Thread 18: Stories 106-120

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>Celestia

~~~~~~~~~~

The reconstruction was well on its way now. The Zebra Tribes had made a very generous donation of stone and lumber to help with the reconstruction, despite the current view of their citizens in the eyes of her ponies. Besides that however, everything seemed to be getting worse.

Politics.

How she hated the word. The Dragon flights had inquired about there overall state. Most likely a ploy to determine if a raid would be profitable. There was also some grief from the Minotaur clans, sensing weakness. The other nations had either decided to ignore them or watch and see what would come from the events that had transpired.

It was all tiring.

>Oh Starswirl... Sometimes I wish you were still here to listen to me whine.

Celestia sighed and once again looked at all the forms, bills, and treaties that needed to be amended. Despite what the others thought, she handled the most important aspects of running Equestria, keeping her nation safe and at peace. Maybe is she hadn't been so focused on the problems outside the country she would have been aware of the problems within much sooner.

Tears sprang from her eyes and she shook her head.

>I wish I wasn't the only one doing these things.

If Luna hadn't been so out of touch with things she could have had her sister helping, but it wasn't so and that meant she had to keep doing this on her own.

>... Oh my little ponies... I love you dearly.. But sometimes I wonder if you really are worth the trouble.

She shook her head at the thought. Of course they were worth it.

With a sigh she laid her head on her desk using her arms as a make shift pillow and soon she was lost to the waking world.

A blanket materialized soon after and landed softly across the sleeping princess. And in the silence a voice so far and distant whispered softly.

"Carry on my wayward sun... There'll be peace when you are done... Lay your weary head to rest... don't you cry no more..."
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>Bat-mom
"Dadling"
~~~~

>Oh... my... goodness...

"What?"

>Where... where did you get that apron?

"Hm? Oh, I found it in the closet. Yeah, I wanted to clean up a bit, you know do something useful, and I was like "I need something to keep the dust off!" so here I am."

>...It's...

"What? Is pink not my color or something?"

>...It's SO ADROABLE!

"Is it?"

>The little duster just makes it. My heart is so full of giggles!... I NEED MY CAMERA!

"...I like it."

>Pictures pictures pictures!

"It doesn't make me look less intimidating."

>Pose for me baby!

"...I'm regretting this."

>EEEEEE!
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>Spike
"Lead Dragon"
'Other dragons'
~~~
It had been long and tiring, but Spike had finished explaining the state of Equestria to his blood kin

Somewhat

When he saw the indignation, the selfishness, and cruelty in their eyes, Spike felt he had nothing in common with them beyond species

Disgusting, petty, monsters all of them and his self-loathing grew just a little

>And that's how things are looking: up. Canterlot and all of Equestria took a heavy blow from the giant changeling's attack, but we are coming back. Donations, however, are always accepted

The nearly entire congregation laughed, even Spike in a sad, humorless way

>Right, that's not gonna happen, so, any questions?

The one who did not laugh spoke up

"So what you mean to say is that Equestria is in a most delicate state? That any race could raid you and you would be helpless?"

Right to the point, huh?

Conspiratorial murmurs of agreement filled the room

'Heheh! Yeah, and you're not gonna just fight a bunch of teenagers, twerp! Gotta fight some of our strongest!'

Spike sighed listening to Garble and smiled

>Well then, I have a proposal for you, how about a one on one duel to decide things?

"Agreed..."

>Good, let's reconvene in an hour then for the duel!

A little over an hour later, Spike had met with the dragon flights and their leader and discussed the rules of engagement

Half way through, their leader simply tried to eat Spike

Shortly after, he suffered multiple, simultaneous ulcers through his entire digestive tract as a side effect of the fragmenting explosives Spike had dropped into his stomach and the gunshots he had fired

When Spike climbed out of the leader, he was struggling and the other dragons were now shaking at how a hatchling had laid their mightiest so low

Spike pressed a pleading Charity to the elder dragon's eye, his last explosive round chambered

>DOES ANYONE ELSE WISH TO SEE EQUESTRIA'S VULNERABILITY?

The other dragons shook their heads, dragged away their leader and fled

After he was sure they were gone, Spike looked to Charity and sighed

>You're putting on weight, gotta put you on a idea or something. Every day you get heavier in my hands...

He then headed back into the castle to report to Celestia and Applejack, and then to Twilight to see if she could recommend a good psychologist

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>Coco Pommel
"Royal Guards"

>ATTEN-HUT

*the barracks of fresh Royal Guard recruits snap to a crude attention, eyes are wandering and shoulders are slack as a small mare walks through the barracks*

>You! Your attention's as sloppy as a kindergartner's macaroni picture! They DID teach you how to properly stand at attention, didn't they?

"YES DRILL SERGEANT"

>Good! Then I expect to see you in proper rank and file. You there, what's your name?

"Clockwinder, miss"

>You will address me as Drill Sergeant, Private Clockwinder! How tall are you?

"5 hoof 6, Drill Sergeant!"

>FIVE HOOF SIX? I didn't know they stacked doodie that high!

*Drill Sergeant Coco continues walking through the barracks, eyeing over the new recruits*

>You, where are you from?

"APPLEOOSA DRILL SERGEANT"

>Appleoosa? Only Buffaloes and Butts come from Appleoosa, and you don't look like a buffalo to me!

*The dejected private's ears fold back*

"I'm not a butt"

>Did I just hear backtalk?!

"NO DRILL SERGEANT"

*She continues her rounds*

>Well-brush-my-mane-and-call-me-pretty, that might be the first example of a decent attention I've seen today! What's your name, Private?

"Private Airblast, Drill Sergeant!"

>Private Airblast, I like you, you can come to my house and hug my sister! Continue serving as an example of what attention SHOULD look like, everyone else get down and give me twenty!

*Groans ring out across the barracks*

>Make it fifty! By Celestia's sunny skies, I swear I'll make you into soldiers The Princesses can be proud of, even if it kills you!

*Coco shrinks back at her own words*

>Oh fudge berries, I didn't mean that. We're all going to make it through this together, as a team. Head to the mess hall, get some chow and rest, we have a big day of training tomorrow! We'll start with a 15 mile march at 0430, we can really enjoy that morning air. See you guys then!
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It was quiet... too quiet.

Not a sound. Not a peep.

No bug Queen's out to rub their ass in his face. No celestial princesses who want to find out if a desk can be converted into a bobsled. No hard as nails Changelings out to make sure he kept up with his physical therapy. No political ones who laid a mountain of paperwork upon his desk. No smoke monsters out to enact more battle strategies. No adorable daughters who want playtime. No wives who want attention. Not even his science loving sister showing off some new invention, or the sarcastic little brother who was there to offer dry wit to it. It was just... quiet. So very... very quiet...

And it was driving him up the wall.

>WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY!?

Oblivious to his cries, they popped in another movie, a rendition of Dr Twience Vs the Swamp Monster, and shared in the laughter.
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~

>Tia? Got a question.

"And I have a hoof, you throw yours at me, I'll sling mine at you, and we'll see how that works out."

>Just had ta' ask... well, Ah' talked ta' Twilight a bit ago, and she said she was havin' a lot of problems definin' herself with the princess thing when it happened.

"Reasonable, everyone reacts somewhat worriedly when they have such a huge responsibility thrust upon them."

>Right... but when Ah' asked her what it was ya'll were teachin' her that was drivin' her so loopy, she just kinda' stared a bit.

"...Er...."

>No meetin's with yer' council or what have you, no discussion o' politics, no meetin' with dignitaries... ya'll didn't really seem ta' be makin' her do princess stuff.

"Uh... I... wanted her to enjoy her free time while she could?"

>...

"..."

>...Tia.

"...SMOKEBOMBATTACK!"

>AH THOUGHT YA'LL GOT RID O' THESE!?

"I ALWAYS KEEP A SPARE! AAHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHahahha....!"

>THESE THINGS CAUSE CANCER!... Jerk...
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>18
[Chrysalis]
~Cadence~
{Twilight}
"Celestia"
'42'

"'Sometimes my grandpa goes for a walk with m'friends' said the buffalo, his horns melting off of his head. His face dripped off his head like wax melting off a candle, except for those hungry blue eyes underneath, 'and sometimes Ah get'm. Are you hungry?...'Cause Ah... am... starved...'"

~I am so glad 2 went to go get her blanket for that one...~

>Yeah, I imagine the racism probably wouldn't have flown too well, there.

"Wh-- racism?!"

'That story was pretty obviously about Changelings.'

"Those were skin-walkers! Completely different!"

{Huh... the buffalo do have myths about creatures that can disguise themselves by wearing another's skin. Maybe... hm.}

>being racist just because everyone else is isn't okay, girls.

"Oh for-- fine! How about you tell one, then?"

>Huh? Oh, no, I don't know any good ones for ponies, I'd just embarrass myself. Pass.

~What? You can't pass!~

'Yeah, I told mine, as bad as it was, and we sat through Twilight's. Come on 18! Tell us one of yours!'

{Hey!}

[It can't be worse than "The Day of All the Blood."]

{That one is a classic!}

>"[~'No it's not.'~]"

>...ugh, alright, fine. I heard this one when we were in that griffin village up north.

[You mean when--]

>Yes, my Queen.

There was a burst of green flame and a red-breasted griffin appeared, talons clicking along the floor of the room as she paced. She pointed out the window at the mountains whose peaks shone in the moonlight, seeming to see far beyond them.

>I'd bedded down near the ruins of an old house, planning to try and catch some travelers in the morning for directions. I'd just about dozed off near the remains of this fireplace when a couple scavengers found me and offered to share camp with me a bit away.

"And of course you took them up on it."

>Why wouldn't I? I'm an infiltrator. Anyway, I get over to their camp and they all seem to relax a little. I hadn't even noticed they were tense when they first approached me, but around the fire, they felt safer. They told me it wasn't safe near that chimney, and the way they said it, it didn't sound like they were worried about it falling over. So I asked why, and this is what they told me.

18's eyes darted around the room, surprised that everyone was actually paying attention. Preening a feather into place, she explained.

>A long time ago, they said, there was this griffin by the name of Steelpinion. He was a tough old bastard, mean and ornery, lived by himself away from everyone in that old house in the woods. He loved nothing so much as hunting, except maybe his old hound dog. He had walls and walls of trophies from all the creatures he'd caught over the years.

Spike opened the door quietly, sneaking back in with a bowlful of popcorn as he took his place next to Twilight.

>Well, Steelpinion went out to his storeroom one day, and he saw he was running low on meat. So he got his dog and the two went out, the dog hunting for squirrels and rabbits, the griffin for birds and deer. They hunted for hours and hours, high and low, near and far, but they didn't find a single creature in the woods. All they found was a strange track that wandered between the trees, paws and a dragging tail.

She pretended to draw out the markings, two tiny hoofprints and a sweeping drag mark like a tail.

>Well, it was near sundown, and the old griffin hadn't caught a thing. So he whistled for his dog and they turned towards home. He was almost there, when--

The changeling made a sweeping motion with her talons.

>ZOOM, a black blur goes flying by him! So quick as he can, he gives chase, twisting around trees, flying over creeks and ravines. The thing's so fast he can't make out what it is...

>...so when it whips around another tree, the griffin reaches out with a claw and grabs at it!

She swipes in demonstration, her black talons cutting through the night in a way that makes the ponies in the crowd flinch.

>...and the tail comes clean off in his hand. Whatever it was attached to, it gives this scream,

She lets out a strangled, hissing cry that even gets 42 to wince a little.

>and scampers off even faster. He picks up the tail and gives chase again, but the thing must've dove into a hole somewhere, because he can't see any trace of it. So all he has is this black tail, covered in greasy black fur. Never seen anything quite like it. His dog catches up, and the two of them go home.

>There's nothing else in the house to eat that night, 'sides some dried up potatoes and a single, skinny little carrot. So he makes a vegetable stew, and while it's bubbling, he looks over at this tail. Now, it's not much, but as far as tails go, it's pretty meaty.

~Oh... tell me he doesn't--~

>So he takes a knife and he skins and cleans the thing, and drops it bones and all into the stew pot. It's a tough, chewy piece of meat, but it's better than nothing. The old griffin gives some to his dog and eats the rest himself, and then curls up in his bed to sleep. Sleeps like a hatchling, deep into the night... until something wakes him up.

She covers her mouth with a claw, letting out a gurgling hiss to the tune of

>'Whoooo's... got... my... taiiiiiilybone?"

>Well, the old griffin sits bolt upright in his bed, and he looks out the window to the forest. Deep in the woods, he can see two little specks of light that look like eyes. Looking right. At. Him. And then he hears it again.

She paces the floor again, pausing to look out the window for a second.

>"Whoooo's... got... my... taiiiiiilybone?"

>The old griffin gets up, and he can still see those little pinpricks staring at him. So he opens the door and sends the hound out, "Go get it!"

Spike curled up a little closer to Twilight now, a few stray kernels floating up in her purple magic to her mouth as they listen. 18 wasn't expecting this level of attention, especially from such a group of vicious monster-killers.

>The hound goes running out, and old Steelpinion stands by the door, listening and watching where he saw the eyes last. But nothing comes. So he leaves his door cracked so the dog can get back in, and he goes and lays down again. He tries to sleep, but the whole time he's laying there, listening for the sound of his dog. For minutes and minutes. Until the minutes turn to an hour. Just as his eyes are drooping closed,

She imitates the squeak of a door hinge, and Cadence's eyes dart toward the bedroom door on reflex.

>he hears the door creak open. And when he looks over, he sees two little pinpricks of light peeking their way into his house from the crack in the door.

>"Whooooo's... got... my.... taiiiiiiilybone?"

With more speed than the griffin form looked capable of, she leapt for the door, slamming her back to it in mock panic.

>He slams the door closed and looks around, spies an axe he used to cut his firewood with. "Get the hell away from me!" he shouts, "I got me an axe!" and all he hears is skittering on the front porch, and then a wheezing,

>"I... wants... my... taiiiiilybone!"

>So the griffin locks his door and picks up the axe, brings it over to the bedside with him, and lays there on his bed, trying to calm down. He lays like that for an hour, maybe two, but nothing happens. All he hears is the wind in the forest, and his own breathing, and the occasional creak of a floorboard or scratch as a mouse scampers about. He lays there, staring at the window and hoping to see the sun. But before long, his eyes start to droop.

She mimes nodding off, head slowly drooping and then jerking back up until one time it dips and doesn't come back up.

>Steelpinion woke up to the sound of skittering, louder than before. That wasn't a mouse...

she looked down at an imaginary section of floor, eyes widening in shock.

>there was a hole in his floor, a big one. His eyes dart around, looking for something to grab onto, but they stop when they see it.

She points at the far wall, and every head swung to stare at it too.

>Two pinpricks of light, right at the edge of his bed. Staring over the foot of his bed. His claw reaches for the woodcutting axe, but he chances a look down and it's nowhere to be seen. The eyes are still glaring at him when he looks back, and he can feel a hot breath on his toes as he hears,

>"I... wants... my... taiiiiiilybone!"

The red-breasted griffin backs herself away from the imaginary thing until she's pressed against the dresser.

>"I don't have it!" he screams, as the eyes come over the edge of the bed! "I ate it!"

>"I... WANTS... MY... TAIIIIIILYBONE!"

The last little green flame that Chrysalis had set for the occasion winked out, and suddenly it was oppressively dark in the room. 18's voice was soft and fearful as she explained.

>Those travelers told me that nobody sleeps near old Steelpinion's house anymore. It's dangerous, they told me. Condemned. Most of the local maps don't even mark it, because it's just an old ruin is the official reason. But they told me that the locals have a different reason...

There was a flash of green flame that left the room seeming even darker than before from the brief moment of illumination.

>...Because sometimes, if you sit in the right place, with your back to the chimney facing out into the woods, you'll see a couple pinpricks of light, and you'll hear...

From across the room from where 18's voice floated, there was a wheezing little chuckle, and two tiny eyes opened, staring at the group.

>"I..."

>"gots..."

>"my..."

>taiiiiilybone..."
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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'18'
[42]
{Twilight}
~Cadence~
-2-
*Sombra*
#Spike#
(???)
~~~~~

[And that's when it turns out... THE CALL WAS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!]

>...Really?

"That was old when I was still learning how to walk."

*I think my mother knew that one.*

'Two out of ten, 42.'

[WELL I'M SORRY, I don't read a lot of scary stories!]

-I liked it!.-

{You know, that was probably the biggest burn any of us could give.}

#Oooh. Should we get back to watching movies before 42 collapses in on herself out of shame?#

~Well, unless anyone else has a story-~

*...What is that noise-*

(BLAM!)

*...*

(...IIIIII HAVE A STORY!)

'...What the love?'

>MANEY! MY GIRL! Get in here! We're having a sleep over!

(...Sleepover?)

>Yep. We sit around, eat copious amounts of sweets and make fun of Twilight. It's great.

{That last part is a lie-OW!}

>Shaddup.

(WELL! I matters not! For I heard need of a TALE OF WONDER!)

[It's actually supposed to be sc-OW!]

>Shut it.

(IT ALL BEGAN IN THE WONDERFUL LAND OF... MARETROPOLIS! I, the MYSTERIOUS MAAAAAAAANE-IAC, had stumbled across a weapon so terrifying, it threatened to collapse the very FABRIC OF SOCIETY ITSELF! It was a weapon... of PURE EEEEEVVIIILLLL!)

-What'd it do?-

(This weapon had the power... to turn ANY MANE... COMPLETELY FLAT AND LIFELESS!)

-GASP!-

'Yeah, you would gasp at tha-OW!'

(And it was being held by none other than the BEWILDERING BALD-HAWK! He cried to me, MANE-IAC! YOU DASTARDLY FOR! I SHALL CRUSH YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL! I cried back, NO! BALD-HAWK! IT IS YOU WHO SHALL FALL! I leapt down from the rafters, and a TITANIC BATTLE ENSUED! We warred over the weapon, TEARING and RIPPING scaffolding in our path!)

{So is this weapon a gun of some kind? You keep saying weapon, but I don't know-OW!}

>Let her finish!

(An UNLUCKY blow STRUCK me, and knocked me down! I was HELPLESS as he pointed the weapon at me, preparing to end my MANIACAL MANE days once and FOR ALL!)

-OH NO!-

(But my WITS were not at an END! In the moment before he pulled the trigger, I grabbed a loose PIPE, and STRUNG it along my hair like an ARROW! FLING! The weapon was knocked clear of his claws, and I battered him with ONE BLOW of my all powerful MANE! I DESTROYED the weapon, VICTORIOUS! And the DAY WAS SAVED! Thanks to... THE MAAAANE-IAC! AAAAHAHAHAHAHA! AAAHHHHHHHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!....the end!)

-YAY!-

#Uh huh. Just out of curiosity, did the hawk in question have a red mask?#

(Why, YES! YEEEESSS HE DID!...Why do you ask?)

#Because that's issue number fifteen of his series, and he was trying to cure-OW!#

>Nobody cares! Great story, Maney.

(OF COURSE! MY PROWESS OF STORYTELLING IS BEYOND EVEN THE MIGHTIEST-shoot!... I mean, thank you! I tried!)

"...Is it getting crowded to anyone else?

>Nope.
'Meh.'
[Seems fine to me.]
-I like it better.-
~It's alright.~
*I'm smoke. I don't even notice.*
#This office is very roomy.#
{No comment.}
(AND I AM ON THE CEILING! AHAHAHAHAH!)

"Just checking...
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>Chitania
"Carnival pony"
~~~~

>So... what you're saying is... I put in one kind of food, and a whole other kind of food comes out? Different taste, texture, everything?

"No, what I said was 'please, crazy lady, I am but a simple popcorn vendor, please stop choking me, this is not magic and the popping does not mean someone is attacking you'. I can see how you would mix those up, though. Very common mistake."

>...The future is awesome.

"You're not even listening, are you? I don't even think you're paying attention when you backhoof the guards. You just swing back and down they go."

>Huh... what does this little thing do?

"That's a butter dispenser."

>...O-oh my...

"There's salt in there too."

>...I'm taking this.

"You can't just take my-"

>THIS IS NOW CLAIMED, IN THE NAME OF... what name did I give you again?

"Star Sprinkle."

>...Why am I so bad at coming up with names?... A-hem, THIS IS NOW CLAIMED IN THE NAME OF... Fuck it, STARPUNCH! I am STARPUNCH!

"Fitting. By the way, that last one was fifteen. Fifteen counts of assault against the guards."

>Don't care! THIS IS MINE NOW!

"...At least get me down from the lightpole before you leave! Please?....Damn."
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>Discord
“77”
______

>Well, well, well! What in the name of Celestia’s overcooked cooter do we have here? A Changeling? All dressed up and dapper looking? Why, what's the special occasion, ol' bean?

So used to that creatures weird antics, 77 hardly batted an eyelash when a miniature version of Discord popped up out of the bouquet of roses in his hoof. It did, however, take a fair bit of control not to chuck the whole thing.

“What do you want, Discord?”

>What do I want?

Sticking his thumb in his mouth, Discord gave a mighty puff and blew himself up to his proper size, a rain of celebratory confetti falling down around him and the scowling Changeling.

>You’re the first pony- er… thing, to ask me what I’ve wanted in the past couple century’s or so. Aside from darling Fluttershy, of course.

“…I see. And so are you going to tell me what it is or forever leave me in rapt wonderment?”

Discord giggled.

>Oh you are just the joyous one, aren’t you? It’s been awhile since I’ve heard such biting sarcasm! But, if you insist, what I want is just a feeeeew tidbits of information….

“Then I would highly suggest you traverse to the third floor of Canterlot Castle, room twelve, for Princess Applejack. She is quite the knowledgeable one, I’m sure she’d be able to help you with whatever you….”

The flowers in 77’s bouquet had begun to spin and twist, drawing his attention. He watched as the petals lumped together to form the mare he was waiting on…

“…”

>How DOES a pony and Changeling fall in love, I wonder?

“Well, it’s not as uncommon as you might think. Look at Glimmer and-”

Discord suddenly sneezed, expelling a few loose strands of confetti.

“-you can see they get along fine, even with the accidental pregnancy. Also, Luna and 56. Not lovers, per se, but their friendship could easily be likened to a schoolyard crush of sorts.”

>Ah, I see! It’s just so amazing… all those budding relationships, those mishaps, those sparks of interest that by all rights should never have happened… Imagine with me for a moment what our lives would be like had Applejack not been around to give second chances. Hmm….

The flowers in the shape of Cheerilee suddenly wilted, twirling away into a nonexistent wind.

“…What are you saying?”

It took a moment for Discord to answer as he was busy using his head as a golfball, one that he cleanly smacked clear across the way. Two seconds later, his noggin reappeared on its barren neck, grinning wickedly.

>Princess of Paperwork they call her…

“Who calls her such?”

Discord continued as though not hearing that.

>Just seems to me that a lot of ponies- and Changelings- take this freedom and peace for granted. True, it’s also been so deliciously chaotic but still….T-minus twenty seconds until arrival, ol’ boy. You may want to get some new flowers, mixed messages and all that.

77 glanced down at his bunch of roses, only now they were a bright assortment of orange lantana flowers, each of them resembling Applejack.

This happened just as Cheerilee crested the hill to meet him, hoof waving excitedly.

Discord was already floating away when he heard the Changeling’s enraged growl.

>Oh but I do love me some chaos~.
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>Dash
"Spitfire"
'Soarin'
[Gilda]
{LD}
~~~~~

>...Okay, what? What is it? You've been staring at me for like, five minutes. Gotta problem with me?

"Welllll... Soarin', you ask her."

'Hell no, Gilda, ask her.'

[No way. LD? You're up.]

{Fuck that, you ask her... uh.. shit.}

>Go ahead.

{Erm, you hang out with Applejack, right?}

>That I do. Not as often as I'd like, but I do.

{Right, and Applejack hangs out with Celestia, right?}

>Hangs out with is a funny way of saying 'drives crazy', but go on.

{And Celestia and Shining Armor are old friends, right?}

>Weird chain. I talk to Shiny too. We could have skipped several steps.

{We just wanted to ask... is there anything, well, 'going on' with him and that Changeling Queen?}

>...Beg your pardon?

"Oh for the love of- Come off it! Seriously, she lives in his castle, she saved his Kingdom, he adopted a Changeling, AND he is the one who protected her from he mob after the fucking Dino-fight! Of course something's going on!"

'I stand by my disagreement! No way is he cheating on Celestia's niece!'

[They live in the same castle, she is so in on it!]

{I mean, come on! She can be EVERYONE! You could bang Celestia, Luna, Commander Hurricane and Mrs Cake all in the same night!}

'No way, not a chance. Guy is so in love. Sticking by this line and I shall stick by it forever!'

"Ugh! You are SO obsessed with this whole "Romance is true love and true love is blahblahblah" thing! She's the princess of 'love', right? So she's the princess of MAKING love, which means that if anything, SHE'S more likely to be banging everything than he is!"

[Right? She's probably the one that keeps asking those Changelings to come around. Gives her more 'variety'.]

{Only way he's not banging all of them is if she's not willing to share.}

"So, what is it? C'mon Dash!"

>...Soarin's spot on, actually.

'BOOOOM! IN YOUR FACE!'

"BULLSHIT!"

>No, really. Chrysalis offers all the damn time, but he turns her down. Guy is next level gaga for Cadence.

'WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? THAT'S HOW WE ROLL!'

{NO FUCKING WAY!}

[Damn... alright, you win.]

{THIS IS BULLSHIT! No way am I paying! She's lying her ass off!}

"LD, don't be a sore loser."

{BULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHIT! I'm straight, and even *I* would be like "Fuck it, it's on!* if the Queen of the Changelings asked! Even if I was in a relationship! Hell, I'd invite them!}

'Just pay up.'

{...FIIIIIIINNNNEEE!}

>So is this what you all do instead of work? Just take bets on my friend's lovelife?

"'{[Yes.]}'"

>...Huh... so would you really-

"'{[Yes.]}'"

>...

'...What? I'm not in a relationship! I totally would, she's hot! And she can get hotter!'

>...

'What?'

>What's the next pool betting on?

"Weeellll..."
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>Chitania
"Train Pony"
[???]
{???}
~~~~

"Miss, you can't take your popcorn maker on the train with you, it's too big for a carry on. You'll have to stow it away-"

>HISSSSSS!

"Alright! Alright! Jeez. Crazy ass mares."

>That's right, walk away...

[Well, that was most uncalled for.]

>And just who the hell are you?

The white unicorn cocked an eyebrow, a very disdainful eyebrow.

[My name is Fancy Pants, and you are being quite rude.]

>Well, my name is... Glitterbox, and I simply do not give a single damn. Look within my eyes, seek them out, and you will find it empty.

{Dear, please, stop trying to provoke unicorns. I know you love your little magical duels, but she looks a touch... unhinged.}

>And you look a touch like a whore. Are you a whore?

{What!? NO!}

>Well, look at that. Appearances can be deceiving.

[My word!]

{I take back everything I said, we absolutely can be as bad as that garish Changeling Queen.}

[See? Distasteful attitudes come in every form.]

>Oh, what a shame. You find my words 'distasteful'? Well, I find looking at you extremely distasteful, so we are at an impasse.

{You are the one with a puke green coat and a bright pink mane!}

[Don't go after her appearance, go after the fact she is clearly without any sort of acquaintance or possession besides what looks to be a fairground popcorn machine.]

{Honey, the fact she is clearly forever alone is an easy target. It's too simple.}

[Well, at least go after her hair. Dear Celestia on high, it looks-]

Abruptly, the train was filled with raucous, screeching laughter.

>'Celestia on high'? My goodness, that sentiment never ceases to make me laugh.

[...Sweetie, stop glaring..]

>Oh, did I touch a nerve? Well, stuff it. She's a pony, that's all. Nothing compared to... real gods.

[And just who is this... real god?]

>Sadly, I cannot give you a name. I have not managed to locate them, not yet. They exist, I am sure of that, but they are hidden. Beyond a mortal's reach. But they exist... and I will find them.

[...When he comes back, I think I'll have you jettisoned from this train. I can do that, you know, I own quite a large share of this railroad line.]

{Told you we should have been in first class.}

[My mistake, dear.]

The two white unicorn's blood went cold.

She just laughed.

She laughed.

>Well! If it's a duel you want, I think I can jettison you first!

[Now wait-]

Too late.

In the span of a single blink of his eye, she was suddenly in front of his seat.

In the next, the entire row of seats, and the unicorn pair, went through the side of the train. Clear out into the snow. She had no doubt they would survive, but sweet love-nectar that felt good.

Never missing a beat, her form shifted in a burst of fire, a brown earth pony appearing where she once stood. She moved outside the door, and put on her act.

>OH SWEET... ugh... OH SWEET CELESTIA!

He came running, and look just as shocked as she pretended to be.

"What the hell happened!?"

>I don't know! I was just walking by and heard an explosion! And... THAT!

"Ma'am, protocol says I have to take you in as a suspect."

>For WHAT!? There's no fires, it can't be a bomb! And does it LOOK like I can punch through the side of a fucking train!? It has to be magic!

"...Er-"

>Screw you, I'm leaving! Stop me if you want, but I'm not sticking around here!

Too easy. It was always too easy. By the time they stopped, she would be long, long, long gone.

Elsewhere, back further and further with every second...

[Well... that was unexpected.]

{...On the positive side, she's now in the train with a drunk driver.}

[What makes you say that?]

{For starters, Appaloosa has very little snow, you see. We're several hundred miles in the wrong direction.}

[...Huh.]
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>Applejack
"Rarity"
{???}
'???'
~~~~~

>...

"Applejack, darling, you're not going to manage to melt that glass no matter how hard you glare."

>She's out there, Rar.

"We know a great many 'she's' who's presence out loose in the world are an issue, Applejack, you will have to be quite more specific."

>You know who. The reason why we're rebuildin' this city.

"Ah, I see."

> Ah' don't know where she is, Ah' don't know what she's after, Ah' don't know what she wants, and worst of all Ah' don't know how ta' take her out iffin' Ah' did know any of that. It's chappin' mah hide.

"Applejack, most things will chap your hide, just an unfortunate side effect of the tightness of any garment."

>Be serious, Rar... Dang it, Ah' wish Ah'dve been there.

"So you could have stopped her yourself?"

>No, so Ah' could smack that idjit upside his fool head when he tried let her live. Shiny's got a big heart, but maybe too big sometimes.

"Maybe it will all work out."

>Maybe... or maybe we just let a monster out there in the world...

Her hoof tenderly touched the glass.

>An' we ain't got no way to stop whatever destruction's gonna come.

~~~~~~~

{WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DELAYED!?}

'Miss, we are in the wrong destination, in the wrong area, and somehow on the wrong CONTINENT, I think you can understand why we might be a little delayed for the schedule!'

{...Fine! Do you have anywhere I can set this up?}

'Go ahead, do whatever. Everyone's avoiding you anyway.'

{Excellent! Now... where can I get some corn and butter?}

'...Miss, in case it didn't click the first time, we are slightly off course, at an old train station, surrounded on all sides by ENDLESS SNOW FOR MILES, where the hell would you buy corn from!? Does it look like there is a farm for dairy products?'

{...N-noooooo....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!}

Above her head, the stars in the sky flickered. They did not stop flickering for a long... long time.
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>2
"School kid"
-Shining-

----------
>See, they can fit EVERYWHERE!
"Wooow, thats soooo cool!"
>I knooow! Do you want one? Shiny said i could share them because i have lots back home so it doesnt matter if these ones go to marchmalley heaven but i still cherish them all anyway because every malley is sacred.
"I dont get it."
>It's okay, not-mom told me tha some people dont get everything because....i forget, sorry.
"Dont worry about it, my mom says things that i forget all the time too."
>Oooh, you should take two then, you could give one to your mom and still have one left over because one and one make blue!
"I thought that was two."
>No silly i'm Two.
"But- Hm. Math is hard."
>Yeah... do you still want your marchmalleys? I kinda used tha whole bag plugging all my holes, but i have another bag!
"Thanks two, you're the best!"
*Hug*
>Yay hugs!

~~~~~~~~
-Mental note, ask dad about phantom feelings of heart attacks coupled with the desire to use the family shotgun on something.-
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They were plotting something.

He was sure of it... he was SURE of it!

It was after midnight by now. He had been waiting up for her. For any her. For his wife to crawl into bed. For Chrysalis to crawl into bed. For ANYONE to bug him and try to take what little precious space he could scrounge up in what would normally be a bed so large he could have a soccer match in it. But no. He had a big... big... biiiig open bed all to himself.

And it was going to drive him mad.

So here he was, skulking through his home in the dead of night, the castle eerily quiet and serene. The hollow clop clop as he walked was unnerving, to say the least. Where was the chaos? Where was the madness? This was not right. It was just... just not right.

He stopped by his office first, seemed wisest. Nothing, not even a trace that his paperwork had been disturbed. This confused him.

He checked the training grounds next. Nothing. It was pristine and clean. This made him uneasy.

He checked 42's and 18's rooms, their beds were still made and their floors clean. This made him fretful.

His daughter's bedroom was quiet and still, no sign of anything. This worried him.

He checked the portal. It had not been used in hours. This made him frightened.

He checked Chrysalis's room. Barely used. This made him... unsurprised, actually.

And finally, he went to 18's office. His mind was racing, his heart was beating, and he was admittedly a bit shaky. Where could they have gone? What could have happened? Where...

Where was his family?

The door creaked as he opened it slowly, peering in to the dim room in hopes of spotting the Changeling toiling away at her desk, just for someone to be there to help him. What he found...

Well, that was a bit different than what he expected.

Somehow, they had dragged a bed in there, and Twilight, Spike, 18 and 42 were sleep-battling over the limited space in passive-aggressive shoving. Strewn out over the top of the desk was Celestia herself, wings splayed as she laid on her back, clutching a giant tub of some kind of ice-cream. Beneath her, leaned up against the desk and curled up in every spare blanket in the castle, Cadence softly snored as Two cuddled right into her chest, oblivious to the drool that was dripping on her head. For above them, ex-comic book supervillain had strung her hair like a hammock, twin woven strands holding up herself, and the Changeling Queen who was the source of Cadence's future horror when she awoke and found her mane matted with spit. And finally, the wisp that, surprisingly, seemed to need sleep as well was laid atop Cadence's unused desk, glitter sticking to his smoking form as he softly snored away.

The room was chaos so pure Discord would have shed a tear, and likely conjured up a book to hold in his lap. Tubs of ice-cream, candy wrappers, drinks and cups, movies dragged out of their casing and haphazardly placed wherever, a gigantic projector jabbed into the windowsill and photo after photo after heart-destroyingly embarrassing photo were scattered about. And oh, the paperwork... dear sweet mother of love, the paperwork!

But he felt no worries to the state of the room. Not a care to the memories they had brought out nor the burning questions of just how in Equestria it came to this. That didn't matter at all.

His loved ones were safe.

No... his family was safe... and they were happy.

That was good enough for him.

He shut the door quietly, and headed off down the hall.

Perhaps he should have stayed, cuddled in with them, joined in whatever had transpired, but really... it was fine they had this thing to just themselves. He was a big part of their lives, but they did not need him every second.

They had fun, they spent some time together, that was more than enough for him. He would go to his room, curl up into his bed, and rest his head. And he would be up before dawn and off on his day...

Because no way in hell was he going to be within a mile of that room when it came time to clean it.
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