CHAPTER 1

Blaine made sugar cookies while Kurt decorated them with Christmas trees and jingle bells and sprinkles. It was quite lovely. And delicious. But Blaine couldn't let his children have that, oh no he could not, his dentist certainly told him not to, it could destroy their teeth entirely. Children without teeth? What would that say about Blaine's parenting? Absolutely horrendous.

Blaine was wearing absolutely nothing, if a shirt and a short counted as nothing because if so, then Blaine is wearing nothing. Otherwises, Blaine was wearing a shirt and a short, during winter of all seasons! Shouldn't he be feeling cold? No of course not, for Blaine had a very rare and unique medical condition as diagnosed by his plastic surgeon where Blaine was stored a large amount of heat when he was young and it is unable to be lost at all!

Ha ha ha.

"Check back tomorrow!" screamed Kurt from a distance.

"Yes." screamed Blaine and Blaine turned around and saw Kurt was wearing absolutely nothing! How innapropriate. How is the children going to respond to this?

Speak of the devils, thought Blaine, as the children entered. Although they seem completely oblivious to the sight before them, their naked father! Atrocious.

"WEAR SOMETHING!" screamed Blaine, since Kurt was really too far from him. Kurt turned his head to look at Blaine, and oh my god, he was licking his lips so seductively.

"What do you want me to wear, Blaine?" said Kurt, seductively putting emphasis on Blaine's name. Oh my god. Blaine just stood there with his feet and his lower jaw rooted to the ground. He felt a tug on his shirt.

"It's okay, daddy. We can't see anything!" Blaine looked down and saw that they were wearing blindfolds for some reason. For a reason not even Blaine could figure out. He'd been watching the BBC TV series, Sherlock, recently and he'd been searching up on how to induce, or deduce things and come to logical conclusions from such things! Such as, if your perfume smells totally different from the last time, it either means you've slept with someone or you've changed your perfumes. But it certainly can't be the latter, or the former. Hmm..

"Birdbox challenge!" said the children.

"Sounds familiar."

"I'm going to go check if the book has arrived!" screamed Kurt as he walked out of the room. He must be talking about the Birdbox book, it was all the craze lately. So weird. Blaine couldn't see what was so good about it, but Kurt's ass sure does look real gooooood, swaying left and right as he walked. Like coconuts swaying on a tree due to the harsh cold winter breeze, and Blaine was going to take it and peel out the husk and drink its sweet frozen juices.

"Come play with us daddy!" said the children.

"I don't think that's possible right now, sweaties. Daddy's gotta cook your dinner for thanksgiving!" And then it was as if a lightning, which was a metaphor for an epiphany, had struck him. If Kurt was naked, and he was retrieving the book, the mailman would see him! Kurt was planning to cheat on Blaine! Blaine quickly washed his hands, with soap of course, shoved the children and ran out of the kitchen as soon as possible.

Blaine saw Kurt just standing there, looking out. Whew. Doing nothing. Not cheating on Blaine! He caressed the ring on his ring finger and went back inside the living room. He wondered what was on. He snatched the remote and turned the television on. The weather channel was displayed for Blaine's eyes to see.

"There will be rain in June." said the weather forecaster, sounding all mighty as if he were the god controlling the weather and the climate and the viewers were all his devoted followers. You're wrong, kiddo. And you're also wrong about the weather! Because Blaine looked out and saw that the sky was clear and the stars were twinkling.

"In the darkest night, there were brightest stars." sung Blaine.

"And there was you." sung Kurt.

"Oh Kurt! Come sit with me!" said Blaine, Kurt promptly plopped down to the area next to Blaine. He'd finally chosen something to wear, although it wasn't something that Blaine was expecting, like the lingerie set he had bought for Kurt just a few days ago. He hadn't worn it once. But instead, Kurt was wearing a blanket rolled all around his luscious coconut body. Lord.

"And there will be snow in July as well, but by October, there should be hail." said the weather forecaster, but the pair couldn't and wouldn't hear him as they passionately kissed each other in the lips. It felt like fireworks, if they were wet fireworks because the kisses they always shared were always wet from all the saliva. It was like broken dam, threatening to spill all of its contents onto the village it was supposed to protect.

They moaned and they moaned.

"DADDY!" screamed one of the children, but Blaine and Kurt won't stop making out for some reason. It was like they were at their prime. Their teenage years, when all their raging hormones were compelling them to kiss each other and touch each other and do all sorts of nasty things. But Blaine and Kurt would just have to settle with this. Kissing.

"DADDY!" screamed the children again. Blaine can't, won't, shouldn't stop. It just felt too good, to eat the thick, flavour-filled meat that is Kurt's lower lip. He bit it, and Kurt let out a sound he could barely recognized but he could tell that Kurt liked it, so he bit harder until a purple bruise formed on it.

"DADDY!"

"Okay, Blaine, let's stop. You should check on the children."

"Yes." said Blaine as he scrambled to get his clothes, a shirt and a short, which meant that he was wearing absolutely nothing. He went up from the couch and into the kitchen and saw the children, eyes wide.

"Yes?"

"Come in." said the children, in a mysterious tone which Blaine could not quite figure out. He was a failure as a detective. An absolute failure as he was absolutely naked.

Blaine placed his right foot and felt that the kitchen floor felt more... slippery. Maybe that was just his imagination. Whatever. He walked in and he slipped ninety degrees before collapsing on his head onto the cold, slippery, presumably butter-coated kitchen floor. Blaine blacked out, but not before he heard the cackle of a witch.