Hello.
I game that I love, but one that I can't succeed at.

I always thought to be an example as a player. Both in the forums, while in-character and out-of-character. I truly did. Always trying to help new players and always commit to my characters, I hear admins advice and try to take their log checks as words that will help me. So I try to follow their words in log checks.
I even try to put lots of hours of my free time into roleplay. And unlike most I never truly felt the need to powergame, instead I felt that if you enjoy the game and roleplay then things will come to you eventually. I truly thought that this wipe you would feel that sense of reward, but that hope is easily crushed when you loook around you and you see everyone else get a unique, a cool technique approved or a special magical weapon.
And where are you?
You're just there... watching this happen. Every week... and before you know it a month passes by. Eventually you'll notice almost everything been handed out... and you haven't even gotten 'one singular goal' from your list checked. Ah. The struggle... then you think that perhaps you'll able to create a technique or unique style and you head to the forums and apply, oh. That was my biggest mistake, from it a week of stress and disapointments. Just to get everything DENIED and when I get it approved... well... you feel happy. And I did feel like that. I felt... after following admins advices and trying it really worked. WRONG! It was approved but when came the time to be handed... BOOM! A change of mind... suddenly it is now DENIED.
And that's one of the worst pain you can experience in a game, when you get that ray of hope that is only later crushed by the reality. And in the end you get nothing and you are back to level ZERO.
No Goals. No Uniques. No Special Techniques. Nothing.
No matter your effort into always trying to get logs better, trying to participate in action, trying to be part of the events and try to make more impact and influence on the world with each check.

Oh... what a rant... but at these point I feel that there is no hope....


At this point the admin team managed to do their job, they managed to make me lose hope and quit on the techniques I was trying to apply for. Thank you admins, for simply spitting on my char and me as a person and smashing my hopes after they were built.
It truly made me feel like a shit player and roleplayer. So now I don't know what I can even do, but don't worry, I won't apply for those techniques. At this point I think I won't even apply for anything, at least until I get over this trauma. If my char even lives that long, cause at this point I'll probably die before I even get a chance to get anything of what I wish for ICly. Which is disappointing because I truly been trying. Very hard. And the worse thing is people with customs/uniques tell me on my face to keep trying, which is more annoying than comforting, because it just spits on your face with 'keep trying, you'll never be cool as me' more than it actually makes you feel that it is possible.
 Ah. So what now? Am I going to whine all time...

No... I won't whine all time. I honestly quit on trying to reason or apply for the three-sword style or techniques. I shall quit on that. Because I'm done stressing over this. You don't want me to have it, then I won't have it! I won't argue and stress this much over a technique that you've shown to not want to give, tired of all admins making different decisions and going back on your words.
The only thing I ask now... is...

Tell me! What am I doin' wrong? Just... tell me what it is that you want more from me? Am I not active enough? Do I must to participate in more fights? Do I need to roleplay more? (not sure how more since I tend to roleplay without afk whenever I'm online...)
Just...
... give me some type of guidance.