READ ME FIRST - Purpose of the texts in this Bin

This pastebin is a collection of stuff  from a larger thing I'm ( slowly ) writing. It's missing links here and there because it's intended to be a site, not plain text. It also references texts that don't yet exist so some things might be a bit confusing, sorry. Still, I decided to put here what I've written so far. Maybe it's helpful to someone.

Questions, complaints, or just wanna talk? Mail me at tantratan@cock.li

The Guide
Preface
Welcome, to my humble attempt at creating yet another guide to Self Improvement. I decided to write this simply because I was unhappy with the guides I had seen so far. Reasons ranged from finding the guides hard to follow to considering them logically flawed. That said, some of the guides were helpful in creating this, and I will add links to them in the final section of this guide. If you dislike this guide, try those. Obviously, I did not “come up” with anything I’m trying to teach in this guide. This is just me trying to relate in my own words everything that I have learned from my own life, climbing from a fucked up child, to a hateful shut-in, to a functioning adult taking part in society and enjoying it.

Please note, I’m not telling you to believe everything I say on face-value. On the contrary, PLEASE do question everything you read here. Critically, honestly, to the best of your intellectual ability. If you reject everything outright, well… that would make reading this a waste of time for you. If you believe me without question, you won’t truly learn anything. In fact, be especially critical if you are inclined to believe everything I write here. It’s most likely your Ego going “yeah yeah see, I was right about this, I was right, I knew it” and that’s… kind of useless. It’ll lead you to you just parroting these things to yourself and others without ever being able to genuinely understand any of it. Ideally, you should research my claims and find out for yourself if science sufficiently backs them up and then sincerely try these things out for yourself.

Disclaimer:I am not a professional in any field of mental or physical health. I have no doctorates or credentials. I’m speaking strictly from a place of personal experience and self-education. I just might be the next nobody you see taking out the trash.This guide is not intended as a replacement for professional help and I implore you to get professional help if you need it.


For Whom is this Guide intended
It is my quite ambitious hope that this guide can be helpful for anyone, regardless of gender, age, occupation, social status or nationality. That said, I am most of all thinking of the depressive, 20-something young adult in Western society.

If you’re very young, you should take comfort in the fact that you have a lot of life ahead of you. You need some fuck-ups under your belt. You need those embarrassing social situations, those frustrating face-offs with idiots who just don’t get it, those awkward romantic fumbles, those excruciating feelings of being perpetually misunderstood. Else, you’ll become a pretty boring person who can’t relate to anyone. This guide may be of help to you but I don’t blame you if you find it’s contents wishywashy and cringy. I’m getting older and I’m starting to forget how younger people think – I won’t pretend otherwise. Go experience life as you best see fit and maybe one day, by some route, the contents of this guide will find their way to you anyway. Or you know, just come back later.

If you’re a bit older, well… you are going to have to have a sit-down. You have lived your life up to this point, following certain set of rules that you’ve most likely altered a bit as you’ve gained more knowledge and come to realize that your previous set of rules just wasn’t working. Maybe something about how to be “an Alpha Male” or “A Strong Independent Woman” ( or some free spirit not caged by society’s binary systems – makes no difference to me ). Great, those things you’ve learned got you to this point so I’m suspecting that you don’t need to be taught how live from day to day. I have taken this into account, as you’ll see. Here’s the problem though: you wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t feel that something is not as it should be. Since have been doing okayish at least, how do I convince you that I’m not just talking out of my ass? How do I convince you – a learned adult capable of thinking critically – that there are still pretty big problems in the way you look at the world and those things are the root cause for you to feel that something needs to change?
I can’t, if you don’t let me. If you come to read this guide without a sincere will to change yourself – to admit that you might be wrong about some things that you might even consider fundamental to your core, I can’t help you. I will back up what I say with facts and logic ( though I’m not infallible ) but unless you’re willing to process what I say, they won’t help. If there was a magical ability to force people to see reason, we wouldn’t have things like flat-earthers, multilevel marketing and Facebook users.
You are going to have to be brutally honest with yourself. Maybe you’re still secretly hoping for a magic pill that suddenly makes everything fall into place without you really having to work with your very core of being. If so, try again, find a new set of rules that may or may not function better than your current ones. If it works for you and you’re truly content, do your thing. Maybe you will make it to the end of your life reasonably happy – plenty of people do. However, this guide won’t be of any use to you, because I’m not proposing a new set of rules – I’m proposing a freedom from them.

“Many ‘men of science’ stupidly assume that because they have been trained in the physical sciences or the medical arts, they are capable of flawless judgment in the investigation of alleged psychics. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the more scientifically trained a person’s mind, the more he or she is apt to be duped by an enterprising performer.”
-“Flim-Flam! Psychics, ESP, Unicorns, and Other Delusions”, James Randi



Best Way to use this Guide
You’ll notice that I have divided most of my advice into to 3 sections. Basic, Intermediate, and Advanced. I realize that this in itself is a bit of a problem because people will be tempted to read only the Advanced section. Please, don’t. It’s not what you hope it is.
Generally I try to give suggestions on what section you should read next, and what section you should already be familiar with. Also, different sections take time, so of course, decide for yourself if you want to simultaneously work on a few different things, just don’t overwhelm yourself.
For example, work on Basic Dealing with Depression for a few weeks but also take something from Physical Health as you go.

Basic advice is intended for those who really struggle to get up in the morning. Those of you who can’t find any meaning in life, who have nearly given up all hope ( nearly, you wouldn’t be reading this if something didn’t remain ). If you call yourself a NEET, turbo-autist, utter social retard, incel, femcel, useless piece of shit, or whatever word is currently trendy for describing a shut-in, this is for you.
If you feel like you must start to make changes but honestly, even reading this is almost too much work, you should only focus on the Basic section. I tried my best to make it easy to follow, without bogging you down rationale. Ignore Intermediate and Advanced sections entirely, don’t even think about them before you get the Basics down. Don’t be too concerned with General advice either unless it’s very relevant to you. It takes time, months at the very least. It is okay. Take one step at a time. The important thing is that you keep taking those steps, even if they seem tiny.
It’s also very important that you try to do things in the order I recommend. Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to do everything at once.
Now skip to the Sleep section and start today, instead of tomorrow.

Intermediate advice is intended for those who can at least roughly manage their life but you’ve maybe gotten fat, or you feel like you need to exercise more. Or maybe your social life is hanging behind. Whatever it is, there’s some aspects in your life that are not at the level you wish, but you aren’t sure how to start fixing them.
It’s also for those who feel that they’ve done everything they could on Basic level.

Advanced section is for those who feel like they already have everything they thought they needed and wanted, but still feel something is missing. The emphasis is less on advice and more on giving you something to think about. This section can get heavily philosophical, and so you shouldn’t bother with it until you can honestly say that you know how to navigate life on a materialistic level. However, the way this guide is written, I suggest you still at least skim the Intermediate advice so you know what I expect from you. Generally, Advanced section always assumes that you’ve sincerely, intelligently practiced Mindfulness at the very least. I recommend reading Mindfulness in Plain English.
If you read the Advanced section before you should, that’s fine; it’s just that things might not click before it’s time for them to. Just don’t dismiss this guide entirely just because you disagree with the Advanced section.

Finally, there is of course just General advice that isn’t really tied to any particular tier.

I have covered the different aspects of life roughly in order of priority. You might disagree with my ordering – that’s fine, but the idea is that you should focus on the aspect that’s most lacking for you, that is the highest on the list. There is little point in trying to get to Advanced Social skills if your ability in Physical Health is still sub-Basic.
I admit that some things are pretty neck and neck on priority and then my logic in ordering is based on little more than a coin toss. I realize too, not everyone is the same; maybe someone will benefit more from focusing first on physical health. Still, you shouldn’t skip several aspects just because you’re in a hurry to get to your goal. I know that Romance part looks mighty far all the way down there…

Second, prepare your favorite pen, a stack of paper, a little notebook, or maybe even a nice diary ( without lines if you are a scribbly sort of person ). You can use a computer or phone if you absolutely insist but I would recommend something that doesn’t become just another thing on your screen – we are way too tied to our gadgets as it is.
I’ll ask you to take notes every now and again.
If you are a hopelessly auditory person and feel completely incapable of using paper, get some music software that let’s you save files and “convert” my advice on taking notes to however you feel works for you.
If you’re very kinesthetic, get some ( hardening ) molding clay and again, just express yourself.
Important thing is that you have some way of literally extracting your thoughts and feelings into something you can actively observe outside your head.

“Short cuts make long delays.”
― “The Fellowship of the Ring”, J. R. R. Tolkien