1......................
It hurts to live.
I'm here on time for our lovely date, my darling mistress. You're the one who's always been looking after me since my cradle days, my ethereal princess, and I'm your eternally faithful knight. You've been following me everywhere, always hand in hand. I should have gotten used to it, but you can't simply get used to some things. The sun would wither me, but I'd be lost in the ruthless gloom of the night... In the end I have to make do with twilight, married to Loneliness. The only lesson I have ever learned in life is that in the end disappointment awaits me at the bus stop. I always buy a one-way ticket to clear out as soon as possible, I know when the ground isn't fertile enough to put down roots.
Perhaps I wasn't meant to be after all? I'm sitting here, rewinding the few glimmers of delightful memories, because the past stands still and hurts me no more.
My linguistic faculties have deteriorated over time, I'm always fishing for words, gradually becoming illiterate... where am I headed? Probably straight to hell. If the afterlife existed, would God even greet me? Not by a long shot.
I envy those with cancer, they don't have to suffer for someone's selfishness. They live on borrowed time, that's why I envy them. Life is a never ending cycle of ball-breakers. As for my balls, you'll probably find them rolling down a slope. If you see them, give them my regards... if you're a saint, give me a hand, for I forgot how to bring them together again.
Forget about the epidemics and incurable diseases, there are two conditions man will never be unshackled from: ambition and boldness, these two devils led humans to calamitous outcomes from the dawn of time and will keep going on and on till the end of times. You may blame whoever is at the top of the ladder, but I'm betting you wouldn't be any better in their shoes. It is due to our audacity that the world is falling apart and crumbling piece by piece before us, if we all halted to scrutinize our surroundings instead of rushing recklessly to conclusions we'd probably manage to achieve peace. You may found an empire, a supermarket chain or a city and give it your name, but all the toil and trouble will end up straight underground to rot with your carcass as the ravages of time will strip you more and more of your veracity, for death is the one path we all follow, till even the memories of your existence get overshadowed by myths and fiction and you become a puny role model the populace looks up to. Is it worth having ideals and sacrificing your lifetime for shameless and ungrateful vultures who let alcohol and money be their utmost revered deities, who waste their life away in amusement and can't help but respond to their natural instincts?
Whether we live in an age of excruciating famine or major breakthroughs mankind always stays true to its primitive nature and never learns, mark my words because you won't either and nor will I. That's what equality is like, aren't we fighting tooth and nails for it? And yet it's so easy to acknowledge we all belong to the same heap of shit, so easy we can't help but gloss over it.
Perhaps I should quit whining and seize the moment to entrust you with my memories.
But first things first we must establish a degree of trust. I'll make you laugh, always blowing stuff out of proportions, but aside from my personal thoughts which are without any doubts unreliable and present uncountable flaws, I'll let you choose whether the events I'll recount you ring true or not. You will be a central figure in my story: the judge.
But let's make the best use of our time instead of beating around the bush, I'll have long enough to complain later.