Novice Handbook Roughdraft 2

Novice Handbook
A guide to surviving as an Occultist novice

	Greetings, young one, and welcome to the great and noble House of the Occultists. It is our sincerest hope that you will settle well into the House and one day become a productive member, however we know that your first few steps may be a bit uncertain! This handbook aims to outline a few simple survival tips that will help you avoid any major blunders as well as to spare you from a warp or two.


Public Decency and Etiquette:

Keep your personal bits covered.
	A basic rule, but a good one nonetheless. You represent the House in your actions. We are not a House of nudists. Any one who cannot properly dress themselves will, no doubt, receive a dirty look or two. Bodily harm may follow.

Do not kill rats in public rooms where others have to watch you.
	This is considered incredibly rude and often met with displeasure as no one wants to have to watch you warp a rat whilst trying to have a nice drink. You will, at best, receive one warning. Bodily harm may follow.

There shall be no public lap dances or excessive displays of lewd behaviour.
	This rule is absolute. The breaking of this rule will result in bodily harm.

Do not engage in the rampant cuddle-bunny behaviour so prevalent with Sapients old and young alike.
	Representing the House in this manner will earn you more than a stern talking-to and is likely to be met with violet repercussions.

Keep private affairs private.
	The Centre for Karmic Studies is not a place to carry on your sexual encounters. Neither is the middle of the forest, the deep wilderness, or Central Market. If you do not have a personal home, please look into renting a room at an Inn such as the Wander Inn in New Thera. If you cannot afford a room in an Inn, then you will probably not be able to afford the bastard offspring that heterosexual liaisons may result in.

Do not leave the corpses of your latest hunting expedition behind in public places when you depart.
	You may offer them at a shrine to any Divine you choose, or even feed them to a humgii if you feel so inclined, but do not force others to put up with the mess when you leave the realms. Unless you want to be buried with the poor beasts.

Do not upset your elders.
	Bodily harm may follow.

Keep your vices to yourself.
	While we are not opposed to the use of alcohol or narcotics we are staunchly opposed to you displaying your stupidity in public. Do not speak over public channels while intoxicated or under the influence of narcotics.

Do not hit on the novice aides.
	Do not hit on the novice aides.

Communication and Listening:

Let us know if Achaean is not your native language.
	If Achaean is not your native language, please inform your elders so that we do not spend an exorbitant amount of time trying to figure out whether you are simply an idiot. Unfamiliarity with the common tongue is nothing to be ashamed of. Stupidity, on the other hand, is.

Speak clearly.
	Even if you are a whore, do not speak as if you constantly have a penis shoved down your throat. Indistinct speech can lead to a number of misunderstandings, most of which may end with your head conspicuously absent from your shoulders. Pay careful attention to your grammar and pronunciation, and when writing, ensure that your spelling and punctuation are up to par. Our House prides itself on scholarship. That does not mean that our novice aides are paid to teach primary school.

Do not ignore your elders.
	When your elders are trying to answer your questions, shut your damned mouth and pay attention. What you may, at first, perceive as a long and rambling tangent may actually provide you with essential background information that will save you from having to ask another question.

Keeping Yourself Informed:

Read the scrolls.
	HHELP RTFM. Read the damned scrolls. There is likely a scroll for whatever question you may have and it is likely that you will be directed to one as opposed to being fed an answer. When in doubt, check HHELP or HELP to see a list of helpful scrolls that you may wish to peruse.

If you have questions, ask.
	Various members of the House are tasked specifically with helping you to get you bearings with us. As such, they are particularly inured to questions that may not be of the highest calibre. Do not be ashamed to ask something over HNT or via private tells – it is far better to ask a simple question now than to make a big mistake later.

Interviews:

Before asking for an interview double-check that you have completed the requirements.
	Failing any of the three interviews that you will take throughout your novicehood with us will result in immediate expulsion. You may as well make sure it isn't for something simple like not being able to dress yourself.

The requirements could always be worse.
	If, as a Scholar of Glaaki, you whine about the length of the Mythos, you will be assigned to read the History of the Seleucarian Empire in addition. No, we are not kidding.

The Golden Rule:
Keep our secrets secret.
	A novice with a loose lip will find himself at the mercy of an elder who will see it as his duty to maintain our Oath of Secrecy.