Justin Parrott's Condemnation of Yaqeen Institute

I understand why Muslims leave Islam

In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful

Islam has always been self-evidently true to me as an abstract theology and practical way of life. This had always been enough to sustain my faith without doubts. While I sympathized with those who left Islam because of the cruel and hypocritical behavior of individuals in their communities, I thought it took a measure of strong faith to commit to the Truth despite the endless displays of hypocrisy and abuse one might endure.

In the last year, I reached my rock-bottom breaking point after enduring years of hypocrisy, dishonesty, endless microtransgressions, and, at times, racial abuse at the hands of numerous online Muslims but, more dishearteningly, utter betrayal and gaslighting by my “colleagues” whom I naively trusted because of the “celebrity status” they enjoy in the American community. I even had a panic attack under pressure to meet a deadline (which is not merely working yourself up “in your head”) but rather is the uncontrollable and dangerous cascading physiological responses that makes it difficult to breath, like a heart attack. I honestly thought it was having a heart attack and called the ambulance. I suffered rapid deterioration of my painful neurological disorder because of the stress I suffered by my “colleagues,” stress I had resolved to endure “for the greater good of the Ummah.” The final breaking point was when I was cynically pressured to accept a “ghostwriter” (their term, not mine) to disfigure my work beyond recognition and this was a bright red line I would never cross; this is a hill I would die on. I will never lie about Islam or Islamic work. I would rather die than commit research fraud “for Islam.” And the ghostwriting policy is not intended to improve papers, but rather is a way to co-opt the research fellows’ writings to advance some unspecified “agenda” (political?) that I knew they were lying to me about.

Ghostwriting is academic dishonesty and fraud, plain and simple, and I take seriously how much the Prophet ﷺ hated and was severely intolerant of dishonesty especially in the Deen of Allah. Yet to my horror, so many of my former “colleagues” and big scholars” were totally on board with it. But ghostwriting will never be accepted by my God-given conscience no matter the fragile excuses they make up. I have cut all of these fraudsters out of my life and, as a consequence, I’m blackballed from the American Muslim scholarly network. My da’wah career is over here: no workshops, no lectures, no podcasts. I am content with this disappointing turn of events, as I will never, Allah is my Witness, allow anyone to “ghostwrite” my work, nor will I work with corrupted Imams who accept such blatant wrongdoing.

How foolish of them! When the Muslims find out that large parts of their research have been ghostwritten, it decimates the credibility of their entire corpus of work, and the Muslims will eventually know because Allah promises to expose the hypocrites who mix the truth with falsehood, even if they hide in their homes.

As I spiraled into one of the worst depressions of my life, having been betrayed and exploited as a mere “content generator” for the corrupt social media algorithm written by Kuffar, instead of the skilled academic researcher who try to be by Allah’s grace, I finally understand why Muslims leave Islam for reasons totally unrelated to the self-evidently true theology of Islam.

Muslims who endure abuse by their communities, who notice the offensive hypocrisy among leaders, and suffer even worse transgressions, their minds have unconsciously fused Islamic rituals (salah, dhikr, recitation, Masajid) with traumatic intrusive memories that haunt them. They cannot listen to the Quran or pray without triggering the painful memories of their traumatic abuse. I have been suffering from the same ailment since my betrayal at the hands of “leaders” I trusted. I don’t have a solution. I don’t know have to defuse these crossed neural pathways.

The trauma mentally associated with Islamic rituals prevents the victim from experiencing the “sweetness of faith,” which is what Imam al-Ghazali said is one of the greatest ways to strengthen faith. This phenomenon of trauma being mentally linked to Islam is driving the apostasy movement. I don’t know what to do about it, but it is a crisis. Where are the true Shuyukh to guide us? Or are they busy accommodating the corrupt algorithm, or promoting themselves and their for-profit classes, or perhaps they preach what people want to hear instead of what they need to hear?

I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from the constant pain of their narcissistic and sociopathic abuse, their lies and betrayal, and the resulting trauma that was inflicted upon me by those “celebrity scholars” whom legions of Muslims consider the best of their community. I don’t mention their names, hopefully because they can still repent and make amends, but also to save myself from their legion of fans whose terrifying unhinged loyalty to their favorite celebrity scholars all but ensures a hatemail campaign will surely follow.

In fact, I saw these events foretold to me in a vivid, lucid dream Allah blessed me with some years ago. I was at the Masjid where I performed my first Shahada, around my friends and everyone who used to called me “habibi”. They all turned their backs on me, abandoning me, disgusted with me. Then I was in my house surrounded by an angry mob breaking through the door and setting the house on fire. Terror seized me, but then acceptance of the Decree washed over me, and I knew whatever they did to me, Allah would get me through it, and calm entered my heart. I was then taken to the Heavenly City, which is Gold, Silver, and Green, walking through in awe at its marvels. I can still see in my mind the green bird with an orange beak, streaking across the sky like a lightning bolt. You and I know what it means; I am excited and scared at the same time. Then I came upon a body of water and without a thought, I walked over the water to the other side. The first part of the vision has come true, as for the second part, “O my Lord, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me. Yet not what I want but what You want.”

I seek refuge in Allah from every hypocrite “Shaykh” who cares for nothing but his status and paycheck.

I seek refuge in Allah from the wicked sweet talkers with the hearts of wolves, who enthrall the masses with the eloquent but empty words they preach.

I seek refuge in Allah from the missteps I make in dealing with the most painful, soul-crushing experience of my life. No one I consulted has helped. No one but Allah can help
Me.

I ask Allah to renew my faith, my prayer, my dhikr, and my worship and separate it completely from the traumatic memories of these evildoers who harmed my soul far deeper than any Kafir ever could.

Success comes from Allah, and Allah knows best.

Justin Parrott