speak in for you to comprehend when I say ‘no’? I have a translator right here, tell me.

“This is ridiculous. You’re the one who wanted to feel more useful since being put on maternity leave, sweetheart, and Luna says she needs this pie picked up!”

>Not from the Cakes, I said! Anywhere but there, not them!

“For the love- why not? Huh? Why not?”

>Because the moment we walk in there, Mrs Cake's going to cheerfully regale me with some nightmare-inducing birthing story that’ll give me waking terrors! Like last time!

“You only screamed once, though! Will you quit acting like such a drama mare?”

>Nuh! You knew what you signed up for when you laid into me!

“…Celestia be praised did I ever lay into you….”

>Huh. Yeah, now that I think about it, you sure did, like you owned it even….

“Damn straight I did. I dove in, declared it mine and set up shop.”

>…

“…”

>Buck the cake?

“Buck the cake. Bring that sexy ass over here.”

>Mmm~
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>Sombra

~~~~~

The words of the ancient stone weighed heavily on his mind as he floated towards the deeper end of the Store house. He had changed, hadn't he? He was sure of it. Shining and Cadence would not have allowed him to stay if he hadn't changed. But what if he was lying to them, lying to himself. Could he still be the "Mad King of the Crystal Empire"?

>... I will face my test when it comes. To dwell to much on it now could lead me to ruin.

With a firm nod he glided towards the a set of tables that held the pony sized Golem stones.

He needed to be precise with his choices. One uneven stone and he could end up walking with a limp for the rest of his days.

>These would be perfect for the forelimbs... And this would be the perfect stone for the torso...

As he began examining and choosing the countless stones. His mind wondered onto the next task.

The Opal.

Now this would be the tricky part. Almost all Opals were magically resistant. They had to be mined and gathered and cut and polished by Earthpony hooves.

A unicorn had to make a strong telekinetic net around the gem to even lift them.

But there was one kind that existed that did not resist magic. A kind so rare that only seven had ever been found before in recorded history.
But he had to have one. It was the only one he could use. So he needed to go to the source if he desired to find what he needed.

A Moon Opal.

>... Going up.
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>2
"Cadence"
~~~~~

"Okay, now you must remember poise when attempting a royal walk."

>Boys?

"NO!... Dear Faust no, do not say that, especially when Shiny is around... Ahem, no, I said poise. Which means to carry one's self with a regal flair."

>I dun think that's in the dick-shon-ray.

"Well, it's what I'm using. Anyway, you must stand tall, like so."

>Like so?

"Like that. Back straight, shoulders strong, and you walk in a straight, determined line. Left right, left right, just like that!"

>Okay, so... left-

"Other left."

>There's more than one!?

"No no, that's just what people say when- never mind. That's your right, that's your left. Now, again, left right, left right, left right-"

>I got it!

"Back straight sweetie."

>Oh, right. This stuff is hard, did ya' have ta' do this all the time back when you were little?

"...Not as much as I should have."

>Huh?

"Just promise me you'll be the best princess ever when you grow up, okay?"

>Yep! I'm gonna be as good as Shiny and you!

"...Try to aim higher."

>You think I can?

"Two... there is not a doubt in my mind... Ahem, from the top!"

>Wait!

"What? Is something-"

She was cut off by a solid weight pressing against her chest, and a playful nuzzle.

>I'll be the best, Caddy.

"...I know you will."

What else could she do, but return the gesture.

"I know you will...."
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NC-cont.

>SA
"Pinkie Pie"

~~~~~

>... I don't know why but I had the sudden urge to grab my shotgun and lock Two in the Castle...

"Is your daddy sense tingling?"

>I... I think so... now I just have the sudden urge to hold her and Cadence.

"Aww..."
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Non-canon
>Twilight
~~~
He was silent as always, his eyes narrowed into what could only be hatred for her.

>I know you're upset, and you have every right to be. But please, hear me out and let me say my piece, may I?

He didn't say anything, but he didn't move either.

>I'm sorry for what I did to you... And for my assumptions. Why I chose you is.. .It's a horrible and disgusting story, honestly, but it meant to much to me then and for a long time after. After I had chased Sunset Shimmer into the human world, all I had were questions, and Spike couldn't answer all of them, even the mirrors of my friends couldn't. I was lost, scared, and unsure if everything would be alright. So it was pathetically shallow and natural I clung to him. He was nice, he was safe... He helped me so much, he stood by my side when he had no reason to help this crazy, messed up stranger but he did.

More silence, more staring, more judging

>So when all was said and done, I thought that was the last I'd see of him... And then I saw you, I thought I had seen some trace of my own knight in shining armor: ready, willing, and determined to do anything in your power and ability to help those around you. Celestia told me the power of all guards was found wanting. She told me to improve on it through my knowledge, and like a blind zealot, I did as she was told without limits to my own ambitions. I thought you would want to be like this, I made the mistake of transposing my ideas and ideals about you without ever bothering to know Flash Sentry himself. In a way, I objectified you through idolization and assumption. I can never and never will say 'I'm sorry' enough, nor will I ever even hope you forgive me... I just hope, some day, you will let me fix the horrors I have inflicted on you.

Twilight took another breath, and with a spark from her horn, the last of the her old Flash Sentry posters blackened and burned.
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>Twilight
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~~

>Chrysalis?

They hadn't directly spoken since "The Event", so her sudden appearance in the Empire was, to be blunt, a little off. Her uncertain looks weren't helping either.

>I... I was wondering...

There was something clutched to her chest, something distinctly square and white. A clipboard.

>If you could talk about your... your m...

The Queen likely did not mean to narrow her eyes like that, but it was purely instinctual at this point.

>...Your cousin that you mentioned before, Necrophorus? I was wondering if...

The seconds ticked away, two pairs of uneasy eyes looking at each other.

>...This was stupid.

She turned to leave.

"Necrophorus was an idiot."

And froze.

"She had a very peculiar ability, one that none of the other queens could figure out, and she used it like an idiot."

>...Oh?

"She could 'change' the soil of the ground around her. Sort of like the disguise magic I use, but she could apply it to the ground beneath her. Unique, isn't it?"

>That does sound pretty useful.

"I was, for her mother Vespillo. Ah, Vespy... she was nice, you know? Well, to Necrophorus, I mean. Really over-protective as a mom, always looked out for her. Used to... heh, Mom said she used to call Chitania for the stupidest things. "Oh! Little Neccy fell down and hurt herself, can you come get her?" "Oh no! My baby got her hoof caught in a rock, can you move it?" "Oh my! My poor widdle neccums got herself caught by a Trapdoor Spider, go help her!"... Okay, that last one was pretty reasonable, actually."

>You said she buried herself alive, how...

"How else? Set up a trap for some passers by, but she fucked it up and it collapsed on her while she was making it. Took her whole hive with her in one catastrophic failure of a plan."

>Didn't she call for help?

"Chitania was LOOOONG since a Chitty-pop by this point."

>I didn't mean her, what about...

"..."

>...I see...

"So, what, you're going to think I'm a monster for that now?"

>N-no! No no! I'm sure you have perfectly valid reasoning.

"Good, because I don't feel like explaining it."

>I... I guess that's your right, you shouldn't have to answer to me.

"Good."

>...Anyone else?

"...My movie is about to start."

>Ah... I understand...

Again, she turned to leave.

"...Movies don't last forever, Twi-dye. Maybe I'll remember some funny stories to share next time."

A lavender hoof froze on the doorknob.

>...I... I'll think of some funny stories myself. A-and hey! Maybe I can figure out how that earth power works, if I just examine...

"...Don't put 29 back in the tube."

>N-no! Never again like that, I-

"Aaaahhh, quit. I just meant I'm in a betting pool at the moment. Little asshole better fuck the Zebra first, or I'm out four hundred bits."

>Oh... so you don't mind-

"I think 11 isn't doing anything, ask him if you want. Or her. I don't even remember, they all look the same."

>Yeah... I'll do that. Thanks, Chrysalis.

"Yeah, you should thank me. I'm super gracious."

She left, at last. Allowing Chrysalis to unpause her movie, and continue watching cinematic greatness.

"...You don't need to change.... they do..."

Such an amazing performance from the leading lady made a tear roll down her cheek. Truly, she owned this moment of sadness over her boyfriend loving another woman. How could anyone stay unmoved in the face of something like that?

Cinematic... brilliance...
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>42
"Random Changelings"
~~~~~

>What on earth...

"Taking all bets, taking allllll bets! You sir!"

"Fifteen bits on 18!"

"Playing it safe, good job to you sir! You, mad'am!"

"Forty on Celestia!"

"WOO! Such a big bet, but it can pay out handsomely, can it not? The thrill of the game!"

"Sixty bits on 42!"

"WOW! We have a risk taker here, folks! A Ling who is not worried to roll the dice and bet it all!"

>What are you betting on me?

"This my dear is the once in a lifetime shot to win it all! This fine fellow thinks you can be the next one in line to get Shining Armor to 'ride into battle' as it were! A thousand to one odds!"

>WHAT!?... I mean, it's not like I want Shining Armor to do me anyway! This is a disgusting display! A complete mockery of our rights!

"Then just don't have sex with him, that'll show us!"

"NO HEDGING BETS! I run a clean operation here, thank you!"

>...Anything else?

"Yeah, we've got 'Who's 29 going to finally settle for', 'will Spike nail Rarity or Applejack first', 'when year 56 finally going to be arrested for sexual assault', and finally 'what day is the baby going to be born for Dadling'."

>...Dadling?

"You name him something better, I dare you."

>So, wait, we're betting on when everyone is going to have sex, but we left out Jugglejack and 41?

"HE'S NOT MY COLTFRIEND!"

"He's my rival, I'd never stoop so low to doing him! I'm too amazing for that!"

"They keep erasing the board, it's annoying."

>...Sixty bits on Mayor Mare and Applejack, respectively.

"Now we're talking!"
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Non-canon
>Chitania
"Vespillo"
'Necrophorus'
~~~~

>Are you fucking serious!?

"What? She's scared!"

>So make her walk up the damn mountain!

"I can't do that! What if there's a dragon up there!?'

>Then mind control it and make it do what you want! Dragons lose their shit if they get too greedy, they're not exactly paragons of iron will!

"But what if it goes after her first and I'm not there!?"

>Are you EVER not there!? She's practically conjoined at your hip by this point!

"I'm just saying what if!?"

>I'm not a babysitter!

"Many would disagree with that."

>Look, if a dragon actually shows up, THEN call me, but until that point you stop wasting my time and-

'Momma? What do you call it when they're dragons, but they don't have hind legs?'

"Wyrms, dear, wh-..."

>...You've got to be fucking kidding me.

'I found a shiny ball! They said it's theirs, but they're ugly so that can't be right. Why would ten wyrms even need a shiny ball? Makes no sense!'

>...

"...And the other Queens wonder why I don't let her ascend yet."

>...Just... damn it.
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Non-Canon

>32
"32 (Through the side of his mouth)"

It is dark in the depths of Canterlot's dungeons. Elsewhere Ponies and Changelings are going about their business, ignorant of the only remaining occupant of this level. Alone and solitary, 32 is forced to make his own entertainment.

>...bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom BOM BOOOMMM...ohhhh...

He looks around to ensure that loneliness is true.

>I'm a prisoner and that's okay
>I sleep most nights and I waste away

"He's a prisoner and that's okay
"He sleeps most nights and he wastes away"

>I sit in bed
>My stomach growls
>My gnawing hunger grows
>When is my next meal coming
>I sure as hell don't know!

"He sits in bed
"His stomach growls
"His gnawing hunger grows
"When is his next meal coming?
"He doesn't even know~"

>I'm a prisoner and that's okay
>I sleep most nights and I waste away

>I pace and growl
>I plan revenge
>I hate that bitch's guts
>She keeps receiving chances
>And it's driving me fucking nuts

"He'll pace and growl
"He plans revenge
"He hates that bitch's guts
"She keeps receiving chances
"And it's driving him fucking nuts."

>I'm a prisoner and it's okay
>I sleep most nights, I waste away

32 sits down, eyes distant, looking down.

>I'll die in here
>No one will care
>'til my corpse begins to smell
>I wish I'd just been eaten
>Like my poor Pommel.

"He'll die in here...
"...no...no one will care...
"...'til his corpse...begins to smell...
"He wish...he wishes he'd just been eaten...
"Like his...poor...Pommel..."

32 curls up on the floor, eyes closing tight. He's shaking in rage, that's it, rage at the indignity of it all. Those wet things running down his face are surely his rage pouring out of his body.

He is very very glad no one is around to see this.

He is, honest.
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>SA
"Sombra"
'Pinkie Pie'

~~~~~

>Sombra, you're back, find everything you we're looking for?

"Yes, I have found all the stones that I need to purchase, however we have a slight problem..."

>...Which is?

"The cost of said stones."

>Sombra you've have an allowance since you took up permanent residence in the Empire, and I even pay you weekly for watching Two. You should have more than enough to by some rocks.

'GASP!'

>Do you really need to say the word?

'YES! Shiny, those aren't just rocks. They're the pure essence of the Earth given physical form! Coaxed out of the very soil using the most secretive of Earth Pony magic! To call them just rocks is an insult, it's like calling Chrssy a big bootied bug horse!

>...A complement?

'Bad example, like calling Two just another changeling!'

>GASP!

"You've done it as well now."

>I understand what your saying. They are precious and must be protected at all cost.

'Now your getting it!'

>Anyway, Sombra how much are we talking about?

A piece of paper suddenly appeared infront of him.

>... Did you have that slipped between your horn and your-

"YES, NOW STOP TALKING!"

>... This doesn't seem so bad. This should just leave your account empty.

"That's payment one."

>... of?

"...5."

>...

"..."

'...'

>Ok.

"That's it? No yelling? No moaning? No 'GASP!'?"

>Nope, this is fine. We'll work something out when we get back.

'Your are a good friend, Shiny.'

>I know. So where to after this?

"Canterlot."

>Really? Why?

"We will need the help of your Sister and Princess Luna. We are going to the Moon."

>... He he he... you're joking right?

"Not in the slightest."

>I figured as much.

'Cool! I've never been to the Moon before!'

"You still wish to travel with us?"

'Yep, I need to see if the Moon is made out of cheese!'

>Pinkie, it's not really... aaand there she goes.

"Spirited, isn't she?"

>That's one way of putting it. So... to the Moon?

"To the Moon."
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non-canon
>Twilight
"Spike"
'Pinkie'
~~~
>What are you talking about, Pinkie, We've been to the moon before, remember? Nightmare Rarity?

'We're counting the comics as canon?'

"I can't be a hundred percent sure myself, but I know I grabbed the trident I got helping Celestia back during the Return of Chrysalis Arc before going into the caves and mysteriously never used it. Also, Luna has Tiberus and someone wants to bring in the Sea People."

'But if that's the case, Chrysalis should be vaguely competent! She should flinch the any time she sees the Cutie Mark Crusaders-'

>To be fair, she's never dealt with the CMC-

'And Celestia would be all hot for Sombra trying to make himself a good guy and not be a forever alone neckbeard pining for Shiny dick!'

[Well... I heard SOMEONE wants to go to the moon real bad! Guess who's pink and about to get their wish?]
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NON CANON

>Spike
"Poindexter"
~~~
"Hey, Spike, got some other adventure to torture us with you wanna run by me?"

>That's silly, Poindexter, you guys do it to yourselves.

"Fair enough."

>Actually, it's... a bit more serious than that. And I want to be clear: we're friends, so I'll stick by you no matter what.

Spike takes out a few old files, most of them cases on a killer named 'Gizmo' and another one named 'Gyro'. While distinct to the untrained eye, a closer look revealed their differences in facial structure was applied makeup.

"..."

>They... they aren't evil twins, are they? And those aiming skills...

"Spike, I want to be clear on something right now, those ponies I killed hurt a lot people... so I paid them in kind so they couldn't hurt anyone's little sist- Hurt anyone anymore. Honest."

Spike reaches over and takes off Poindexters glasses and frowns

>You still see their faces too, don't you?

Poindexter puts his hooves to his face

"Every. Single. Time I close my eyes..."

>Me too...

"I wish I could tell you 'it gets better' but it doesn't... Least for me."

>I gave up hope on that a long time ago.. .All I learned was to make peace with my past... like I said, Poindexter; I'm here by your side.

"Thanks, Spike."
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