Thread 10: Stories 136-150

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>Rainbow
-Gilda

-So, got enough engine degreaser to blind an elephant. What's it for, cause frankly my tastes have moved past this shit.

>I happen to know for a fact several featherweights are attending the Gala and I intend to make sure they have way too much to drink
>Adding to what is already sure to be disaster on the scale of Ponepei.

-Your master plan is to spike the punch. Seriously? Are we still in flight school. You want I should ring the doorbell and fly off before they answer too?

>Har har. You didn't let me finish. Spitfire and Sorin revealed that they are in fact skipping the whole thing. I'm gonna catch them in the act and have perfect grounds for making them clean up the whole thing.

-And I thought I was vindictive. Sorin too? Thought you had a crush on the guy?

>Pff, naw. That's just a rumor. No way I'd ask if he wanted to stay at the party with me instead of going out and getting wasted.

-So. You figure bout a gallon per bowl?
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>29
"AB"
'SB'
-SL-
[SS]
{BS}
~???~
~~~~

>YOU LITTLE BRATS! COME HERE!

*CRASH!*

"Ain't no use, mister. We've outrun the best of 'em on our better days!"

-Like when we accidentally set fire to the town hall.-

'We promised to never speak of that again!'

-No, you begged us not to.-

'SAME THING!'

[These are the ponies I have to hang out with whenever DT isn't around. Do you see why I mostly only hang out with her?]

{Not really, she's kinda a rocket obsessed bitch.}

[HEY! That is my BFF you are talking about!]

{Tellin' like it is.}

[Mr 29! Would you PLEASE tell Babs not to speak ill of my friend!]

>I HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS! These slippery little minions from the darkest spawn of tartarus itself are as if they were a plague unto my house!

"Wow, so this is how ya'll talk all the time?"

'Even my sister isn't like this 24/7.'

-And her sister is nuts.-

'HEY! At least she's better than a fake sister like Rainbow Dash!'

-YOU TAKE THAT BACK! Rainbow Dash is currently head of the Wonderbolts, so NEH!-

'Yeah, well, my sisters a princess! SO NEH!'

-Why you little, COME HERE!-

'ACK! GAGGLE!'

"Stop chokin' Sweetie Belle! We're gonne get cau-HEY!"

>Got you you sniveling little pests! Oh, the things I am going to do to you!

"AH' NEED AN ADULT!"

>...EW! NO! Not that! I'm sticking you in time out, IN YOUR CLASSROOM!

[YOU MONSTER!]

>...Wait, you actually found that threatening? Why?

[...Oh crap, he doesn't know about class.]

{MR WAIT! DON'T OPEN THAT-}

>...

"...Well, Ah' can honestly say Ah' did not see this coming."

'Oh, there's a note. -To whomever opens this door, I am going to a dance and cannot watch them, would you please look over my little darlings? Thanks. CL-'

>...N-nooo...

~Oh, hey, are you the assistant teacher?~

~FINALLY! She was supposed to be watching us, but she left hours ago!~

~Hey mister, wanna finger paint?~

{...Why would she leave so many kindergarteners unattended like this?}

~Play with us!~

~PLAY WITH US!~

>NOOOOOOOOO!
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Cadence'
[Guard]
{Guard2}
~~~~

>Stop it.

"Stop what?"

>Stop swaying your hips in a particularly wide arc and magicking up the words 'While you're looking I'm eating your soul' whenever you catch someone trying to steal a glance.

"HAH! But their looks are priceless!"

'It was the first three times, now it's just annoying.'

"Ehhh, fine. Don't want my routine to get stale anyway. I'll just keep talking to Celestia."

'What?'

>She's using a special magic that's only visible if you're looking at it with the right spell. She's mostly been doing back and forth concerning how well my ass looks in this suit.

>HAH!

'Oh... How's he rating?'

"Celly's got him at ten out of ten, actually. We're debating whether or not the training should take off a point."

'Well, obviously not. I mean, who cares how it arrives? The actual look is all that matters.'

"See, that's what I said. I think she's just jealous he wasn't this fit when he worked for her. Seriously, look at that!"

>Please stop openly discussing my backside in public.

'Why? We do it all the time.'

>...

'Can I get in on this?'

>This was supposed to be a little secret thing with me and Celly.

"Don't worry, different frequency. Caddy, just do it like...so!"

'...Oh, she did not!'

>What?

'She wants to take off a point because your suit is a little tight in the chest!'

>...what?

'Stop talking, dear, I need to debate.'

"...Oh, now there is no need to use that kind of language."

'She started it, I'm finishing it!'

>Girls? Dance? There's a... really? We're doing this?

'Oh, we are so doing this!'

"Oh hey, don't bring me into this!"

~~~~~

[...So why the hell are they just sitting there, flickering their horns and looking pissed, while the Prince just sits there looking annoyed?]

{No idea, but I do believe I have taken the lead.}

[Matter of time, my friend. Matter of time.]
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>56
“Luna”
‘Guard 1’
-Guard 2-
~~~~~

‘Is that… no way... is that a Changeling over there with Princess Luna? Dancing with her?’

-What? Man, you must be seeing things, there’s no way she would even be caught dead with-well fuck me sideways. That’s a Changeling over there dancing with Princess Luna….-

‘How in the hell is that possible?’

-Ya got me. Looks like the lucky bastard’s having the time of his life.-

‘No, I mean, how would someone fuck you sideways? That doesn’t make sense.’

-…and you wonder why we never invite you to go out drinking. See this shit? This shit you’re doing right now? This is why.-

~~~~~~

“56, we… we didn’t know you could dance….”

There was nothing but awe in Luna’s face as the smaller Changeling waltzed her around the semi-crowded dance floor, most of the nearby patrons pausing just to gander. There was something professional in 56’s movements as he spun the princess, dipped the princess and moved the princess.

>There’s lots of things ya don’t know about me, moons! Just like there’s probably tons I don’t know about you!

That response was so typical 56 that Luna couldn’t find a means to argue it and instead allowed her date to take the reigns in their dance, pleasantly surprised by this show of talent.

For as long as the music lasted, the two danced, coattails swinging, mane bouncing, paying more attention to each other than to whatever tune floated through the air. It came to an abrupt end, however, when one of the musical mares dove on the other and tried to shove a cello bow up her hindquarters. That didn’t stop the crowd from applauding the dancing couple, though.

“We… that was amazing! All those moves and techniques, we haven’t danced like for centuries!”

>That’s only the beginning, moons. I’m pullin’ out all the stops tonight just for you.

And he smiled, which caused the lunar princess to blush and raise a hoof to her lips, taking a few seconds to unfluster herself.

“W-well, you are off to a fine start!”

>Good, then you can reward me by letting me snuggle your rump in that sexy dress ya got on!

“Annnd you blew it.”

>Hahahaha!
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>42
"77"
~~~~

>...

"..."

>...So... picked up any hobbies?

"Dart throwing. It's quite relaxing."

>Really? That's nice, might try that sometime.

"It's worth it.... you?"

>Ah, no. Nothing new, I'm afraid. Same old song and dance for me. Not this song, I don't think I've ever heard it, but you know what I mean.

"I do believe this is the "Ode to 'fuck you I was here first", second chorus."

>Heh.

"...You don't have to sit here, you know. We both know you only asked me so you wouldn't have to walk in alone, and I only said yes so I would look just a bit less crazy to the Canterlot folk."

>I don't really feel like moving.

"Hrm... she's a powerful sort, isn't she?"

>Who?

"Our Queen. Stands up, isn't afraid to let the world know what she wants, and schemes away the night to get it. Something to admire, cannot deny that."

>...

"I wonder what we would have been like, if she had just forgone the invasion and asked for help. Do you wonder that?"

>...N-no. I do not question her methods. She knows what is best, I am only here to fight for her.

"Here? In this ballroom?"

>Well, no, of course not here, but-

"Then why are you here?"

>...I didn't ask for a lecture, 77.

"And I don't plan on giving one, just thinking out loud."

>I notice you're not to keen on moving yourself.

"Hm, maybe I'm too skittish to move in a crowd that fears me and I can't control. Or maybe..."

>...

"...Maybe I don't like leaving comrades alone. A toast? To standing by our fellows, regardless of what may come."

>I'll drink to that.
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>Spike
"Rainbolt Red"
'Rainbolt Blue'
~~~~~
Spike meets with his doppelgangers in the bathroom

>I just want to be certain, the girls ARE having a good time, right? This is the most important thing.

"I'm not gonna make it throught the night, sir... AJ2... She's... se's so cute my heart stopped twice."

'Things are going smoothly with Potatojack... I'm gonna be honest, I think I might start asking her out after this. the whole 'constantly eating' thing is pretty cute too, plus I like chubby girls.'

"But she's not chubby at all."

'I plan to fix that.'

>Right, so the girls are having fun, bring me up to speed, conversations?...

"2 wanted to sing a duet but I said our voice was sore. We told her we were getting punch."

>Alright, and Blue?

'PJ's currently munching at one of the snack bars, girl acts like she never sees food at all.'

"Honestly, we kind of don't."

>Alright, so it's time to switch off. Red, take care of Diamond Tiara for me, we were last debating weapons, I just finished my argument for her getting some side arms for when she runs out of explosives, so it'll be her turn to talk, let her. And remember, my guns are named Charity, a revolver, and Crackerjack, a lasercannon I'm thinking of renaming.

"... Might help if I had these guns to hold-"

>Nope, I was told to leave them. Besides, Charity's got a magic circle from Rarity that she uses to keep in touch.

'Oh, that could have sucked.'

>Yep, so, I'll get the punch, and we meet back with the others in a half hour.

Spike leaves.

"... Wait, who did the boss assign to Twilight?"

'Wasn't it...? Oh, crap!'

"'YELLOW!'"
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
'Spike'
~~~~~
Applejack, Celestia, and Spike all move their hands (or hooves, or magical grasp) at breakneck speeds, approving, declining, reading, weighing, judging, bills, proposals, forms, reforms, taxes with lightning quickness

"Next!"

Celestia called and Spike quickly tosses her another proposal.

>Next!

Applejack calls and receives another form

'Next!'

Spike shouts and grabs a paper for himself

The sound of rapid writing continues until Celestia shouts

"Next!"

Spike reaches

And reaches
And turns to find nothing

>Next!

'...There's no next.'

"What?!"

>Yer kiddin', right?!

Spike then shows a completely empty 'in' box

'I... I don't believe it! We're done! We're all caught up on the paperwork!'

"I think the world is ending!"

Celestia looks outside

"It's not, think I should end it anyway? I'm scared!"

>It's okay, Celly... Just... Let's jus' embrace this peace...

'It's only two PM... what should we do with the rest of our day?'

>Ah don' know, Spike... Ah don' know...

"The future... it's so vast and open..."

'We must choose wisely...'

>... Who wants ta git drunk an' take tha Highwind fer a spin?!

"'ME! I DO!'"

NON CANON
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>Celestia
“Applejack”
______

Two alicorn mares stood atop the balcony to the ballroom, silently surveying the throngs of happy, dancing pony’s below, the chattering rising to such a level that it threatened to overtake the music.

>Any particular reason you’re not out there enjoying yourself? Shaking that fat ass to those classical wubs? Schmoozing with royalty?

“Do Ah look the type to ‘schmooze’ anything?”

>You schmooze Spike from time to time.

“…”

>Remember, if you try to throw me over the ledge, there’s a crowd of witnesses down there.

“Still temptin’. An’ what’s that t’say ‘bout you? All yer’ friends are down there throwin’ back drinks and laughin’ it up while y’all jus’ spy on ‘em from up here.”

>Friends? Ha. My friends consist of my sister, my annoyingly flat-assed niece, a former royal guard, and some love-draining beetle to name a few, the least of which is some apple-obsessed mare who I’m pretty sure spends her days thinking of new ways to ruin my day.

Celestia smiled.

Applejack laughed, placing a hoof on the banister.

>There’s no need fer’ me to swing my plot when Ah’m savin’ my best for the last dance. You?

“My date should be arriving shortly, now that you mention.”

“Oh? Who’s the lucky stallion?”

>Not a stallion, dear. Well, not completely, he’s part stallion I’m sure.

“…hahaha, okay, y’got me, ‘Tia. No really, who’s yer’ date?”

>Age-wise, he is technically the only up to standard and, believe it or not, he can be quite civilized and cultured when he wants to be.

“…yer’ actually serious.”

>There’s nothing romantic involved in the slightest, but by inviting him that’s just a subtle way of saying ‘this party is going to be boring as snot so liven it up’. Those ponies down there think I hold gala’s to hobnob with the rich and gossip. Ha, right. After a year of running an entire country, I need a good, hard laugh. Some gut-busting chaos. By the way, you and other elements have my extreme gratitude for that show at the last gala, especially Pinkie.

“Ah think Ah’ve jus’ been disillusioned and Ah’m not quite sure how to take it.”

>With a mug of hard cider, like I do. I just want good times… annnnnd it looks like the fun’s just beginning.

“How d’ya figure?”

>Because I think I just saw two Spike’s down there.

“…”

>Huh, this is already shaping up to be one helluva gala.

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>Spike (Rainbolt Yellow)
"Twilight"
'Spike (Rainbolt Yellow) thought'
________

"...crystals up there in the chandelier have been transfixed to harness light! It's really all due to a little invention of mine that hollows out the insides, allowing light to enter and reflect off in different directions! Isn't it neat, Spike?"

>About as neat as getting teeth pulled with no anesthesia.

"Huh, pardon?"

>I said that pony's dress over there looks like a urethra, don't it?

"Spike! That's... that's surprisingly accurate. And funny. But still! You shouldn't mock others hard work, buster."

>That's a mockery of real hard work, Twi'. Just sayin'.

"Pfft... you know, I'm really glad you decided to take me to the gala, Spike. I know you probably had other dates lined up and all...."

'Ouch. That kinda got me in my chitin.'

>It's no problem, Twi'. You and me, we're...

'Shit! Brain fart! What did he say they were? Cousins? Siblings? Wing it, Yellow!'

>Weee're... like brother and sister...?

When Twilight smiled appreciatively, Yellow almost sank to the floor with relief.

"That means a lot, Spike, really, it does. I know I haven't always been there for you like I should've, letting you even touch that gun, fighting those battles... but I swear I'll make it to you. That's a promise!"

'The meaning behind this is so lost on me but I feel I should be looking teary-eyed like her. ...okay, I got the bottom lip quivering for good measure, should I go in for a hug? Yeah, definitely hug time.'

"Thanks, Spike. For tonight, for everything...."

>BSBFF, Twi'. Never forget that. Now what say you shut your gab and we dance like tonight's our last night?

"O-okay!"

And, taking her hoof in his claw, Yellow led the blushing princess out onto the dance floor.

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>DT
"Pish Posh"
'Rainbolt Red(Spike)'
{RR thoughts}
~~~~~

>So then I said to him, no, I'm pretty sure that isn't going to come out, two inches is a death sentence... can I help you?

"Aren't you a little bit young for this event?"

'Hey!'

>Isn't your number of destroyed airships a little low to be talking trash?

"Destroyed... you can't be serious! YOU were on the siege against the deposed prince?"

>On it!? Spike, tell them about that.

{... Wait, what was it she did on that attack? He didn't talk about it... shit... was she the one with the bombs, or the.... FFUUUUUUUUUU-}

'...Uh, RIGHT! She uh... well, she wasn't just THERE, obviously. Did a ton of stuff... lots of uh, lots of really important stuff. Bomby stuff? Yeah, plenty of that...'

>...

"..."

{FUCK YOU SPIKE!}

'...and also airship explody stuff. Because she did that too? Right, she did that too. Blew up, like, SO many things. You would not even believe it. But I don't like mentioning it to others even when they really, really ought to know this for important events, because I apparently cannot think ahead.'

"...Is he... alright?"

>...

"...I'm going to take my leave. You two have a nice night."

{THANK CHRYSALIS!}

>...What the hell was that?

{Quick, Rainbolt Red! You're their leader, think fast!}

'...Bad flashbacks.'

>...Oh, sorry. Yeah, forgot that was kind of a bad time for you... didn't mean to put you on the spot like that.

{WIN!}

'Ah, don't worry about it. I'm getting over it. Let me go grab you some punch, and we can talk more about that Crackerjack rocket combo you were thinking.'

>Thanks...

{And maybe, just maybe, I'm going to BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THAT LITTLE DRAGON!}
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Cadence'
~~~~

>HAH!

"Fine, you don't have to rub it in."

>HA HA HA HA HA!

'Really, Shiny, my lower back is hurting enough.'

"You have proven, for certain, you can handle us both at the same time. You win."

'Where did you get so much stamina?'

>Actually, funny story, I may not have been in prime shape when I was a royal guard, but Celestia made sure I was the top of my class, stamina wise. Heh, sure helped out during the wedding with Chrysalis, right?

"I wondered how you lasted so long when I was draining you."

>Crazily insistent on stamina training. Never understood it.

'But fine, you proved your point. Me AND her together couldn't bring you down.'

>I say again, oh yeah!

"But can you handle more?"

>...18?

'She's been boring a hole in your back of your head the whole time.'

>...Might need a little boost. Honey? Love-zap, please?

'Oh, alright, but just a small one.'

>Boom! And now I am going to tear up some more flooring and leave some more ponies gaping in shock, awe and scandal, if you don't mind.

'Have fun, I'm going to rest my poor hind legs. Must you be so rough?'

"Meh, he's fun when he's rough."

'Different tastes, dear.'

"And he's got flavors for every kind!"

>That I do! Now, if you don't mind, I'm getting my dance on.

'Wow, he sure can get worked up for multiple partners.'

"HAH!"

'Oh, must everything sound sexual to you? So childish.'
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"Jetset"
'Uppercrust'
~~~~~
"GLIIIIIITCH! THERE'S A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX!"

'Jetset! Calm down, what in Celestia's name has gotten into you?

"There's a glitch in the matrix! I just saw the same baby dragon by twice!"

'The agents are going to descend on this place then, we have no time!'

"We need to get to the gun cache!"
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
[???]
{???}
~~~~~
"I do wonder where your friend Fluttershy and where Discord is right now?"

>Stumped if Ah know, Rarity ain' here yet either..- You hear somethin'?

Celestia checks the door of one of the spacious storage closets

[There there... Isn't completely surrendering yourself to your new mistress' will so much easier?]

{Y-Yeaahhhh...}

[I'm going to get the candlewax now]

>"NOPE!"

Door slam!

>... We never speak of what we saw again.

"Agreed..."
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>Fancy Pants
"Fleur"
~~~~

>It's not polite to stare, dearie.

"It's also not polite not to inform your guests there will be several bug monsters on the premises."

>Really, they're not all bad. You see that one over by the dragon? Adorable little thing, you really should meet her.

"No thank you- wait, dragon? Wasn't he with that pink earth pony a second ago?"

>...Come to think of it, that's not Two at all, it's some other changeling.

"How ghastly! Starting at his age, of all things?"

>Oh, never mind, he's over there with that new princess, Twilight...

"..."

>...

"...Dear? Can they... can they turn into dragons?"

>I thought not, but it would seem I could possibly be mistaken.

"Should we do something?"

>No, it's entirely possible this is all intentional on his part. Still, best to keep a lookout, no?

"Indeed. With their Queen here, anything is possible."

>Well, you certainly don't have a problem keeping an eye on her.

"Dear, just because I find that race frightening and more than a little unsettling does not mean I do not have an appreciation for, how do the foals
say it?...."Dat Ass" I make no secret of the fact that I am slightly jealous."

>Oh honey, there is no part of you I do not think is perfect, no need to be jealous.

"Oh you..."

>...But yes, it is quite impressive, isn't it?

"That. It. Is."
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>Celestia
"Discord"
~~~

>You're late.

"Oh no, I was here the whole time my dear. Just waiting."

>It's rude to stand a date up, you know.

"Oh pleeeease, sunny C, we both know you only asked me here to stir up a bit of fun!"

>Speaking of, why aren't you? I keep waiting for the hippos, but they just don't arrive.

"Funny story, I actually did build up a bit of power for just that, but my dear friend Fluttershy countered it all!"

>We both know she couldn't stop you if you really wanted, you're the one who made her like that in the first place.

"True, true... but sometimes a request from a friend is more important than all the magic in the world."

>...Damn. There goes plan B.

"Oh, it's alright. As the God of all Chaos, I can assure you... things are going to get crazy."

>Violently crazy?

"Depends on if she could sneak the rocket launcher by."

>What?

"Nothing! Nothing at all. I shall go back to mingling amidst the crowd, undetected. Don't worry, Princess, you shall have your fun. And I shall be there to make it worse."

>Thank you.

"Oh, no need to thank me. It's what I do."
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