Pitgiene

Meet Dirk. Dirk is a cruddy masochist.

Hi, Dirk!

Meet Pit. Pit is a beacon of light, shining through the stinking cloud of misplaced confidence and desperation generated by Dirk.

Hi, Pit!

Pit is popular, and makes lots of money.

Dirk has no friends, and sits at the back of the bar.

What does Pit have that Dirk doesn’t? Besides a well-paid acting job.

That’s right! A good attitude!

Attitude is defined as “how willing people are to talk to you about life in general.”

Dirk’s clothes are a skin-tight leather apocalypse, and chafe hard enough to remove at least a layer of skin every time he walks.

Pit’s clothes are the same toga and sandals again and again. But he’s rich enough for that to be okay.

In conversation, Dirk will probably be staring at your butt half the time. Especially if you’re Morgana or Celestia.

In conversation, Pit will lift your spirits and possibly lead you on the path to enlightenment. But that’s just a rumour.

Dirk’s body is a train wreck of marijuana and alcohol abuse, and his wings have a small colony of Meganula living inside them.

Pit’s body is a national park, and his feathers are used to stuff pillows, make souvenir quill pens and cure diabetes.

Dirk leaves Croak cans and pizza poxes all over his room, and a Bigfoot has taken residence in a nearby laundry cave.

Pit’s room has an automated water bed, designed by Wes Weasley to mimic the gentle bobbing and swelling of the ocean waves. Oh, Wes Weasely now lives in a cave too.

What can Dirk do to change his attitude?

Nothing at this point. By September, the damage is already done, and people will remember him as a stuck-up, arrogant flirt no matter what he does. He’ll probably have to wait and go to an out-of-state bar, where he can re-invent himself.

Pit, on the other hand, better keep up the status quo! If he slips up the slightest bit, and gets drunk or flirts with someone else’s girlfriend, those Kobbers will just descend on him like a ravenous pack of attitude wolves and tear him to shreds.

Bye, Pit!