notkickass222urmom

LtD 86-92

Jul 16th, 2014
489
Never
Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!
  1. >>Chapter 86 - Part 9
  2. > [KILL HIM LANCE! I DON'T CARE IF HE'S PETER! KILL HIM, KILL HIM NOW!]
  3. “Screw that Friendship thing that seems to be important in this universe!”
  4. > <Don't do it Lance! He doesn't know he's hurting them!>
  5. How do you know that?
  6. Cody turned good overnight, why can’t Peter turn evil?
  7. > "Killing two birds with one stone.”
  8. You didn’t kill them, and I don’t think that phrase fits this scenario.
  9. > "Peter! Don't do it!" I heard a female voice scream out.
  10. > I turned my head to the side. SHIT! Why must Rarity intervene...
  11. Geez, she’s only his girlfriend. Why should she care?
  12. > Not important! She shouldn't be here, its dangerous!
  13. If you want to be picky, none of you should be here.
  14. > Inferno stopped and looked at her, "There is no more Peter, only Violent Inferno!"
  15. If Rarity manages to turn him back to normal through the power of love, I’ll be…
  16. Actually, I think I’d prefer a cliché ending over the “Lance & Co. beat their antagonist to oblivion” ending we usually get.
  17. > She ran up to him and jumped into him, wrapping her forelegs around his neck
  18. Wasn’t he burning with smoke coming out of him just a few paragraphs ago?
  19. > [I know this is bad timing... but where is David and Twilight?]
  20. “And now to keep on writing the awesome fight. Oh no, I forgot about David and Twilight, they should have been around right?
  21. Damn it, what do I do now? I’m sure as hell not going to rewrite it. Come on, think…
  22. Ah ha! I know! I’ll just have Lance wonder about them and move on, I’ll come up with an explanation later if I remember.”
  23. --Kickass222urmom
  24. > "Peter! I love you, I don't like this side of you! You're scaring me!"
  25. > [He's scaring you? WHAT ABOUT US! WE'RE COVERED IN BATTLE WOUNDS FROM HIM!]
  26. I’m pretty sure she meant scared in the sense of being worried about what he’s becoming, Break.
  27.  
  28.  
  29.  
  30. >>Chapter 86 - Part 10
  31. > Oh wow... she's actually breaking him from that damn what ever it is that has him acting like this.
  32. Yeah, who could have thought that love could defeat evil in a universe where interpersonal relationships are the greatest source of power?
  33. > <Love is a powerful thing Lance... and we should know that.>
  34. You should know a lot of things.
  35. > Rarity then collapsed next to [Peter] and held him in her forelegs
  36. Hooray, love triumphs over badly written plots.
  37. > Okay, one problem solved...
  38. Eh, I have the feeling the other problems will get solved pretty quickly too.
  39. > Vinetion and Grace are unconscious
  40. But still in one piece, somehow.
  41. > And Mr. Bleak... Where did he go?
  42. He got hit once and then disappeared. I guess his ego was too bruised to continue fighting.
  43. > Mr. Bleak was no longer laying on the ground where he use to be... damn, he can take a hit.
  44. Apparently not, seeing that he ditched you.
  45. > "Lance!" I heard Twilight scream out.
  46. Twilight! You were here. Does that mean that Spark was also around here?
  47. Was he killed?
  48. > She chuckled, "I was still by the library door... Sorry I didn't help."
  49. “I realised that this was a self-contained plot point that would be solved quite easily, so I didn’t bother.”
  50. > I gave her a kiss on the cheek, "Oh, its fine. I'm happy you stayed out of that. I don't know what I would have done if you would have gotten hurt."
  51. “Never mind that in the show you’re a competent and self-sufficient mare, and a powerful and accomplished wizard who is more than capable than defending herself and her friends; just take care of our son and stay out of trouble.”
  52.  
  53.  
  54.  
  55. >>Chapter 86 - Part 11
  56. > Her horn began to glow, and I felt my snout being repaired...
  57. If spells such as this one exist, it makes you wonder why there are hospitals at all. A medicine inclined unicorn could heal broken bones and failing organs in a couple of minutes.
  58. And if there were conditions that couldn’t be solved by a quick healing spell, maybe a curse of some sort, I’m sure they would be rare enough that those who suffered from them would remain at home regardless, and receive constant visits from a doctor.
  59. In short, rushing a resolution and tying all the knots because you want to end the chapter leaves you with star-sized plot-holes.
  60. > Now let me say this, it HURT LIKE A MOFO! I could actually feel the bones moving, and damn! It hurt!
  61. You didn’t complain as much when you actually broke it.
  62. > Once that was over, I was able to stand, but I stayed on the ground
  63. How can you say you’re able to stand if you’re still lying on the ground?
  64. > “It was beauty that tamed the beast."
  65. > [Isn't it, 'It was beauty that killed the beast'?]
  66. > {Yeah, but Peter is still alive, so it doesn't really fit, now does it?}
  67. You got rid of Violent Inferno, so technically you could say tha—Oh, screw it. I still have a thousand words left. I can’t get hung upon every detail.
  68. > Grace chuckled and stood up, "Well damn... We still won, right?"
  69. > I nodded, "We won."
  70. And you did so in less than a chapter, probably for good ant never to be mentioned again; it kind of makes you wonder what the point of all of this was.
  71. > Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light. Frederic appeared, dressed in his custom Royal Guard armor, "I'm ready to fight this new threat!"
  72. Yeah, yeah. I realise that this is meant to be for comedic effect, but when Richard came to kick asses inefficiently, Fred came hurriedly, what was he doing this time?
  73. > I began to laugh.
  74. These characters are never doing things, they begin to do things.
  75.  
  76.  
  77.  
  78. >>Chapter 86 - Part 12
  79. > He groaned and kicked the ground, "Darn! I knew I shouldn't have taken the time to put on this armor!"
  80. Did he really need that armor seeing that he can turn into the, ugh, “God of Good” at will and has an instant-healing spell?
  81. > "Let me guess, Annabel played a prank on Rarity”
  82. Who knows? Details, coherent character motivations, and an actual plot are for chums.
  83. > “and caused Peter to go on a rage?"
  84. Hilariously enough, it was watching his destroyed guitar what really pushed him over the edge.
  85. Also, did the story just admit that Peter is basically Bruce Banner? I think that Kickass222urmom already gave his last fuck and now is all out of them.
  86. Seriously, there wasn’t even a half-assed explanation about why Peter was able of doing that Violent Inferno thing.
  87. No “split personalities”, no “he’s an alicorn”, no “she can control plants and somehow this grants her extreme resilience and strength”, no “he’s an Eldritch Abomination”.
  88. Just straight up Hulk out.
  89. > I nodded, "Pretty much."
  90. You said it.
  91. > "I'll have a talk with her about those pranks.”
  92. “One could think that the Princesses would have spoken to her after all the rapes, public shaming, destruction of property, and economic downfalls for which she has been directly responsible, but you’d be wrong.”
  93. > “Also, while we're on subject, she wanted me to give this to Peter.”
  94. “The one responsible for Peter going on a rampage asked me to give him a present. I am perfectly aware that she is capable of enchanting objects. I still see no problem with this.”
  95. Wow… Everyone is being especially stupid this chapter.
  96.  
  97.  
  98.  
  99. >>Chapter 86 - Part 13
  100. > “I didn't know why, but I do now."
  101. It’s a guitar.
  102. Hey Fred, why wouldn’t Peter want a guitar? Even if you ignore the thing about his guitar getting wrecked, which ok, you couldn’t have known, he’s one of the few characters with more than one gimm—I mean trait, he’s a prankster that also plays the guitar.
  103. Is it really that much of a stretch to thin that he may like a new one?
  104. > [A Fender Stratocaster! That lucky bastard!]
  105. I think this may be the nicest thing Annabel has done during her entire existence.
  106. Sadly it doesn’t make up for all the horrible things she has directly caused.
  107. > Grace chuckled and struggled to lift Vinetion onto her back, "Damn, she's heavy... don't tell her I said that, she'll kill me."
  108. At this point, I will assume that Grace died and was replaced by the original Graze.
  109. How else would you explain her suddenly being comfortable around total strangers? She’s acting as if she had known Vine for quite some time, and now that I think about it, not even Graze got to know her.
  110. > We all laughed at that, because its probably true.
  111. “Oh, so many of our friends are violent and have poor anger management. Isn’t it hilarious?
  112. > "Well, I got a invitation in the mail that has invited me and my family to go live in a small town called Pleasant Fields. They want me to come alone, but Twilight wants me to bring a friend along. So, do you want to come?"
  113. Could it be?
  114. Lance has made a smart decision and chose to bring his ultra-powerful friend who also has royal connections and power?
  115. Well, let’s see how this backfires horribly for everyone.
  116. Especially us.
  117. > “Sure, I haven't had much time to myself lately.”
  118. Reeeeeeeeeally?
  119. I bet that between all your duties as Prince of Equestria and taking care of your twin foals, your hooves must be full, right?
  120.  
  121.  
  122.  
  123. >>Chapter 86 - Part 14
  124. > “I'll tell Tinker to watch over the kids and ask Celestia if she could take up my duties."
  125. For those of you who don’t remember, which I’ll assume is all of you; Tinker is Frederic’s assistant who was mentioned once before his wedding.
  126. He was told to fetch that mechanical backpack that allowed Earth ponies and Unicorns to fly, which he promptly gave to Lance so he could let it sit on a dusty closet next to everything that could have had potential in this story, instead of granting the gift of flight to every non-winged creature in Equestria.
  127. > I smiled and held out my hoof, "Oh yeah! Time for some male bonding!"
  128. > [No homo!]
  129. Yes, because we all know how awful would it be if there was a male gay character in this story.
  130. In all seriousness though, I’d be more than glad to get something that can even faintly resemble character or relationship building.
  131. > Aaron and Vinyl Scratch's house
  132. Is this the “plot former” Kickass222urmom mentioned earlier?
  133. I’m just saying because I can’t think of another reason why we’re focusing on these two, it’s not as if there’s any big party coming up or anything.
  134. Unless one is introduced out of the blue.
  135. > Aaron awoke from his nap and sat up. The pounding on the door continued.
  136. Why did I have to guess?
  137. > After navigating himself through the house,
  138. How big is your house if you have to “navigate” through it?
  139. > he came to the door.
  140. Freaking door-o-philiacs.
  141. > He opened it to see Cody.
  142. Are Cody and Derpy getting married? Is that what’s happening?
  143. Meh, I’ll roll with it. I don’t really care about Corpy (Derdy?), which is more than what can be said about almost all of the ships in this pier of madness.
  144. > Cody smiled and reached into his mail bag, "A whole new shipment of packages came into the mail office today.”
  145. Oh! No wedding yet, then.
  146. Perfect.
  147.  
  148.  
  149.  
  150. >>Chapter 86 - Part 15
  151. > “Enough for every house in the area!”
  152. I don’t think that’s how mail works…
  153. Or did they just receive a shipment of packages that said “give one to everyone who lives in Ponyville”? And nobody saw anything suspicious with that?
  154. > “Ditzy and I are having a hard time delivering them all, but we're making good time."
  155. Are the packages evil? Were they sent by the next big bad guy?
  156. Or that group of shadowy disembodied voices?
  157. > "Whats in the box?" [Vinyl] asked.
  158. Gwyneth Paltrow’s head?
  159. > Inside was a rectangle like box.. wait, "Is that a... radio?!"
  160. > Vinyl picked it up with her magic and looked it over, "A what?"
  161. You’re a DJ, you have modern sound systems and mixing equipment.
  162. And you’re telling me you don’t know what a radio is!?
  163. > Dear future listener,
  164. > We here at Shattered Sounds radio station are proud to bring you: The first ever Radio broadcast in Equestria! To use your radio, just turn the nob to on. This will get the magic flowing, thus making it so that you can hear us! We hope you enjoy our show!
  165. > Sincerely,
  166. > Grey Byte and White Noise
  167. My money is on mind control through radio waves.
  168.  
  169.  
  170.  
  171. >>Chapter 86 - Part 16
  172. > Aaron furrowed his brow, "Oh this can't be good... we've got bronies running the first ever radio station in Equestria."
  173. “Welcome back to KRFFL! 108.1 FM! Dubstep and bad remixes 24/7!”
  174. > "Hey there ponies! This here is White Noise!"
  175. > "And this is Grey Byte!"
  176. I assume these bronies also came after the rapture, Celestia didn’t sense them, didn’t inform Lance, and said bronies spent their time doing something worthwhile until being introduced in the story?
  177. Yeah, I’m getting more convinced about my theory about God having a huge waiting line up in heaven with every new OC.
  178. > "Okay everypony, time for a little news! It's raining! And that is all, lets get that music up!"
  179. If this is the set up for an upcoming plot, then I have to say I am sorely disappointed.
  180. Then again, what should I have expected?
  181. > Onward to Pleasant Fields! Next chapter starts off the Pleasant Fields plot, so be ready :D
  182. Yeah, the next will be a multi chapter arc of…
  183. Jesus tap-dancing Christ, 14,227 words!?
  184. Please, just let me die already.
  185.  
  186.  
  187.  
  188. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 1
  189. > Subtitle: Arrival
  190. And so, the journey to the not-evil-at-all town of Pleasant Fields begins.
  191. Now, I should begin by saying that I’m willing to give this arc a chance.
  192. After all, it seems as if Kickass222urmom actually planned what was going to happen so maybe, maybe, there’s a chance that this won’t be in the same level of awfulness as the rest of the story.
  193. Then again, I may be horribly wrong.
  194. > The next day
  195. Why must you do this? The chapter is starting, is a transition line really that necessary?
  196. Is it really that hard to just say “Frederic and I made our way to Pleasant Fields the next day.”?
  197. > "That everything Frederic?" I asked as I stood outside of the Everfree Forest.
  198. Why should you take any mean of transportation available in Equestria, which include but are not limited to: trains, carriages, hot-air balloons, airships, and boats?
  199. Hell, I’m sure that the Prince would have quite a lot of carriages at his disposal.
  200. But no, let’s walk there.
  201. > Frederic nodded, "Yep! I got enough food to last us a month!”
  202. Why?
  203. You’re only going to check the new community of Pleasant Fields; do you really need supplies for “a month”? Even if you’re exaggerating, why would you need so much food?
  204. Speaking of Pleasant Fields, have you made any sort of research about it? Who’s in charge, how did it start, do the kids in town worship a harvest deity?
  205. Anything at all?
  206. > “or a few hours, knowing you."
  207. “Oh, Lance. You and your tendency of endangering our lives.”
  208. > He chuckled and waved towards the forest
  209. Is he saying hi to the trees?
  210.  
  211.  
  212.  
  213. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 2
  214. > {Break, you may take over.}
  215. > [FUCK YES!]
  216. Let’s pretend for a second that “Living the Dream” has logic and consistent internal laws. How can Break be able to use Lance’s body if he’s just a voice in his head with a metaphysical manifestation that only he and others with consciences can see?
  217. There’s no way he has a sense of balance, nor spatial awareness. The moment he takes over Lance, he’d be stumbling over and tripping with his own hooves, not to mention his wings.
  218. Unless, of course, Lance has been letting Break and Dawn take over his body off-screen so they can get used to it.
  219. > Frederic pulled ahead, but was pulled back when Break grabbed his tail
  220. Normally, that’s called cheating; but since this is Break, I’m sure that they’ll find a way of just waving it off.
  221. > Frederic chuckled, "I'm not even going to try and race you Break. You cheat to much."
  222. > Break bowed, "Thank you my good man."
  223. “Remember kids, cheating will grant you respect and the admiration of your peers!”
  224. > I felt a cool feeling wash over my body as I was given control of my body again. I then looked at Frederic, "Okay, lets get moving."
  225. And so, the long journey begins on a sour note: the loss of the hope I had in this arc being anything but terrible.
  226. > Frederic nodded, "I can't wait to see this town!"
  227. Me neither, I’m actually looking forward to the relentless awfulness that surely awaits us.
  228. > And skip ahead four days of walking.
  229. Really, Kickass? Not even five hundred words in and we’re already with this? Ok.
  230. Why the hell are you skipping four days!?
  231.  
  232.  
  233.  
  234. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 3
  235. > It was uneventful
  236. How does that make it any different than practically anything that has happened so far? Don’t try to excuse your laziness by saying nothing uneventful happened, you just didn’t want to write what would happen in four days of walking through the forest.
  237. And the worst thing is that showing Fred and Lance on a field trip, bonding and deepening their friendship would actually benefit the story, since their relationship so far has consisted on saying “we’re such good friends, yes sir.”
  238. Actually, scratch that. The worst thing is that you didn’t have to skip all of that; you could have made Pleasant Fields be just a couple of hours away.
  239. If Lance can fly from Ponyville to Canterlot in just a matter of minutes, why does it take days to get to this place? Is it on the other side of the world? You’re just creating one problem after another.
  240. It’s like that man who put a pile of rocks in the middle of a road to support a flashlight that would warn drivers and prevent them from crashing into that pile of rocks.
  241. > unless you consider Lance eating the wrong kind of berries eventful
  242. If you compare it to the kind of things that make it into the actual chapters; then yes, I do consider it eventful.
  243. > "LANCE YOU DUMBASS!" Fredric screamed as we sprinted down the dirt path.
  244. > "I'M SORRY! HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO KNOW THAT BANDANNA WAS THAT FREAKING MONKEY'S?!"
  245. Ah, the classic “fast forward into the middle of an escape scene from a random village that the characters have wronged”
  246. You know you suck as a writer when you use clichés as specific as this and don’t even try to play it off in any way.
  247. Also, I don’t think that encountering and enraging a tribe of monkeys in the span of four days count as “uneventful”.
  248.  
  249.  
  250.  
  251. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 4
  252. > Behind us was a large crowd of pissed off monkey's... yes, I said monkey's!
  253. Yes, we know you have no idea about the use of apostrophes; you don’t have to repeat it to us.
  254. > Well, not really monkey's, chimps if you would prefer... damn, off topic!
  255. While it is indeed off-topic, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
  256. > "WELL, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO PISS THEM ALL OFF BY CRAPPING ON THEIR FOOD SUPPLIES!"
  257. It’s Lance we’re talking about, I’m sure he did have to.
  258. > I laughed, "DUDE, YOU KNOW THOSE BERRIES DIDN'T SIT WELL WITH ME!"
  259. “That’s why I couldn’t go to a bathroom before crapping all over their supplies.”
  260. > When I arrived, I yelled out the same thing. In front of us was a steep cliff, at least a hundred feet down.
  261. It’s a good thing that both of you have wings, right?
  262. > I jumped up and hugged Frederic, "It was nice knowing ya man!"
  263. Is Kickass222urmom going to ignore the basic physiology of his characters just to force a “hilarious” moment?
  264. > "I have a confession to make."
  265. “I have become aware of my nature as a shitty self-insert for a horrible author, I hope that if I jump from this waterfall I can die and spare anyone from suffering more.”
  266. > "I used swords to dig a ditch...”
  267. Well, that wasn’t so bad now, was it? Sure, it was dumb to use swords like that, they can become dull, but other than that there’s—
  268.  
  269.  
  270.  
  271. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 5
  272. > “and I used you're tooth brush for a sex toy one night when Twilight was feeling a little extra horny.."
  273. So that last “confession” was just misdirection.
  274. And regarding the “toothbrush as sex toy” scenario, let’s stop for a second and think about its implications:
  275. a) Twilight and Lance needed a sex toy and didn’t have one at hand, despite that it shouldn’t be the case based on what we know of their sex life.
  276. b) Instead of improvising and using one of the many, many things they had at home, they thought Lance should go get something instead of Twilight just teleporting anything from a sex-shop.
  277. c) They thought that the best solution would be to use Fred’s toothbrush.
  278. d) They went from their house in Canterlot all the way to the castle, and not once did they stop along the way to buy/steal anything they could use.
  279. e) Once they got in the castle, they didn’t think of getting any of the several things that could have been used as an improvised sex toy and went for Fred’s toothbrush without alerting him or Luna.
  280. f) After this whole ordeal they were still in the mood to have sex.
  281. g) They managed to finish, clean the toothbrush and return it without Fred or anyone else noticing.
  282. I don’t know which one of those seems more implausible to me.
  283. And by the way, he goes on detail about how he used Fred’s toothbrush.
  284. > “we had a lot of fun with that little tooth brush that night... We sure do miss it."
  285. Was it any different than your toothbrushes? Or any toothbrush for that matter?
  286. > Frederic began to gag, "AHHHHHHH! I've been using it a lot lately!”
  287. Just lately? You mean you weren’t brushing regularly before?
  288. > I looked at the chimps to see them all standing there, a few laughing.
  289. Man, monkeys don’t have standards.
  290. > <Oh, only if we had wings!>
  291. Oh, it’s time for the obvious realisation?
  292.  
  293.  
  294.  
  295. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 6
  296. > I facehoofed, "We have wings Frederic..."
  297. Coming to this conclusion was apparently too much effort for Lance, seeing how they don’t fly away, but rather hover in place above the monkeys.
  298. > Suddenly, a very angry monkey charged out of the group and jumped for me. I shifted to the side, causing the monkey to fly past me and into the gorge.
  299. So far Lance has abused the monkey’s hospitality, crapped on their food and sent one of their own to his doom.
  300. Truly, a likeable protagonist if I ever saw one.
  301. > What just hit me in the... SICK! "Run Frederic! They're slinging their crap!"
  302. They probably heard all the stuff you have done.
  303. > We then turned in mid-air and bolted away.
  304. And seeing how nothing really happened, this whole encounter with the monkeys that wasn’t even properly addressed, won’t amount to anything at all.
  305. Unless that monkey that threw himself down the cliff appears again, but what are the chances of that?
  306. > The next day
  307. “Something inconsequential happened as well.”
  308. > "So close... must continue... oh fuck it."
  309. And that wraps up “Living the Dream”, everyone. It was nice sharing this experience with you.
  310. > I need food! And Frederic won't give me any!
  311. > He looked at me and shook his head, "You shouldn't have used my tooth brush as a play thing."
  312. Letting some starve because they offended me is ok.
  313. > He sighed and pulled out my favorite drink, Coke! He tossed it to me.
  314. Right. The never-ending supply of Coke that Omnius brought with him in his deceptively small saddlebags.
  315. I wonder if I could contact the Coca Cola company and make them sue Kickass222urmom for the misuse of their brand.
  316. > I jumped into the air again and caught it in my mouth. I landed and broke the cap off with my teeth
  317. Has Kickass222urmom ever drunk soda? Lance should be getting a blast of pressurized soda in his face.
  318.  
  319.  
  320.  
  321. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 7
  322. > I tossed the empty bottle to the side and burped
  323. As environmentally conscious as always, I see.
  324. > Frederic sighed, "Glad you're happy... that was the last Coke in all of Equestria."
  325. If I were to find myself in a magical realm with an almost endless supply of my favorite drink, ‘and’ I had ties with the best sorcerers and scientists of said world, I’d probably ask them if they could replicate it and make more for me.
  326. Then again, that’s just me.
  327. > two hours later, high noon. 1/2 mile from Pleasant Fields
  328. Ok, let’s just stop for a second.
  329. They began their trek the day after that Violent Inferno thing, we then jumped four days until after the monkeys chased Lance and Fred, then another day afterwards, and then another two hours instead of just jumping five days to this very moment.
  330. Seriously, nothing worth noting has happened, not even the Coke thing was important.
  331. It’s something so inconsequential that it didn’t deserve several paragraphs explaining that Lance had run out of it. An off-hand comment would have been more than enough, if it was going to be brought up again, and yet I don’t think it will.
  332. That means that the last thousand or so words have been completely pointless.
  333. Then again, the same could be said for the last 85 chapters. And the following 55 as well.
  334. > "Dude, I gotta piss!" I said as I stopped by a bush.
  335. I can barely contain my excitement at the development of the plot.
  336. > I chuckled and walked over to the bush.
  337. “Basic body functions, you always crack me up!”
  338. > [Old habits never die old.]
  339. > <What do you mean?>
  340. He means that Kickass222urmom’s never going to proofread to check if what he writes makes sense.
  341. > *Sound of bushes moving*
  342. “As I finished pissing, I heard the bushes in front of me move.”
  343. There, it took less than ten extra words to turn the stupid sound effect into a basic narrative line.
  344.  
  345.  
  346.  
  347. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 8
  348. > Suddenly, a squirrel jumped out and latched onto my nu.... yeah, you know what it was grabbing.
  349. Yes, there’s no need to keep talking about it.
  350. > I finally knocked it off. I gave it a sharp kick and jumped to my hooves
  351. As respectful of animal life as always, I see.
  352. > The squirrel stood and smiled. It let out a small screech.
  353. This line sets up the stupidest thing I’ve read in the last couple of chapters.
  354. > Behind us, there was a squirrel wave... no I'm serious! Have you seen cartoons where animals or something is coming towards some one and its like its a freaking wave?! That's what was behind us! That squirrel wave must have been ten feet high!
  355. See, this is exactly the kind of things that made me stop trying to find positive things in this fanfic.
  356. > "To the wind!" Frederic shouted as he jumped into the air and began to fly upward.
  357. At least they’re taking a reasonable approach to the issue.
  358. I have the nagging feeling that they used all their common sense available for this trip and their stay in Pleasant Fields will be nothing but awfulness.
  359. > Three minutes later
  360. And yet another superfluous scene has taken place. Thankfully they finally arrived to Evilville, which makes you wonder why this transition was even necessary.
  361. > This town looked a lot like Ponyville, but the buildings were spread out a lot more.
  362. I’m sure that makes it easier for the angry rabbles of ponies to chase victims.
  363. > I could see the center of the town, a large stage.
  364. It’s probably for social events and gatherings; eeyup, definitely not for public executions.
  365. > <Lance, if the ponies here are as nice as the ones in Ponyville, could we please move here?!>
  366. Wasn’t that your plan since the beginning?
  367. > All the ponies there all looked at me and waved, but didn't really pay attention to Frederic.
  368. Alicorns are such a common sight after all.
  369.  
  370.  
  371.  
  372. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 9
  373. > In fact, I'm sure I caught a few giving him a worried look.
  374. Hopefully this won’t turn into a “Story of the Blanks” scenario.
  375. > "Welcome to Pleasant Fields Lance Greenfield." Said a voice behind us.
  376. Ok, let’s take deep breath.
  377. The last OC introduced was so god awful that made Mr. Bleak look normal and well-adjusted.
  378. I know the new ones are going to be utterly horrible as well but maybe, just maybe, they’ll just be standard awfulness.
  379. > We turned to see a grey unicorn wearing a brown suit with long sleeves
  380. Ok, no jarring colors, no weird clothing. So far so good.
  381. > Whoa, those eyes, they were almost pure blue.
  382. I—I think it’s alright? Nothing too jarring, it’s not as if they’re snake eyes, right? Heh… heh…
  383. > "Pleasure to meet you..."
  384. > "Draco." He answered for me.
  385. There are no words that can express my sheer disappointment; not only in this particular fic, but in fanfiction as a genre.
  386. > "Pleasure to meet you Draco... say, doesn't Draco mean dragon?"
  387. “Indeed it does, and it shouldn’t be a sign of worry, nor should you think that I may have a hidden agenda!”
  388. > He then looked at Frederic with worry, "And, umm, who's your friend?"
  389. Oh, right. They asked Lance to come alone.
  390. I want to give him credit and say that he thought that it wouldn’t be safe to go to this unknown village that invited him to live there with his family completely out of the blue, but we all know that he’s not capable of such complex emotions.
  391. > I chuckled and gestured to Frederic
  392. “Eh, it’s nobody, just one of the co-rulers of Equestria.”
  393. > Draco looked at his hoof and slowly reached out and shook it, "Yes... a pleasure."
  394. “Don’t mind my suspicious attitude towards you, Your Highness.”
  395. > He chuckled
  396. Ok, seriously.
  397. What’s with all the chuckling? Are they trying to channel the spirit of Tommy Wiseau?
  398.  
  399.  
  400.  
  401. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 10
  402. > "We have no mayor.”
  403. “We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to be a sort of executive officer for the week.”
  404. > “I'm the towns leader and tour guide.”
  405. “There are very few ponies living in this town, so I have to multitask.”
  406. > “I just keep things in order, but nothing really happens here in Pleasant Fields. Most peaceful town in all of Equestria!"
  407. “It may have something to do with being so far away from you, Mr. Greenfield.”
  408. > I smiled, then tapped my chin, "But tell me, how do you know my real name?"
  409. “This is the kind of thing that I should have tried to find out before coming, but it totally slipped my mind, even when doing the arrangements for the trek here.”
  410. > He just smiled, "Well, if we're going to let someone live in Pleasant Fields, we have to do a little research on them to make sure they're not violent."
  411. While this makes sense, everyone with good intentions in this fic has acted without thinking while the villains are those who actually plan beforehand.
  412. Cody, Richard, Annabel, and now these guys.
  413. I guess the real villain of Living the Dream is planning and thinking ahead.
  414. > About halfway through the tour, I heard my name called out from above.
  415. It’s God. He heard about all the things you’ve done since he sent you here and is going to fix his mistake.
  416. > Moments later, a dull red Pegasus landed in front of me, he extend his hoof.
  417. Of course. Just one OC wouldn’t do, would it?
  418. > Storm […] was wearing a tan suit with short sleeves. His mane was dark blue green with a dark red streak in it. And yet again, those eyes! His were a pure dull orange.
  419. This time is as good as any to show what these two look like.
  420.  
  421.  
  422.  
  423. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 11
  424. > http://s1094.photobucket.com/user/kurtisawsome/media/DracoandStorm.png.html
  425. Amazing isn’t it?
  426. Storm makes the blue eyed unicorn with the bowl haircut look normal.
  427. All in all, I’m thankful that these are just average bad OC’s instead of cannibal forest mares, or Eldritch Pegasus.
  428. > Storm looked at Frederic and tried to smile, "Well hey there... Prince?"
  429. Storm is showing an alarmingly high capacity for rational thinking for a character in this fanfiction.
  430. > Storm gulped and shook his hoof, "As is it a pleasure to meet you."
  431. Storm is probably just nervous about meeting royalty, definitely not because he wanted Lance to come alone so they could sacrifice him to He Who Walks Behind the Rows
  432. > Draco walked up beside him and smiled, "I see you've met Storm. He's my assistant, and I must say. He's very good at his job."
  433. I think I’ll ship them.
  434. > Storm smiled proudly, "I sure am!"
  435. The real issue is how to call the ship. Drarm? Stoco? Eh, forget it, I’ll call it Draco Storm.
  436. > I let out a small chuckle and yawned
  437. I think it’s official. Lance has Tommy Wiseau syndrome.
  438. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yhrd1R8-dBg [Embed]
  439. > He then led us to a house all by its self. It was separated from the rest of the buildings. Just the way I like it! YES!
  440. I’ll have to give it to Pleasant Fields, they knew that they had to isolate you from the beginning.
  441. > We were lead inside, and I must say this. I LOVED THE DECOR! This place feels like it was made for me!
  442. So I assume every wall is covered with mirrors that just reflect you.
  443. > Draco smiled to Storm and turned to me, "Well, we have a few things to do. Do you mind if we step out and let you get settled in?"
  444. What do you mean “settle in”? He just came here and he didn’t bring anything with him, not even his family.
  445.  
  446.  
  447.  
  448. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 12
  449. > Frederic made his way to the hall, "I'm going to find the bedroom and I'm going to claim that bed as my bitch!"
  450. Why? The ones moving in are Lance and his family, Fred lives in the castle with his wife.
  451. > I then began to go through all the shelves and all the containers in the living room.
  452. Why would you do that? The house is new, the whole town is new.
  453. Why would there be anything in the shelves?
  454. Why is everyone acting even more stupid than normal?
  455. > What? I'm a really curious kind of guy.
  456. Yeah, I forgot you traded your common sense for curiosity.
  457. > When ever we go to a hotel, I'm always going through everything, trying to find something interesting. And, the same applies for new houses.
  458. Of course, how could we forget? Seeing how that was established long ago when you went through every crevice of Twilight’s Library when you arrived to Equestria, and when you spent all that time checking every part of your house in Canterlot.
  459. What’s that?
  460. He hasn’t done anything like that and this comes as a shallow detail on an already shallow character?
  461. Well, that’s just too bad, isn’t it?
  462. > Once I finished with the living room, I moved onto the kitchen.
  463. Lance then spends two paragraphs searching through the house for… something.
  464. Needless to say he doesn’t find anything, so these two paragraphs are just filler.
  465. > Nothing in there but bath room type items.
  466. > [But... if its bath room type items. Where's the dick pleasure?!]
  467. I am getting sick of your horny thirteen year old mentality, Break.
  468. > Next was a hallway closet. In there, I found a pencil, but nothing else.
  469. Underwhelming.
  470. Just like everything else in this fic.
  471. > Inside, Frederic was on the bed, fast asleep.
  472. I know he’s tired and everything, but this house is still technically not theirs.
  473.  
  474.  
  475.  
  476. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 13
  477. > Inside, Frederic was on the bed, fast asleep.
  478. I know he’s tired and everything, but this house is still technically not theirs.
  479. > Time to go into stealth mode, like I use to do when I was trying to sneak into my moms room.
  480. Why do you—? Wait, I don’t want to know.
  481. And the fact that you wrote “use to” instead of “used to” means that you still do it.
  482. Go to hell, Lance. Keep Dana out of this.
  483. > [Loose board! Check it out!]
  484. How can Break know that there’s a loose board in the room?
  485. Do the consciences have some sort of special spatial awareness?
  486. > My eyes twinkled as I pulled the loose board up to reveal a... notebook? HELL YES! SCORE!
  487. It makes sense that he gets excited. So far his search for something interesting has yielded zero results. For 87 chapters and counting.
  488. > "Forever a brony: Pleasant Fields?"
  489. There were bronies in Pleasant Fields before.
  490. Never mind that Celestia originally said that there were only five.
  491. Never mind that early on they made a point of reuniting all the bronies for some reason or another.
  492. Never mind that God seems to keep sending people to Equestria without worrying about the problems that could arise, even thought he should know damn better.
  493. Just accept that there were bronies in Pleasant Fields.
  494. > <Now, how would a bronies notebook be in the floor boards of this house?>
  495. Thanks for stating the question that everyone with a half working brain has already asked themselves.
  496. After all, Pleasant Fields is supposed to be a somewhat new place to live, and yet they already had at least one brony living there.
  497. In fact, if there—
  498. > [Who cares! Reading material!]
  499. Of course, never question anything.
  500. > I chuckled and sat on my haunches.
  501. Enough with the chuckles!
  502. > From the journal of Drake Alexander
  503. You already introduced a character named after a Dragon in this chapter, Kickass222urmom.
  504. How many do we need?
  505.  
  506.  
  507.  
  508. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 14
  509. > April 7, 2013. I think.
  510. Roughly four months after the, ugh, Rapture, Drake here settled in Pleasant Fields.
  511. Wait, hold on.
  512. If Lance and company came to Equestria in the last days of 2012, and Twilight got pregnant shortly after, and taking into account that Kickass22urmom didn’t bother to google a horse’s pregnancy term, that means that Spark was born roughly in October ~ November.
  513. Furthermore, since he is currently slightly over three months old, at this point the story is taking place in January ~ February, almost ten whole months after Drake moved to Pleasant Fields.
  514. That means Pleasant Fields has been abduct—I mean inviting ponies here for over a year, and nobody has noticed their disappearance.
  515. Why am I so sure they have disappeared? Well…
  516. > Yep, it's time to start another journal. New town, new journal.
  517. He’s been jumping from town to town and nobody has noticed him.
  518. Something fishy is going on. Then again, that was obvious since the ominous letter Lance received.
  519. > I think I should explain this a little
  520. Explain what? And why?
  521. > so who ever reads this, my kids maybe, will understand it fully.
  522. How convenient that the author of this journal not only started fresh with this particular journal, but will also take the time to explain everything to the reader in a concise way.
  523. > If you haven't read my other journals, then ask me for them.
  524. You sure have a lot of confidence on the entertainment value of your journals, Drake.
  525. But what’s more, the fact that his journal is still here means that when he left this house, he didn’t take it with him, which seems to have been his plan all along, seeing that later he apparently still had the journals from the other cities he visited.
  526. > When ever I move to a new town, I start a new journal.
  527. Yes, we know. You already said that.
  528. > That's why this journal's title says, 'Pleasant Fields'.
  529. We get it. Move on.
  530.  
  531.  
  532.  
  533. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 15
  534. > A few days ago, while I was staying in the town of Hoofton
  535. I’m not sure if Kickass tried to mention Hoofington, or tried to come up with his own ponified city name.
  536. Either way, he failed.
  537. > I received a letter inviting me to live in the town of Pleasant Fields.
  538. So Pleasant Fields ‘has’ been inviting ponies to live there for most of a year.
  539. You would think that more ponies would have heard of this; an exclusive community of ponies far from everyone, in which you only get to live if you’re invited.
  540. Hell, most of Canterlot would have already moved there just for the promise of exclusivity.
  541. > After walking for four days straight
  542. Ok, it’s official.
  543. Absolutely nobody has ever used any means of transportation in Equestria.
  544. > The ponies greeted me pleasantly, making me feel welcome.
  545. And so, everything that happened when Lance and Fred arrived is told once again from Drake’s perspective.
  546. > It has all the decor I've always loved!
  547. What a coincidence.
  548. > Old and country
  549. Did they change the decorations of the house? If not, it means that Lance likes old and country things, even though I’m sure that would bring back a lot of memories from his rape-by-horse incident.
  550. > See ya future reader, who ever you are.
  551. Besides the police looking for evidence, who would be interested in reading your travel journal?
  552.  
  553.  
  554.  
  555. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 16
  556. > April 8, 2013
  557. Let’s see if I can predict how this arc will unfold.
  558. Lance is going to read about Drake and the stuff he did in Pleasant Fields: when Drake was shown the park, Lance will be shown the park; when Drake was shown the market, Lance will be shown the market and so on.
  559. Then, Lance will read something odd in Drake’s diary, and when the same starts happening to him, he’ll begin to suspect something weird is going on.
  560. Eventually Drake will outright say that there’s something wrong with the people in this town and will warn whoever is reading this to leave Pleasant Fields, urging Lance to do so, but it will be too late.
  561. Cue: confrontation between Lance and Fred (if they haven’t taken him away by that point) and the inhabitants of Pleasant Fields.
  562. That would make for a fairly entertaining read, which is why I don’t think that’s what will happen; and even if it does, we all know Kickass222urmom will find a way of blowing it.
  563. > Draco showed me the towns bakery. And dayum! This town sure knows how to make its baked sweets!
  564. > I swear, I've never ate so much sugar and chocolate at one time!
  565. So that’s what they do, they fatten you until you can’t leave.
  566. > Also, today, Storm showed me the towns theater. No, not a real one, but with actors.
  567. I’m stunned by the sheer stupidity of this sentence.
  568. Are you implying that real theaters don’t have actors?
  569. > I must ask him if I could sing on stage sometime. I'm pretty good at it, but I do so much better if I can play a violin while singing. I don't know why though...
  570. If this seems boring and inane, that’s because it is.
  571. But even then, it’s giving Drake more character depth than 95% of the cast of Living the Dream.
  572. > Anyways, I'm going to go check out the towns pool later. I heard it's a great place to socialize.
  573. “We can chill there as we’re boiled alive to honor Yog-Sothoth”
  574.  
  575.  
  576.  
  577. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 17
  578. > See ya later future readers, I'm off to the pool!
  579. I hope things go south pretty quickly, Drake’s life is very boring.
  580. > <I think we should get some sleep also Lance.>
  581. > {Awww! But I want to read the rest of this journal!}
  582. Which you should do, that way you can get an idea of what to expect in EvilVille.
  583. > <You can do it later, but right now, you need to rest.>
  584. Or not, the plot would be over too quickly if you do that.
  585. > I closed my eyes and felt sleep take hold.
  586. As much as I’d like to say that the chapter is over, we have to go check on the evil disembodied voices.
  587. > "He brought the Alicorn Prince with him?! Really?!"
  588. I know right? It can almost pass of as a smart decision. I think there’s something wrong with him.
  589. > "I know, this is not according to plan.”
  590. Did you really think that Lance would follow your suggestions? It’s almost as if you don’t know the guy.
  591. Actually, you should know him; you’ve been following him for who knows how long. It amazes me that you didn’t take any precautions to make sure he’d come alone.
  592.  
  593.  
  594.  
  595. >>Chapter 87 - Pleasant Fields - Part 18
  596. > “But, now we get two bodies with the energy in it."
  597. Ha! I was right. They want to sacrifice them for a non-specific evil purpose.
  598. > "Yes, but Lance is our top priority right now."
  599. > "And his son?"
  600. I knew it, they wanted Spark as well.
  601. Why didn’t you ask him to bring his family, then? I’m sure it would be much easier to deal with a very powerful unicorn than with an alicorn.
  602. Jesus, this council of evil voices sucks at villainy.
  603. > "We'll go for him after we've dealt with him and the Prince."
  604. “Instead of just asking him to bring his family along, thereby saving us a lot of trouble on the long run.”
  605. > "Oh! I can't wait to start! When can we?!"
  606. > "Soon... very soon."
  607. Well, it’s not soon enough.
  608. I’ve already spent more time in this arc than I wanted.
  609. > And there you have it! Two large chapters in one day :D hope you all enjoyed it.
  610. Oh, shut up.
  611.  
  612.  
  613.  
  614. > Chapter 88 – Pleasant Fields - Part 19
  615. > Subtitle: The mystery deepens
  616. Seeing how there hasn’t been any mystery at all so far, I don’t think it’s accurate to say that the mystery will deepen.
  617. > This chapter my seem jumpy, but its intentional.
  618. Sure it is, next you’ll be saying that the terrible characters and dreadful plot are a “bold stylistic choice.”
  619. > This is helping with the plot
  620. I’d be all for helping the plot, if I didn’t know that it’s beyond help.
  621. > I groaned and forced myself to stand. It's too damn early!
  622. You did came to checkout this town, shouldn’t you be doing that instead of sleeping in?
  623. > {Why did you two wake me up?! The sun is barely up!}
  624. > [Two reasons. Reason one: It's boring here! Reason two: We want some damn chocolate!]
  625. Why aren’t Break and Dawn asleep too? They’ve been shown to get tired and sleep as well.
  626. Why must everything be inconsistent!?
  627. > I smacked my lips and walked over to my saddlebags. I opened the left one and pulled out the fedora and cowboy hat.
  628. Yes, in the end he chooses the fedora.
  629. You have to wonder, is Kickass222urmom trying to make a fedora joke, or does he genuinely that fedoras are cool?
  630. Either way, fedoras suck.
  631. > I ran down the hall to the bathroom... only to see it was occupied.
  632. I find it hard to believe that such a huge house would only have one bathroom.
  633. > "One minute, I have to fix my hair." [Fred] replied.
  634. It’s a pity that the only reflective surface of the house is in the bathroom.
  635. > "Hell no! You think my hair just sticks up like this?! It takes time and patience!"
  636. I’ve seen the end result, you’re better off leaving your hair the way it is.
  637. > I twisted around and looked around. AHA!
  638. Lance takes a dump in Fred’s bags, as best friends won’t do.
  639.  
  640.  
  641.  
  642. >>Chapter 88 – Pleasant Fields - Part 20
  643. > He turned and reached into the bag and pulled out a once beautiful dress
  644. Why did Fred had a dress in his bag?
  645. > "Was this Luna's wedding gown?”
  646. Ugh… Is there any reason you’re carrying Luna’s wedding gown around with you?
  647. Besides setting up toilet humour, I mean.
  648. > “Oh man, you're screwed!"
  649. While Lance is the one that took a dump on the dress, it was Fred’s fault for taking Luna’s dress with him.
  650. > Frederic fell to his knees, "She's going to kill me..."
  651. And she’d be in her right to do so.
  652. > Frederic jumped forward, but the gown landed on him. This caused him to fall to the ground in a panic, trying to get the disgusting thing off him.
  653. “Oh Lance, you’re such a rascal.” – Fred, two chapters from now.
  654. It says a lot about Kickass222urmom’s view of the world that he thinks a solid friendship is based on being an asshole to each other.
  655. > {Break! You fucking asshole! Why did you do that to Frederic?!}
  656. Hey, Dawn.
  657. Why didn’t ‘you’ do anything? You can take control of Lance’s body as well.
  658. Actually, it seems as if Dawn intentionally lets Break take control for the sake of letting “hilarious things xDDD” happen.
  659. > [Hey! He was taking to long! So, I had to take control of you, or we would have been in a lot of pain!]
  660. You could have easily gone outside and dug a hole in the ground.
  661. > I was walking down the street's, the sun barely up.
  662. Break and Dawn seem to have forgotten about the chocolate, which was the reason why they woke up Lance.
  663. > It was peaceful here, not a pony in sight. I really think I'm going to like it here.
  664. Therefore, it’s time for shit to hit the fan.
  665. > Behind the unicorn was seven Pegasi,
  666. Aha! The council of evil voices finally get some bodies, now let’s see how—
  667. > all of them were pure black.
  668. Ugh… Really? Can you be more generic than th—
  669.  
  670.  
  671.  
  672. >>Chapter 88 – Pleasant Fields - Part 21
  673. > They had no manes or tails...
  674. So, they’re bald?
  675. Hey, this makes me think, what is a ‘bald’ pony? Just having no mane or tail? Does the coat count too? If the coat does count, then why the baldness extends to just—
  676. > Their eyes are pure white,
  677. Seriously? They have pure white eyes? How are they supposed to see? I don’t think pegasus magic is a plausible replacement for irises and pupils.
  678. > and their wings are... metal?
  679. God damn it, Kickass222urmom, how many clichés do you plan to cram into the henchmen?
  680. > http://i1094.photobucket.com/albums/i456/kurtisawsome/Darkness.png
  681. I had to ask…
  682. They’re called “Darkness”. They. Are. Called. “Darkness”.
  683. Kickass222urmom intentionally called them that then used a pony generator to make this… thing, named it “Darkness” and uploaded it to his Photobucket.
  684. Let’s keep going and see if they become alicorns or morph into a single huge Mecha-Pegasus.
  685. > Draco turned towards me and yelped in surprise, but instantly smiled, "Well hey there Mr. Greenfield. How's your morning."
  686. Now, anyone would show some kind of worry towards the obviously evil beings that just disappeared, and to his credit Lance does ask about them.
  687. > He chuckled a little, "Them? They're just the towns.. Mascots!"
  688. Even if that were true, which it obviously isn’t, it would be weird if the town had a mascot that screamed “EVIL” at you.
  689. It would raise some eyebrows at the very least.
  690. > Yeah, those were not mascots. I wonder who they really were... Meh, who cares.
  691. Certainly not Kickass222urmom!
  692. > "So, can you show me around a little?"
  693. “No, I don’t think the neighbors want to see you.”
  694. > He nodded, "Sure can! I'll take you to the bakery, then to the theater."
  695. > Oh cool! Just like they did for Drake.
  696. Yes, and that doesn’t ring any alarm for you?
  697.  
  698.  
  699.  
  700. >>Chapter 88 – Pleasant Fields - Part 22
  701. > I wonder where that guy is now.
  702. He’s most likely dead, or locked in a basement being harvested for his organs/life energy.
  703. There is a chance that he has been assimilated and is now one of the Darkness things from earlier.
  704. But my money is on “sacrificed to local deity”.
  705. > So full... oh God! So many sweets! But so damn worth it!
  706. I hope you still say the same when you are being cooked alive.
  707. > < I don't think I can fit anymore inside of me.>
  708. [That's what she said!]
  709. <... I worry about you Break, you know that right?>
  710. I don’t. So far he’s been the only one who has stuck to its character.
  711. > [Draco] laughed, "I'm glad you liked it. Now, to the theater, then I'll show you the towns art gallery."
  712. *GASP* Just like they did with Drake! What were the chances of that?
  713. > Art... meh, I could live with out it...
  714. I don’t have a hard time believing that.
  715. > Ten hours later... that was a long play and it took him forever to explain all that damn art to me!
  716. I bet it would have taken him longer to make you understand it.
  717. > Draco […] looked sky ward, "Ahhh, they should be starting now."
  718. > I looked at him strangely, "Who should be starting now?"
  719. > His eyes widened, "Oh, the pool cleaners! They should be cleaning the pools by now."
  720. Draco is acting so obviously evil is not even fun, and he’s only been around for less than a chapter.
  721. > Location: ???
  722. We script now.
  723. > "Where is he now?"
  724. We’re still pretending that Draco and the Darknesseseses aren’t the Council of Disembodied Voices?
  725. > "Good. And the status on the package?"
  726. Leave it to Kickass222urmom to make lame innuendo jokes out of nothing, but leave opportunities like this go to waste.
  727. > "... We don't know sir, they should have returned with it by now."
  728. It seems that the Darknessers are as useless and incompetent as any generic henchmen.
  729.  
  730.  
  731.  
  732. >>Chapter 88 – Pleasant Fields - Part 23
  733. > “How are we suppose to move on if they can't even do a simple task!"
  734. Well, if it really was that important, then you should have sent someone else to supervise them, don’t you think?
  735. > "Don't worry sir, I'm sure they're just taking their time."
  736. Taking their time? What the hell are you talking about?
  737. Isn’t this a super important task that your little group has planned for a long time?
  738. Shouldn’t you care a little bit more about the success of this operation?
  739. > "You better be right, or I'm using your body as a throw pillow!"
  740. That’s… A quite nice punishment, actually, seeing how the ‘good’ guys usually punish by royally beating the crap out of their enemies or sending them to the center of the Earth.
  741. > “Uhhh, what should we do with the Prince?"
  742. > "Add him to the list. We can still use him."
  743. “Please, what’s he going to do? He’s just an Alicorn Prince and the God of G—Wait, is he serious, what a tool.”
  744. > Ponyville, twenty minutes earlier
  745. Do we really have to read about the Darknessers doing things? Can’t you skip over this like you usually do, Kickass?
  746. > The pitch black Pegasus moved through the shadow's
  747. You know they’re not really Pegasus, right? They’re just black Earth Ponies with mechanical wings.
  748. > They were nearing the destination now, only a few houses to go
  749. Once again I must wonder. Was there a reason why the scene couldn’t start with these guys already in that house?
  750. > The group of seven moved silently through the darkness, staying out of sight of the citizens of Canterlot.
  751. But you just said that they’re in Ponyville.
  752. The transition line says “Ponyville, twenty minutes earlier” You wrote that, it was only two sentences ago. Why are you setting the scene in Canterlot?
  753. You don’t give a single fuck, don’t you, Kickass?
  754.  
  755.  
  756.  
  757. >>Chapter 88 – Pleasant Fields - Part 24
  758. > The leader of the group turned and made a hissing sound to his comrades. What most would hear as just hissing, they heard it as a language.
  759. Would you look at that, they speak parsel tongue.
  760. > (They are not snakes, I'm just saying this now to stop the confusion.)
  761. Thankfully Kickass222urmom cleared things up; otherwise I would have expected to infer that from the narration.
  762. Y’know, maybe have one of the things hiss at another and have that one hiss back in a different way…
  763. But that’s just nonsense.
  764. > "There's the house! Remember the plan?" The leader hissed.
  765. I assume this is the translation of what they are saying, because there is no way of hissing those words.
  766. > "Yes, we go in, kill the woman, grab the kid, and teleport back to Him!"
  767. There are so many things wrong with this plan that one could make a list with them.
  768. Let’s do that, shall we?
  769. 1. If their plan was to take the baby as well, they should have asked Lance to come with his family, that way you’d raise less suspicion than by asking Lance to come on his own.
  770. 2. Even if they only needed Lance and his son, they could have used Twilight for their unspecified nefarious purposes as well. They didn’t expect Frederic to come, even though they completely should have, and decided on the spot to use him as well, they could have done the same with Twilight.
  771. 3. In fact it would be much easier to subdue Twilight, especially such an awful version of her, than an alicorn.
  772. 4. By killing Twilight they would only complicate things for themselves, since her murder would force someone to go after Lance to tell him what happened, most likely the Princesses.
  773. 5. By deciding to split Lance and the rest of his family, they only complicate their plan, risk not only its failure, but that someone else may come after them and risk exposing your entire cult thing.
  774. Fellow readers, I think we may have found a contender for dumbest villain in the Living-verse
  775.  
  776.  
  777.  
  778. >>Chapter 88 – Pleasant Fields - Part 25
  779. > One hissed, a sense of happiness coming off his hisses.
  780. I don’t think hisses are capable of expressing emotions.
  781. > The leader gave a nod, "Yes. It's simple, I'll get the woman, you two kill anypony else in the house. The rest of you, grab the kid!"
  782. Sure, send ‘one’ abomination to kill Twilight, but send four to grab a baby.
  783. Then again, I shouldn’t be amazed that these guys didn’t do any kind of research about their targets.
  784. > They then began jumping out of the darkness and galloped towards the house
  785. If they can teleport, and they can, we’ve seen them do that, why don’t they just teleport to Spark’s room, grab him and teleport back to pleasant Fields?
  786. > *Crack*
  787. Oh, so there could be a fight scene. Ok.
  788. > The Pegasus flew for a few yards before coming down hard. He then disappeared in a black vapor.
  789. So… Is he dead, or did he go back to Pleasant Fields?
  790. Was it so hard to establish any kind of background for these creatures?
  791. Also these guys are apparently putties.
  792. > Mr. Bleak walked out into the open, right in front of the door
  793. The Eldricht Pedophile is here!
  794. > "The Darkness, we meet again!"
  795. Oh, come on.
  796. Are you telling me Mr. Abomination is somehow connected to every ancient evil in the Living-verse?
  797. I can believe that, but sheesh, it doesn’t mean I have to like it.
  798. > "Darkest Bleak! What are you doing here?! Last we heard, you were banished from Equestria!"
  799. > Mr. Bleak chuckled, "Yes, but that was over a thousand years ago! They've forgotten who I am."
  800. Luna was banished for a thousand years, and her legacy lived through folklore.
  801. Was Mr. Bleak’s history so awful that everyone collectively agreed to forget about him? I’d have no problem believing that.
  802. Also, his full name is “Darkest Bleak”.
  803. > "So, let me guess. They hired you to come and take his son?"
  804. Stop playing the pronoun game and tell us who is who.
  805.  
  806.  
  807.  
  808. >>Chapter 88 – Pleasant Fields - Part 26
  809. > "We are not telling you anything! Step aside, or we'll remove you from existence!"
  810. The Darkness is above “killing” ponies, they erase them from existence.
  811. > [Mr. Bleak] shot forward and slammed his head into the leader's rip cage
  812. Add “rip cage” to the long list of examples that prove Kickass222urmom only knows half of the words a normal person does.
  813. > The Pegasus slashed its wings towards Mr. Bleak, causing a large gash to form on his chest.
  814. Oh, boy. I wonder how Mr. Bleak will be able to keep fighting now that he’s—Oh, he obliterates two more henchmen, never mind.
  815. > It then slammed its hoof into Mr. Bleak's side, but it didn't connect. Instead, it went inside of Mr. Bleak!
  816. > Mr. Bleak's expression changed to one of agony as he felt the dark Pegasus trying to pull his stomach out.
  817. Let me see if I get this straight.
  818. One of the Darknessers shoves his hoof inside of Mr. Bleak, and instead of going for the heart or the lungs, goes for his stomach.
  819. His stomach.
  820. I am glad Mr. Bleak beats them up regardless, this henchmen suck.
  821. > "I was just..." He looked beside her for Lance, but he wasn't there, "Where's Lance?"
  822. You didn’t know?
  823. Does anybody know anything about what’s going on!?
  824. > “So, Spark wasn't their only target? And they actually got Lance to fall into their trap?! This is not good!”
  825. I say let them have Lance and Spark.
  826. Whatever horror they want to release can’t do more damage than what those two have done.
  827. > “I must find my grandson and get to Pleasant Fields!”
  828. He either had a family before being banished for a thousand years, which would mean that his grandson is old as hell; or he’s been free for enough time to form a family.
  829. I don’t know which one is more stupid.
  830. > “Oh please, don't let me be too late... again!”
  831. Again.
  832. Because you’ve already faced whoever is supposed to be the bad guy in this arc.
  833. And you didn't tell anyone.
  834.  
  835.  
  836.  
  837. >>Chapter 88 – Pleasant Fields - Part 27
  838. > Pleasant Fields
  839. I hope they’ve already tied Lance and Frederic to the ritual tables so we can skip to the end.
  840. > I walked into the house that would soon be mine and collapsed on the couch.
  841. Damn it…
  842. > Frederic walked in and sighed, "So, you was able to stay out all day? You do know I'm going to get you back for that right?"
  843. No, no you won’t.
  844. > "I sure do. Now, what do you say we play a game of Twister?"
  845. “Sure, evil approaches. Let’s keep it at bay with a game of Twister!”
  846. > "MY LEG!" I screamed out as I bent my leg the wrong way.
  847. Oh boy, he broke a leg.
  848. Time to take him outside and shoot him.
  849. > "Shut up you baby! I'll fix that... after this game!" Frederic said
  850. I think this is fitting punishment for ruining Luna’s wedding dress.
  851. It’s still your fault for bringing it along.
  852. > And then, things became confusing XD
  853. Oh, ‘then’ things got confusing.
  854. Because they’ve been so clear up until now.
  855. > I wonder if any of you know who his grandson is?
  856. Is he Greg? It’s Greg, isn’t he?
  857. > Doesn't matter
  858. You’re damn right it doesn’t.
  859.  
  860.  
  861.  
  862. >>Chapter 89 – Pleasant Fields - Part 28
  863. > Subtitle: Strange Events
  864. What constitutes a strange event by LtD standards?
  865. > From the journal of Drake Alexander
  866. Drake’s life is bland and uninteresting, which makes it hundreds of times better than Lance’s.
  867. > Storm showed me how to fly at higher and fast, but I must say this. That guy is freaking fast! He out flew me and spun circles around me!
  868. I will believe this is supposed to be set up for a later part in which Storm catches up to Lance even though he may be flying at extremely high speeds, because I need to believe there’s still something resembling a story somewhere in here.
  869. > It's like he's under a freaking speed spell or something.
  870. The glowing eyes and ominous chanting that follows him wherever he goes seem weird, too.
  871. > But wow, Draco is becoming kinda weird. He keeps eyeing me with hungry eyes. I hope he's not gay, because if he is, I'm outta here! I don't roll that way.
  872. It’s a good thing that Draco’s insecurity wouldn’t let him recognise the obvious evilness that lurked within the inhabitants of Pleasant Fields.
  873. > Also, this strange pony came to me today. He was tall and grey, and had some weird wing things.
  874. Mr. Bleak tried to warn Drake about Pleasant Fields. Drake didn’t say anything because reasons.
  875. So this raises a plot hole the size of Greg’s after leaving Manehattan.
  876. If Mr. Bleak already knew about Pleasant Fields and the evil things that they do there, way back when Drake lived there, then what prevented him from burning it to the ground?
  877. Oh, well.
  878. I guess coherent story telling is for stories that don’t have pressing issues like villages of monkeys and a quota of rape to be filled every 25 chapters.
  879. > April 11, 2013
  880. > Things just keep getting stranger with Draco.
  881. And yet, you won’t leave this place. You established that you’re a nomad, what’s tying you down to his place?
  882.  
  883.  
  884.  
  885. >>Chapter 89 – Pleasant Fields - Part 29
  886. > Today he asked if I wanted to check out the towns underground storage. I respectively declined.
  887. Thank you! You have done a smart decision, Drake.
  888. It’s a pity that those sorts of actions are frowned upon in the Living-verse.
  889. > Time to cut this short and pack. I'm going to tell Storm I'm leaving, I still want to be friends with that guy.
  890. And that’s why I won’t be sad when you eventually die.
  891. > April 12, 2013
  892. > Not good, Draco and Storm came by and tried to talk me out of leaving. I told them my mind was made up and pushed them out of the house. Now, I...
  893. How nice of him to write the ellipsis as the evil ponies were breaking down into his house.
  894. > "Lance!" Frederic yelled right in my face.
  895. > I jumped, throwing the book into the air, "DUDE! Not cool! You know how I get into reading. And I was getting to a good part too!"
  896. Wait… You mean Lance hasn’t told Fred about the diary?
  897. Isn’t this the kind of information you’d like to share?
  898. > Frederic held up a hoof, "Not important! I just found the towns pool! Wanna go check it out?"
  899. One man’s pool is another one’s cauldron.
  900. > "Sure... just watch out for Draco, because according to that book, he's into guys."
  901. > Frederic shuddered, "Dude, that's just messed up."
  902. Sure, gay men are messed up, but gay women are hot.
  903. People, I don’t think we needed more evidence of the awfulness of Kickass222urmom, but here it is.
  904. > Club outside of Canterlot's city limited
  905. Oh, come on.
  906. How many, and I wince as I call them this, plots are we going to follow?
  907. > Starch sat on the bar stool, looking at all the ponies around him. He had a sort of smile on his face as he waited for his drink.
  908. Ok, deep breaths.
  909. Focusing on the ‘why’ is a moot point, since we’re this deep into the story.
  910. But the last two OC’s were just average bad, maybe this one wi—
  911.  
  912.  
  913.  
  914. >>Chapter 89 – Pleasant Fields - Part 30
  915. > http://i1094.photobucket.com/albums/i456/kurtisawsome/Starch.png
  916. And he’s a god damned Zebrasus as well.
  917. Why is Kickass222urmom allowed to exist?
  918. > His cutie mark was a rose with black vines coming out of it. To symbolize his way of charming the mares, and to show he's a relaxed kind of stallion.
  919. Why not just the black vines? It’d be easier to identify him as a douchebag then.
  920. > As he sat there, a mare walked by him, swagging her flank.
  921. Boy, is everyone desperate for sex here?
  922. Is that why Starch came to this place?
  923. > Starch held his friendly smile, "Why is a such as yourself doing in a place like this?"
  924. Smooth.
  925. Either way, the most bland hook-up scene with the most desperate mare takes place.
  926. For better or for worse, they’re interrupted.
  927. > He turned to them and his eyes widened, "No... NO!"
  928. > Mr. Bleak stood there, looking around the bar.
  929. What’s that?
  930. You thought that maybe Mr. Bleak’s grandson was someone who had already been introduced?
  931. Don’t be silly; what do you think this is? A story that was planned ahead?
  932. > Mr. Bleak sighed and began to walk to the door, dragging Starch behind him
  933. If Starch can’t even put up a fight, how much help can he really be?
  934. > "It's been two centuries since the last time I asked for your help."
  935. Two centuries?
  936. How long has it been since Mr. Bleak got back from his banishment? When was he banished in the first place? Why was he banished?
  937. What about Starch, when was he born and how does he play into all of this?
  938. Why do I have the nagging feeling that the answer to these questions will be extremely disappointing?
  939. > "But... Don't make me Grandpa! Not now! I'm so close to a one night stand!"
  940. > "What?! I'm no one night stand!"
  941. Someone who has spent the last two centuries picking up women wouldn’t commit such an obvious faux pas.
  942.  
  943.  
  944.  
  945. >>Chapter 89 – Pleasant Fields - Part 31
  946. > Mr. Bleak held a blank face, "They've found the right pony for the ritual."
  947. “You’d think that since I knew who the right pony was, I would have kept a close eye on him, but I guess I’m just senile.”
  948. > “How much time do we have?"
  949. > "We have very very little time.”
  950. “We would have more time if I had taken better care of Lance. Or if I had taken down these guys when I had the chance, and I did have several chances.”
  951. > Mr. Bleak smiled and spread his... wings?
  952. Yes, they are wings. Why are you questioning it?
  953. > "You're just like your father in every way, always ready to fight."
  954. > Starch smiled proudly, "Yeah, but I'm still alive."
  955. I am not even going to ask what happened to Starch’s mom and Mr. Bleak’s wife.
  956. However, I would like to know why is Starch so smug when he talks about his dead father.
  957. > Mr. Bleak seemed sadden for a second
  958. That’s as long as Kickass222urmom allows his characters to develop depth.
  959. > Starch sighed and smiled, "Here we go again!"
  960. It’s funny; I said the same thing when I started this chapter, although I was less cheerful when I said that.
  961. > Pleasant Fields
  962. Can we get to the evil part? I don’t think I can take more of this filler.
  963. > "Cannon ball!" I yelled as I jumped off the diving board and slammed into the water.
  964. Of course not. How could we lose a single second of Lance’s life?
  965. Except we totally do whenever Kickass222urmom wants to make a random time jump.
  966. > [Oh yeah! We're gonna blow them all way, aren't we?]
  967. > {Yep! I'm sure they can build a new pool, they do have unicorns after all.}
  968. “Screw responsibility and respect for other people’s well-being, I do what I want.”
  969. > [Fucking awesome! Do a fucking Sonic Nuke! Like Rainbow Dash did in Lesson Zero!]
  970. Please no...
  971.  
  972.  
  973.  
  974. >>Chapter 89 – Pleasant Fields - Part 32
  975. > The familiar cone of air began to form around me.
  976. Actually, it’d be a good thing if he nukes the place, that way everyone would die and this arc would be over.
  977. > "Hey! Mr. Greenfield!"
  978. > I looked up and... slapped against the water.
  979. That’s… that’s not how the magic cone works, Lance, it would slingshot back into the air.
  980. Have you seen the show?
  981. > <OH GOD! THE PAIN! THE FUCKING PAIN!>
  982. Look at it this way, you were going at supersonic speeds, the impact with the water should have turned you into a pulp.
  983. > Draco walked up smiling sheepishly, "Sorry about that Mr. Greenfield, I didn't mean to cause you any trouble."
  984. “I’m saving the trouble for later, when you’re tied to the ceremonial rock.”
  985. > Draco then smiled brightly, "Well Mr. Greenfield, would you like me to show […] The towns underground storage units[?] It's a very interesting place, I can assure you of that."
  986. Unfortunately, Lance will decline because he thinks Draco is gay.
  987. Homophobia has shown us the way once again.
  988. > His happy smile faltered, "But you must! It's rather interesting! Come on, it'll only take a few minutes!"
  989. This guy should really change his marketing strategies. If he had said it was a candy shop, Lance would be getting sacrificed by lunchtime.
  990. > "He refused?"
  991. > "Yes sir... he did."
  992. “We should have seen this coming; it’s not the first time that it happens, after all.”
  993. > "Then he must know what we're up to. […] We must do this by force."
  994. Wait…
  995. If doing things by force was an option, why didn’t you do that from the beginning?
  996. What do you win by waiting for Lance to voluntarily go to the murder dungeon?
  997. You have let this guy go around your town with plenty of chances of escaping and didn’t drag him to the underground when he went to sleep the first day, tired after his five day long trek.
  998. I am starting to doubt you really care about whatever goal it is that you have.
  999.  
  1000.  
  1001.  
  1002. >>Chapter 89 – Pleasant Fields - Part 33
  1003. > "Oh, and Draco. […] Don't touch him inappropriately, that can wait till after we're done with him."
  1004. Well, would you look at that, Draco ‘was’ gay.
  1005. This is the first male character that has been confirmed as a homosexual and not only is he a villain, but was being treated as a deviant by the main character.
  1006. A lot of subtleties could be said about it, but it’s not fun when they’re ‘this’ obvious.
  1007. > "Good, very good. Now go fetch him for me, and bring the Prince as well."
  1008. Ideally, this would mean that the arc is going to end soon, but there are still three chapters left after this one.
  1009. > April 12, 2013
  1010. > Not good, Draco and Storm came by and tried to talk me out of leaving.
  1011. I wonder what they could say to convince Drake of staying.
  1012. It was probably something along the lines of “We’re totally not going to murder you, honest.”
  1013. > I can't wait to get out of this town and back on the road. Well shit, someones knocking on the door.
  1014. Goodbye, Drake. I can’t say it was nice knowing you.
  1015. > Draco tried to hit me with a spell, but missed when I fell backwards. Storm however hit me in the head with a rock...
  1016. You know, for someone who has been attacked and probably has a concussion, Drake is surprisingly calmed and collected.
  1017. Also, if taking them by force is an option, why do the bad guys let their victims prance around their town with plenty of chances of escaping!?
  1018. > Turns page to find a dried dark stain... is that blood?
  1019. He was bleeding profusely enough to stain that page, but not enough to stain any other part of the book as to warn anyone who could read it in the future.
  1020.  
  1021.  
  1022.  
  1023. >>Chapter 89 – Pleasant Fields - Part 34
  1024. > I don't know how much time I have till they get in this room, but they seem ruthless. I will leave this book behind, hopefully, someone will find it and find out whats going on here.
  1025. You know what would have been a good idea?
  1026. To scrawl “LEAVE, EVERYONE IS EVIL.” In big letters at the beginning of your diary, so anyone who found it would know immediately of the stuff that was happening instead of having to read through the entire diary to realise something’s wrong.
  1027. I mean, you were able to write over two paragraphs after being hit on your head with a rock, writing those four words would take considerable less effort and would be more explicit.
  1028. > Goodbye, for the last time future reader. My you stop them!
  1029. I’m going to let that typo slide because he was dying.
  1030. Still, was the formality necessary? He is dying after all.
  1031. Or maybe not, maybe the rock just stunned him and that blood came from a paper cut he got while turning the page.
  1032. It’s the only explanation I can think for how he managed to write all of that and then hid the fiary in a loose board.
  1033. > "Frederic! Get up! We have to leave! NOW!"
  1034. It’s a good thing that the alicorn will be able to teleport you out of there almost immediately.
  1035. > I ran back into the guest room and brought him the book, "Read the last entry."
  1036. While I’ll concede that this is probably the smartest thing Lance has done in, well, forever it still raises the question.
  1037. Is this the first time he’s shown Fred anything of what says on the diary?
  1038. > He nodded, "I've been ready! Let's get out of here, fast!"
  1039. Yeah! Now ready those teleportation spells a—
  1040. > I nodded and ran to the door, "Come on then!"
  1041. Wait, why are you—
  1042.  
  1043.  
  1044.  
  1045. >>Chapter 89 – Pleasant Fields - Part 35
  1046. > I pulled it open and galloped out.
  1047. You have a neigh-omnipotent alicorn with you, why are you not teleporting?
  1048. I accepted that you didn’t teleport here because you didn’t know the exact location, but what’s preventing you from teleporting back to Canterlot?
  1049. Or hell, just teleport outside of Pleasant Fields and fly like crazy.
  1050. > But, before I could reach the end of the porch, I saw a flat piece of metal coming into my point of view.
  1051. Storm hit Lance in the head with a shovel.
  1052. Thankfully, Lance has been shown several times to take worse hits and shrug them off as if nothing happened, so we’ll be leaving Pleasant Fields in no ti—
  1053. > I stumbled back, my head throbbing.
  1054. Or not.
  1055. > As my vision began to darken, I had but one thought: Why didn't I finish that damn book earlier?!
  1056. Yes, why didn’t you finish it earlier?
  1057. It’s not as if Drake was writing pages and pages every day, at most they were four paragraphs long, reading that whole diary should have taken Lance less than five minutes, probably less since he’s such an “avid reader”.
  1058.  
  1059.  
  1060.  
  1061. >>Chapter 89 – Pleasant Fields - Part 36
  1062. > <Must... Stay... Awa...> Dawn then fell over, out cold.
  1063. > [Dawn! Oh damn...] Break then fell over, also out cold.
  1064. Why are they blacking out too?
  1065. Also, if earlier they manage to sense the loose board on the floor with Drake’s diary in it, how comes they couldn’t sense Storm coming here with a shovel?
  1066. > My world finally went black, the last thing I heard was Draco's laughter.
  1067. It’s molesting time!
  1068. > D: Well... it looks like the plot is going nicely.
  1069. Let’s just say that hings are going and leave it at that.
  1070. > Also, this is almost half of the plot for the Pleasant Fields, its not over yet.
  1071. Thanks for the grim reminder.
  1072. > Also, Vinetion, I liked your concept of who was Mr. Bleak's Grandson, but I wanted to do something a little different. Nice logic though.
  1073. Why are you telling us this? Send a PM
  1074. And you’re not even going to tell us what that logic was? Screw you, Kickass222urmom.
  1075.  
  1076.  
  1077.  
  1078. >>Chapter 90 – Pleasant Fields - Part 37
  1079. > Subtitle: The Ritual Begins.
  1080. This is almost 2k words long.
  1081. Just how long is it going to take to start this damned ritual?
  1082. > Me getting cup checked, Greg style!
  1083. > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyewLmlEGis [Embed]
  1084. Seeing Kickass222urmom getting fake hit in the nuts isn’t as satisfying as I thought it would be.
  1085. > Wha? Where am I? Why does it feel like I'm on a wall?
  1086. Because you’re on the roof, why else do you think that would happen?
  1087. > I opened my eyes to find I had a piece of cloth over them.
  1088. > I felt something in my mouth... I'm gagged too? What the hell?!
  1089. I know, right? How inconsiderate of your kidnappers to restrain you, and prevent you from seeing and speaking.
  1090. > "Oh good, you're awake!" I heard someone say... Draco maybe?
  1091. Did they also stuff our ears?
  1092. > "I must say Mr. Greenfield, I like this form of you better." He said
  1093. > Wait... form? What the fuck does that mean?!
  1094. This made me think…
  1095. Why didn’t Fred and Lance go into their super forms as soon as they knew something fishy was going on?
  1096. I’m sure it would have been much harder to knock out Breaking Dawn and, ugh, the “God of Good”.
  1097. > [What the fu... Where are we?]
  1098. > <I don't know, I can't see anything!>
  1099. Break and Dawn are metaphysical projections of Lance’s consciences. Why can’t they see anything?
  1100. They were perfectly capable of seeing things that Lance couldn’t see, even when he was asleep.
  1101. Did they put little metaphysical blindfolds on them? Or are we supposed to believe that, since Lance is blindfolded, they can’t see anything? Did the ritual made them blind somehow?
  1102. Is Kickass222urmom doing this just because he doesn’t want to describe the room and the people in it?
  1103.  
  1104.  
  1105.  
  1106. >>Chapter 90 – Pleasant Fields - Part 38
  1107. > Something touched my stomach and began to make circles, "Oh, I can't wait to get a piece of you Mr. Greenfield."
  1108. Have I already mentioned how Kickass222urmom made the only male gay character in his story a pervert?
  1109. The again, everyone is a pervert, so that’s kind of a moot point.
  1110. > "So, I see he's been through stage one."
  1111. > "Yes sir, I just performed it on both of them."
  1112. I freaking hate the pronoun game. It’s a half-assed way of giving half of exposition.
  1113. In reality, they would have just gone straight to stage two without yammering about it this much.
  1114. > I clenched my fist in anger... wait...
  1115. They turned Lance into a human, because why not.
  1116. Also, is Lance naked right now?
  1117. > What are they planning on doing to me?!
  1118. I don’t know, and I don’t think I really care either.
  1119. > "Take those blind folds off him, but leave on the Prince's."
  1120. Uh… Why? Fred woke up as well.
  1121. > Draco was right in front of me, eyeing me with happy eyes... fucking creepy! Behind him was a large unicorn stallion... whoa!
  1122. Do you remember that big evil disembodied voice that bossed over Draco and Storm? I do.
  1123. > http://i1094.photobucket.com/albums/i456/kurtisawsome/unnamed.png
  1124. And I hope it had remained a disembodied voice.
  1125. What the hell is that? A cow/pony hybrid? A burn victim with even burn marks?
  1126. > His cutie mark was... I don't know what that's called, but I can tell its not good.
  1127. You’re right about that Lance, nothing about him can be described as “good”.
  1128. > The second [the gag] was out, I let out all of my anger in one rant
  1129. Oh, one of Lance’s famous rants. We know how those go.
  1130. > "You fucking sick faggit!”
  1131. Yeah, I think that’s enough, Lance.
  1132. > *Smack*
  1133. > I winced in pain as an invisible force slapped my face, forcing me to shut up.
  1134. Thanks burnt guy. It still doesn’t make up for the sheer stupidity of your plan, but this is a good start.
  1135.  
  1136.  
  1137.  
  1138. >>Chapter 90 – Pleasant Fields - Part 39
  1139. > "If you open your mouth like that again, I will let Draco loose on you."
  1140. Using the gay guy as a threat? Freud would have a field day.
  1141. > "Now, to answer your question. We used the true self revealed spell on you and your friend."
  1142. Do my eyes read what my brain thinks they do?
  1143. A semblance of continuity in the Living-verse?
  1144. > "Why? How long does the damn affects last?!" I half yelled, half growled.
  1145. You can’t growl words, Lance. Nobody would understand what you said. Even less than now, I mean.
  1146. > "Does it matter how long?”
  1147. While it’s true that nothing really matters in this fanfic, I assume he said that because Lance will be dead before the effects wear off.
  1148. > If you must know, this version of the spell will last a full month, and there is no reversing it.
  1149. Except waiting for the month to pass, right? Because that sounds like reversing it.
  1150. > Why? Because it's stage one of the ritual."
  1151. Monologuous villain monologues. Really, is there a reason you’re telling this to Lance?
  1152. > "I will not tell you the details. You'll have to learn them as you go through them."
  1153. Then why are you speaking with him right now? And why does Lance have to know?
  1154. > "Can you at least tell me what it does?"
  1155. Silly Lance, didn’t you just hear? He won’t tell you the de—
  1156. > He shrugged, "I can.”
  1157. Oh, come on! You just said you wouldn’t be giving him details until you started with the ritual.
  1158. Why are you so chatty all of a sudden?
  1159. > You see, we know all about you 'bronies' and where you came from.
  1160. I am tempted to ask “why?”, but the truth is that everyone who has heard about Lance has learned about the “brony” thing as well.
  1161. Either that, or just get any of the bronies drunk.
  1162. Or wait until Greg gets high.
  1163.  
  1164.  
  1165.  
  1166. >>Chapter 90 – Pleasant Fields - Part 40
  1167. > We also know this: You were all exposed to a very strong force, sorta like magic, but so much more powerful."
  1168. Hold on… Is he referring to—?
  1169. > Wait... does he mean we all absorbed energy or something from being in the presence of God?
  1170. He is.
  1171. Weaving God into the narrative at this point of the story seems kind of ham-fisted, but I’ll give some credit because he’s trying to make a subplot that carries some depth and isn’t brought up completely out of the blue.
  1172. Sadly, as with anything in the Living-verse that veers off too far from its core of mediocrity, it raises several problems. Let’s name a few:
  1173. 1. God not only doesn’t care about what the bronies do in Equestria, but he also let them go while carrying some of his… essence, I guess?
  1174. 2. If this is some sort of plan God has for Equestria, he’s really half-assing it.
  1175. 3. If the cult is after God’s essence, why don’t they go for the other bronies who don’t have super powers? They already got Drake and probably several others; why not go for Seth or Zorrow first? Or Greg? Get him high and then they can do whatever they want with him. Or that guy who was looking for someone in Manehattan but was never mentioned again? Why not go after them, the weaker ones, before going for the ultra powerful Zebrasus?
  1176. 4. If they really wanted Lance as soon as possible, why didn’t they invite his whole family? They could have easily dealt with Twilight and then they’d have both Lance and Spark.
  1177. 5. I assume they need Spark because some of God rubbed off in Lance, somehow. And that stuck to his genetic code, and passed it to his son, which raises other problems of itself.
  1178. 6. If Lance’s son is somehow imbued with God’s essence or something like that, then the cult is overlooking a much better option; namely, Fred and Luna’s twins.
  1179. 7. This will probably offend a lot of religious people.
  1180.  
  1181.  
  1182.  
  1183. >>Chapter 90 – Pleasant Fields - Part 41
  1184. > I quickly glanced to my side to see Frederic... as a human. Whoa!
  1185. You know what? Let’s go back to that previous point about Frederic:
  1186. a. Lance and Fred have the same base characteristics, but Fred was the first brony who came to Equestria, so he received God’s essence first, before it was watered down by sharing it with everyone else who came during the , ugh, Rapture. And he is an alicorn, doesn’t that offer some additional benefits?
  1187. b. Also, the twins are the offspring of two alicorns, surely that would be an added benefit to their purposes. I’m sure Alicorn + Alicorn surpasses Abomination + Unicorn.
  1188. d. There’re two of them! Even if you say that God’s essence is more concentrated in Spark and in Fred’s case it split between the twins, the fact that these two have alicorn blood should help compensate that!
  1189. I’m calling it now, this guy and his entire cult are the most stupid villains in “Living the Dream” until now.
  1190. > He had short black hair with a little grey in it... I though he was twenty?
  1191. Twenty?
  1192. He couldn’t be. He was sent to Equestria five years before the story started, and it’s been almost one year already. Was he sent here when he was fourteen?
  1193. > He was fairly muscular, but not to much.
  1194. Why is Lance thinking of this while they’re about to die?
  1195. > He was wearing a black jacket, and a pair of worn blue jeans.
  1196. Why do they have clothes on? Did the cultists made human clothes for them? Why, they’re going to kill them shortly?
  1197. > The stallion continued his explanation
  1198. But you said there wasn’t going to be any!
  1199. > "With this power, we can finally bring Him back to life."
  1200. I hope the Big Bad is actually called Him, and this isn’t another pronoun game meant to confuse the readers.
  1201. > “You'll learn of Him at a later date.”
  1202. But I thought you were going to kill him for the ritual.
  1203.  
  1204.  
  1205.  
  1206. >>Chapter 90 – Pleasant Fields - Part 42
  1207. > We've already caught a few of you bronies and taken this powerful source energy and put it in the Gem.
  1208. Look, pal. You either explain what’s going on or shut up and sacrifice Lance and Fred.
  1209. So far you’ve told us that you want to use whatever energy God left in the bronies to power a “Gem” that will bring “Him” back, but you haven’t told us who are you bringing back, what that gem is, or how are you going to do it.
  1210. No exposition is better than bland, half-assed exposition.
  1211. > I gulped, "What happens to me once it's over?"
  1212. > "Death." He said simply.
  1213. See, I’m not being hard on you because I disapprove your methods, I just want you to hurry up.
  1214. > He held up a hoof and shook his head, "No more stalling”
  1215. You were the one stalling all this time!
  1216. > A beam shot out and hit my chest. […] I screamed out in pain.
  1217. We’ll take a break from Lance’s well deserved pain to see what’s going on in Ponyville.
  1218. > "Oh Twilight! Town is so so boring without you around, maybe you and Lance could move back here?”
  1219. Silly Pinkie, why would anyone want to live in somewhere other than Pleasant Fields?
  1220. > “Lance wouldn't want to leave us all behind! He loves us all to much!"
  1221. It almost makes you wonder why he’s staying in Canterlot at all, most of his friends and his wife’s friends live in Ponyville or could easily move there.
  1222. > "I know he does, but it's all up to him”
  1223. “Don’t forget that I don’t have a say in anything that happens in our relationship.”
  1224. > “if we-AHH!"
  1225. If I recall correctly, there was a spell that let Lance speak with Twilight with their minds, so I guess Twilight would have some sort of adverse reaction if Lance was being sacrificed, if they are linked.
  1226. At least I hope that’s the reason and not because she felt what he was feeling because of true love or whatever.
  1227.  
  1228.  
  1229.  
  1230. >>Chapter 90 – Pleasant Fields - Part 43
  1231. > Pinkie Pie started to say something, but her entire body began to shake violently, "OH NO!"
  1232. This is probably the most in-character thing Pinkie Pie has done in the whole story.
  1233. > Pinkie Pie stopped, her mane slightly deflated, "Lance is in trouble! Big humongous trouble!"
  1234. She has a signal for that? Has it happened all the other times Lance has been in grave danger that didn’t leave any lasting effects on him? Or the time he died?
  1235. > Twilight turned and began running for Rarity's, "I'm sorry Pinkie, but I have to do something!"
  1236. For those who don’t remember, Spike is living with Rarity. And for those who don’t remember, Rarity is Peter’s girlfriend.
  1237. Yeah, Spike never catches a break.
  1238. > Fluttershy's cottage
  1239. Why are we going to Flutter—?
  1240. > Alexander slowly made his way down the stairs, hissing in pain with each step.
  1241. Oh, Plot Contrivance, I had forgotten about you.
  1242. > When he opened it, he saw a white Pegasus with a red and white mane, "Can I help you?"
  1243. As you all know, this guy here is Seth. But I don’t really need to tell you that, who could forget such a unique character?
  1244. > The pony glared, "Oh no! I know what you're up too! You want to steal her for yourself!”
  1245. “How dare you? I was going to do that first!”
  1246. > “Well, I won't let you, I challenge you to a duel!"
  1247. I understand you don’t ask Malbatorus to a duel because of course you don’t.
  1248. But why are you challenging Plot Contrivance instead of Night Breeze or however that guy from the ski resort was called? He was the one who forced you to make a move on Fluttershy in the first place.
  1249. > "And what kind of duel are we talking about here?"
  1250. > “We have a full on competition, and the one to win gets her."
  1251. Thanks for not specifying anything at all, Seth.
  1252. > The pony glared, "I will win, and I will be with her!”
  1253. “She will obviously say yes! It’s not as if her opinion matters.”
  1254.  
  1255.  
  1256.  
  1257. >>Chapter 90 – Pleasant Fields - Part 44
  1258. > “I've been trying to talk to her for about ten months, and when I do, you're here instead!"
  1259. Yeah, because it’s not as if you’ve had several chances to do so in the past, right?
  1260. > "Come on Seth! We have to get back to the observation bush! We're gonna miss Applejack buck more trees."
  1261. You stick to that character trait, Zorrow. Take it and run with it.
  1262. > Alexander turned and sighed, "So, I have to fight for her heart? Okay then, so be it!"
  1263. Are you even into her, Plot Contrivance? Why are you taking part of this contest?
  1264. And why doesn’t anyone care about what Fluttershy has to say about this?
  1265. Why is everyone so misogynistic in this universe?
  1266. > If you're wondering what Lance looks like now, then here:
  1267. I promised one and a half new characters for this chapter, so here’s human Ku—I mean Lance.
  1268. > http://s1094.photobucket.com/user/kurtisawsome/media/HumanLance.jpg.html
  1269. Take it in.
  1270. Kickass222urmom intentionally made him look like that.
  1271. > Also, as you can tell, I was running low on time today.
  1272. What about the two years since you finished this story?
  1273. Were you busy then too?
  1274.  
  1275.  
  1276.  
  1277. >>Chapter 91 – Pleasant Fields - Part 45
  1278. > Subtitle: Rescue Plan
  1279. I knew that hoping that Lance would die was too much wishful thinking…
  1280. > Rarity was watching her with a worried face, "Calm down Twilight, I'm sure he's okay."
  1281. “I’m sure that surge of excruciating pain was nothing.”
  1282. > Twilight stopped and gawked at her, "You don't understand Rarity! Me and Lance have connected minds! I can tell when he's in intense pain!"
  1283. Does that mean that you could feel when he was being beaten up and when that mare eat part of his flesh in the Everfree?
  1284. Why would you do such a thing?
  1285. > "Since he left for Manehattan the first time. I may have taken away the ability to communicate, but we can still feel when one of us is in pain or feeling down."
  1286. You what!?
  1287. Why would you take away the ability to talk to each other? That was the most useful thing about the spell.
  1288. And not only that, but you left the ability to feel pain? Why would you take all the benefits from the spell and leave the awful, awful things?
  1289. Why is everyone so God damned stupid? Is that the reason? Did God make everyone stupid?
  1290. > "So.... he could be in trouble, and the only one who can help is Celestia?"
  1291. Or Mr. Bleak.
  1292. Or Luna, too.
  1293. I’m sure you can convince Annabel if you trick her into it.
  1294. Hell, just ask Malbatorus to go stomp around Pleasant Fields and be done with it.
  1295. > Twilight turned, expecting to see Princess Celestia, but instead, she saw Princess Luna.
  1296. Which would make sense, seeing that his husband is also lost and probably in danger.
  1297. Why did they ask only Celestia to come?
  1298. > Luna looked at them with a grim face, "So, you felt that pain also Twilight Sparkle?"
  1299. Too?
  1300. Ok, both Lance and Fred are being… juiced, I guess. Twilight felt it because of the spell that connected them, why did Luna feel that as well?
  1301.  
  1302.  
  1303.  
  1304. >>Chapter 91 – Pleasant Fields - Part 46
  1305. > "Frederic and I are magically bound, we are able to communicate over long distances via our minds”
  1306. Oh, and you didn’t think about sharing that with us until now, Luna? How convenient for the plot.
  1307. > but, a hour ago
  1308. I am convinced that Kickass222urmom dropped out of middle school. How else do you explain such obvious mistakes?
  1309. > I was unable to contact him. It's like he's being blocked from me
  1310. So, even if Twilight hadn’t stupidly decided to severe the communication link between Lance and her, it still wouldn’t have worked.
  1311. > then I felt that horrible pain in my head.
  1312. If you can get rid of the communication link, why can’t they get rid of the pain-connection thing?
  1313. Seriously, why would you ever agree to feel the same pain someone else does? Wouldn’t it be much easier to make it so you just know they are in pain? Maybe a little voice in your head that says “X is in pain, maybe check on ‘em.”
  1314. You’d think that a magical prodigy and a millennial alicorn could come up with a way of doing that.
  1315. > At first, I though it was a magical back up, but after Tia read me your letter, I knew it must mean something."
  1316. Uh… Why didn’t Celestia come as well? Or send someone else too?
  1317. Seriously, is there a reason why only Luna is coming? It’s not as if Celestia as anything better to do, nobody does anything in the Living-verse.
  1318. > Twilight bit her bottom lip, "But, we don't know where this town is. How will we get there?"
  1319. This kind of things wouldn’t happen if Lance talked things through with his family.
  1320. > “I can still sense his magical aura. I can teleport us close to them”
  1321. Nice way of circumventing the whole “it took us five days to get there.”
  1322. > “but we're on our own after that."
  1323. I’m repeating myself, but what the hell. Ask one of the very powerful friends you have.
  1324. Say, what is Grace currently doing?
  1325.  
  1326.  
  1327.  
  1328. >>Chapter 91 – Pleasant Fields - Part 47
  1329. > “We can wait a few hours for my sister to gather the Guard, or we can go now. Your choice."
  1330. Silly idea time.
  1331. We know Luna has personal guards, the thestrals. And while gathering troops, or even a small squad of soldiers, would take some time; why not take a couple of guards with you and go to Pleasant Fields with Twilight?
  1332. That way you have some back-up, or at least a meat shield, if things go south, until Celestia and the larger troops come.
  1333. > If they wait, something could happen, but if they go alone, there's no telling what would happen.
  1334. Sadly, leaving Lance to die is not an option.
  1335. And actually, why isn’t it? God already brought him back twice, what’s preventing him from doing it again?
  1336. Nothing, he’s God. And He cares more about Lance than everyone else in the universe, apparently.
  1337. > Luna nodded, "Agreed. We leave at once!"
  1338. “Just the two of us.”
  1339. > "AHHHHHHHH!" I screamed as he finished up the spell.
  1340. Hey, I have a question.
  1341. I know he’s currently a human and everything, but can he still go into Breaking Dawn mode?
  1342. He hadn’t discovered his mental illness back when he first got transformed back into a human, but now little Break and Dawn are right next to him so…
  1343. Can he go into Breaking Dawn mode while human? Or is that ‘too’ stupid, even by Kickass222urmom’s very low standards?
  1344.  
  1345.  
  1346.  
  1347. >>Chapter 91 – Pleasant Fields - Part 48
  1348. > The large stallion chuckled, "And that's the end of stage seven. Only three more to go!"
  1349. Was every stage just hitting them with a different beam?
  1350. Then, from a literary point of view, was there any real need of having ten? It’s not as if the specifics of the ritual have been or will be mentioned.
  1351. Why not just have three stages?
  1352. The first one is turning them into humans, the second one is extracting God’s energy from them, and the third one is putting all that energy in the “Gem” and beginning the resurrection of “Him”.
  1353. Then have stage two be super long and consist of several beams, so Luna and Twilight have time to arrive to Pleasant Fields and rescue their husbands.
  1354. Stretching this ritual across ten stages without even hinting as to why there need to be ten is just pointless.
  1355. Then again, something similar could be said about this whole fanfic.
  1356. > Draco was jumping with joy, "And only one more till I get to have some alone time with you two!"
  1357. So, either they don’t need them for stage nine and ten, or the last two stages consist of Drake having his way with them.
  1358. Both scenarios are entirely plausible.
  1359. > Break forced himself past me, taking control of my body
  1360. He can take control!?
  1361. Why didn’t he do that an hour ago before this whole thing started and began beating the hell out of everyone?
  1362. Why didn’t Break and Dawn took over and broke free?
  1363. Why didn’t Fred turned into his own superform and got away?
  1364. What the hell is wrong with everyone?
  1365. > The looked amused, "Hmmm, you sounded different there. As if something else was controlling you."
  1366. You… You don’t know?
  1367. How can you not know, haven’t you been following him since forever?
  1368. Shouldn’t you have at least heard about the times he’s gone in Breaking Dawn mode and wrecked parts of Canterlot?
  1369. How incompetent are you!?
  1370.  
  1371.  
  1372.  
  1373. >>Chapter 91 – Pleasant Fields - Part 49
  1374. > "Since you've died twice, you've been in the presence of this energy more, meaning you've absorbed more of it than the others."
  1375. Apparently, God is as incompetent as everyone else in the Living-verse.
  1376. Wouldn’t he have noticed that Lance was carrying some of his spirit?
  1377. Side note: If Lance was carrying God’s spirit and he then got Twilight pregnant, des it mean that Spark is Jesus?
  1378. > Oh shit.... why me? Why am I so damn unlucky?!
  1379. Is he seriously complaining about being resurrected?
  1380. > "Screw you..." Frederic said weakly.”
  1381. > Draco laughed, "We'll get to that soon”
  1382. I am all for having bad things happening to Lance and Fred, but please spare us from more rape.
  1383. > Twilight and Luna stood on the hill overlooking the small town.
  1384. Do they actually have a plan?
  1385. > “What should we do then?"
  1386. > Luna shrugged, "I do not know, but I want to find my husband!"
  1387. No, then.
  1388. Ok.
  1389. > “Lets get down there and find them!"
  1390. > "Agreed!" Luna yelled
  1391. While I’d say that is uncharacteristic of Twilight to do something like this without planning it beforehand, it’s kind of pointless to do so.
  1392. > Two miles away....
  1393. Good, Mr. Bleak and Starch are getting close, maybe we can finally wrap up this arc.
  1394. > (I have to say this, but damn, Twilight and Luna sure got in the mood to save their husbands pretty fast XD)
  1395. What the hell are you talking about?
  1396. Of course they want to save their husbands. Not everyone goes about their lives with a complete lack of interest in others.
  1397. What does it say about Kickass222urmom when he jokes about how two characters want to save the lives of their lovers?
  1398. Also, why are you saying this ‘after’ you’ve transitioned to the other side of the story?
  1399.  
  1400.  
  1401.  
  1402. >>Chapter 91 – Pleasant Fields - Part 50
  1403. > Mr. Bleak and Starch had been flying a full night and a full day, and they were almost there.
  1404. They’ve been flying for a full day and they’re already two miles away?
  1405. Why did it take Lance and Fred five days to get to Pleasant Fields? How long did they stay at the monkey village?
  1406. > "What if we're to late and they complete the ritual?"
  1407. Equestria would be a better place.
  1408. Sure, they may release an unspeakable evil, but Lance would be gone.
  1409. The end result is positive!
  1410. > Mr. Bleak sighed, "I don't know. I just hope we don't find out."
  1411. Then why are you so upset? They may be trying to bring a huge bunny, wouldn’t that be nice?
  1412.  
  1413.  
  1414.  
  1415. >>Chapter 91 – Pleasant Fields - Part 51
  1416. > "Where are they?"
  1417. > Mr. Bleak began to walk towards the center of town, "The same place as last time."
  1418. I normally try to keep my cool. This, however, is not one of those times.
  1419. BLEAK, YOU INCREDIBLY DENSE BASTARD. YOU’VE ALREADY BEEN THERE!? WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU BURN THE WHOLE PLACE INTO THE GROUND? AREN’T THESE GUYS YOUR ENEMIES!? AREN’T THEY TRYING TO BRING UNSPEAKABLE EVIL TO EQUESTRIA?
  1420. God damn it, how were Burn Victim & Co. able of doing this much if you already knew what they were up to and, most insulting of all, where were they!?
  1421. If you are “oh, so worried” about what may happen if they succeed, why didn’t you camp outside of Pleasant Fields and struck back whenever they started with their evilness?
  1422. Why did you decide to spring into action just when Lance was kidnapped?
  1423. Actually, why did you let them kidnap Lance? If he’s so damn important to the fate of the universe, why don’t you keep a close look on him? That could have easily prevented this from happening, as soon as you found out that the guys over at Pleasant Fields were going after Lance, you should have told him to disregard the letter and send EvilVille into Oblivion.
  1424. And for Christ’s sake, he should know better, he’s an Eldritch Abomination who has been around for thousands of years.
  1425. I retract my previous statement. Mr. Bleak is the most stupid character. Period.
  1426. > "Hey! Who are you two?!" A dark red Pegasus yelled as he galloped towards them.
  1427. Wouldn’t the fact that the Darknessers are gone alert them that something is up?
  1428. At least I hope they had some sort of control over them, or at least to keep tabs on them, they can’t be ‘that’ incompetent, right?
  1429. > *POW*
  1430. > The poor ponies body went flying as Mr. Bleak's hoof made contact with its snout.
  1431. “Poor”? Aren’t these guys evil cultists who want to bring forth the evilness of “Him”?
  1432.  
  1433.  
  1434.  
  1435. >>Chapter 91 – Pleasant Fields - Part 52
  1436. > "Grandpa?! Shouldn't we be trying to remain stealthy?"
  1437. Look at yourselves, do you really think you can be stealthy?
  1438. > "Nope, I've had enough of this place! It's coming down tonight!"
  1439. “I didn’t seem to care that much before, but now the plot demands that I get angry.”
  1440. > Starch smiled, "Really? YES! Finally, I get to test my new moves!"
  1441. Unlike his older moves, you remember them, right?
  1442. I mean, how could have you forgotten? They were so memorable.
  1443. > Mr. Bleak continued to walk, getting more and more pissed off with each step.
  1444. Hey, Mr. Bleak?
  1445. You do remember how they’re currently using Lance and Fred for a ritual that will bring some probably evil entity back to Equestria, right?
  1446. I’m just saying, you may want to fly there, or at least run instead of just walking.
  1447. > Pleasant Fields, underground chamber
  1448. Sadly for all of us, the procedure still isn’t over.
  1449. Fortunately, that means no Draco rape scene.
  1450. > "Please sir! Can I do it now?!" Draco whined desperately.
  1451. He’s even more desperate than Kickass222urmom probably is in real life.
  1452. And speaking of the author, does he hate gay people? Well, not lesbians of course, just male homosexuals. Everyone happily embraced Vinetion and Grace, but when it was first hinted that Draco may be gay, Lance and Fred were all “yucky”.
  1453. > "On second thought, I have something to attend to. You have till I get back."
  1454. Kickass is really forcing the rape scene.
  1455. > I snarled, "Fuck you!"
  1456. > He smiled, "You'll be doing a lot of that very soon."
  1457. So, Draco wants them to do the fucking.
  1458. I’d rather not think about the details and go back to Mr. Bleak.
  1459. > Mr. Bleak stomped towards the building, already pissed off to the max due to his pent up rage.
  1460. It’s his fault really. He’s let them do this for at least a year.
  1461.  
  1462.  
  1463.  
  1464. >>Chapter 91 – Pleasant Fields - Part 53
  1465. > He stomped up to the double doors and growled, "I'm going to make you pay."
  1466. Out of everyone in Pleasant Fields, I’m sure the double doors are the least guilty of the bunch.
  1467. > On the other side stood a unicorn, the same size as Mr. Bleak. He was dark blue with red splotches all over his body. His mane was light grey and combed back. His cutie mark was the chaos united symbol.
  1468. You mean Burn Victim? Why are you describing him now? He was introduced last chapter, and we didn’t get a description then.
  1469. > (To clear up confusion, its just the stallion from before.)
  1470. You don’t say? I would have never guessed.
  1471. Folks, the fact that Kickass222urmom had to include this line says a lot about the average reader.
  1472. > Mr. Bleak pointed his hoof at him and growled, "You will pay for all of this brother!"
  1473. I think that, since this is the last line of the chapter, is supposed to be some sort of big reveal.
  1474. Even though there was never an implied connection between them beyond a vague enmity, but sure, let’s say they’re brothers and Burn Victim is also another eldritch abomination
  1475.  
  1476.  
  1477.  
  1478. >>Chapter 92 – Pleasant Fields - Part 54
  1479. > Subtitle: Brother against brother.
  1480. This is probably going to be another action chapter.
  1481. Whatever keeps Kickass from developing his plot, I guess.
  1482. > The stallion smiled, "I'm going to pay for this? Do you think you can fight me brother? Remember the last time we fought?"
  1483. Yes, I remember clearly.
  1484. > Mr. Bleak snarled, "It won't end like that this time Val!"
  1485. This would be much more interesting if I cared about the characters fighting.
  1486. I mean, it’s only know that we find out Burn Victim’s name.
  1487. > Val chuckled, "We'll see, we'll see."
  1488. Sadly, we will.
  1489. > Mr. Bleak […] brought back his hoof and slammed it into Val's face
  1490. > Val yelped in pain, and his horn flared.
  1491. So far we have a broken snout, blood coming out and an actual pained reaction. This alone makes it far more entertaining than any of the fights there have been.
  1492. Then again, that’s like saying 0,5 is more than 0.
  1493.  
  1494.  
  1495.  
  1496. >>Chapter 92 – Pleasant Fields - Part 55
  1497. > Before Mr. Bleak could hit him again, a large wagon slammed into his side, sending him sprawling to the side.
  1498. At the beginning of the chapter Val hinted that last time he won easily.
  1499. I assume he’s taking his time because he wants to toy around with Bleak, to show that he is more powerful than his brother and whatnot.
  1500. The problem with that is that we don’t have any backstory for these two characters. If you delete the last line in the previous chapter, there’s nothing that connects this two beyond the possibility that they may have fought in the past.
  1501. I’ll use the most obvious example for a comparison: Early in “A New Hope” Obi-Wan establishes that Darth Vader and he were close before Vader was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force. Then, when they fight aboard the Death Star there’s a bit of depth to their fight, they’re two ex-friends, a master and a teacher, you cared a little about them.
  1502. Here, two idiots duke it out because the plot demands it, and it was revealed that they were related a couple of sentences before their fight started.
  1503. > As he pasted Val
  1504. This is just sad. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with Kickass?
  1505. > he spun, slamming his hind leg into Val's jaw.
  1506. > Val's eyes widened in surprise and he spun around and grabbed his jaw
  1507. If Mr. Bleak was going so fast, how did Burn Victim have the time to register the pain, be surprised, spin around, and grab his brother’s jaw?
  1508. > "Come out you coward! Fight me like a stallion!" Mr. Bleak yelled out.
  1509. > To answer his question, a barrel flew towards him.
  1510. But… he didn’t ask a question.
  1511.  
  1512.  
  1513.  
  1514. >>Chapter 92 – Pleasant Fields - Part 56
  1515. > Val let out a laugh as he threw Mr. Bleak's body into the air.
  1516. Hey, if that ritual thing was so important, and Burn Victim can easily defeat his brother, why isn’t he just killing him and going back to the underground chamber to oversee the last stages of the ritual? It’s just about to finish!
  1517. Then again, none of this would have happened if they had simply knocked out Lance and Fred as soon as they came to Pleasant Fields and dragged them to the dungeons.
  1518. Wait…
  1519. If they sent the Darknessers after Spark and Twilight, why didn’t they do the same and went for Lance a long time ago? Was it necessary for him to go to Pleasant Fields? Did they have to voluntarily go? Of course not, they sent the Darkwhatevers to kidnap Spark, so there’s no reason as to why they didn’t do the same with Lance.
  1520. What the hell is wrong with this cult?
  1521. > He then threw Mr. Bleak towards a house, causing it to collapse. (Yeah, he threw him that hard!)
  1522. We know, Kickass, you don’t have to remind us after we literally just read that he did.
  1523.  
  1524.  
  1525.  
  1526. >>Chapter 92 – Pleasant Fields - Part 57
  1527. > "You're still that weak little colt who tried to stop me from releasing the Nightmare."
  1528. I’ll spare you reading through Kickass222urmom’s attempt at a plot, so I’ll give you the abridged version, hopefully without getting a stroke in the process:
  1529. 1. Yes, he is talking about the Nightmare as in “Nightmare Moon”. The “Him” they’ve talked about so much was the one that corrupted Princess Luna, because why not.
  1530. 2. Val released the Nightmare because he wanted Him to take over his body because he’s convinced that it would make him “the most powerful being alive!”, since trying to control ancient creatures of untold power always works well.
  1531. 3. Since Mr. Bleak tried and failed to prevent Burn Victim from releasing the Nightmare, it means that his banishment happened after Luna’s. And since he was banished for a thousand years as well, it means he was released from wherever he was around the same time Luna returned.
  1532. 4. This means that Mr. Bleak already had a son and grandson by the time he was banished, which would put Starch at over a thousand years old, or he left his son as a baby and had time to bond and have adventures with his grandson after he returned. Either possibility is dumb and raises problems of its own, but I guess it can be summed up in a simple way.
  1533. Kickass222urmom makes things up as he goes and he couldn’t care less if it contradicts things he has previously established or makes everything an even more convoluted mess.
  1534. > [Starch and Mr. Bleak] looked up, and both of their eyes opened in shock. Above them floated a house, yes, a house!
  1535. You don’t have to drive the point home, Kickass. We read it the first time, we know it’s a house.
  1536. > "See you two later." Val said as he released the house.
  1537. Is this one of the times a character conveniently forgets they have wings?
  1538.  
  1539.  
  1540.  
  1541. >>Chapter 92 – Pleasant Fields - Part 58
  1542. > *Crash* *Sounds of brick and glass breaking*
  1543. It is.
  1544. I think I’d out-swear Al Pacino in Scarface if I were to vocalize my displeasure.
  1545. > Val looked at the completely destroyed house and smirked, "I know you two are still alive."
  1546. So do we, and that’s why this scene holds no real emotion or interest.
  1547. If everyone is going to come out of it unscathed, then why bother?
  1548. > "Starch, you remember the maneuver?"
  1549. > "Dark Moon?"
  1550. > "Yes, that one."
  1551. “Good guys save their ultra-powerful attack until the end instead of using it against the villain early on” cliché.
  1552. > Starch smiled, "Oh yeah, I remember it. You want to use it on him?"
  1553. No, he’s just checking your memory. Of course he wants to use it, you dolt!
  1554. By the way, the “Dark Moon” Maneuver consists on them coming from different directions and beating Val up.
  1555. You may recognise that as the thing they’ve been doing for half the chapter and Val had no problem avoiding.
  1556. > Starch landed next to Mr. Bleak and smiled, "We get him?"
  1557. > Mr. Bleak nodded, "Oh, we got him."
  1558. “No need to check on him to make sure.”
  1559. > Mr. Bleak spun around to see Val, blood pouring from his mouth and left eye.
  1560. That probably means a blood vessel popped in his brain, he’ll be dead in minutes, no worry.
  1561. > He was smiling in a crazy kinda way
  1562. At least we’re no longer dealing with miscellaneous smiles.
  1563. > "So, you think you can beat me that easily?!”
  1564. Considering how inconsistent the action scenes are, I didn’t really expect anything.
  1565. > “Well, you've seen nothing!"
  1566. Believe me, I wish that was the case.
  1567. > On the other side stood Val, but there was something else […] a Phoenix, a female by the looks of it.
  1568. Because Kickass222urmom won’t rest until he’s destroyed every single aspect of the show?
  1569. More to the point, is this necessary? Does Val really need a bird to do his bidding?
  1570.  
  1571.  
  1572.  
  1573. >>Chapter 92 – Pleasant Fields - Part 59
  1574. > Val snarled, "Either you attack, or I end you!"
  1575. First of all, douche.
  1576. Second of all, phoenixes are immortal; if Val kills her she’d just regenerate, so why does she care?
  1577. > [she] let out a stream of fire, which hit Mr. Bleak's chest.
  1578. > Mr. Bleak shrugged off the pain
  1579. So, once again, this whole scene was pointless since Mr. Bleak is unfazed.
  1580. > His hoof slammed into the Phoenix's wing, breaking it. Before the Phoenix could fall, he caught it and twisted around, "Stupid bird!" He then threw it out the door with great force.
  1581. Was… was that necessary?
  1582. The bird was clearly against obeying Val, and only complied due to the threat of some sort of punishment.
  1583. Couldn’t have been much easier and less cruel to leave the poor thing go? You plan to kill/detain Val, so it’s not as if he can actually harm her.
  1584. You’re a dick, Mr. Bleak.
  1585. > When he turned back, he saw Val charging towards him, his horn aimed for his chest.
  1586. You’re an ultra-powerful unicorn who has been alive for over a thousand years.
  1587. Surely you have better ways of attacking someone using your horse than literally attacking them with your horn.
  1588. > Mr. Bleak's […] grabbed Val's horn.
  1589. Unsurprisingly, Mr. Bleak managed to dodge Val.
  1590. And not only that, but he managed to break his horn just by touching it.
  1591. > He then dropped Val's broken horn in front of his face.
  1592. It just broke off. Kickass222urmom didn’t even use one of his trademark “use a sound effect instead of a description”, the horn just came off.
  1593. > Pleasant Fields: Meeting hall
  1594. Good, we’re back to Lance rescue.
  1595. Oh, God. I can’t believe I just typed those words.
  1596. > Twilight galloped through down the small hall,
  1597. Hey, didn’t they notice the dozens of probably dead stallions Starch left behind, the houses flying over the air, or the agonizing screams of a tortured Phoenix?
  1598.  
  1599.  
  1600.  
  1601. >>Chapter 92 – Pleasant Fields - Part 60
  1602. > looking for the stairs to the basement. […] Thankfully, she finally found the door, which was at the end of the hallway... of course.
  1603. So… There was no purpose for having a scene in which Luna and Twilight search door after door?
  1604. Well, there go seventy words down the drain.
  1605. > Upon opening this door, she saw Lance and... Frederic? They were both humans again... how'd that happen?
  1606. You know how that happened, Narrator. Twilight is the one who should be confused.
  1607. Unless the narration was supposed to be Twilight’s thoughts.
  1608. > Twilight used her magic to brighten the room, "Lance, I'm so happy you're...."
  1609. She found her while Draco was blowing them. Which seems pretty tame, considering how eager he was just a while ago.
  1610. > Draco was flung upward, where he crashed into the ceiling, before he could fall, Twilight slammed his body into the floor. She then began to slam him into every table, chair, and bookcase in the room. To finish, she threw him face first into the stone wall.
  1611. This small paragraph was far more entertaining than every fight scene in this story. Combined.
  1612. > "Where's Luna? I can sense her."
  1613. > Twilight pointed up, "Upstairs."
  1614. Remember how Luna said that it was dangerous going alone and that they didn’t know what could happen to them? When did they think that splitting was a good idea?
  1615. > "Frederic!" Luna screamed as she galloped across the stone floor.
  1616. “I am not at all surprised to see you as a human, nor will I question why that’s the case!”
  1617. > Twilight shook her head, "Don't worry about him, Mr. Bleak and somepony else were fighting him when we came in here."
  1618. Oh, you did see them. Glad to know at least one plot ho—
  1619. Wait how did you know Mr. Bleak was fighting the big bad guy and not just another henchman?
  1620. You weren’t here; you had no way of knowing who the big bad was.
  1621.  
  1622.  
  1623.  
  1624. >>Chapter 92 – Pleasant Fields - Part 61
  1625. > Lance began running for the stairs, "I got to see this!"
  1626. No, you idiot. You don’t.
  1627. Just get the hell out of there.
  1628. > Who's he... doesn't matter! I got to see this!
  1629. What? No!
  1630. As far as you know this is another bad guy, or even the evil they were talking about, why are you so nonchalantly watching how they fight?
  1631. > I shook [Starch’s] hoof, but looked at Mr. Bleak, "Grandson?"
  1632. > He smirked, "I'll fill you in later."
  1633. You better do.
  1634. > I nodded, but heard a faint sound behind me. I turned to see a large red bird... no, a Phoenix, trying to stand.
  1635. Oh, man. Mr. Bleak didn’t even have the dignity of killing her so she could be reborn?
  1636. On the other hand, she can take quite a punch.
  1637. > I slowly moved forward, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you. I only want to help."
  1638. It would be a far better fate to just let her die.
  1639. > "Don't worry, I have a friend back in Ponyville who can help you with that wing."
  1640. Oh, my God. The cover for the story…
  1641. The Phoenix, Lance is going to keep her.
  1642. > The Phoenix looked up to me and smiled... smiled? They can smile?
  1643. Yes they can.
  1644. If you watched the show you’d know that, but we are painfully aware that that’s not the cas.e
  1645. > Yep, I'm gonna like this thing.
  1646. Sure, let’s address her as an “it”, it’s not as if she’s a sentient being.
  1647. Besides, Lance doesn’t have a good track record with pets.
RAW Paste Data