Only one letter difference between Rin and Rain

I can't paint right now. Why?
So much has happened.
The exhibition, Hisao's room, Nomiya's rant, everything inbetween
Yet I can't bring the brush to the canvas.
Again.

It's raining out.
I like the rain. I love the rain. More than clouds? No, equally. There isn't rain without clouds.
Do rain and clouds like eachother? Or is the rain trying to escape the clouds?
Isn't rain just parts of clouds that fall off? Would it hurt to have pieces of my body fall to the earth?
I hope it doesn't hurt the cloud. Rain makes me happy. I don't want to be happy because of something that hurts something else.
Maybe that's why people think rain is sad. Because it hurts the cloud. It can't be because of how dark it is outside. It isn't even that dark. It's just calm. Easy on the eyes. Like my eyes are closed for sleep, but they're still open.

I don't want to paint. I'm not going to paint. I'm just going to go where my feet take me. That hasn't led me wrong too many times.

I hope it works out this time, too.

I could use some good times. All this mess over what I did for those Sae and Nomiya. Those two, and... well, Hisao, too.
I can't even think his name without pausing. That's pretty pathetic of me.

I really am bad with other people. It isn't just words. Actions, too. Apparently. I tried to kiss him. He let it happen when I was on that medicine, but the second time...
I thought that was what he wanted. A kiss from me. Isn't that what people in relationships do? Does he want to be in a relationship with me? I'd make a terrible girlfriend.


AH. WHAT.
Cold-
Head-
Wet-
Up-
What-

Rain.
I've stepped into the rain.
A little warning would have been nice, feet.
I'm not even wearing sandals.

The ground is cold. So is the air. So are my clothes. So am I.
This is nice.
Is this what buddhism is about? Being one with everything?
I'm cold with everything right now. That counts enough for me.

There are puddles everywhere. They all have ripples in them from the rain.