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- >Morning of day six.
- >You expect a fecal holocaust when you step into the bathroom.
- >You're surprised to see a pristine bathtub.
- >And four panicking fluffies.
- >”Hewp! Hewp! We wan' go make poopies!” the unicorn says.
- >”But we don' wan' make bad poopies! No take fwiends! We wan' make good poopies so hooman no take fwiends anymo'!” the blue earth fluffy adds.
- >How cute.
- >They scamper around in the tub with their fluffy cheeks clenched, crying.
- “I'll help you make good poopies.”
- >They blurt out various iterations of 'I wuv you!' and 'fank you'.
- >You grab two fluffies under each arm and start walking toward the front door.
- >Holy shit, it's pouring rain.
- >You set them down in your living room, with very specific instructions to not touch anything.
- >This won't be a problem; all their brainpower is currently devoted to fighting the internal tsunami of crap.
- >You go into the garage.
- >The crate is upside down in there, in a corner.
- >This will do. It'll be a hell of a lot easier to wash the concrete than your carpet.
- >You return for the fluffies.
- >They mewl for help with fearful eyes, every muscle in their fluffy bodies clenched and trembling.
- “Come on, we're going to the poopie place.”
- >They waddle after you at top speed, bouncing and babbling.
- >Their gait is hilarious, skewed by tight fluffy sphincters.
- >They stick very close to you, not noticing the crate.
- >You tilt it up and push them under it.
- >The second you drop it, they panic.
- >”Why dawk! Wet out! Wet out!”
- “Make poopies first.”
- >”But it dawk! Fwuffy sowwy! Wet out!”
- >You ignore them and wait. It suddenly gets very quiet.
- >And then it gets really, really funky.
- >You tilt up the crate again and they all shoot out and huddle in the corner.
- >They're clean.
- >missionaccomplished.flv
- >They're also terrified.
- >”Fwuffy make bad poopies! Fwuffy make bad poopies!” they wail.
- >They scream with terror as you approach, their tiny hooves scraping at the drywall in a desperate bid to escape.
- “Good fluffies.”
- >They become motionless and look up at you with confusion.
- “Fluffies make good poopies. Don't be afraid.”
- >God, you're even talking like them now.
- >”Good...poopies?” the unicorn blinks.
- “Yes. Good poopies.”
- >It's like the weight of the entire world has been lifted from their fluffy shoulders.
- >They mill around your feet, babbling 'pway now?' and giggling.
- >You head back in, the fluffy herd following closely.
- >It's back in the tub while you get ready.
- >”Hung'y! Wan' sgettis! Pwease foodies?” they cry.
- “We're going to spaghetti land today.”
- >You wonder just how close they came to pissing themselves with glee.
- >They run around and over each other, babbling happily about spaghetti.
- >Since there are just four, you feel confident enough to take them in your car.
- >You still don't feed them, though.
- >You'd like your Panamera to complete the journey clean and shit-free.
- >You pluck them from the tub, in pairs so they don't freak out, and walk to the door.
- >Once outside, they mill closely around your legs.
- >They look like ducklings following their mom.
- >Fluffy, dumb-ass ducklings.
- >You all pile into the car.
- >They decide to hang out in the back with each other, which is fine.
- >As you drive, they babble about 'vwoom' and 'pway aiwpwane!' and look out the window.
- >The two earth fluffies are constantly hugging.
- >Thinking back to yesterday, you wonder if they might be siblings or something.
- >After a while, you pull in to the shelter's parking lot and walk in.
- >The fluffies follow you, crying nervously about the rain.
- >”Hey, it's you!” the woman waves. She looks down at the herd around your ankles and smiles.
- “Got some more strays.”
- >”I see that,” she giggles.
- >She takes each one to the back separately.
- >The ones left at your feet cry as their numbers dwindle.
- >Soon, the silver unicorn is the only one.
- >”Where fwiends? Wan' fwiends!” she calls, toddling about on the floor.
- >She squeaks when the woman picks her up.
- >”I'm taking you to your friends right now,” she reassures.
- >She carries the unicorn, using her back to open the door.
- >The fluffy waves her forelegs frantically. “Wha? Why you no come wif fwuffy!?”
- >The door shuts as she yells.
- >Sigh...
- >You walk back outside and get in your car.
- >The back windows have all manner of fluffy face and hoofprints.
- >You drive off.
- >The four fluffy ponies are now zero.
- >You drive home, frowning all the way.
- >You had to air out the garage once you got back.
- >Then you had to spray the shit off the concrete.
- >That took an hour.
- >You wonder what to do with that crate. Probably could use it for storage, or something.
- >It's still pouring rain.
- >You grab your umbrella and walk out onto the deck.
- >You look at the empty island.
- >You sigh, but then you smile.
- >You walk back inside and look down on the kitchen floor.
- >”Why go out in sky wawa?”
- >The zero fluffy ponies are not zero after all.
- “Just looking at something.”
- >The orange earth fluffy looks utterly confused. “Wook fo' wha?”
- >You smirk and just pat her on the head.
- >You start making lunch, which now includes spaghetti.
- >She runs around, chasing a rubber ball and giggling wildly.
- >You can't help but smile.
- >Suddenly, she stands still and begins to shake.
- “Hey, Pumpkin!”
- >She looks at you fearfully.
- “Don't you dare shit on my carpet.”
- >”...sowwy, I be good Pum'kin,” she mewls, toddling over to her litter box.
- “Good girl.”
- >”I make good poopies?” she asks, once she's done.
- “Yes you did, Pumpkin. You made good poopies.”
- >”Yay!” she squeals, toddling over to hug your shin.
- “Yay, indeed.”
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