Aqualung

>Beach Anon
>after Garnet and Jasper dumped Lapis on you, she promptly exploded into an uncontrollable mess
>she would constantly tip things over
>she would constantly blow raspberries and make other noises, including playing your frustrated groans through her gem
>she would slap things out of your hands
>she would keep fucking spilling things on your floor and telling you she piddled
>whenever you try and get your hands on her she just bats at you with her wings or pokes your ticklish spots until she slips away
>fucking god dammit what a horrible day
>you couldn't even sleep that night because she sat right at the edge of your bed and stared at you till the sun came up
>day two was even worse
>in addition to all the shit she did before, now she she would bawl or huck something at you whenever you turned your back
>she got her feet all over your god damn bed
>she went outside, got covered in wet sand and rolled around on your floor
>when you tried to get stern she'd just shoot water at your crotch and laugh at you
>that night she crawled into bed with you only to thrash and writhe until you got up and slept on the couch
>day three
>you've finally had enough

>wake up to the usual noise
>'PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT'
>'DOLPHIN SOUNDS'
>'SEAGULL NOISES'
>'ANON I PEED'
>too tired to deal with her shit; brush your teeth in the sink after you put some pancakes on
>'Anon, Anon, hey; hey, Anon, hey' says Lapis, poking your belly, cheek, and everything else really
>'Hey, hey Anon; guess what! Guess, guess!'
>you slowly turn to face her, brow furrowed to the point where it hurts
>big shit-eating grin on her face
>'...............I peed.'
>she giggles, waiting for your typical response
>nothing; finish brushing your teeth then take the hotcakes off the stove
>fix yourself a plate; three medium-sized fluffy buttermilk pancakes a nice golden brown
>you buttered them while they were cooking so no need for that big disgusting hunk of butter they slap on it at other places
>sit down with your delicious breakfast meal and a tall glass of chocolate milk
>don't get any of that for Lapis
>feel her standing behind you
>'...'
>'...s-so uh; where's my breakfast?'
>don't answer
>Lapis shifts uncomforatbly before sitting in the chair next to you, bringing her knees to her chest
>she stares at you for a few moments before playing a few of your groans through her gem
>ignore it
>Lapis starts to whine
>lays her arms on the table and starts slapping her palms against it and stamping her feet on the ground
>she starts to whine louder, eventually escalating to screaming and thrashing
>finish your breakfast; scoot out from the table
>she freezes and watches you put the dishes away
>turn around
>give her a HARSH look
>we're going for a little walk
>she swallows hard and slowly nods
>you scoop her up and head outside

>later
>STEPPIN' ON THE BEACH
>you and Lapis are walking arm-and-arm down the beach like a couple of idiots
>Lars and the Cool Kids are there once again
>despite the injuries from his vicious airborne shark attack, Lars still decides to be a jerkass
>'WOOOOOOOOOOOO LOOK AT THIS CUTE COUPLE'
>before he can look to his 'friends' for approval, Lapis yanks the water content from his body and hurls it into the ocean
>you both laugh as you walk by him as he thrashes about in the sand, suffering severe dehydration and cell death
>see the Mayor Mobile parked by Big Donut
>hey Lapis flip the truck
>the street beneath the Mayor Mobile explodes as the water in the sewers below swell and launch the car off into the distance
>Fish Stew Pizza's sign falls off again
>'NAH HOO G'WAN FIX MAH SIGN?!' you hear Kofi shriek
>top kek
>head into town
>Lapis blows every fire hydrant you pass by and uses the fierce streams of water to shatter windows, tip cars and blast Ronaldo
>her wild laughter has died down into a more calm set of giggles
>now that all her mischief is out of her system, you decide to head to Funland or whatever it's called

>later at Funland
>the entire park cleared out when they saw the ocean gem coming
>that means free everything and no waiting
>fuck yeah bud
>hop inside one of the game stands and pretend you're running it
>why hello there pretty lady step right up for a chance to win a fab-oo-luss, cheaply made prize
>Lapis grins and tries not to laugh
>as you can see this game is totally not rigged in any way and all you have to do is huck this extra soft softball at these completely not weighted down or out-right glued milk bottles
>hand her one of those shitty softballs
>she takes a step back, closes one eye and sticks her tongue out one side of her mouth while she aims
>pulls her arm back
>throws but snaps her wrist instead of just letting the ball fly out of her hand
>ball goes straight fucking down and doesn't hit shit
>she looks up at you
>ghggh
>you cough and totally don't knock down some bottles with your arm
>congratulations weird blue girl have a stuffed bear
>after this you take her on the teacup ride
>then the Ferris wheel
>teach her how to throw darts while you two munch on some cotton candy
>paint the end of her nose and cheeks so it looks like she's a kitty cat
>take her through the tunnel of mutual appreciation while you two eat some frozen yogurt
>head back home after robbing a few stores for snacks and drinks
>stay up watching movies about the ocean
>she fucking loves the Spongepete Cubeshorts movie and the Smaller-than-Average Mermaid
>Find Meno blows her away
>eventually she gets tuckered out and nods off around a quarter to 11
>snuggles up to you
>fall asleep on the floor and let the food coma set in



>end of the week
>the gems warp back into their abode; Steven and Greg are waiting inside
>Amethyst and Jasper both run up to Steven and smother him, telling him all about their mission
>Garnet and Peridot head into the kitchen while Pearl slinks off to her room
>'Amethyst,' says Garnet, 'give Anon a call and--'
>'Taken care of.' mumbles Peridot, closing her finger-puter; 'He wants to meet us at the 'Big' Donut for what I assume to be said 'big' donuts.'
>everyone gives her a weird look before getting up and heading outside
>as soon as they're out of the house, they wince at the destruction
>the beach is completely torn up, most of the town is flooded or on fire
>something explodes in the distance, taking a few powerlines with it
>the gems scoop up Steven and Greg and rush off to the Big Donut
>Beach Anon and Lapis are talking over hot coco when the gems show up
>'Anon!' shrieks Jasper, bounding forward before Garnet can lift a finger and wraps her big burly arms around him, audibly cracking a few bones; 'What happened?!'
>he smiles and gives Lapis a sly look; they both giggle a bit
>Lapis grins
>'Oh, nothing. Thanks for letting me stay with Anon for the week.'
>Jasper drops him as she watches Lapis saunter off

>the gems glare at you
>you grin back
>so who's ready for some biiiiiiiiiiiig donuts
>everyone shakes their head, groaning and walks off to start cleaning up the city
>everyone but Jasper
>she glances at the Big Donut sign, then back at you
>'...are they really THAT big?'