Jens
I write this not knowing if you're going to get to read this. I hope you do. It's hard to know what to say because I'm scared that you're never going to read it at all. You've certainly got everyone in #mafia scared. It's pretty much deserted right now; the only people playing are newbies who don't know you. Everyone else is in #mego trying to figure out what to do: DrCoconut, KittyMo, SharkFinn, Tanarin, Uprising, Fox, Rena, SFG, even Xalxe, although I'm not quite sure who that is. Anna's having trouble breathing right now, she's crying and hiccupping and sobbing. She says she wishes she could have told you it was going to be okay. Coco is a mess, he keeps saying he doesn't know if he reacted quickly enough, and that if he didn't, your timer is just going to run out because of it. He's so scared. Fox is grim and broody and "blindsided", as he puts it. Uprising keeps asking if there's any news or anything. Tanarin's trying to keep everyone's sprits up. Rena's PMing VRK to take over your newbie game. Fox and Rena have even put aside their differences for now, and by that I mean Rena's being typical Rena and Fox is letting it go.
Shit, Jens, I don't know what to say to you. God, I hope so much that you get to read this.
Remember the epic drunkposting you used to do? "FUCK YOU PHAYT, SHE'S MY SISTER." Fuck, I'm starting to cry. Remember me visiting, and me sleeping on the floor in your room and eating all your ramen? Remember the ridiculous, stupid power battles with Xyl? I came all the way up from Alabama to Canada to see you. I mean, it sure as hell wasn't for Coco's sake; we've never liked each other very much, and that trip didn't change that. Your new avatar and sig scare the shit out of me. You might actually do this. You might kill yourself. I knew you were dealing with depression. We'd talked about it, a little. I didn't have any idea how bad it must was, though. You must feel so alone right now. You're not, though. Everybody here in #mafia is here, ready to support you. It's going to be okay, Jens. Except maybe it's not, because maybe it's already too late. I hope not.
Look, if you get through this, if you're still alive, talk to me sometime, okay? Shoot me an email. It doesn't have to be right away, but sometime. Definitely if you feel like this again. And if you don't, if it's too late. God, I don't know what to say that doesn't sound like wan epitaph. If it's too late, I hope the ocean is beautiful.