Thread 72: Stories 31-45

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CD

>Dash
“18”
‘???’
____

“AHHHHHHHHHH”

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

>“AHHHHHHHHHHHH”

“THERE’S ONLY ONE OPTION LEFT HERE!”

>DOES IT INCLUDE FIRE? I HOPE IT INCLUDES FIRE!

“I… huh. Yeah, actually. A nice cleansing flame to burn all of this away before it gains something of a soul and starts moving by itself.”

>…Seriously? Like, seriously, seriously? It… that’s a thing?

“A thing I defeated, yes.”

>…

“…”

>I got some highly flammable cider under my desk. You got a few matches?

“Never go near paper stacks without ‘em.”

>My bug.

Ya know.

Sometimes… when ya take a few steps back ya realize….

Shit is fucked up.

And it’s at that moment ya also realize…

Shit needs to change.

To come around.

…To be fixed.

>Now, I’ll toss the cider and-

‘No ya’ won’t.’

Her voice echoed into the room, effectively freezing the pegasus and changeling in spot, both of them caught in weird ‘gonna set this bitch on fire’ poses.

With a tired sigh, Applejack walked in.

Floating just beside her in a field of flicking magic was a tattered, worn and peeling blue tome, one with a frayed buckle.

>A… AJ…? What in the hell are you-

SWOOSH went the mounds of scattered papers onto the floor.

“…Because that totally won’t make things ten times harder to sort-”

THUMP went the book, slamming down onto Dash’s desk.

There was a moment of silence as Applejack undid the latch, licked her hoof, and flicked past a few pages.

‘Right here. Chapter two, subsection four, paragraph six. That there’s the beginnin’ of where yer’ s’posed to put some of these files, like new hire packets, most of the separation notice forms, counselin’, that stuff. Fer’ the more complicated documents, we gotta dig a bit deeper.’

>...

"..."

Dash exchanged glances with 18, before slowly, very slowly approaching her friends side.

>Okay, soooo… two questions. Nothing big, just a need to know. First, there’s a book on this shit? Okay, sure, fine. But second, if there’s a book on this shit why am I just NOW seeing it?

While Applejack was bent over, retrieving a paper from the floor, 18 opened her maw, prepared to give the honest answer. However, before she could get a single word out, Applejack slammed a notice on the desk and gave an honest answer of her own.

‘’Cause one… Ah’ apologize. Ah’ didn’t give two rotten apples ‘bout much ‘sides tryin’ to better Equestria. Lotsa stuff fell to the wayside ‘cuzza that, includin’ givin’ y’all the tools ya needed to make yer’ dream come true. So yeah, there’s a book on this gig, a big ass book. An’ inbetween all the other shit Ah’ gotta do, we’re gonna go through it chapter by chapter ’til it sticks, ya get me?’

>G-get you…? I- well, yeah, I do, but… seriously, this thing is a freakin’ slab! There’s no way in Tartarus we’re gonna be able to get through this thing! Before death of old age, at least! Why can’t you just TELL me what it is I need to know?

Once again, 18 parted her lips to give an answer. And, once again, Applejack was just a tad faster, fixing the rainbow-maned pegasus with a stare that was both weary yet determined.

‘Y’all wanted this position, didn’t ya? Ya did, right? Well, Ah’ gave it to ya! Ah’ gave it to ya’ when Ah’ probably shouldn’t have! An’ ya wanna know? ’Cause yer’ mah friend an’ Ah’ wanted to see ya happy… ‘cause this is yer’ dream, to be the ‘Bolts captain!’

Fire roared to life in Applejack’s eyes, obliterating all trace of fatigue.

‘BUT AH’ WILL BE SLATHERED IN APPLESAUCE AND FUCKED BY TIMBERWOLVES IFFIN’ Y’ALL THINK AH’M GONNA JUS’ SIT BY ANY LONGER AN’ WATCH YER’ DREAM TURN TO A NIGHTMARE!’

A swirl of documents, tossed into the air by a spike of Applejack’s magic, came fluttering down in a haze.

Not a single paper obscured the burning look over her face.

‘Now. Ah’ got an’ hour. After that, Ah’m gone an’ yer’ takin’ over the rest. But Ah’ll be back tomorrow, an’ the day after that, an’ the day after that, givin’ as much free time as Ah’ can fer’ ya. Jus'... Ah' gotta know. Can you. Give me. The same?’

Wordlessly, Dash settled her wings, elongated by the sudden burst of magic, then pulled the book more towards her.

>…So, chapter one… ‘The Wonderbolts Guidelines’….

A grimace twisted her face but she remained steadfast, continuing to read while Applejack kept pace, blinking away her tired.

Neither of them noticed when a certain changeling silently excused herself, but not before giving the smallest of nods toward their effort.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Fluttershy"
~~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and we make wishes on a star! Now for our main guest...FLUTTERSHY!!!

"Okay..."

>How is Angel?

"He's doing well, but his head once spun around for a bit and he got sick."

>I once saw a Tasmanian Devil spin around super fast and yelled all sorts of nonsense. I think he was trying to eat a...um if Angel ever travels make sure he has a map.

"...okay?"

>That's our show for tonight! Sleep tight!
Fluttershy wakes up.
"...I wonder if I should still go to Palm Springs."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
"Twilight"
~~~~

"Heeeeey! Celestia! My old super best awesome teacher, how are you? You doing good? You look like you're doing good. Everything good? What am I saying, of course it's good. Everything is always good with you."

>...What did you do?

"Me? Nothing! Nothing at all, I'm clean as a whistle, completely and totally. Gotta learn more to trust, Celestia! Trust is important, totally. So, how are yoooou?"

>...

"..."

>...Do I have to help bury a body?

"W-whaaaa? Nooooo! Bury a body!? You're crazy, Princess! You're totally crazy! Looney is what you are! Nobody diiiiiied! That's silly! You're silly! Tia is a silly pony."

>...

"...But someone might, and it might be Sunset. Have you seen her?"

>I have not, I assume Applejack is looking after her, though.

"Right! Applejack! Good! Gotcha!"

>...What did she do?

"Is now on Chrysalis's shit list."

>And another name is added to an endlessly growing pile.

"Yyyyyeeep."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

CD
>Sunset
"Variolus"
~~~

"An embassy? Seriously? Who does he think he's kidding?"

>Just be thankful I don't have to cross a fucking continent to see him. You hear me? This is good. This is a good thing and you just thank whatever higher deity you know that we somehow managed to stumble across him out of sheer, improbable, random luck. The odds of this happening were about the same as us looking in a sewer drain and seeing a shark, and yet somehow we managed, and I'm not having you sully this otherwise fortuitous moment by yet again complaining and deriding every single thing that happens like a demented toddler. We are going to meet him, you are going to get what you want, and that is that.

"Alright, point taken... though he thinks you're going to fuck him, you know that right?"

>The thought had crossed my mind that he thought I was offering a hookup, yes.

"And I notice you did not dissuade this idea."

>Whatever it takes to bring him over to this section of the castle so you can have your talk, so be it. If he thinks he's getting some and this makes him happy, let him until we surprise him with his mom.

"...Wow-"

>I know how that sounded and we both know that's not what I meant, shut up.

"I mean really-"

>Shut up.

"Even I think that's-"

>SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!

"..."

>...

"...I'm not swapping with you, is what I was trying to say. No offering a romp and then expecting me to step in for you during."

>Wow! Okay, wow, no! No! NOOO! We're not doing anything of the sort, either of us!

"Good, just wanted to clear that up... now, see, if that stallion over there wanted some, I'd be willing to trade places. Could show you a thing or a dozen."

>SHUT! UP!

"Just clearing it up."

>...

"...Have you even dated any..."

>...

"...Who's Flash-"

>One second, and then I'm ripping this thing out of my chest. No hesitation, no bluffs, try me.

"..."

>...

"..."

>...That's what I thought.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >18
"Spitfire"
~~~

>Aaand, filed.

"How do you do that? Seriously? No, I'm being honest here, how do you do that? You don't even seem to see the paper most days, you just think at it and it becomes filled."

>I have transcended the mundane, and become PAPERMARE!

"..."

>Mane-Iac is supposed to be helping me with that.

"Well, thanks anyway, I don't know if I'd be able to finish this up in half the time if it wasn't for you."

>It's my job, and I do it well.

"...Soooo..."

>...

"...What... uh... what's going on with you and Shining? Not saying I have a problem with anything if there is something, just need to know so I don't make a jackass out of myself."

>Racist.

"Just answer."

>Well, the answer is, it's complicated. Long, long, looooong story, but to put it simply, that was, in fact, a date you saw us on.

"Ah. So, uh... is this some kind of weird three way thing? Are those rumors about a harem true? Again, no problem with it on my end, just want to know."

>No, there is not a harem, no matter how much Chrysalis wants there to be.

"Uh huh..."

>...You're not asking to join, are you?

"What? NO! No, come on. Look, me and Shiny were pretty damn close back in the guard days, but seriously? I'd rather not join a harem."

>It's not a harem, I said.

"Right, it's a threesome. But three mares one stallion is DEFINITELY a harem. So either in the event you proposed I'm kicking someone out, or it's a harem."

>...Fair enough.

"..."

>...So, uh, how close is close-

"I choose not to comment."

>Oh come on. I was honest with you.

"..."

>...Fine.

"Thank you. This isn't going to affect my future helping, right?"

>...

"...You're bluffing. Empire would be weakened otherwise."

>DAMN MY FREAKING OBSESSION WITH THIS PLACE!

"Ha! So... how far have you gotten?'

>Not nearly far enough.

"Figured."

>...

"...We should hang out more."

>Yeah, we surprisingly have a lot in common.

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>Chrysalis
"Velvet"
'Nightlight'
~~~

>KA-BLAMO!... You are not Shiny.

"I see the confusion, what with the stark resemblance we have to our own son."

>Pfft, resemblance doesn't mean shit, swear to the Hivemind I saw a unicorn mare who looked like what would have happened if Shiny had been born sans dick.

"Ah, right. That uh... the one who does the turntables..."

>HAH! Guess Shiny's not the only one who can handle more than one at a time, eh?

'SHE'S NOT RELATED TO ME! I never even met her mother! STOP ASKING ME THAAAAAT!'

>...

"He got a lot of inquiries to the matter."

>Ah. No problem on your end?

"If he doesn't question why our daughter is a solid purple, I don't question why some other pony looks like what came out of me. Trust is vital, and weirder coincidences have happened."

>Like what?

"Like the fact our daughter seems to have a weirdly prophetic name."

>...Point.

'...'

"..."

>...Do you mind if I-

"Do you have to?"

>It's just... it's my thing.

'This is your thing.'

>Among other things.

"...Fine."

>I thank you... MESSING UP SHINY'S PAAAAAAPPPPPEEERRR!

"..."

'...You're thinking it too, aren't you?'

"I don't know what you mean."

'Honesty is important in a relationship too.'

"Oh... fine... Chrysalis?"

>Yep?

"Can, we, uh..."

>YES! Go for the corners, that one makes his eye twitch.

"I thank you. After you?"

'No no, mares first.'

"Always a gentlecolt... MESSING UP SHINY'S PAAAAPPPEEERRR!"

'SHOOOM!'

Outside the room, Shining Armor sighs, and curls into a little ball.

All hope is lost now, and there's no going back.

To the sound of their joy... he weeps.

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 >PD
"Agent"
~~~

>Kingsmoot...

"Yes, Ma'am. It appears to be a gathering of all of the lords of the Gryphon lands to see if the current royals could be... deposed."

A single, anxious hoof met her mouth.

>If Gwendolyn loses her Queenship, this could throw a lot of... issues into my plans.

"Well, current contenders are the Queen's brother and the Blackfeathers. You have ins with both of them, should the need arise."

>Yes, but I don't have the sure thing of the current royal I fought alongside who saw my powers first hoo- er, claw. Gwen is a very close confidant, and she's proving invaluable in getting The Project off the ground and into full swing. I need Gwendolyn, at least for another while longer or so.

"Everyone is replaceable, you said."

>Yes... but not everyone is worth replacing for. Gwendolyn is an ally worth holding and defending for as long as possible...

She slammed a hoof down, glaring hard at the agent.

>Get everyone on this job. Find out every single thing you can about the other lords to discredit or blackmail them, find out everything you can we can use as a weapon, and if you can't find anything find some gryphons to tart up and MAKE some blackmail, you catch my drift?

"Of course, Ma'am. But they're quite... violent. I'm worried what might happen to our agents."

>Take the damn dragon and cyborg too, then.

"Will they be of any use? They're not exemplary as fighters."

>They're also an Equestrian Guard who used to work for the traitor and a Dragon who, as far as anyone knows, have no connection to us, and if their bodies were found instead of my agents would have no means to trace them back to us. I'm not telling you to bring them as a secret weapon.

"...Fair enough, ma'am. I will see to it."

>Have it done, now.

Her agent vanished, leaving her all alone in her office.

>...nobody... fucking nobody... is taking that Gryphon off the throne. If some 'gods' of theirs want to try... they're about to find out that even gods can be outclassed.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Babs Seed"
~~~~
> Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and and is cast aside! Now for our main guest...BABS SEED!!!

"I'm back already."

>I just wanted to say congratulations on your cutie mark!

"Thanks. I can't believe it finally happened."

>...

"...aren't you going to ask a question? ...llike maybe what it is? ...or if I'm going to get some spotlight because of it?"

>Nope, just a congrats.
Shoots a party cannon.
>Congrats!

"Oh..."

>...welp that's the show! Sleep tight!
Babs wakes up.

"...I think I preferred Princess Luna in my dreams."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"??"
~~~~

She didn't want this.

That was a strangely familiar tune that had been ringing in her head all day, if not constantly for the last few months. She had been doing nothing but talking to others she didn't want to talk to about things she didn't want to talk about, and this was just the latest in them. This was going to be one of the hardest conversations she had ever had. This was going to be one of those things that was going to drive her up a wall and down the other. She was finally going to have to have a talk about Diamond Tiara's recent activities. She was going to have to talk about all the fighting, the endangering, the disrespect for authority and the constant use of heavy weaponry. She was going to have to talk about this, at last...

"Come in! I can't come out just yet, I'm baking brownies!"

...with her father.

It was with a gallows walk that she entered into the rich pony's kitchen, a hanging threat over her head every moment as she gave him a curt, stern nod.

"Princess! What a pleasant surprise! What brings you into my humble abode?"

Humble in this case meaning 'cost more than the Town Hall did'.

>It's about yer' daughter.

He froze, and she could tell right away from the look in his eyes what he thought that meant. One too many scares had put the fear of Faust into him.

>She ain't hurt or nothin'... yet. That's what Ah'm here ta' talk about.

Curious, he placed the still cooling treat on the oven, and took a seat opposite to the princess.

"Oh?"

>Yeah. Look... she's been goin' behind mah' back and workin' with the military, again. Ah' told her not ta' and she did it despite that. Now Ah' know that ain't an excuse on mah' part, and believe you me Ah'm just as sore at mah'self fer' not noticin' it sooner, but this is how it is. Ah'm sorry.


She expected a bit of yelling. Some very justified 'how dare you let my daughter run around unsupervised with grown stallions!' maybe some threats of litigation, maybe some declarations he was going to sue the no-pants off of all of Canterlot itself, something like that.

But he laughed.

He laughed.

"Yes, my little baby never really took well to orders. If you think this is bad, you should see it when I tried to get her to clean her room! She mostly just gives me that look, and I just fold instantly."

The apple-loving princess nearly dropped her jaw right off it's hinge right there.

>Filthy... this here's a bit worse than just her sassin' ya' back.

"Oh, I know, but she gets so caught up in her little side projects that I just can't bring myself to complain too much about the room."

Two hooves slammed on the table, shaking the contents on top of it and nearly cracking the wood.

>This ain't about the room!

He remained completely unmoved by her outburst, smoothing pulling out a knife to cut the brownies he had laid in front of him.

"Well, I assumed that. Would think it was quite weird if you came all this way to talk about my daughter's cleaning habits."

At his flippancy, her anger only intensified.

>How can ya' care so little about this!? Yer' daughter's life is at stake here, and yer' just sittin' here makin' brownies!? Why ain't ya' out there draggin' her back home and lockin' her up iffin' she even thinks about doin' somethin' like that!? Why ain't ya' freakin' out everytime ya' see her with a weapon that could blow 'er up iffin' she uses it wrong!? This ain't a game! Iffin' Ah' saw Applebloom doin' half of this, Ah'd have a dang coronary! Ah'd lose my applebuckin' mind the first time she did anythin' like this! Ah'd never let her get away with this!

"...And that's why your little Applebloom was the one struggling in fear against a machine, and my darling little Diamond Tiara was the one blowing that machine to bits without a care."

Something had swept through the room. A chill, a wind of cold, something had changed despite the fact his face had not so much as twitched a little bit. He was still smiling, happily smiling, as he brought one of those treats to his mouth, and nibbled on the edge.

>What... did ya' say?

"Oh, dear Princess Applejack, did you forget already? You gave her a little medal over that and everything."

>What's that got ta' do with...

Daintily, he dabbed a napkin at the edge of his mouth, brushing away all of the little crumbs. The smile had never left his face.

"Do you know what a father's biggest fear is? I'll tell you, it's likely much like yours. The greatest fear I've ever had is that something will try to hurt my dear little baby, and I won't be there to stop it. That's what keeps me up and night, Princess. That's what makes me shake with fear everytime a psychotic sister of a royal shows back up, or a chaos being from another world lands and changes reality, or vines attack, or robots, or monsters, or what have you. All of that is the fear any father worries will one day come for his little baby girl, unable to do a thing but wait for her to be taken. I've lived that every single day since that other princess, Twilight Sparkle, arrived in what I thought to be the most peaceful and carefree town on the planet. I took my precious daughter away from the city, away from my big business associates and all the funds I could have had and all the deals I could have made and all the power I could have obtained, all so that she could grow up safe, and I never had to worry about that. I thought my life was going to be a pleasantry from then on, and I was fully willing to sacrifice my rising start for her."

>Then why ain't ya' tryin' ta' help me!? Ah' don't want her in the middle of these dang end o' the world messes! Ah' don't want her gettin' hurt no more! Alright!? Ah' messed up lettin' it get this far, Ah' know it, but why ain't you helpin' me stop it!?

Softly, he set the napkin down.

"...When that princess came along, and it was never the same. Disaster after disaster struck, and every time my heart froze with the idea that something might hurt my little darling and I couldn't stop them. Every day since she arrived, I feared..."

It was haunting, listening to him speak all of that... yet never once stop smiling.

"But my little honey bunches is not some weak willed victim that was going to be taken by the first big bad to roll into town, was she? No, she did the opposite. She could have been a victim, but she instead chose to be a victor. She has her mother's fire in her, Applejack, and it's what has kept her safe, not me. I still fear everyday... but I fear now because I'm not sure how far she's going to fly, before she realizes she can't see the ground anymore. I know, first hoof, that you can rise up so high you forget all the others that lifted you up to that height. I know you can soar beyond them, and forget they ever existed. I don't fear the monsters anymore... because I know she can become far more than any of them could ever be, if she tries."

Even though the smile never left... something else was taking over in the corner of his eye.

"I blame you."

>...W-what?

"I had her contained to this quaint little town. I had her in a place where she could rise to the very top, and think that's it. I had her where she could be a rising star who found her own part of this world, but in a place small enough that she could still see where she had come from. I had her in a place of safety... but you just had to show her she was capable of so much more, didn't you? You had to show her an airship in the sky, and tell her she could take it in a fight."

She looked away, ashamed.

And oh, she could. I never doubted for a moment my little baby could. I knew if she put her mind to it, she could probably blow the gates off heaven itself. Yes, I knew my little Diamond Tiara could destroy that airship... I just didn't want her to know that yet. Not yet, not before I could show her what life was like at that height. I don't blame you for her becoming as she is... I blame you for showing her she could have been, before I could show her instead."

Again, a small, dainty nibble. A carefree smile. And a look that said more than he ever could in words.

And in the face of it, she just felt... defeated.

>...Ah'm plannin' ta' tell her she can't come over ta' the military area no more. Was gonna say it was makin' her worse, and that she needs ta' be sent back to Ponyville.

"Oh, I appreciate the effort, late to the party as it is, but it's far too late for that one. She's seen a bigger picture now, and she'll just feel contained down there. She goes to that school only because it makes me happy, she's so considerate for her dear old dad. But the time when she could put away the weapon has long since past. She's tasted power now, and Applejack? It's quite intoxicating, I'll have you know. Power like that makes you think you can do anything, and you showed her that 'anything' is very much in her capabilities."

His head tilted, as if in thought. From the look in his eye, it was something quite different.

"I think I would have preferred a life for her like your little Applebloom's, in hindsight. I think I should have stopped it and not assumed I could contain her, as I clearly could not, not with you around. I think I would have preferred a life where she lashed out in crazy, funny little schemes. I think you did the safer route with her, Applejack. Applebloom may one day be a victim, but every day until then she will never look to the skies, and wonder if there's something even further beyond it. My daughter's life will never be the same, and all because you just had to try to force her back into line. You wanted to put the world on her shoulders to make her keep her head low, but that's not what happened, is it?... No, you got to see first hoof that my precious little darling could take every single pound of that world, and keep her nose high. You tried to prove a point, and she proved it better. And... I miss it. I miss the days when her greatest accomplishment would have been defeating that little fellow she played with... alas. Too late now. It's far, far too late now..."

>So... so what do ya' want me ta' do?

"Do? Applejack... I think you've done enough. I would like to order you to try to fix what you've done, but I think at this point you could do nothing but make it unbelievably worse. I dare not dream what another attempt from you will bring. You've done enough."

>So are ya'll gonna handle it?

"As best I can."

Thoughtful, deep breaths left the princess as she mashed her hooves together, looking still at the unblinking, unwavering face that never stopped smiling.

Slowly, she shoved back, and got down off her chair.

>...Ah'll send ya' some different forms. Ya'll can handle this as ya' want to, and Ya've got support for whatever ya' choose.

"Thank you, princess! You're most helpful."

She could hear the sarcasm carefully hidden behind a chipper, businesslike tone. Not that she would need to, his gaze spoke it more than he ever could.

>Just... just get her back ta' normal and fix what Ah' did.

"...I can only try."

Defeated, she nodded, and turned to leave.

>...Ah'm sorry.

"You should be."

His last words were slow and chilling. They hung with her, even as she left the room quietly, and headed off to the castle once more. Leaving the father alone in the room with nothing but his thoughts, and the smell of chocolate treats.

After a moment, he turned, and spit up what little he had nibbled on right into the trash.

"...I do hope Diamond Tiara never finds out I'm allergic to these... she enjoys them so."

The rash would only itch for a day, but it didn't matter.

She loved them, and they cheered her up. He could put up with a little discomfort for her.

...She was worth it.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chitania
"PM"
'Libraian'
~~~~

>...

"....Hrm..."

*flipflipflip*

"Oh! Okay.............huh?"

*flipflipflip*

"Ahhh, gotcha.............. wait."

*flipflipflipflipflip*

"OHHHHHHH!"

'Other ponies want to use the dictionary, you know!'

"Oh, really? Shoot! Sorry! I- waaaait a minute, ain't nobody else here!"

'I mean eventually!'

"Nobody else comes in here none."

'...Like a knife to the heart, hooker. Like a knife.'

"It ain't cause'a me. Look it me! I look damn fancy!"

'I still blame you. Without you, she'd get all veiny and die again.'

"That ain't nice."

'SHE CRUSHED MY CITY!'

"Still ain't nice!"

'FUCK YOU!'

"Ya' couldn't... wait, already used that one.... hun, you couldn't even afford... wait, shoot, used that one too.... did that one... did that one... shoot! I ran outta snappy comebacks ta' that!"

'HAH! FUCK YOU!'

"No!"

'...'

"It's all I got!"

'Why do you keep defending her!?'

"Because PLPLPLPLP!"

'That makes perfect sense, obviously!'

"I am tryin' ta' learn here! So SHHHHHH!"

'I hate so much you have perverted the concept of learning...'

"..."

'...'

"...Wha?"

*flipflipflip*

"Ohhhh... this dictionary thing here's real useful!"

'I literally just got that back in after the other friggen bug monster stole the first one...'

"...Wha?"

'STOPPPPPPP!'

>Shhhh, it's a library.

'..................................'

"...Pfftttahahaha."

'Fuck you!'

"Not even with a rented dong... oh hey! I came up with a new one!"

'...I think I need to talk about retirement...'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Are we all set to go?"

"Affirmative."

"Good, get the product loaded up."

~~~~

The sun was starting to set over Canterlot as the unlikely pair of small Morlock and gigantic cyborg Diamond Dog made their way down the streets to the train station. They caught glances from all they passed by, pony and robot alike, more than likely questioning just what they were seeing.

"It will be sad to leave the City of White, Robot Dog," Vekir admitted as she cast a glance back at the Castle, "Vekir has so many friends here, and they will be missed."

"Really? I counted like, what? Six?" Watchdog asked.

"Vekir has more!" Vekir replied defensively, "It is just that they are elsewhere, we shall meet them, I hope, in the land of the shiny stones."

"Land of shiny stones?" Watchdog asked, a sound akin to a cash register going off in his head, "Oh I'm all for that, can we skip the gryphon crap and just go there? I don't wanna get thrown down a trapdoor because some little gryphon boy wants to see me fly."

"No no," Vekir shook her head, "Vekir must get to the Gryphon Lands, how else will Rekulk know which train he needs to take to trade there?"

"Eh, true, I guess," Watchdog rolled his eyes, "Guess they couldn't be THAT good at fighting, all they got's like little sword thingies, right?"

"I think this is so," Vekir nodded.

"So totally not as dangerous as little pink fillies with shotguns."

Vekir blinked, "Doing the what now?"

"Don't ask, long story, c'mon, I think we're almost there," Watchdog sped up his step, leaving a bemused morlock behind.

"Vekir is starting to have the regrets."

~~~~

"I trust everything is in order?"

"Yup! Gotcher payment here and the check cleared, we're ready!"

"Good good, fly ahead and get your boys ready, remember the train you want should be coming around nightfall. Don't screw this up."

"Ha, come on, my boys and I are the best bandits around!"

"That's what I'm counting on."

~~~~

"They're really cutting it close," Siegfried noted, leaning against one of the support beams of the station, "If we wait much longer, the train might leave without us."

"I'm willing to give her leeway," The Gryphon Queen replied stoically, "Even if she protests adulthood, she still acts like a child...and quit slouching, it's unbecoming."

"Oh fine," Siegfried stood up, turning his gaze to where the guards were being ordered around by Sir Aerus, "The Knight of the Osprey, hm? This must be serious for Papa to send one of his personal guard."

"Our dynasty stands on the brink of collapse," Gwen replied flatly, "You'd have to be a fool to think it anything but."

"Guilty as charged, " Siegfried shrugged, "But we'll never know if we never get back home now will we?"

"Oh cease your whining," Gwen pointed upwards to where two figures were making their way towards the station, "Here they come."

~~~~

"Alright! So, let's see, product?"

"Check."

"Bandits?"

"Check."

"Train tickets?"

"Check."

"Well then, let's go save a country."

~~~~

"All aboard!" The conductor shouted as the last of the gryphons boarded the train. It had been an expensive proposition to populate an entire train car with two royals, a contingent of guards, an ambassador, and a giant gorilla-dog robot, but expenses could not be spared in times like these.

"Many thankings for bringing us with you, Queen Catbird, you are true friend of all Morlocks," Vekir said cheerfully from where she sat across from the gryphon in question.

"Think nothing of it," Gwen replied, casting a glance out the window as the train began its long journey from Canterlot to the Gryphon Capitol.

"You probably won't be thanking us when we get there anyway," Siegfried noted casually, "This Kingsmoot business seems primed to turn the whole country on its head."

"Not on my watch it isn't," Gwen muttered venomously, "I won't allow the Blackfeathers or any other group of scum-sucking cutthroats tear my country down."

"Unless, y'know, they all decide they want to," Siegfried rolled his eyes, "This isn't a battle, mother, it's a vote from what you told me. We can't just beat them into voting for us."

"We can damned well try," Gwen shot back, "That's all bastards like Barnabus Blackfeather respect, you should know from experience."

"To be fair, I didn't deal with him while I was away with grandpa," Siegfried crossed his arms, "I was dealing with his nephew...well, dealt with his nephew."

Siegfried shook his head, then blinked as the doors to the car opened.

"...mother, I thought you said we'd be having this car all to ourselves," Siegfried looked to Gwen.

"I did," Gwen blinked, then turned her head to where Siegfried was looking, "What in the..."

Standing at the front of the car was a pair only slightly less taciturn than Vekir and Watchdog. An middle-aged gryphon with what appeared to be a permanent smile on his face stood next to a thoroughly disinterested unicorn. Both were simliarly clad in business suits as they walked down the aisles, ignoring the appraising looks of the guards as they took their seats directly across from that of the royals and Vekir.

"...well, hello," The Gryphon smiled widely at Gwen, "Quite a group you're hauling here, going to a hoofball game?"

A body clad in gleaming plate mail suddenly placed itself between the newcomers and the royals.

"This car has been completely sold out," Sir Aerus intoned.

"We ordered our tickets just this morning," The suited gryphon replied amiably, "I guess we just kind of beat you folks to the punch."

"You will find new seats," Aerus growled, "You are not welcome here."

The gryphon rolled his eyes and leaned to the side to look around the knight, "Love your attack dog, but could you call him off for just a sec? I think you and I have a lot to talk about."

"What business do you have with me?" Gwen asked.

"Oh, you know, most gryphons don't usually get a chance to chat with their Queen, certainly not an expatriate like me. I'm Robert, this nice little lady behind me is Spreadsheet-pony names, am I right?"

"Behind schedule," Spreadsheet muttered.

"I'm getting to it," Robert looked back at the unicorn, before turning his gaze back to Gwen, "We're just coming along to Gryphos for a little market research. Can I give the tin can here my card?"

"You knave..." Aerus glared at Robert.

"Do it if you must," Gwen rolled her eyes, "But do not think you'll continue to annoy us the entire trip."

"Oh not at all," Robert replied as he handed a business card to Sir Aerus, who in turn handed it to Gwen, "Not at all."

Gwen's eyes scanned the card, which she slowly placed down on the table.

"Robert Gryfnsson, Licensed Fawntaine Industries Salesman."

"If you ever need anything from them, well," Robert fixed Gwen with a smile, "I'm your guy."

"We will see if this is the case soon enough, 'Robert'," Gwen handed the card back to Aerus, "Until then, I'd prefer if you kept to your own company."

"No problem," Robert's seemingly invincible grin never faltered, even as he turned back to Spreadsheet, "Spready, be a dear and see if they have any donuts in the Dining Car? You know I'm a sucker for those."

"Indigestion," The Unicorn refused to look up from the clipboard she had produced from inside of her suit.

"No, you're thinking of crepes, donuts are-"

They continued arguing...if one could call what the two spoke of arguing.

"Mother, that fellow seemed rather...expectant of you," Siegfried ventured.

"He's a salesman, more than likely just trying to find some customers in the houses gathering at Gryphos, think no more of it."

"Vekir was already not thinking muchly of it," The Morlock boasted, "Though what is a crepe?"

Gwen sighed, this was going to be a long train ride.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Dash
"Pinkie"
~~~~

>Uggghhhhh.

"WB's still got you down RD?"

>Stop it with the pseudonyms.

"Silly Dashie, those are acronyms!"

>Wait, that's not that thing where a word is made from another word?

"That's Eponym! Like in the Eponymous!"

>Nu uh! That's when two different words mean the same thing!

"That's a Synonym!"

>Nu uh! Synonyms are when there's two words and they're the opposite of each other!

"You're thinking of an Antonym!"

>I thought Antonyms are when something sounds the same as something else but means different?

"Those are homonyms!"

>Okay, so then what do you call to gay ponies who want to have sex all the time?

"Those are...."

>....

"...this was all just a setup to that joke, wasn't it?"

>...

"....Three out of five balloons, Dashie. Three out of five balloons."

>I'll take it.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Mane-Iac
"Chrysalis"
'SA'
~~~~

>AHHHHAHHAHHAHAHAH! CHITORIAAAAA! I HAVE FOUND YET ANOOOOTHER- shoot! Hold up... I found another one!

"Oh for fu-uuudgecakes sake! How do these keep getting in!?"

'I heard screeches of anger, and knew it was you. What's up?'

"My changelings keep smuggling in the things we're not supposed to have in the country!"

'Refine.'

>THE BOOK OF ANTI-MAAAAADDDNEEEESSSSSSSS!

'...What?'

"The MAGICAL BOOK that we both know DESTROYS A CERTAIN SOME MARES MADNESS so she should NEVER EVER READ THEM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!"

'...Ohhhh, those tomes of... anti?'

"Yes. Because obviously."

'Ah.'

"They're fans."

'Well, good job, Maney, tell us if you find anything else.'

>CAN DOOOOOOOAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!... Can I go play hoop-ball against the guards again?

"Yes."

'A-hem?'

"Super yes."

>AHHAHAHAHAH! YAAAYYYYYYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahhahaa.a.a......

'...Undercutting my power. Just... swoop.'

"HAH!"

'So, what's in that one.'

"A-hem, "Luminous Shield" and Masked Matter-horn's wedding. Wedding night included."

'Ah.'

"Empress Insecta is there too. Apparently it's legal to marry a bunch in comic land."

'How about that.'

"..."

'...You read it, didn't you?'

"It's not terribly accurate to the real thing."

'How about that.'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>77

Night had fallen over the castle, yet still it seemed quite luminescent with the light of Luna's moon coming down upon it. The changeling known as 77 made a note to compliment her work the next time she walked within his dreams.

But tonight's dreams could wait, he needed a bit of...relaxation.

88 was thankfully fast asleep back in the stadium, duitfully watched over (read: slept on) by her brethren. For the first time in a while, 77 had some 'me time' that sadly wasn't able to be filled by his lady love.

Thus he walked, looking for the specific device with which he could work out some of the mental kinks he hadn't had time to do away with, the petty stresses and anxieties of day-to-day life.

Finally, after going over the directions he'd been given for what felt like the hundredth time, he came upon the simulator that was tucked neatly deep into the castle. While not as strenuously used as the one back ho-...in Canterlot, it stood to reason the thing still had all the same capabilities.

Keying a few simple commands on its console to bring it to life, 77 stepped inside. Letting out an exhalation, he smiled as the doors shut behind him.

>Boot Location Simulation: Badlands.

In a flash the landscape changed to that of the the harsh unforgiving wilderness of the Badlands.

>Boot enemy simulation: Robot dash Blueblood Insurrection.

A single robot, archaic by today's standards flashed into existence before him.

>Multiple times...twenty for now.

Followed by nineteen more.

>Load current audio memory.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqwIpH6phJs

He grinned.

>Ready.

The robots charged him, he charged them, knife in mouth.

It was going to be a fun night.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Dash
“AJ”
~~~~

>I…I can’t go on, it feels… it feels like the pages are actually multiplying whenever I look away!

“Jus’ a lotta readin’ to do. Put on yer’ big mare panties and keep goin’.”

>BUT IT’S SO MUCH! Did Spitfire actually read all of this?

“She did.”

>BULL. LOGNA!

“Cover to cover, she did. In order t’ become ‘Bolts captain ya have to take an extensive test on what’s in this here book. Ah’ saw her records. She passed, two points from a perfect score.”

>…really?

There was no missing the awe that slipped into Dash’s tone before she cleared her throat.

“Yeah. It’s what Ah’ technically shoulda made ya do when ya first got the position, but friends an’ all that there. Kinda shuffled it off ’til later, a later that came far later than Ah planned. Which… kinda makes me sad ‘bout this whole thing. Spits really was one of the best….”

The book was pulled further in front of the pegasus as she frowned, almost scowled.

>Not ‘was’. She still is. She just got lazy, like me. We all did, AJ, and you know what? No. I’m not about to let you take the blame for this one. You may have fudged some of the initiations here, sure, but I’m the one who wanted to be here, leading the ‘Bolts. Me, not you. I wanted the prestige, the title, the dream. And what did I do once I got it?

She gestured around the cluttered room.

>Let everything go to hell. It was already a freakin’ mess, but I certainly didn’t pick up a broom and help clean it, did I? Only when things started looking serious, and barely even then.

“…Ah still-”

>Shut up. You still nothin’. If I’d truly wanted this gig as much as I’d yakked about it down in Ponyville, things would be different. So don’t you try to be a martyr for this, AJ. It’s not your job to constantly be watchin’ me, you were busy with your own things, girl, tryin’ to fix Equestria and battle unholy mounds of paperwork. Me? I’m a grown ass mare, I should’ve taken the initiative once I took that first seat back then and gotten right back up to find out all I could….

Silence claimed the next couple of minutes save for the soft shifting of pages.

>…You said Spits only missed two points?

“Ah did.”

>Huh. So when I totally snatch a perfect score, what’s that get me? A bonus?

Never taking her eyes from the tome, Dash began to grin.

And so did AJ.

“Actually? Yeah. The captain gets an increase for the quarter in which they passed.”

>Good. I’ll split that between funding for the ‘Bolts and Junior Fliers, and maybe look into gettin’ better filing cabinets. And probably a stapler or two, some paper clips….

“That… that sounds mighty fine, sugar.”

A flip of the page into chapter two.

>…Hey, AJ?

“Yeah?”

>Thanks for never giving up on me.

“…”

>…And thanks for gettin’ a teardrop on the paragraph I’m reading. Wimp.

“Shuddup….”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________